Rita says: July 22, 2020
I am Hindu and my husband belongs to the Catholic faith. We got married a year before and under the Spacial Marriage act so it was not necessary for me to convert.
Now I delivered my baby girl last month. My in-laws and my husband are forcing me to baptise my child. Before my husband told me that its your wish if you want to baptise our children. But now he is saying she (daughter) will get problem in the future if she don’t get baptised now. She will not get admission in convent schools, and more. -Rita
Admin says:
Dear Rita,
Who is your husband trying to fool?
Is going to a convent school a good reason to be a Christian? If some Muslim promises you a guaranteed admission for her in the Harvard University and 100% free education, would you make her a Muslim today?
What a selfish proposal your husband has made!!
Will Jesus be proud of him and his parents to fool you this way and convert your innocent daughter to Christianity?
Is Christianity all about getting into big schools without working hard?
Is Christianity all about fooling and converting innocent people based on their Western dollars?
Such logic should make all other Christians shameful of their faith, if true.
Why going to a convent school is more important than teaching your daughter to work hard and get what she deserves, not any more? She is born with her destiny, let her earn her own place in this life. Narendra Modi is not convent educated, is he something less than all conventers?
His convent Christian schools will teach that the World was made in 6 days and God rested on the 7th day. That means Darwins’ law of evaluation is a non-sense. Is that the kind of irrational education you wish to preach her?
Tell your husband that you are going through postpartum depression (a common feeling at this stage of your life) and he is support to make you happy and stay besides you. Mother’s current pain will negatively impact the mind development of your daughter. Tell him in a firm voice not to bring up this baptism crap ever in this life. Further, tell him to shut off his parents, they have no reason to directly or indirectly preach you about their faith.
There are many reasons not to baptised your daughter, including for legal reasons. View 10 reasons here: https://youtu.be/v6Kargg-3CE
Tell him that your daughter is not in a position to decide her faith at this time. We will teach her both, Hinduism and Christianity, side by side. At her age 21, she will make a fully informed decision for what faith is right for her. To put a “religious label” on one month old baby is sin.
DO NOT plan for a second baby till he makes a complete U-turn and standing besides you for at least 5 years.
Do reach out to us for more guidance. We wish you the best. –Admin
RITA says: July 22, 2020
And again i have some que regarding this… If i dont baptize her what caste should i tick in her addmission forms.. Hindu, catholic…. And like my husband is saying she will get problems in future n all.. Will she has to suffer bcuz of my decision…. -Rita
RITA says: July 23, 2020
Yes i have decided not to baptize her… Thank you. Thank you so much… I was in tension from last two days… Your answers helped me a lot to take a right decision. -Rita
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Please don’t let them force you Rita, once it starts there is no-stopping!
My own grandmother was a very proud Hindu, and when she started looking for alliances for her daughters (that is, my mom and mom’s sister [my Mausi]), she was obviously looking for a Hindu son-in-law.
The family found a perfect match for my aunt in a boy where boy’s family on the surface belonged to same Hindu traditions as that of my grandparent. There was only one thing, that at the time of wedding, no one even paid much attention to, which was that boy (my uncle) had a step mother, who was a Christian (my aunt’s would be mother in law). My uncle’s real mother had passed away when he was a toddler. Mausi’s wedding was a 100% Hindu wedding as boy, his dad and entire family was Hindu.
While I was growing up, I don’t remember seeing that aunt much, no one talked about her much. I sometimes overheard some conversations about difficulties she was having in her personal life.
After her Hindu father in law passed away and the mother in law (the Christian lady) started exerting her wishes e.g. not caring about Hindu festivals and cooking meat despite my Mausi’s fasting.
Other members of the family probably didn’t care much as they were not attached to Hindu believes much like my Mausi who was raised in a much more ritualistic family.
However, other than stuff I overheard as a child, everything else seemed normal. When at times , my Mausi and cousins visited us they fully participated in Hindu customs.
When the Christian mother in law became inheritor of the family property, she exerted more and more power in the household. Over the years, all the sons converted under pressure. My Mausi was able to resist for many years, but without financial means to sustain herself and without good health finally she gave into mother in law’s and newly already converted husband’s wishes. Mausi’s kids also were converted and married to Christians spouses.
A Christian mother in law changed faith of an entire clan here!
My heart aches to see what my Mausi (aunt) went through in her entire life, but in the end my family says it’s okay what can we do and anyways ‘All paths lead to same God’!
Hi Rita, how did you managed to explain to your husband and in-laws? Are they still pressuring you, even there is no need to baptise your daughter now for the logic they presented to you (school admission)?
