sneha says: March 29, 2014 at 12:27 pm
Hi,
I am a marthoma girl n I had been in a relationship wid a hindu ezhava guy for past 5 years. I believed dat my parents r broad minded n dey wuld accept dis n I presented dis at my home and dey were shocked to hear this. My parents are saying a clear NO. No one in my family s der 2 support me.
My lover has said dat for dis relation he can get converted too. But my family is not accepting that too. The main problem is that we both dont have any siblings n are single child. My parents are not ready to accept him as he is a Hindu n especially a Ezhava.
We seriously believe our love but in these 5 years we never knew dat religion and caste can apart us. we are in distance relationship. I am living in bombay n he s in kerala. actually v hav met nly 9 to 10 times. he used 2 cm 2 meet me every year. I dont have any idea how to handle dis situation. please reply. -Sneha
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Just wondering whether this girl married that boy or married someone from her own faith and living happily now as its been quite a while.
Why cant these stupid malayalees live like civilised people, why are these people still living in the stone age.. grow up people.
it is a strong no ……..too much of uncertanity
For his betterment, do not marry him, You have caste problem, you have family issue, that guy is not settled, your church will not allow to raise your kid as a hindu, then leave it.
Suggestion to all here.
If you dont have head then please dont fall in love
Hi sneha,
Don’t bother much.. to be frank u are not going to marry this guy,that’s evident from ur own words that ur bf is an ‘obc’ guy and u ppl are of marthomite in origin.so leave it dear and marry the guy whom ur parents bought to u,and in the mean time let me remind u of one thing that ‘marthomite’ ppl are 80-90% direct descends from ezhavas..lot more converted ezhavas than any other xtian groups..so dont bother abt tat,and even if u marry this ‘obc’ guy this class difference vil remain in ur mind..why go for such a rotten relationship,and I will say marry him if ur love is such pure and strong..best wishes
Pluralism is well and good,but try not create pain for your parents.They love you and if there are good traits in you ,they should also get some credit.
Analyse the church members,90% live decent and above average lives.Analyse the other side as well,you very well know that most of them live economically disparate lives.Your children will have an identity crisis,which might cause problems later.All said and done,there will be pain(of losing the love of your parents) and that for a half cause.think
Hi Sneha,
Hindu christian inter religious marriages especially christian women hindu men relationship is a very common phenomenon all over kerala.In malayalam film industry itself we can see this Sheela,Lissy,Annie…the list is endless.So best of luck
It may be common but do you know what is going on what is not shown on TV and in media. Do you know that all marriages in church require Hindu’s conversion baptism? Further, the church will ask the (former) Hindu to sign an affidavit that children will be baptized and raised only as Christians only.
Do you know these facts? Is this Interfaith Marriage with Equality?
Hi SNeha
I am also a marthomite girl who fell in love with a Hindu boy 7 years ago . It was a very big decision to make all those years ago but I felt like he was worth all the potential heartache to be with him . I also knew that he would never try to convert me .. Although he is from a Hindu family he does not practice the faith but his mum and dad have also accepted me for who I am and would never try to convert me . The hardest thing for me to do was tell my mum and brother and grandma.. They found it very hard to accept and we did not speak for a very long time . My family mean everything to me and we are so close . It was so hard for me to disappoint them and see sadness In their eyes but I went into the relationship knowing that this would happen and it would be so hard but I always hoped and prayed they would come round . Being with a Hindu has never made me question my faith and it would never make me change my views or religious belief .my partner and I haven spoken in depth about the children we will have and he has said that he has no problem in them being christened and talking to them about Christianity and God . We want our children to be good people and have all the qualities of what a Christian is and that is what we both believe in , whether he is or isn’t a Christian . It was a hard struggle to have our relationship accepted and after a long time I am happy to say that I am in a place where my partner has been accepted and has a relationship with all the family and they have realised he is a good man and looks after me . I never thought the day would come and now we will be getting married next year with the blessing of both our families . Yes it’s not hard .. Being in a close nit malayalee community , there is a lot of judgment and pressure and it’s always hard knowing that some may be looking down at my mum who doesn’t deserve it at all but then the people that matter will never change their views on you and know the person you are . It’s a hard decision to make but sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe in and hope that in the end everything will work out . There’s still a long road ahead and I’m sure tha hardest is yet to come but I know it will all be okay . I really hope you have found some comfort and hope that your family will be happy for you one day because at the end of the day that should be all that matters .my family is evrything to me and I never wanted to hurt them but you hVe to think it’s not them that will be waking up to thatb person for the rest of your life .. It’s you and if that’s what you will be happy with and you know that he is the one you want to be with forever then don’t let anyone stand in your way . All the best SNeha x
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=7800
Hi,
M still doin my graduation nly. My family is well settled n belongs to upper middle class but my lover s not financialy settled n hav many financial problems as well. but I do believe that he vil find success . He s very humble n genuine. He believes n humanity rather than religion. I can’t leave my parents. They mean alot to me. I cant make them down . They are already having problem wid his caste n religion n STATUS too. My father s a marthoma. But from my childhood I have gone to every church, temple, Darga etc. I believed that all are one. And my father taught me that. But now when this situation came he is totally against me.
