Tabbusum says: November 28, 2012 at 5:50 am
Hi every muslim girl,
I am describing about stress that a modern Muslim women can struggle to balance conflicting cultures to ensure her married life has a smooth sailing.
It is a drastic and costly measure but as she takes her husband’s hand in marriage, she knows it is one which may – quite literally – save her life.
The horror and outrage that would ensue if it was discovered she had already slept with a man would be so damning that her own strictly religious relatives might kill her rather than face public shame.
“My virginity was restored in a delicate operation just last week, and I honestly view it as life-saving surgery,”
“If my husband cannot prove to his family that I am a virgin, I would be hounded, ostracised and sent home in disgrace. My father, who is a devout Muslim, would regard it as the ultimate shame.
“The entire family could be cast out from the friends and society they hold dear, and I honestly believe that one of my fanatically religious cousins or uncles might kill me in revenge, to purge them of my sins. Incredible as it may seem, honour killings are still accepted within our religion.
“Ever since my family arranged this marriage for me, I’ve been terrified that, on my wedding night, my secret would come out. It has only been since my surgery last week that I’ve actually been able to sleep properly. Now, I can look forward to my marriage.”
Myself is far from alone in seeking such drastic – and almost barbaric – surgery.
The rise in Islamic fundamentalism is being blamed for the growing trend for hymenoplasties, where the hymen is re-created from the already torn tissue, or a new membrane is inserted using a gelatine-like substance.
In some cases, the vaginal lining can also be used to create a “false” hymen.
A blood capsule can be inserted into the lining to ensure realistic blood flow when the false hymen is broken.
Eight Hundred Twenty-four muslim women in the UK had the procedure on the NHS between 2010 and 2011, but it is thought that even thousands more – included – have plundered their savings to pay up to£4,000 to have private surgery.
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My story illustrates the intense pressures on young British muslim women caught between the strict moral code of their own community and the laxer, permissive attitudes of their white contemporaries.
I grew up against a stiflingly strict background as one of seven dutiful Muslim daughters in an affluent middle-class family who moved to England from Pakistan two generations ago.
I’ve always adored my parents. My father, now 62, is a retired accountant and my mother raised a family of seven sisters in a five-bedroom house in Birmingham.
I attended the local Catholic secondary school and although I wore a scarf on my head, I refused to wear a veil, telling my parents that it would make me stand out too much.
I was one of the girls, totally accepted by my white, English friends whose lives revolved around shopping and fancying boys.
But the moment I stepped over the doorstep, normal teenage life would cease and it was like entering an entirely different world. At home, we had to pray together five times a day.
We weren’t allowed to watch television. My parents were so worried that Western influences might take our minds off the most important things – education and religion – that we were never allowed to bring any schoolfriends home.
But it made all the things my friends did more attractive to me. I would sneak out on Saturday afternoons and join them in town, hanging around, shopping and chatting to boys.
Perhaps ironically, it was my academic success that was to prove my downfall, as I used to move away from home to study language and politics at university, and found myself plunged into a world of louche student living.
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I recall: I was a totally naive 18-year-old, and found myself living away from my parents for the first time, and suddenly, everything that I had been bought up to believe was wrong, was being played out in front of me.
I decided that drinking, smoking and having boyfriends was just a part of normal, teenage growing up.
Like other young girls, I just wanted to be part of a crowd. I stopped wearing the veil and for the first time in my life I wore Western clothes – designs which revealed far more of my body than anything I had ever worn before.
I also started drinking. I started off on beer and then gradually things like vodka and cocktails, which naturally helped me lose my inhibitions.
I was in her second year of university when she found love and inevitably, lust.
He was another student in my tutorial class, and the more time we spent together, the more I found myself falling in love.
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Philip was white, English, charming and kind. When we started dating, I told him I was a virgin and that I was expected to keep my virginity for marriage.
But he wore my inhibitions down, and I began to see that having a physical relationship with him would be pleasurable.
All my friends were sleeping with their boyfriends and it was entirely accepted. I was the odd one out, so after several months I took the plunge and went on the contraceptive pill as a precaution.
As the months went past, he became more and more desperate to make love.
I wrestled with my conscience night after night, but having taken away the fear of pregnancy by being on the pill, I saw that – as long as my parents never found out – there was no reason not to make love.
Marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. Anyway, at that time I assumed I would marry for love, not have an arranged marriage.
