Section 5.24: LOVE versus ARRANGED Marriage

Section 5.24: LOVE versus ARRANGED Marriage

Aziza says:

I’m a 21-year-old Muslim girl from India. I am in love with a Hindu guy. He loves me truly but my parents will never accept this relation. They are now in a hurry to look a perfect man for me. The guy I love has not got a good job yet. I am having a pretty good job now and waiting for him to settle in life. I can’t tell my parents. Please help me with solution. —Aziza

Admin says:

Aziza,

It is fashionable to say LOVE marriage is better over ARRANGED marriage. Further, today’s youths think why not go though interfaith marriage if your love is true. However, interfaith marriage is not for everyone. You are educated and smart, and thus should think through all possibilities before making a final decision for your life.

Jameela had her own ways of interpreting Islamic scriptures (“if you quote say it’s prohibited in Islam, it WAS prohibited. That rule was only valid within a context. I don’t need anyone’s interpretation to explain it”). In her case, she did not like Omar and was being forced by her parents to marry Omar against her wishes. Ultimately she married Vijay. We hope your parents are more considerate and not like Jameela’s parents.

You mentioned that your parents are trying to find a “perfect” boy/man for you. Give them some time. Go talk to all the men they propose. If you come across a man that you start liking and he is comparable to your current Hindu boyfriend, go for him. If after meeting these men, you come to a decision that your Hindu boyfriend is much better over all the Muslim men proposed by your parents, go for the Hindu guy.

You know that it is absolutely no-no for a Muslim girl to marry a Hindu. Are you ready to go against your parents, brothers, sisters, relatives, imams and what the Koran says about Hindus? Are all of these issues worth facing, to marry a Hindu lover?

If you are the one who is hoping that your boyfriend will convert to Islam by shahadah before your Islamic nikaah, you are nothing but a love-jihadi. Do not ask a Hindu to fake-convert to Islam. Do not try now to love-proselytize him to make him a Muslim. Marriages involving religious conversion under lies, deceptions and love-pressure are not going to be happy in the long run. In this day and age, don’t even dream of it.

Are you a true pluralist? Are you really ready to marry a Hindu and be a part of a Hindu family? Are you going to be comfortable being a part of Hindu wedding ceremony where multiple deities are being worshipped? Some day, your new Hindu family will have a Satya Narayan Katha or Diwali puja. Are you going to keep your distance during those family activities? If you don’t take part in such pujas and sit in a different room, how will you expect your Hindu relatives to respect you?

Some day you will have to take your children to a Hindu mandir to pray to multiple forms of Supreme God. Are you going to be comfortable with it? Alternatively, are you going to decline all these deity puja and keep insisting that God’s name is only Allah (not Ishvara as in Sanskrit) and further, all Hindus (and Christians) are going to get Hell Fire on the Judgment Day? If you believe that all Hindus are sinners (not following Koranic teachings), why will you want to associate with them? So first make up your mind—what do you wish to do?

We are not pro- or against- interfaith marriages or trying to discourage your love marriage, but wish to help you make a fully informed decision. You are only 21. Unless your parents are forcing you now to marry someone you don’t like, please give some time to think through all these issues. Later, your Hindu boyfriend will also be working and thus will be in a strong financial position that will help if you wish to go against your parents and community. Best wishes. —Admin