Section 8.3: A Catholic Muslim Marriage

Section 8.3: A Catholic Muslim Marriage 

The most important question in any interfaith relationship is what will be the “formal” religion of your children. This point should be discussed sooner than later. Let’s read Stacey’s experience.

Stacey says:

This is a very interesting website and thank you for your articles. I am a Catholic Christian girl and I have been dating a Muslim for one and a half years and we have wanted to get married for a long time now. During the relationship he has always said that its okay for the kids to go to church with me and when they are older about 18 they can choose which religion they want—Christianity or Islam. I always thought this to mean that he accepted they would be Christians. How wrong I was. Now he insists that the kids have to be Muslim and that is his religion and he is not willing to compromise on that.

I feel so hurt. Initially I said I wanted them to be Catholic, but now I’m willing to compromise that they should learn about both religions. He is absolutely refusing this and thinks I will change my mind if I love him. I have said that we need to compromise as we have different religions and the kids will be half of me and half of him.

I cannot see myself changing my mind and the thought of them being Muslims does not sit well with me. Firstly I don’t know so much about Islam apart from them praying 5 times a day, Ramadan, women covering their head, the big division between men and women (e.g. cannot pray next to each other in the mosque), and the men appearing very controlling. Also as a Christian, I would feel left out and don’t see how I can fulfill my mothering duties without understanding Islam. Also, it’s not even a case that I can go to the mosque and pray next to my Muslim male boys. 

I know how very involved I need to be as a Mother. I am also concerned about the extreme rules and pressure from the wider community. To me it seems all too contrived. I am Catholic but I am very liberal and like my kids to be liberal too. I don’t want the girls to cover their heads and bodies (neither do I want them to walk outside in too revealing clothes). I want them to believe there is one God.

I just can’t see any future in this relationship. Also, my main concern is how strongly he holds on to his faith and he is not willing to compromise on this issue. I feel I have wasted my precious life time. What advice can you give me please? Thanks. —Stacey

Admin says:

Hi Stacey, 

Can milk and yogurt mix and maintain their identity? Before a proud Catholic and a practicing Muslim decide to date, they should come to conclusion on the question whether Jesus is a Son of God or just an apostle? If you both are not practicing your own faith and willing to explain your scriptures in today’s practical pluralistic sense, yes, happy and long lasting interfaith marriage is possible.

Christians believe that Jesus is the only Son of God and that faith in Jesus is the only way to achieve salvation and to enter heaven. Jesus said: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” However, quite contrary to that belief, Koran tells us that those who say: “the Lord of Mercy has begotten a son” preach a monstrous falsehood (Koran 19:88). So, what will your children believe in… Koran or Bible?

Christianity and Islam are both exclusivist religions and, to some extent, believers are taught not to tolerate each other (read). Further, both of you are also exclusivists. Your boyfriend said “he has insisted that the kids have to be Muslim” and you said “the thought of them being Muslims does not sit well with me.” So, plan to get married but make sure not to have a child.

Actually he has proposed an excellent solution, “he has always said that it’s okay for the kids to go to church.” So take the kids to a mosque on Fridays and a church on Sundays, but do not label the children as Muslims by sunat or Christians by baptism (no BBS). At their adult age, like Barack Obama, let them decide their own faith. Is not this fair?

You want others to “believe there is One God” but which one… Jewish LORD God, Christian God the Father, Muslim’s Allah or One God Ishvara as prayed by Hindus? Basically, you are saying there is only One God, and that is MINE only! There is only one true Barbie doll and that is mine! Grow up Stacey.

You have many fundamental problems, thus both of you will be better off marrying someone from your own religion. Best wishes. —Admin

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