Rekha says: November 30, 2017 at 2:10 am
hello
I have been reading interfaith experiences in internet lately. this is good to know someone of our own is helping people in this kind of situation. so i really appreciate and applaud your effort.
i hope i will not bother you asking your suggestion and guidance about my situation. i have been in love with a boy more than 5 years, which dates back to our late school time, basically we have been in same educational institution, my the feelings for him developed from that time. he is muslim boy. but his religious identity was never a problem for me. the feelings is completely one sided, he does not know anything about it.
But currently it has become a lot tense, you know the surrounding that is going on. but i believe the gap between us or the problems, whatever you term it, is rooted in financial condition. he is from lower middle class family and i am from businessman family background. so you can see the obvious difference. despite being popular among girls i observed he never opened up with girls before, and i staunchly believe it is only because his financial condition. and it is scaring me.
i have discussed this with my friends who is in far more intimate relationship rather than just being in love, but quite unfortunately i could not even tell him about the feelings i have for him for years, my friends i discussed with also agree it is the financial condition that will hunt us most, not the religious difference.
the primary reason i never told him that i love him is i can end up being the cause of harm for him, either it can be from my family or the other social people who has tendency in poking their nose in people’s personal matters or politicizing everything if they get to know it.
being quite honest, what i have observed from my friends and other case, the rich peoples are never in trouble, it really does not matter if it is interfaith or interracial.it only becomes problem for the poor people who can not fight back, become victim of these heinous actions of political goons.
my feelings for him is strong enough i can tell i will not accept another man in my life. heck i did not go to a better college outside of my home city just to be in same college with him, despite having little to no interest in teacher’s bakbak i was one of the most regular student in college. it is just gives me a different comfort being around him or having him in my eyesight. so i am asking you to guide me in this matter, how do you think i can convince my parents that i have no problem with his family or economical condition without letting them react aggressively or causing any harm to him. -Rekha
More information: Hindu-Muslim Marriage, Sharia, Muslim-Hindu marriages, Hindu-Muslim lovers’ experiences, Koran on Hindus? Hindu girl-Muslim boy, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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same here,in relationship for a year.love each other,but can not tell in home.they will not accept.
Dear Chitra,
We have changed your name for your privacy. Never give your real name on any public forum. With changed name, now no one will know which city you are from or who you are. So now be free to express with details. Without knowing your situation more, it is difficult for our consultants to guide you.
You have several options:
1) Do nothing and say in the same situation till you die (next 80 years?),
2) Give up this love relationship,
3) Be honest and tell your parents all facts as is, and try to convince them.
4) Run away and fool both parents.
Which one of these are you thinking about?
Rekha, you listed many issues. What is the message are you trying to convey? Are you against liberty and freedom? Should so called free countries like India and America adapt strict laws like China and Saudi Arabia? What is the root cause of these issues in America and/or India; a particular religion?
Admin,before we talk about liberty and freedom,i will suggest to you get a well structured definition of freedom and liberty,with it’s well defined boundary and implementation level so some cunning country can not use it as a tool for divide and conquer.
Free countries like india and america?can you please explain how they are exactly free?especially when we have gone through so much communal violence and america is the worst criminal of humanity?
can you please explain the word “strict law”?if a law is not “strict” then why is it there for?to do joke?
why are we talking about saudi arabia?do not you think saudi arabia is “free” to decide what kind of law it will impose on it’s people?or you want them to be free like you want?
am i against “freedom and liberty” ?absolutely yes,i am against freedom and liberty,i am against freedom of rapist to rape,i am against freedom of murderer to murder,i am against freedom of traitor to treason.
Understand one thing admin,you are trying to bound some thing together that never happens,you can not mix oil,water.because it is law of nature,you also can not have 100% freedom while seeking 100% law protection and law enforcement,you need to have a balance in between them ,which percentage do you want to use i leave that upto you or your judgement.
Oh my god. Another muslim terrorist attack in new york. I hope you guys are safe.
Rekha seems smart and understands the consequences.
Admin you are so correct. Sometime back i had seen a similar situation with a female friend. A girl name priya from a wealthy family married imran from poor family. They had a daughter after marriage. After 5 years of marriage, it wasn’t religion that was an issue for them. The issue was Priya wasn’t allowed to work and had to stay home and do the household chores.There was instances when Priya’s father had to intervene when their 5 year daughter needed medical assistance. She got so fed up and went back to her parents. Later she married someone else. If imran would have been rich and his family allowed Priya all the freedom she needed, then the story would have been different.
Love and lust don’t remain forever.
