Sadaf says: May 18, 2012 at 9:37 am
Hi everyone, I m Sadaf in same situation as Monica, i was forcefully married to my husband, I was totally devastated with his constant 
suspicion on me, not letting me work, no steady income, not even happiness, few months back he married another women, secretly. I thought my parents will handle this but our religious head took decision in his favor. I left him sometimes ago.
I met a Hindu man while traveling, after a while after knowing about each other, he proposed to me. he is a simple well earning man, i m not very old as i was married much early. For some reason i have started liking him. He will keep me happy and will gimme happiness aswell. Should i marry him?
Admin says:
Dear Sadaf, it is sad that in this days and age, forceful marriages still go on. It is very sad that he married again. It is even more shocking to learn that religious leaders have rights to make decision for your life, even today, really??? which country??? Sorry for our ignorance, but can you detail what religious leaders decided for you and what laws are in their hands? Sorry to hear all these.
You seems to be educated and a proud woman. Yes, you have made a right move of leaving him. Lets hope you have no child from your (former) marriage. First, find a job and be financially independent.
Are you still married (to your Muslim husband)? Before you decide to remarry someone, you must get a talak. Does your Hindu bf know all these? How are you planning to get married?…by Nikaah (after conversion of that Hindu bf), a Hindu wedding (you are a Muslim thus Hindu marriage ceremony may not be valid unless you convert) or the civil marriage? Does his Hindu parents in agreement and supportive? Does the Hindu bf live with his parents? Being a Muslim, are you comfortable living with him (them) and accepting (or putting up with) their Hindu beliefs? Your last marriage was by force, this time make a smart and fully informed decision. Get back with details.
Readers, did Sadaf made a mistake leaving her (former) Muslim husband’s home? What she should be careful marrying a Hindu?
Also read: Islamic Women Today, Hindu-Muslim marriages, Hindu girl, Muslim girl, Hindu boy, Muslim boy,
Be a friend on Facebook. Return to InterfaithShaadi.org. To share your experience, read.
Hindu married to a Muslim: Life has been sooo difficult…
The problem with muslims is they don’t know there religion very well. It’s clearly said that you cannot forcefully marry girl/guy in any situation. If parents do that they are responsible for destroying the life of there kids.
Very well-said, Hussain.
I always tell people that forced marriage and forced conversion to Islam is against Islam, even though unfortunately it has been practiced in many places. The people practicing this are ignorant and do not know the religion well enough to realize what they are doing is absolutely wrong.
In this day & age, some Muslims are also only Muslims in name; I grew up with many muslims like that. In some cases, many non-Muslims and agnostics/atheists may be better human beings who do better deeds than Muslims. While doing research for my book, have spoken to some Muslims girls who have told me that they would rather get married to a Christian or a good agnostic than a bad Muslim man who may mistreat her after marriage.
I think Tunisia recently passed a law allowing Muslim women in the country to marry non-Muslims, if they choose to do so?
//While doing research for my book, have spoken to some Muslims girls who have told me that they would rather get married to a Christian or a good agnostic than a bad Muslim man who may mistreat her after marriage.//
If true, then that’s appreciable, i.e., as long as those Muslim women don’t force their intended spouses to jump into the hellhole from which they themselves desperately want to escape!
In case, if they do end-up converting their husbands to Islam then they are worse culprits than the ‘bad Muslim’, for, on one hand they are ruthlessly selfish to trap a non-Muslim to escape from the ‘bad Muslim’ and on the other hand, they pull into their unreformed, supremacist cult, a vulnerable guy thus successfully ruining his open-minded and free-spirited outlook!
A great point! Yes, they will also follow Rabia’s footsteps. They don’t follow Koran 24:30 but 2:221 to please Allah (and expand Islam).
Admin,
I have explained this to you before and it seems like my words aren’t getting through to you / you aren’t understanding me on purpose perhaps. Let me say it once again: I am NOT writing a book about my own life. Since I am not writing an autobiography, I will not be explaining things the way you asked.
Yes, a part of the story is inspired from real-life events that happened to me throughout my relationship and experience with Indian culture, dealing with Hindu inlaws but my protagonist Sophia isn’t Rabia. That’s why I have interviewed many girls – and guys – from various countries – people who have been In similar situations and know what it’s like to be in an interfaith/intercultural relationship. Their stories and real-life examples have provided me with inspiration for Sophia’s character so essentially I am writing a book not on my own life but on many peope’s combined stories.
And to be honest, my husband questions all religion and religious practices (I have mentioned this before on the forum) – he has turned more agnostic recently. At least he talks like that, he doesn’t like organized religion, believes it to be a personal thing. Not sure if you can also call me a very practicing Muslim given my eclectic beliefs; I don’t see a problem praying in churches, etc. & for most conservative Muslims in the subcontinent I would be considered a sinner in many ways. The Islam I believe in is different from the Islam they believe in&practice; they would find my beliefs way too liberal & 21st century.
