Section 5.32: Life Has Been Sooo Difficult…

Section 5.32: Life Has Been Sooo Difficult…

Chitra says:

I heard mixed opinions from so many people before I married my Muslim husband. In the end I went with my emotions that said, “as long as we two are happy that is enough, doesn’t matter about the difference in religion.” That was 10 years ago.

I can truly say that once the period of “marriage bliss” wore off, life has been sooo difficult… 10-fold after the children came. I’ve realized I cannot be a true mother to them. I had to give them Islamic names, go through Islamic traditions at their birth.

Now that they are older, I have to observe them praying and learning the Koran. I can’t give them the experiences that I had in my childhood—certain dishes, clothing, Holi and Diwali. Birthday parties and photographs are forbidden in my home.

My (parents) family don’t try to intervene, nor do they want their children to start thinking that it’s ok for them to have an inter-religious marriage, so they (my family) avoid us. We (my family) don’t quite fit into my husband’s family so we avoid them. My husband wants our children to be strong Muslims so wants to create this atmosphere at home. So he doesn’t allow the children to play in the street where they might mix with neighborhood non-Muslim children.

I feel isolated now and wish that things could be different. I hope this message gets to you (Gita) in time, before you make a decision that would change your life. Remember it’s not just your lives that would be changing but also the lives of your parents, siblings and extended family. My family doesn’t EVER say anything negative to me but I see it on their faces and their behavior. —Chitra

Chitra Added (five months later):

Anita,

My willingness to be cooperative with my husband’s teachings is coming to an end. By my husband’s behavior, I know he too realizes this. He now intentionally separates the children from me and teaches them that the people who try to question Islam are filled with evil and that they should hate and feel superior to all Non-Muslims; including their Non-Muslim mother.

I see the difference in their behavior: When a child hurts himself or feels hungry, won’t he instinctively run to his mother who is in the home with him? Of late, the children phone my husband at work for their daily needs rather than come to me. They are also afraid to show affection to me in front of him—startle in the middle of a smile or a hug if they hear my husband’s voice.

I hurt deeply when I ask myself—who are emotionally affected by all this manipulation? My husband believes he is one of many crusaders responsible to spread the belief of Islam and will continue to pivot his life around that for the rest of his life… with the intent of propagating the same to his children.

Anita, if I stay, amn’t I harming my children? This is why I say that my days of tolerance are ending. —Chitra