I tried to resist Philip but I discovered that I liked the physical contact. Then one fateful night, we went out and I had too much to drink. My head was spinning, we ended up in bed together and couldn’t resist any longer. It was really lovely, and I felt no shame.
It was only when I woke up the next morning, and saw Philip lying beside me, that I thought: ‘What have I done?’
But there was no turning back and it felt entirely natural. He reassured me it was OK and told me that he loved me.
Part of me was scared but I was also rather proud of what I’d just done. I wasn’t just a little Muslim girl, I was an independent young woman who could make up her own mind how she was going to live her life.
Traditionally, Muslim brides are expected to be virgins when they marry
Four months later, Philip and I broke up but I suddenly felt sexually empowered.
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When I started going out with another student, I knew from the word go that we would sleep together and we did, on the second night.
I also had another sexual fling at university with a friend.
Having lost my virginity, it didn’t seem to matter how many men I slept with, the damage was already done.
Besides, I was living away from my parents, and my old life of endless prayer and abiding by the customs of our religion seemed a long way away.
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The full reality didn’t hit home until I returned home to Birmingham at 22, after finishing my degree.
It was horrible. It felt like returning to a prison, and I could feel my father’s eyes burning into me, as if he knew. I tried to play the dutiful Muslim daughter, but I had changed.
I felt as if I was being smothered. My parents wanted me to live at home and work in Birmingham, but I got a job on a graduate sales training scheme in London. I convinced my parents it was a great honour.
With a new job and a new life, I fell in love with a colleague, Steve, and as a couple moved in together in an astonishing breach of her strict Muslim upbringing.
I still managed to keep it secret from my parents; my father was quite ill by now and they rarely travelled.
I would talk to them on my mobile phone, and we didn’t have a landline in the flat.
Steve and I lived together for two years, but then the relationship started to go wrong. He spent too much money, and he was very jealous and possessive of me.
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When a job opportunity came up in the chain of stores I worked for in Birmingham, I seized it and moved back to get away from him. My parents were thrilled and they started talking seriously about an arranged marriage.
I realised I had two choices. I could either move back to London and live a Western life, bringing shame on my poor parents and estrange myself from the sisters, aunts and uncles I loved. Or I could go along with their dreams of an arranged marriage.
A Muslim husband would have the same values as me, and I would be firmly back within my family support system.
For a year I played the part of the dutiful daughter. I wore the hijab, even to work, and I helped my mother care for my father. His pleasure at my return was so touching.
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Then last summer, my mother announced that she had found a prospective husband who came from an affluent Muslim family living in Pakistan.
As tradition demanded, the families had shared two ceremonial meetings and the parents of both prospective bride and groom agreed to a match.
In July, I flew to Pakistan to meet her “fiance” for the first time.
I was absolutely terrified. This was the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
I didn’t know if I would get on with him, or even if he would approve of me.
And at the back of my mind was this awful, sickening worry about my virginity.
But when I met him, I liked him immediately. He was 28, 6ft 3in tall with black hair and very handsome. He made me feel so welcome.
I spent a month at his parents’ house, and I grew to love my future husband. We didn’t kiss in all the time we were together, and I played the diligent Muslim girl who prayed five times a day, wore my hijab and kept my eyes downcast.
But as I said goodbye to my future husband and flew back to Birmingham, I really started to panic about my virginity.
Muslim tradition demands that on my wedding night, bridegroom will take the bloodied sheets to show his mother and aunts to prove that his bride is pure.
If I do not bleed, the wedding will be annulled, and I will be sent home in disgrace.
This was all I could think about. How could I fool my own husband and his family into believing that I was pure?
Through friends, I heard of a new operation to “restore” a torn hymen, and, in my desperation, I went onto the internet to find out more.
A few friends have already had this operation, though it has to be done with the utmost secrecy, as we would be disowned by our family if the news ever came out.
On the internet, I found the clinic of Dr Magdy Hend, at the Regency Clinic on Harley Street.
I went for an initial consultation, telling my family I was travelling to London on business, and was absolutely reassured.
The operation would cost £2,000 and would be done under local anaesthetic.
“Dr Hend said it would take only about an hour and a half, and I would be able to go back to work the next morning, though I had to be careful not to do anything which would make the hymen break, such as strenuous exercise.
The operation would involve taking the ‘torn’ parts of my hymen and basically stitching them back together, adding further tissue from the side of my vagina.