Hannah, are you married, if yes is your spouse a Muslim? Forgive me if you’ve mentioned this before, I don’t remember…
Incorporate Hanah’s views into your book, that is quite different that yours. If you wish to learn more on her life, search (top right) for “Hanah Khan” and you will get all her posts.
We cannot wait to read your book and learn on how you explained why you converted your husband. To the best of our understanding, what you did is not equality nor pluralism.
Born to moderately religious Muslims & married to a practising Muslim. And of course, so far, we’ve been able to sail peacefully in spite of our philosophical differences!
https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12392
The single word option is YES marriage between interfaith and bet two religions are not happy as seen in world so you should marry with your own choice and within your religion.. Have nice life ahead..
Hi,
so as far as question is concern about the “Sati Pratha” in india then Chris told the right thing about this “ISLAM invaded India.The Indian doesn’t want to be the treat to the HORRIBLE muslims.THe Muslims invader will Rape the wife,daughters,even mothers and grandmothers of the Kafirs’ men being slaughtered.The Brave Hindu women choose to die with their husband,father,son rather then being raped by the MUSLIMs.So,the cause or Sati emerged because of ISLAM.”
But when the people treat it like a rituals and the ladies are against this thing then it is also banned. It is stopped in india. Because how long this ritual followed that was the own wish of the ladies but when it imposed on the ladies the hindus himself stopped this practices so it is necessary to change with the time and understand to others. But it is our unfortunate we muslims are trammel in such rules and regulation which are againest to the humanity and human rights also..
Such kind of my comments mr. ADMIN will thought that i am not a muslim guy but it is not the palce where i can show you my identity but my point of thinking is different.
Fault is not in any religion, in any person, because we got all things same as the other person have by birth but we changed when we put feet in this world who divide us in religions, cast. Think about this, that who make all of us without any difference how he feels like. that he make them equally but even then they are argy-bargy on strange things. They forget to give respect to the thing which they really should that is “Humanity”. Humanity is the religion given by Allah, God, Bhagvan, Ishwar whatever you want to call him.
Please think about the thing to put the religion by side. Please
Dear sadaf,
Merry to any one with whom you like to live happily. Among one of us already spoil her life even then we are saying that don’t merry to non-muslim. What she get to marry to a muslim boy: She got dumped.
It is good, that first we marry to a girl convert her forcefully or she converted because she loved him then he dumped her love and her and then even she don’t have right to leave that guy. After all of the things She required his permeation to get separated. It all happened with the lady even then we forgot the real sin of the boy that he forcefully converted her rather blame to the girl that if she get marry to the non muslim then it ill be a sin.
According to kuran it is also true that “To heart someone is the biggest sin” to “Dump someone is also a sin”
Please follow the right path of allah almighty.
Ha Ha ha, strange situation for the lady who choose to ask his personal life to here, my muslim brothers if you don’t give her a good advice then don’t miss lead her. It is a shame full thing for us that she convert to islam because of a muslim she think that he loves her and will take care for her but he just back-stabed her, he married with another women i mean which kind of heart we all have we don’t have the respect of women and their feelings. Even then to blame that guy you all start to support to him that “he done right, a men can merry 4 women, and don’t merry to a kafir” he is one of us who cheat her and cheat her feelings. Just think about it if your wife do the same thing to you then what you should do. Will your faith not break to or the religion, does any one don’t have heart and feelings.
Because of such kind of dead we make shameful to our religion, it is not about the religion it is about the thinking and the values that a person who gives values to you in his/her life you don’t have any right to cheat her/him. If you want to do such think then never ever spoil any one’s life.
“Shame on us for this”
Hi,
Sandeep is saying right thing “if islam respects a women then wo kyu roti hai because of ur islamics peoples jo ek se zyada baar tak shadiya karte hai? yehi hai kya respect women ki islam me?”
and even then mr. mustafa saying the thing and support that, that person done right to got married to another women. Mr. mustafa what if it might be with you daughter then you’ll make her understand the same thing her husband done right to got married to another women. It is the part of islam it is the another thing just suppose a muslim boy got married to you daughter and spend one night with her and then he got married to another girl and never come to your daughter than you and your daughter will be happy for this, that the boy have done right thing but you can’t say him wrong because according to islam he done right and follow islam but what people’ll say to you daughter it’ll called wife of that men or something else.
One men can have more then one wife but why a lady can’t have more then one husbend if she do so then she called characterless or “Zinhakar” but if men do so then it is become religion for us.
Wow well done what a respect for women.
