Within faith marriage: Fight over a dress!

Readers, this is a long story about some small silly issues relating to within faith marriages. When will parents change? Enjoy reading!

Raquib says: May 5, 2013 at 5:16 pm

Salaam alaikum. Congratulation. You (Raman) are lucky to make it happen. Alhumdullilah.

I am in the similar situation. I am a Bangladeshi Muslim and my fiancee is a Pakistani Muslim. My family and I are from Bangladesh. She and her family are Pakistani. She was born in the USA. Her parents are from Pakistan. She has a beta thalassemia for taking blood transfusion.

We both love each other. I love her very much. I promise to Allah that I will take care and love her in marriage. We were referred by one of my elder Muslim friend who got us for marriage proposal to let her parents know about me. We accepted each other based on our same religion and match our character. She and I NEVER caused any problem. I asked for her hand of marriage.

We engaged before meeting her parents. She fought so hard to convince her parents to accept me even though her parents always keep so many wrong guess about me without asking me questions. They prejudiced me unless my fiancee tried hard to convince them. Finally her dad contacted me to come and meet with them to talk. I visited their house first time. We sat down and talked to get to know each other. We had a nice dinner.

They asked me if I have previous relationship. I told them I DO NOT want to bring up anything about past. Past is FINISHED. Future is what we want to focus for the sake of marriage. In the past, I really seek for marrying a Muslim woman. Anyway, her parents hope my parents accept my fiancee who has thalassemia. After the first meeting with her family, then I talked to my parents. I tried to convince my parents to accept my wife to be for her thalassemia. They were not sure to accept.

When they came to visit my town. I encouraged my parents to meet her family. Her family was willing to meet us too. We all family met and talk. It was really great time for both side to accept after my uncle and aunt convinced my parents to accept my fiancee. Later my dad and mom finally accept her and informed her parents. After few months later my parents and brother came to visit my town again to meet my fiancee’s family. We invited them to my new house to meet my relatives (mom and dad’s side). Everyone was so happy and feel giving us a blessing for our upcoming marriage. My fiancee’s dad made a reservation for wedding this summer. He reserved a place. We were exciting and happy. We had a good engagement party with everyone. Later my parents and brother returned to their town, we continue our relationship while her parents allowed me to visit their house to see her and spend time with them.

They measured our body side for wedding dresses to make to order from Pakistan. My parents are planning to get her a dress and her parents get mine one. My parents and her parents discussed over the phone about money for wedding dresses. They all made a commitment for 3 main dresses for my fiancee. That it. It is like dresses exchange. My parents agreed to give money for 3 dresses (mendhi, nikkah and wedding). My parents humbly give money for 3 dresses which are expensive. Her parents only give will me ONE wedding dress. Not reception dress. They are so greedy. They want my parents to buy everything.

Know what happened later?? Her parents demanded my parents for more money for extra 10 more fancy and expensive dresses for my fiancee!! That means they broke our verbal agreement and commitment. They changed their mind and refused to accept 3 dresses’ money. They want more than that. It is sin in our religion from them being lying and making up price for dress. They think my family are rich in which they NEVER NEVER asked our budget limitation. That show how terrible my fiancee’s parents are.

My fiancee were very upset and hurt from her own parents who threatening to cancel the wedding if not giving them money. Even though my fiancee and I knew that we NEVER have problem with each other. Why parents brought up drama for to break our wedding plan?? Her parents lied to my parents that they did ask them what is my parents’ budget limitation. Really in fact, they never ask! They told them they will cancel the wedding if not sending them money for dresses. That is called THREATENING!

Her parents now are against our wish to marry. Oh my God. They again made up their guess about me by saying so many negative prediction and comment about me being control my fiancee and make her slave and not help her! It is all lie. I LOVE her so much and she loves me so much. Why should I control her to be my slave? Their assumption is wrong! My parents were so upset.

They asked me to go to my fiancee’s family house and discuss again. I went there last time to talk to them. So, I noticed they started to telling a lie about my parents. I knew I do not believe them. They said when will my parents give them more money?? I told them calm down and we want a peace. Not demanding money.

That time we now understand that her parents are very materialist! They don’t believe in idealism such as caring for human value to achieve. You know why?? It is all because of my fiancee’s older sister who got married to her husband. Know what happened? After marriage, her husband lied to her family that he did not have a job and money to support his wife! That gave my fiancee’s parents worry about her next wedding with me.