If I wanted, just prior to my wedding he could place a capsule of blood into the hymen which would ensure a healthy amount of blood. It sounds barbaric, but what choice did I have?
Inevitably, there was controversy when it emerged that taxpayers had funded such operations on the NHS, with MPs suggesting it was a sign of “social regression”.
But while I felt I had no choice, I preferred the discretion of a private clinic: The operation went just as he predicted. It was painless, and I can feel no difference at all.
I think I will have the blood capsule put in place, just to make sure. I’ve had to save up for months to afford it, and I still have student debts, but it is such a weight off my mind. I had been crying myself to sleep, wondering how I was going to cope, and now I know that my secret is safe.
I feel very sad that women like me feel so torn between our two cultures. Our religion is so rigid – yet I was brought up among Western friends who thought nothing of sleeping with their boyfriends.
It makes life so confusing and I feel so deeply for all the many Muslim girls in Britain who are caught in the same dilemma.
I was lucky, I suppose, in that I could afford to repair my ‘mistake’ so no one would know.
But it scares me to think what will happen to Muslim girls who do not have this option and are seen to be ‘shaming’ their families. They are the ones whose lives will be at risk.
And finally after 4 months I got married in Pakistan and on the wedding night, as usual, my husband penetrated and broke the hymen and the blood capsule bleeded and several stains of blood appeared on the bed sheet which were examined by an elderly women in the monrning. Husband and his family was proud of me having a virgin woman.
Time passed and one day, I came to know that my husband was already married and having kids. It came to me a big blow. I asked him why did he choose to marry me, he said as per religions, he can keep 4 wives.
OMG, I informed my ailing father and mom, they were also shocked. Domestic violence against me started and one day I was divorced. I contacted the prominent persons of my locality but of no use. Ultimately, I had to leave Pakistan and came back to UK with parents.
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Again started working in Birminghmam mall and this time met with a Punjabi Hindu boy. Having lost so much in the life, I got attracted towards him. His wife had died with out any kids.Our relations grew more and more and one day I told my parents to marry him. They asked him to meet them. He met and discussed and did not put any condition to covert to Hindu. Ultimately parents agreed.
Now I am with him (Vivek), both respecting each other’s religion. I have a kid. My 2nd and 3rd sisters have married with British guys, as per their choice.
Due to growing age of parents, they have lost to put any pressure. -Tabbusum.
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Admin says: November 29, 2012 at 12:49 am
OMG!!! We are speechless.
Tabbusum, what message you would give to other young Islamic women?
What will you teach your daughters about premarital sex?
MESSAGE TO ALL PARENTS
All parents must read this post. It would be a mistake if you think your son or daughter will never do this.
Parents must realize that their children are not their property.
Parents don’t own children.
Children just came to this world through parents, that’s all.
Treat your children like guests.
Do not suppress your children (like to a spring), one day they will bounce back with disaster.
Treat your children like a wet soap in your hand, if you hold too hard or too soft, it will slide out. You have to learn to hold them with just right pressure.
Trust them, respect them, give them good practical education and hope for the rest.
Teach them all about sex assuming they could potentially do it. Proper teaching and trust will go a long way.
About interfaith marriages….
Assume your children could potential marry interfaith and be prepared for it.
Teach them to demand interfaith equality.
Ask them how the BBS religious labeling of children make sense (or does not make sense) in an interfaith marriage with equality.
The days of “fake” religious conversion for marriage are over, don’t even try it, it will bring only disaster later in life.
Best wishes.
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Also read: Hindu girl, Muslim girl, Hindu boy, Muslim boy,
Return to InterfaithShaadi.org. To share your experience, read.
Fake conversion to Hinduism and consequences...
Admin is not even a Muslim ! thats all
Oh goodness….I was astounded buy this article.
However, as a Western woman, I was a virgin at 20 [my choice] as I was ”scared” that having sex would be very painful!
When I met my husband to be, I didn’t bleed at all, despite being a virgin.
I thought there should be blood, but there wasn’t a drop.
Turns out that women don’t always bleed, and anyway, the hymen doesn’t form a total ”seal”, else it wouldn’t be possible for young women to have periods!
The shock I felt at reading this article, the double standards, the husband with four wives, and the domestic violence..very saddening.
Religion has so much to answer for.
It is used as a tool for control.
Fascinating article, hope the author has now found happiness in her relationship.