Sometimes i feel like cling in my own religion due to such kind of things, why our religion force us to just increase the population of muslim, if god’ll want then it’ll be increase by him self. Please don’t do such thing that can’t respect our religion. According to the fact and figures our religion is degrading in all over the world because of our own mistakes.
if a women or man. who are having relation with another kafir (non muslim). who can she or he be a muslim.
may be you have left praying to allah… turn back to him …
it feels intially you will be good with non muslim .. but islam is the only religion which has respect for women… your are grown its up to you to die as kafir or muslim
good luck
Mr.Mustafa pehli baat kafir wo hote hai jo ke ek women se loyal na rahe tumhara yeh great religion yhi sikhata hai kya? if islam respects a women then wo kyu roti hai because of ur islamics peoples jo ek se zyada baar tak shadiya karte hai? yehi hai kya respect women ki islam me?
Assalaamualaikum Sadaf,
Please speak to a local scholar, and they will be able to assist u insha Allah, you will find many people here everyone giving u an advise that they seem is correct to them.. Please read my first comment.. Please dont marry a non muslim my dear sister.. And u are still in the Nikah of ur first husband too.. Pllease take advise from your local scholar, thay will be happy to advise u without telling anyone.. Or visit http://www.askimam.org and post all your islamic related questions there and they are going to advise you well.. Please know that you will have to register your email with them.. And the site is very authentic.. Jazakillah
The problem with a CLOSE site is one gets only one sided story. If one is close minded and does not want to know the other side of truth, yes, the close forum is great. It is like frogs in a well, they are happy singing the same tune and happy with their own world. If that is what you are looking for, yes, go to a close site. This is an OPEN forum and still you have a choice of following that works for you.
Admin,
You dont have to do what the majority say.. I beleive u have seen countries giving votes to the worst presidents ever.. And what people post here need advises not based on ones feelings.. But an advise that which guides..
Unfortunately those who are genuingly advising, u call them frogs.. Please visit the site so u can have a better understanding of what http://www.askimam.org is all about..
Jazakallah..
I am Nita my bf is muslim but I m pandit I love my muslim bf he loves me but my family thing is very conservative .
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=15346
Hi Sadaf,
Sorry for all the pain youve been through, may The Almighty make things easy for you.
Islam doesn not allow forced marriages at all. No one is allowed to force anyone in Islam into marriage. Secondly, the husband has the right to marry up to four wives as long as he fulfills the rights of all of them as per the Islamic teachings. Marriages do have problems, we should speak out to our spouses and sort the matter as quickly as possible, running away is not a solution, but if the relation reaches to such an extent where staying together will only cause mental, physical, psychological and spiritual harm then it is better to seperate in good faith..
By you simply leaving the husbands house, Islamic Sharia Law doesnt permit you to get married to anyone else.. For that, your former husband will have to divorce you, then you will have to stay in Iddat (mourning period).. Its only then u can get married to someone else..
Marrying a non muslim is not allowed in Islam and is a sin.
You can imagine the effect in your life here and hearafter and your childrens life living with a man who has a different thinking spiritually… Not unless he becomes a Muslim for what Islam is all about..
And Allah Knows Best..
my sharp idiot administration and bastard muslim girls marrying four for male in islam is acceptable why because.. islam says marry those female who lost there husbands either in war or in accident or in some other ways or who got divorced with out any reason. its better to tie knot with married male rather to become public property( prostitute)…….
dont marry a kafir. he will surely ruin your life and make you into an idolator.BE a muslim and be proud.
FAKR SE KAHO MEIN MUSALMAN HOON
Zahir: you are full of crap.She had to leave her loser Muslim husband! The Hindu is more likely to let her be Muslim and let the children choose. Even after 45 years, Muslims are trying to “rescue” my wife thru online messages! They never give up!
I chose to dump religion to free my children and grandchildren. It gets lonley for us all because religious people tend not isolate us.
But we are independent and have very close firends and lovely kids and grandkids!A nd the old hot headed Muslim relatives are now coming around to find that our family has done better than their chosen Muslim spouses!
The shoe is on the other foot!
HI! Darna mat halat ka muqabla karo. God with u & our pray with u. If u need security or every type of help than contact. 8769587023
Dear my name is mohammad arif i am 22years old. 5.8 is my hight i am belong from jammu kashmir i am ready to marriage with you.do you marry with me please call me.08803120266 call me.04 march 2013 i am going to suadi arab. message me on my web side {9797325015}this is my id.
Hi,
Forceful marriage is not allowed by human rights and ethics. Doesn’t matter what the religion of the “forcer” is. And noone should be forced to convert either.
Get a good lawyer and leave this guy.
Whether you marry or don’t marry the hindu guy, it does not matter. But leave your husband.
(I’m an indian girl.)