Sneha,
It is not going to be easy finding a good solution to your issue. Unfortunately, it may take up to two years before you could convince your parents and his parents. Meantime, we highly recommend you to 1) Focus on your graduate studies, 2) get a good paying job and be financially independent and 3) meantime, learn who is God and why people fight in the name of God. Based on what we have written about God theories, you will be able to argue rationally with your parents.
It is fashionable to talk of pluralism in colleges and in public, but fundamentally Christianity is an exclusivist religion. If you marry outside your marthoma faith (even to a Catholic or Mormon Christian), your parents will be expelled from your church. Obviously, it is not about Jesus but for the church. Now you have to decide if you wish to submit to such irrational demands from your church or wish to raise your head against the church’s outdated ideology.
Make sure your bf’s family is ready to accept you “as is”. It is possible they may wish you to convert to Hinduism, check it out to be sure. Further, his parents will certainly resist their son getting a fake-conversion to Christianity. If you don’t like your bf converting you to his faith, how can you think of converting him to your faith?
Best option will be you both remain what you are but marry by the Special Marriage Act. Let a rose remain rose and let a carnation remain carnation; rose and carnation will look beautiful together. This is a rational option. Parents will come around later. However, all these will take a long time to settle in your minds. You are a role model for rest of youths in India, do that is right to do. Keep us in touch. Best wishes.
Thank you admin for your response.
I will try my best and will get wid touch wid u asap.
Thank you. !
Focus on your studies and get good job. Financial independence will give you strength to do that is right to do.
After reading a lot and exploring reality of life, you will realize that it is not your father nor Jesus is against what you wish to do, but it is the church who is doing all these for their survival. Churches in Europe killed millions of innocent people during their crusades. however, now, Europeans got sense and distancing themselves from churches. Churches in India are still strong because attendees are not strong enough to raise their head. We wish you will have strength to speak out.
Dear Sneha,
Sorry to hear of your dilemma. We wish you came to us 5 years before and we would have told you exactly what your parents will tell you.
This Hindus are pluralist and they believe in multiple forms of God, while Christians believe in trinity (3 forms only). For Hindus, conversion means to add Jesus in their life (one more God). However, for Christians conversion means no more being a Hindu and no more praying to Hindu Gods, ever. How can you expect someone to give up their birth religion? Your parents know it well that it will be very hard to make a Hindu pluralist an exclusivist Christian.
If you wish to please your parents, then your only option is to forget this Hindu guy and marry to a Marthoma guy of your parent’s choice from your church.
If above option is not acceptable to you, … are you willing to go against your parents? Are you well educated and having a good job? Basically, are you financially independent? If so, just marry your lover without conversion but by the Special Marriage Act 1954. That is the only and best option (and a fair one). Parents will come around later. Let us know what are you thinking now and we will guide you more.
please tell me what I shuld do. I am really disturbed.I presented this topic last month. Now my parents are reacting as nothing has happened. they are not giving any importance 2 dis relationship.
Please give me ur suggestion on how to handle this situation. I am a ‘single girl child’ for my parents n same is wid my lover.
I wnt go wid both my parents n my lover.
my parents are saying that he belongs to OBC n s nt meant 4 a marthoma girl.
admin pls rply me.