That is called they judged me in their wrong idea. That is the reason why they demanded money from us to give my fiancee best dresses in which her sister did not get great gift from her husband’s side. They gave her cheap gift and okay looking dresses. I do not know why her parents worry for??!! I DO NOT care about her sister’s wedding situation. It is not my concern. My concern is ONLY ME AND MY FIANCEE’s future in marriage. That it.

Her parents’ are very hard head and stubborn and so selfish. They ruined our happiness and wedding plan by starting to bring drama to my family about materialitic issue! My fiancee had been depressed and cried a lot. I had depressed too. Even I wept and pray Allah for help. I work hard to get His listening to me for getting her parents’ approval. Even worst is that her parents demanded my fiancee to see her email privacy.

They were shocked and upset about my dad and her had previously contact. Because my fiancee asked my dad for help to convince her parents so hard. My dad could not do that. But he go ahead talked to her via email and gave her an advice about if thing does not work out then she can do her own because she is an adult. She is 26 and I am 32.

Her parents violance the Islamic law of marriage. That is why my parents stopped talking to my parents anymore and disregarded them because of the email! My God…..everything messed up. She asked my dad for help, THat is all. Her parents thought my dad tried to tell her to run away from them and marry me. NO! It is not true. He only told her an advice. That is all. Not telling her to escape from parents.

Her parents have complicated mind not to understand the points. I wrote letter of apology to her dad and asked for forgiveness. Her dad NEVER answer me. She told me he read but never answer me. They think I played game. Oh my God. I decided to go ahead to give them money for dresses. But too late her parents not accept because they told her I should had told them before. But how can I know?? I cannot predict in future about what will happen.

My fiancee is now fighting so hard to convince her parents. My fiancee feels that she does not trust her parents because of their being lying and hidden from her. My parents and family were very upset and broken heart from her parents’ threatening to cancel the wedding. My fiancee and I had been struggled and struggle to convince her oppressive parents to approve our marriage. They did not listen to her and against her wish to marry me. Right now it is VERY hard to convince her parents.

So much pain for us. I already bought wedding ring. There is no help for us to convince her parents. We have only 3 months left until wedding. I cried for help when I seek Allah’s help. She and I never have any problem with each other. Only parents did. They are the one who brought up drama to break our marriage plan. They started it. Not us. Not our fault. It is so much difficult for us……

We are broken heart. Still we won’t give up unless we find the way to win her parents’ approval. Also her parents lied that my parents do not care about my fiancee! It is not true! My parents love her! My family love her too! They want to welcome her to our member. Why cannot her parents be appreciated? My family spoke highly of her parents! I ALWAYS RESPECT HER PARENTS! They show us very little respect. No courtesy, no manner, no caring for us. What wrong with her parents???

My fiancee felt fed up with her controling parents. They controlled her life because they think she is weak and thalassemia woman cannot marry. They limited us to contact each other. I don’t know what caused her parents to change their mind to be oppressive. We all are same Muslim. I NEVER been against her family. Also they convinced her brothers and older sister to against me! Now all of them against me and my family by convincing my fiancee not to marry me.

They made up lie to my fiancee about I have women in the past who I was engaged! Oh my God…..I never been engaged. She is only the first one I engaged. We are innocent with great love and heart. We never hurt my fiancee. My fiancee knows that and trust me. Her parents really HURT us. God know they did.

We have so much hard time to fight right now. Islam allow girl’s right to choose husband to marry. Her parents cannot be against her wish. But even thought we are good people and God fearing, her parents still are very materialist and against us. Only money makes them happy, not think about human value. Seems like they have full of Satan around them to love money. Why money for dresses are important than us??? My fiancee does not care about money.

She care about me for love and marriage. I do the same. I am willing to give up money for her. But her parents never listen to us. It too late. For God’s sake…..We are hurt and broken heart….what can we do? Still we won’t give up….Everyone got happily married with beautiful wedding. We are unlucky. We are so sad….. -Raquib

.

Admin says:

Raquib,

Break all cultural barriers, divorce her parents and marry her. Convince her to go against her parents and somehow get married by a simple Nikaah. Her parents will come around later (and if not, who cares). Best wishes. -Admin.

More information: Hindu-Muslim Marriage, Sharia, Muslim-Hindu marriages, Hindu-Muslim lovers’ experiences, Koran on Hindus? Hindu girl-Muslim boy, Marriage & Divorce laws.
Return to Home, Blogs, How to Share? Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, Book, Media.