A time comes when the real family life begins and the person then realizes their mistake.
Amit,i agree with you,sometimes little decisions can change course of life,i still do not know if i will have to work or not,but i believe i can manage it,by the way he is not that poor,he belongs to lower middle class and already doing engineering study,the gap is huge because of us,our family is business background.it is our social status,position widening the gap.
Great to feel we are on same wavelength to some point Rehka.
Re this comment of yours:
“sometimes little decisions can change course of life,i still do not know if i will have to work or not,but i believe i can manage it,”
From the above statement, I believe you already understand where future might take you. The love within your heart is forcing you to go ahead with marriage but your very smart mind is trying to tell you that your decision can be wrong.
Marriage will be a life time decision and every step you take, be sure that you are 100% sure from your heart and not 99%. By chance if you are not able to work when in married life and you are stuck within the two walls at home, life would be like a being in a prison. Never decide your marriage life with an assumption in your mind. Once legally married, you will find yourself at someone else house with less power in decision making.
Your parent’s are wealthy with a status in their community, so ensure that you maintain your parent’s integrity.
By chance if you sacrifice yours and your parents wishes and forcefully get settled, disputes happen with you and his family later in life, you may have no where to go sister.
I haven’t been to india but heard from indian friends settled here saying-Na Ghar Ke Na Ghaat Ke
That love is still hot in your mind and it needs time to cool down so that you can make rational decisions for your life. If i were you, i would give myself some time probably another year or two.I would take a break, change my current routine and spend time with my family and seek advice from them and take them seriously. Soon I might notice that the decision I make in future will be different from the one I make today.
Amit, you have presented a great and balanced view.
Rekha, read this case… https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=7828. Only thing wrong we see in this case is–Akansha was totally unaware of what she is getting into. You are different and smarter. That is the way to go. Best wishes.
Thank you amit for a balanced view,i am here to listen to different and qualified opinion and sure you have given me one.I will keep those in mind.Though i do not believe i am blind in love because otherwise i would not be stuck in “say or no say” dilemma,you are not in here now so you would not know,the current situation that is going on here as well as my my parent’s possible reaction is forcing me to think it again and again before i take any steps.I hope i will be able to take the right decision at the end balancing both my feelings and my parent’s trust.I do not want to do anything that can bring dishonor to my parents and possible harm to the man i love.
thank you for a great response amit 🙂 It was great to know people living down under still remember indian phrase rofl.
Thanks Rekha. Something i’d like to share. My wife is ex-muslim. She now practices Hinduism. Her family is not wealthy and my mother in-law is always in hijab.Prior to marriage, my wife used to wear hijab at occasions.
I am from wealthy back ground with business and few property around here. We have two kids. When i visit her family, they respect me so much. During Eid, we always go to her parents. They arrange a special seat for me and serve me meals. If i was poor, the story would have been different. You know what, my wife’s favorite meal is spicy pork curry with chilled beer and she consumes that in presence of her parents when at restaurants. All the time she orders pork for herself. I have asked her not to do that in front of her parents but she just doesn’t listen. You might have seen those bollywood celebrities having interfaith marriages. Its because of fame nobody questions them.
In your case, never take a step to lose your parents healthy relationship that you have including their wealth when making a decision for marriage. Moral of my story is once you become ordinary, that respect may go away.
Amit,thank you for the experience,i have got your point what are you trying to say.that is a valid point and constantly in my mind.if i marry him surely i will need my parents 100% on my side and with their full support.without them i can not do it.
ehh,that pork part,i think this is where she is crossing limits,it is open disrespect to her parent’s culture and faith.i am sorry i have said this so openly.
one more thing i want to add “she practices hinduism” there is no exact way to practice hinduism,because hinduism is not a religion,it is style of life,way of someone searching for truth,you do not need exactly “convert” to hinduism,that is the beauty of sanatana dharma in contrast to abrahamic faith,if i marry the man i love may be i will have to convert but will that make me a non-hindu?no it will not,you may “leave” hinduism but hinduism never leaves you 🙂
Dude,are you serious?if you want to marry then go ahead and do it,why are you taking permission?the main question here is,are you truly in love with him?will he pay back with same love you desire of him?it is your life,your choice,you are bound to nobody.
Your mom,dad will get convinced within time,you can not do it within one week,give them time to adjust.
Me and my boyfriend is dating for two years,and all my friend circle as well as my mom,dad knows it 😀
Remember,your life,your choice,your life does not belongs to anyone else,good luck.