It is important not to make your married life a battle ground by creating a new issue which should not be there to start. Tell your husband firmly for your decision. Tell him you will have wonderful everlasting happy married life if he doesn’t bring in religions related issues.
Dealing with in-laws, tell your husband to manage them, not you. Just smile and be nice to them. However if they bring up the discussion, tell them that child’s father-mother will decide when the time is right, not now. Smile!
Please open up with your parents and good friends. You need support system.
Do get back to us. We will guide you to answer their religion related questions. Best wishes.
Yes i have decided not to baptize her… Thank you. Thank you so much… I was in tension from last two days… Your answers helped me a lot to take a right decision.
Congratulations. There should absolutely be no reason to take any step now other than to enjoy your divine daughter.
Remember, the baptism is only a tip of the iceberg. Once you accept it, they will want her, and you too, to go to church every Sunday. Being a Christian, she cannot enter a Hindu temple or take prasad because it is sin in Christianity. The church may demand 3-12% of your gross income given to them. After 25 years, when your daughter marries a Hindu, they will want that Hindu to convert to Christianity. This saga will continue till there is no Hindu left in India (or world). Is that what you want? You will have to say NO some time, might as well that be today!
Life is complicated. If you are nice to others, instead of replicating, sometimes others push you around for more. If you give in this time, they accept that you are gullible and “nice” to accept what ever they want. That means, one day you are left like thing and without any voice.
If we use an analogy, here is a story: There was a lion and villagers were very scared of him. One day a swami taught the lion to be nice to every one. He did. When that swami returned to the place after 6 months, he was shocked to see that the lion lost weight, was bruised all over and village kids were pulling his tail. The swami had to reteach him to be nice to others but as a lion he can roar to protect himself.
Here we are asking you to be nice to the Christian family, but when they present you an irrational logic, you have right to roar and tell them to back off.
Another lesson we would like to give you for life. There is nothing free in life. Teach you daughter to earn her own successes. Let her earn her place in a good school or college by hard work, not by your money or baptism. Don’t make her handicap by performing all critical tasks for her; she will never learn how to live life if she has not experienced failures and hardships. One day, like a baby bird, your daughter will fly out of your nest; make sure she is well trained for real life when she is with you. Best wishes.
And again i have some que regarding this… If i dont baptize her what caste should i tick in her addmission forms.. Hindu, catholic…. And like my husband is saying she will get problems in future n all.. Will she has to suffer bcuz of my decision….
Dear Rita,
We recommend to identify the issue and handle it when the time is right. This is a good principle for life in general.
As we said earlier, the logic of baptising the baby at one month just for the convent school at age 5-10 is a wrong strategy to follow today. One can be baptised any time, there is no Indian or school law relating to timing of the ritual.
Same way, your question, “what caste should i tick in her addmission forms.. Hindu, catholic”, your daughter is only 1 month old now. You have 3-5 years before you will have to address this question. We highly recommend you now to just enjoy your daughter. When that day comes when you MUST have to disclose her caste, at that time put her faith what ever you feel like at that time. We know many Christians who are not baptised. We know many Hindus who don’t have many Hindu sacraments (like NamaSanskara). To put one or the other faith for school admission doesn’t require religious label at birth.
Christians carry irrational dogma that all non-baptised are sinner and will go to hell. This is true also for you, your parents and Mahatma Gandhi ji. Do you endorse such ideology? We hope you will teach them that you and your parents are not sinners, but divine. Likewise, your daughter is also divine, unless you see her as a sinner, … are you? DON’T BAPTISE HER NOW. Instead of all these issues, just enjoy your daughter now. Take 3-5 years to think about what you want to do about labelling her faith. There is no rush!
Have you talk to your parents or best (Hindu) friends about this issue?
Your husband was very tolerant while dating, did not asked you to get baptised, had no church wedding, married by the secular law, and allowed you to decide for baptism of your daughter. So from being a secular, how come he made a U-turn to be religious now? What else will come in the future? This is a serious matter to think.
What if your husband says our baptised daughter (assume you baptised her) is confused because her mother and maternal in-laws are Hindus. Would you and your Hindu parents get baptised to help your husband’s irrational logic? Where will it end?
Sorry to be putting harsh way but we are here to guide you so we have to lay all potential legal issues in the future too. Let’s hope not but what if there is a talk of divorce some 5 years down the road? If your daughter is baptised, you (a Hindu) will have difficulty getting the child custody. There is NOTHING you have to gain by baptising your daughter now.
Tell you husband we will discuss it when there is a need. Baptism takes only a hour of ceremony and will do when we need it, not now! Simple, no action now.