Why Should I Convert for the Church?

Nandita says: May 23, 2018 at 11:47 am

Hello admin,
I have been dating my boyfriend for the past six years, and now we are planning to marry. We are both Malayalees and we come from different religious backgrounds. He is christian (Mar Thoma) and i am Hindu. We have been born and brought up in the USA, but we are facing a lot of backlash (particularly from his family) about his decision to marry a non-christian.

My boyfriend doesn’t care if i convert or not, but he keeps saying how it’s not a bad thing to convert if you love someone and that anything that brings you closer is an amazing thing. I keep telling him that i should be accepted as i am, regardless of my religious background.

However his parents are saying that we cannot marry in the church, unless I convert. I am not comfortable with converting, as it makes no sense to me why I have to just for the sake of marrying in the church. i am getting immense pressure from his family and my boyfriend is being supportive, but sometimes i feel he wishes that i would convert to make things easier. -Nandita

Admin says:

Dear Nandita,

We agree 100% to your statement, “it makes no sense to me why I have to (convert) just for the sake of marrying in the church”. In our book, we said “why to make lies and deception a foundation of your married life?” Understand that this conversion is only a tip of an iceberg. If they were not religious fanatic, they will not be insisting this much converting you and will accept you as you are (in your words, “i should be accepted as i am, regardless of my religious background”).

In our experience, we found in most cases, European/American Christians are much better tolerating Hindu in marriage while the Indian Christians are the worst. We hope you marry to the same Christian and make his church and Mar Thoma community more tolerant to all. It will be a win-win for all.

We found this statement very disturbing. Instead of protecting you from his irrational parents, now he changed his tune and saying “it’s not a bad thing to convert if you love someone and that anything that brings you closer is an amazing thing.” It is unbelievable that an American born Desi is talking like this. Your past 6 years of romantic affair did not bring you close so he is looking to convert you to Mar Thoma to be close to you! Why he did not told you this on your first date? Will the fake-conversion bring you closer to him or will create hatred for his faith and him? How much more is he going to change after marriage to please his parents?

We believe you can still marry your love but not by submitting to their irrational demands. They must be willing to accept you as you are. Let the Rose be Rose and not convert to Carnation. Your strategy should be to deal directly with your boy friend. If he is not with you, there is no sense marrying him. We will give you many tips over days and weeks as we go along.

We will ask you to deal like what would you do in a business deal. Propose the worst, and later give them 30% discount. Tell your boy friend (and with a very serious face) that.. “I have decided that not only I will not convert but children by our marriage also will not be baptized. DO NOT COME BACK TO CHANGE MY MIND. Take it or leave it.” Tell him it is his choice–his parents or Nandita! After this tough discussion, do not call him for next 10 days. Lets assume he decides to walk away. In that case, you have to know if he is worth marrying. Alternatively, if he truly loves you, he will accept Nandita “as is”. Can you do that?

The deep core issue is the Bible’s supremacist exclusivist teachings. Nandita, your Hindu parents and Mahatma Gandhi are/were sinners and on the Judgment Day they will go to HELL, while all those baptized Christians will be SAVED by Jesus. Majority of American Christians have now gave us such ideology and are getting pluralist (all faiths lead to salvation). In Hinduism, there was also a class system, but at least the lower class were not sinners. Here, you are a born sinner (worst than a lower class) and your sins have to be wiped out by a simple dip in the baptism water bath; go figure it out if it makes sense! Why will you reward them by converting and encourage to continue such wrong practices?

We will give you more tips later. If you can afford $15 (our non-profit work), buy our interfaith guide book because that has all we will be telling you in peace meal.

We look forward to hearing from you and working with you. Best wishes. -Admin

More information: Interfaith marriage with equality, Hindu-Christian Marriage, Bible on Hindus? Christian-Hindu relationships, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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