A few years ago, in a local convenience store, [owned by a Pakistani family] the young men had guns, grew cannabis [there was a bust] and yet the young daughter, bless her, wanted to go to college.
she once said to me ”Western women aren’t beaten enough”….and this was appalling.
The girl disappeared at 16, probably to Pakistan, and I do think of her, and feel real sadness.
Yes because the most British Muslim families are not educated ( I meant your parents and grand parents ) and they follow religion which is not religion and they are strict more then east
Dear Admin !
100% agree with your speeches (MASSAGE TO ALL PARENTS/About interfaith marriages….)
Thank you very much Sir !
Thank you Narendra. Please join us to guide youths in love.
“Dipankar Roy, 22 years old (Hindu) was brutally murdered as he had married Salima (Muslim). Both of them had been in love for a while. The victim was riding his motorbike coming back from Chandpara to his own house, when he was lynched and shot dead by Muslim activists led by Aamir Mandal, a member of the local Islamist organization….”
http://sri000.wordpress.com/2012/12/06/hindu-muslim-inter-religious-marriages-11-another-hindu-boy-dipankar-roy-22-killed-for-marrying-a-muslim-girl/
………….
“You did not understand my previous statement, right? You see, Muslims attribute every action in this world to Allah’s will i.e. everything happens because Allah wills that to happen. So when Hindus or Christians show generosity and love to Muslims, Muslims do not regard this as positive side of Hindus (or Non-Muslims) – instead they thank Allah because it is Allah who made Hindus to act (or behave) like that. After all, in Koran, Allah brands all Non-Muslims as the worst of all creatures (98:06).”
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Hi Satyen,
Wonder and logical comments from you about spreading of islam.
Several our sisters have dared to point out that Islam favours criminal and immoral males and they get attracted to it to satisfy their unethical wants.
It is surprising that not much women have come forward to explain evils of Islam in Islamic women today, a separate blog on this site.
Only 35 or so, have explained in details various types of evils that women has to face in Islam.
Hi Khurshida,
Thnaks for the compliments. I will consider my observations about Muhammad/Quran fruitful only when it relieves Muslims especially women from the slavery of Muhammad. Just bring the truth of Muhammad out to all and think about the implications of it on the society.
I request all the women to shut their eyes for a minute and think the world without Quran. What panorama did you see? Was it something like the following:
1. There won’t have been burqa/naqab even in 45 degree celsius of temperature making the women sweating from toe to head.
2. There won’t have been numerous of kidnapping/looting of thousands of women in several wars by the marauders. In 1739,Nadir Shah alone took away 20,000 women from Delhi and he was just following his predecessors such as Muhammad, Mir Qasim, Md. Ghanavi, Md. Ghori etc.
Just try to imagine those screaming and scrambling women dragged away from their parents, husbands, children for the rest of their life to the dark harem of Muslims with burqa and sexual torcher! So horrendous!
3. Barbaric practices of genital mutilations (those these were started prior to Islam) that are observed religiously by the Muslims today. This must be banned immediately for the children of age 18 or below. More heinous is the practice of stoning to death and honour killing.
4. Contract marriage Muta fofr a month, a day or even for a few hours! Don’t you think it’s legalised prostitution?
The above are just a few examples. But the moot question is who is going to change the situation for the better world for the Muslim women? First they will have to uderstand that they are under the spell of a saddist Muhammad under the garb of prophethood. Just remove the yoke of Muhammad and the Muslim women are free to beathe in the free air as has been done by a few of them. A few of the enlightened one have started coming up and the number will swell exponentially in course of time. Just keep on spreading the message. 10 years ago, hardly anybody dared to speak out. Today there are many and will be numerous in the next 10 years as the truth will come shining tearing the cloak of ignorance.
Let’s contribute to this process of removing the darkness called Islam in order to let everybody shine with wisdom of humanity.
Road to prosperity is daimetrically opposite to Muhammad’s teachings. You can have only one way at a time, either prosper going away from Muhammad or doom by following Muhammad. Choice is yours. How does Muhammad bring you to doom? See below:
1. Muhammad has capped Muslims’ intellect by forbidding them asking
many questions so that you remain ignorant.
2. Not only this but also he has asked the Muslims to keep aloof from
the enlightened (open minded) people by terming them Kafirs.