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=13087
Thank you 🙂
Hi Sona,
Please dont spread poisonous venom in the Hindu community. You are helping a stupid girl Rekha for converting to islam (May be you are one of them) to marry a mulsim and increasing cockroach like population as well as criminals in India
Rekha,
If someone ask you why God said so, what would you reply? Read the question here… https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=13070#comment-414096
being true,i have asked myself this,in addition i have also took some help from my friends,and summing up all the answer is yes,i have no problem with his financial condition,and he is not exactly poor,lower middle class,i can live my life without luxury,so the answer is yes.
answering your second question i am still trying to figure out what to do,how will i solve this,the main connection between two reason is this financial condition will fuel the religious difference,if the financial gap was not present then i am quite sure my parents would not mind that.but now religious difference can be used as an excuse.
i have studied some situation,i said some of my friends are in same kind of relation,and i do not have problem in convert and prayer or other rituals as long as it will keep the peoples together.
i believe ultimately we are creation of same god,the difference is different people use different way.
my prime fear is that,this religious difference can be used to mask the real reason,the economical gap to create obstacle and gap between us.
Hi Rekha,
We are here to help you make a right decision. Here we will stimulate you to think something you have not thought about. This way, what ever is your decision in end, will be a right one.
Interfaith marriages have high divorce rates. Assume after Nihaah (marriage) you got talaak. Will you still continue practicing Islam faith?
For what ever reason, your parents will not agree you to convert to Islam. Can you convince him to marry you without conversion? Alternatively, are you willing to forget your parents and relatives for ever for this guy?
Thanks for the response.
i have mentioned before that i do not believe religious difference solely will be the problem,but it will be used to mask the other reason,in case of hard line situation my parents do not accept it,then i think i will have to take the hard decision for sometimes,i do not believe it will be permanent disconnection but just for few days,once i settle down i can engage my parents in relation,so i do not think “leave” is a appropriate word to be used in here.this is all assuming i will have to convert.
I briefly discussed this with my friends,and being true, there is no religious tension going on there,i told you before,it all comes down to how rich you are,unfortunately the man i love is not rich.
will i perform islamic faith if i get divorced?i do not believe i will get divorced or talak whatever you say it,i did not build my felling and love for so long so i can end up in separation.so that is out of scenario.
We believe it would be a good idea to find a middle ground between your parents and your lover. Why not you marry the guy without converting (like Kareena Kapoor did) and this way your parents will be happy to? It will be a win-win for all. We do not believe your bf is a love-jihadi and will respect your wishes (to remain a Hindu). After marriage and a few years, if you really like Islam, you can always convert then. Do you want to talk to him about it?
Have you gone and seen his house? Would be you like to go live there and fully happy with it (don’t be idealist, go see to decide). What next you wish to do?
sure the middle ground will be great,but i doubt if it is of any kind of advantage?why am i saying this?let me say,first of all i have said i have seen this kind of relation,and i have seen my friends,and what i have learned so far is the main complication here is children,i am sure if i marry him both he and his parent will want our child to follow their religion,so what is the advantage in me not converting except it will create some unnecessary scenario in my future home?if my parents do agree and support my relation then i can assure you religion is not a thing here,but because of the financial gap it is getting complicated.But yes,your suggestion is also good,so i will keep it in mind,let us see in which way it will be less complicated.
for your second question,yes i have been in his home,and i will not tell lie,surely my parents will not like what they will see if they go there,but i have totally no problem,i have had conversation with his parents and they are very hospitable,do not think it was for me they were doing that,actually we went there for group study and other things,so yes,i have true knowledge about his family.
you have told about kareena kapoor,see that is case i was talking about,they will not face any complication,because they both are rich,no one will dare to touch them,say individually or collectively,but very unfortunately,not the case for me.
i want to ask you,do you think i should tell him?or i should convince my parents?if i tell him,sure he will reject me then and there because of his position,the thing scaring me to take further steps is possible cause of harm to him.
Hi Rekha,
You are at a perfect place to talk about your issue. No one knows your country or real name so you are free to speak out here.
You are in true love with him but he is poor. Assuming your parents will not accept you relationship, are you willing to go and live a middle class life and house wife? You will have to worry about paying rent and there will not be any maid to clean your dishes and floor but only you to do. Further, your children will have to live a financial difficult life, is that okay with you. Are you not going to marry him just for money? We hope you are not expecting your father to support your married life.
Why you said religion is not an issue? After being a Muslim wife with Muslim new name and new burka dress, you will have to sit and recite Koran every day and pray in the direction of Saudi Arabia. Is that something you are ready to adapt to your new life? Read list of some 35 points, let know which one of these you are not comfortable with?