Hi human rights,
Not to offend you, but where was human right when Hindu pundits were wiped out of Kashmir, still Kashmir is under article 360. Where was human rights when Muslims kill hindus , for marrying muslim girls, and when Hyderabad minister Awais says degradatory words for Hindu gods and why temple bells are band in Hyderabad? Where was human rights when ganesh murti was broken by Muslim in Maharashtra village? So bottom line is…this india where everyone is busy to get money, coz basic life is very costly. I sincerely hope if you want to see india as you imagine plz vote, and give vote to someone capable, you know whom i m referring to.
Yep, I do! I cant vote since I am not an Indian Citizen anymore. Please cast a vote on my behalf too, for this capable person!
I am just trying to provide this girl with some sort of perspective, that she deserves better, and should leave this man.
Not discounting what happened in history.
givd devorce and start your life again
Sadaf,
Forced marriages are not allowed in Islam. I really dont know why did you accept him during your Nikaah. You should have said no at that time. In Islamic Nikaah both to be husband and wife are asked if they agree for marriage.
Secondly ….have you seen how the admin has manipulated your statements by adding muslim in the brackets. Such manipulators will always try to take advantage of your bad fortune and use it to their advantage. Be aware of them.
Thirdly, I would suggest that you take things as they go and try to read more about islam and its beauty. It will guide you.
Indian – Are you an idiot or something ? if yes what kind ? Please enlighten us the last Sati you saw burning. I can give you the last muslim criminal, terrorist, father who killed her daughter, general muslim specific crime. I think you are just a hindu hater who goes into every post and comment and reassure him self that islam is best when clearly its not. Just because of people like you (not muslim but people like Indian), usually people who consider all religion equal are forced to think otherwise and go againts you. If you really hate hindus so much just go to Pakistan where hindu girls are forced to convert to islam, btw you wont say anything for them, would you? Any way one suggestion just change your name to Paki, would sound more appropriate.
In islam anything used/made by Kafir is also not allowed to be promoted/used. Then why are you using a computer, electricity, internet or using english? you muslim ( not all muslims but peole who think like indian) are the biggest Hippocrates, what you say is in islam forced marriage are NOT ALLOWED, but you know IT IS WHAT MUSLIMS PARENTS USUALLY DO? Go and raise voice against them and get killed by your brothers. Just stop talking crap, as i mentioned earlier you are just a crap emitting moron who just knows advocated response no concrete answer but answer that will raise more questions. I realized you say this website is biased, if it would have been your comments accusing admin, authors etc would have been removed, but they did not which shows this is 100% transparent. I hope we never hear from you go away learn something.
Sadaf,
You can go with second marry. Indian you don’t know about hindus.
I have been living at my parents house for quite sometime. I have spoken to my husband, he does not care for me, and has started rumors that i allowed him for a second wife. Its feels that i just have to leave him. The person i met on bus is still in contact with me, I have not replied to him yet. I m still searching for correct path.
@ sadaf,
First, you should get divorce. Do not say anything about marriage to any one.
It will be much better if you do not think about that marriage too much before you get divorce.
As I see, it is not going to be easy for you to get divorce esp. if he disagrees.
Sadaf,
You must kick out that cheater liar husband; officially get out of his life.
First, be financially independent; find a job.
You could remain a good friend with any one.
For the benefit of other youths, can you give more detail about decision made by your religious leaders for you? Can you detail how such a religious-court works and what rights a woman has in such proceedings? What is the legal proceeding to get a talak, if you wish?
Can you come back again to educate youths here?
What will you tell to a new Muslim Freddy?
You have got this life once for all.Enjoy it. Get married again with whom you like most. If you marry this fellow, get converted into Hinduism.Hinduism is the religion of your fore fathers. Be a proud Hindu.
He must be truly loving you, usually no one would love a divorcee. I would just wish he keeps you happy after you have faced so much hardship in your young age. Marry him, but i m sure if your x would not cause any trouble. Your x cant see you happy, he would be furious. Take care
Bye
She is not divorced from her first husband!
She should calm down and think logically what is needed to be done in orderly manner…..like if she raises the question of marriage, I do not think she is going to get divorce…
In Islam, it is not easy for a woman to start divorce proceedings….in fact despite what Muslims boast about, Khula is invalid in Islam….
Srinivas,
What are you talking about???? Islam is the only religion which allows women to divorce their husbands. In Hinduism, women were never allowed to divorce and in fact used to be burned along with their husbands calling it Sati.
Your information is incorrect. Judaism also allows women to divorce their husbands. In fact, Islam borrows from orthodox Judaism (which, as you know, came earlier in the historical eligious pipeline) in that regard. A husband can divorce a wife without her permission but a wife cannot divorce a husband without his permission–if he refuses, she remains married. I believe this is the exact same parameter in Islam–but I am happy to have you give the written accredited authority that proves me wrong.
I do agree though that Hinduism didn’t generally contemplate the idea of divorce.