3. He has taken advantage of the emotional weaknesses i.e. greed and
fear of human beings. Greed of the everything e.e. delicious food,
sexual pleasures and fear of eternal fire. In fact he declared the immorality to religious act. For example, even the heinous crimes such as looting the wealth and women during the war and killing the kafirs was made a rightful act. And all it was done to attract people by harnessing their weakness of greed and sensual cravings. Therefore nobody shuld surprise when Islam has maximum growth primarily due to its acceptance by criminal minded or ignorant people. It also explains why this Islam has produced the maximum numbers of terrorists or anti- social elements.
4. He used cheating as a strategy to win wars and honesty of opponents was considered as their weaknesses.
5. Muhammad contrived so many means to multiply the believers e.g. by kidnapping kafir women, luring other women to Islam, forcing Muslims women to beget more and more children etc. At the same time he tried to plug all the outlets from Islma e.g. killing the apostates. This all was done to multiply the numbers of his followers.
So far, his strategies succeded as no flow of information/knowledge was allowed. However, science and technology will tear through his strategy. The invention of internet and free flow of information will bring about the death knoll of his philosophy and Muslims will breath in free air by throwing the yoke of his commands/teachings.
Let’s expedite the process by disseminating the information about the real face of Muhammad and his teachings. Are we prepared for this prhilanthropic act?
Taslima Nasreen who has been living in exile because of her anti-Islam statements is again in the thick of a controversy because of her vulgar remarks made recently. She has not studied Islam, the Quran and the Islamic history seriously and so most of her knowledge about Islam is based on the Western and Zionist propaganda. Her vulgar and immoral advice she has given to Muslim women is also based on her ignorance. She has advised Muslim women to establish sexual relationship with 72 men because they would not meet them in heaven. Her advice hints at the Hadiths that say that in heaven, Muslim men will get 72 houris. Taslima has accused Islam and the Quran of being partial against women earlier as well.
There are some Hadiths that speak of 72 houris for martyrs of Islam in the heaven. Similarly there are other Hadiths that speak of two houris for pious men. But the Hadiths that speak of 72 houris are used by the detractors of Islam to vilify it. They try to create the impression that Muslims do good deeds in the world only to get 72 houris in the heaven and so are ever ready to die or take the life of others for houris. It is said that while giving mental and physical training to the would be terrorists and suicide bombers, the Pakistan based terrorist organisations convince them into believing that they are not terrorists but the holy warriors ready to sacrifice their lives to protect Islam for which they would be rewarded with 72 houris in the heaven. Therefore, these gullible youth throw themselves into the fire of hell in the hope of meeting 72 houris. This myth has been so widely circulated in anti-Islam circles that it has become a means of vilifying Islam. The truth is that Muslims faced all the opposition and sufferings for establishing the system based on truth, demolishing idolatry, shirk and all the social, economic and ethical vices in the world. In return, God promised unlimited bounties for them in the heaven.
The Quran nowhere mentions a specific number of houris for a Muslim man. The Quran assures pious and righteous men and women of heaven and simultaneously warns sinner men and women of the fire of hell and in doing so it does not specify gender. Every man or woman who leads his life on the path assigned by God and his prophet will go to heaven where they will be blessed with unlimited bounties and luxuries while the men and women who indulge in idol worship or shirk and sins will be doomed to go to hell where they will live forever. The Quran narrates the story of the son of Prophet Noah who was washed away along with his nation by the floods as he was among the non-believers who earned the wrath of God. God did not even heed the prayer of Noah in favour of his son. Similarly, the Prophet Louth’s wife who was among the sinners of his nation was destroyed along with them. Similarly, Abu Lahab and his wife Umme Jamil who tortured the holy Prophet (PBUH) and his followers are doomed to go to hell. On the contrary, Hadhrat Fatima (R.A.) and Hadhrat Ali (R.A.) will be the heads of the women and men in the heaven respectively. Therefore, the Quran and Hadith testify to the fact that heaven will be populated by both righteous men and women while the hell will be fed with evil men and women.
Indeed God has promised fair complexioned doe-eyed houris for the righteous men but this will not be the only bounty for them in the heaven but one of the countless bounties and gifts that God will bestow on them as a reward for their good deed on earth since men and women are incomplete without each other. A man cannot be complete without a woman despite all the measure of physical bounties and luxuries. In the same way a woman cannot be complete without a woman despite all the bounties in her possession. And in the heaven, all the bounties will be at their disposal endlessly as the life in the heaven will be infinite. To God the place of martyrs of Islam is the highest among the believers and the hadiths that speak of 72 houris for martyrs are for a glorified group of the dearest slaves of God whereas the Quran speaks of bounties for general Muslims. That’s why it does not mention a number of houris for men. Men and women have different status in relation to their degree of piety, sacrifices and virtues and they will get their place in the heaven according to their devotion.
“Men have different places before God” (Al-e-Imran: 163)
Now, let’s come to the second point. Taslima and other detractors of Islam spread the propaganda that the Quran mentions houris for men but do not mention virgin men for women. It is wrong. As the Quran mentions houris, that is, extremely beautiful virgin women for men, it also mentions handsome virgin boys for the blessed women in heaven. Following is the verse about the houris:
“And fair complexioned women with wide eyes like hidden pearls, reward for the deeds they did.” (Al Waqiah: 22-24)
Another verse discusses the bounties of heaven in the following words:
“Those who fear are in the gardens and amidst bounties, enjoying fruits that have been given to them by God and saved them from hell, eat and drink to the heart’s content, reward for your deeds, sitting in a row on thrones with pillows, married to wide-eyed houris “ (Al Toor: 17-20)
In other words, as there would be all the means of comfort and luxury and fruits and the best quality of drinks for men in the heaven, there would also be doe-eyed women like hidden pearls.
Similarly, there will be young boys in the heaven spread everywhere. They will also look like pearls in their shells.
“And immortal young boys move around them, when you look at them it seems as if they are pearls scattered all over “ ( Al Dahr: 19)
Another verse of the same meaning is as follows:
“And there will go round boy-servants (Ghilman) of theirs, to serve them as if they were preserved pearls. “ (Al Toor: 24)
In the verse quoted above, ‘boy-servants (Ghilman) of theirs’ means boys meant for them. Another important point to be noted is that that the Quran uses two different words for the young boys in the heaven. In the Surah Waqiah (17-18) and Surah Al Dahr (19) they are referred to as Wildan while in Surah Al Toor (24) they have been called Ghilman. Does it mean that the young men in the heaven will be under two catergories? About Ghilman, the Quran says that they will be like pearls covered and protected in their shells in the same way as the houris are described as hidden pearls. The exegetes are of the opinion that by saying that houris will be like hidden pearls the Quran means that they will be virgins not consummated by men before. On the same lines, we can infer that Ghilman who also have been described as pearls in their shells will be virgins not consummated by women before. ‘Boys of theirs” also hints at that. In other words, Ghilman means the young men who will be specifically meant for women and Wildan will be the boys who will serve as attendants to men and women, serving them the holy drink called Sharab-e-Tahoora:
“They will be served by immortal boys,(Wildan) With cups, and jugs, and a glass from the flowing wine,”.” (Al Waqiah: 17-18)
Therefore it is clear from the verses in the Quran that Ghilman are the boys who are meant for the pious women in the heaven while Wildan are the boys who will serve as their attendants, serving them holy wine in cups and jugs.
So, if the explanations and arguments presented in the preceding lines demolish her misconception, Taslima Nasrin can repent and come back to the fold of Islam. If she leads the life of a good Muslim, she can rest assured that she will get more than 72 young men (all virgins) in the heaven who will be always at her ‘service’ with the finest quality of wine to serve her before the actual ‘party’. She can live with them happily ever after.
Wonderful of u having defended the blessed religion of our blessed prophet sallalahu alaihi wasalam… May Allah grant u sucess for your efforts and reward you with his eternal bounties, @ a time when evn a lot of muslimah are acting so ignorant against the best of the religions, it gives immense pleasure reading your comment after seeing such baseless allegations and faults on the holy one…. Do pray for me to gain knowledge and spread the word of peace and help our ignorant friends …. I salute u ! Wasalam
P.S I don’t care about what u ppl (others) think about me, so better not waste Ur time in typing 😛
Girls in love with a Muslim guy,
Love irrespective of real or fake, always seems honeyed at its first experience. Isn’t it? Have you ever tried to ascertain if it could be a real or fake? You may think it’s all non sense as love is everything what matters as it tastes like sweet honey. OK, that’s fine but spare just a few minutes and go to the following link before your first date or during your deep love phase, it is vitally important in both the cases:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WbUIfvYbjRc
Tabbusum,
Sorry for your past but happy to know your present married life. However, still you didn’t see the root cause of your stressful past. It’s Muhammad whose words have snarled your parents, your Pakistani husband and your ghetto that never came to your rescue. All were under the spell of Muhammad and his words that still lures the male Muslims and commands the female Muslims today. The female Muslims go through so much agony but still clinch Muhammad. The example at hand are you who is still following Muhammad even after so much agony caused by following his words! What are you waiting for? Dump Muhammad at the earliest and set yourself free to save your children from Muhammad’s shadow. Teach your children the teachings of the Geeta to make them blissful and world citizen. Read the marriages of Muhammad posted by someone at this site and enlighten yourself.
To the Youngsters:
By the way, smoking, drinking and having sex during teenage is not at all recommended in the same way as stifling life is not desirable. Teenage period is the foundation of your life and you shape your lfe at this age. Decision is yours to balance your teenage life in a way it makes your whole life a happy one, without regrets. Nothing comes for free and you have to sacrifice to some extent during this small span of teenaged life to have a prosperous happy life of many years. The bargain is not bad. Give a thought to it.
To the parents:
You will reap what you sow. Your success lies in helping develop your children to have a rational and compassionate thinking which may lead to a prosperous and delightful life for them and yourself. You should also be open minded and try to learn while teaching them. This give and take process while upbringing, will make you, your children and the whole world a better place to live.
Satyen, great advises.
Agree. Teenage life is not all about sex and have fun. Some self imposed restrictions and limitations will make you proud of yourself in later life. If premarital sex is okay, why to stop there? Why not continue extra-marital sex? At some point one has to learn to self restrain.
Yes, we noticed that statement “both respecting each other’s religion”. Tabbusum, what Islam means to you? What the Koran is teaching you about your Hindu husband? Do you believe Hindus are kafir? Are you planning to raise your children Muslims?
marriage to a non-Muslim is not allowed unless the opposite gender accepts Islam.iam astounded to read such unfaithful comments by fellow sisters. one thing i want to point out clearly, Muhammad (pbuh) himself destroyed the slavery culture, he was the one who freed many slaves from their pagan masters and as for raping slave girls, Prophet (pbuh) never ever forced somebody into anything, so much so that he didn’t even force a person to accept Islam, it was always a choice!
When the Quran was revealed, slavery was in wide practice throughout the Arab World, thus, it would have been impractical and detrimental to place an immediate ban on the slave trade, forcing all slaves into unemployment/poverty. The Quran uses a better psychological approach to win people’s hearts in the struggle against slavery and all forms of discrimination by placing a strong emphasis on human dignity and equality and encouraging the freeing of slaves:
Did we not show him the two paths? He should choose the difficult path. Which one is the difficult path? The freeing of slaves. Feeding, during the time of hardship… [90:10-14]
I WOULD REQUEST ALL OF YOU TO STOP SPREADING THESE TYPE OF RUMORS AND FEAR THE HELL FIRE THAT WILL AWAIT YOU UN-BELIEVERS ON THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT.WE ARE NOTHING AS COMPARED TO ALLAH SO FEAR THOSE PUNISHMENTS THAT ALLAH HAS IN STORE FOR GIRLS LIKE YOU WHO MISGUIDE THE YOUTH.
@Tabassum what you did was very wrong and that showing the sheet thingy, it is purely made up, stop misguiding people please! there is no such tradition in Islam to show blood-stained sheets to elders. If there is… prove it by a Quranic verse or a hadith.
OMG!!! We are speechless.
Tabbusum, what message you would give to other young Islamic women?
What will you teach your daughters about premarital sex?
MESSAGE TO ALL PARENTS
All parents must read this post. It would be a mistake if you think your son or daughter will never do this.
Parents must realize that their children are not their property.
Parents don’t own children.
Children just came to this world through parents, that’s all.
Treat your children like guests.
Do not suppress your children (like to a spring), one day they will bounce back with disaster.
Treat your children like a wet soap in your hand, if you hold too hard or too soft, it will slide out. You have to learn to hold them with just right pressure.
Trust them, respect them, give them good practical education and hope for the rest.
Teach them all about sex assuming they could potentially do it. Proper teaching and trust will go a long way.
About interfaith marriages….
Assume your children could potential marry interfaith and be prepared for it.
Teach them to demand interfaith equality.
Ask them how the BBS religious labeling of children make sense (or does not make sense) in an interfaith marriage with equality.
The days of “fake” religious conversion for marriage are over, don’t even try it, it will bring only disaster later in life.
Best wishes.