Students of Faculty of Social Work, The M.S. University of Baroda, India raised these questions to Dr. Dilip Amin (admin) for the presentation (Part I and Part II) on January 10, 2018. Share your views below.
1. Is it confusing or irresponsible to tell a young child that they can make up their own mind about which of their parents’ religion they should follow?
No, it should not. Just teach that this is what mom’s belief and this is what is pappa’s belief about God. Let the interfaith child make his or her own decision about faith as an adult.
2. The older you are, the more likely you are to marry outside of the faith. Is it true?
No. However, young adult around 20s may make more impractical decisions relating to life partner compared to someone 25+.
3. How important is religion? Is happiness interrelated to religion one marries in?
This depends on an individual. If one is very religious, then that person should not bother marrying out of faith. Marriage itself is complex and difficult to maintain with happiness. Interfaith issues will add more problems to already complex married life. However, if spouses are open minded and adaptable, successful interfaith marriage is possible.
4. Are interfaith marriages on the rise due to the decreased practice of religion?
Yes. Liberty, freedom and financial independence give youths strength to make decisions against norms.
5. It is quite probable that couple will experience a loss of family and friends. How to deal with this sort of situation?
Yes, this is very likely. This has to be discussed and partly experience before getting married. It is a good idea to meet two sets of parents frequently before marriage. If two sets of parents cannot sit in one room more than one hour, big trouble is immanent.
6. One serious challenge for interfaith couple is that of conversion. How far this is acceptable and why should s/he be changed if you love them?
You have already answered by saying, “why should s/he be changed if you love them?” “Conversion for marriage” practice is wrong and should end (and now!).
7. Is it the sign of societal progress or cultural degeneration?
Both. Like it or not, interfaith marriages will increase.
8. Is couple in same faith marriage more happy because they have less time quarrelling on whom to pray before when in time of crisis?
Very true that within faith couples have less of “faith-related” issues. However, within faith marriages have different set of issues (read my article “Meera Verses Margaret.”) In Indian culture, within faith marriages have more issues relating to in-laws. In interfaith marriages, the in-laws “give up” after a year or so, so rest may go okay.
9. Are divorce rates higher in interfaith marriage because it lacks family support?
Yes, however, now, even within faith marriage divorce rates are increasing. Best is to critically evaluate the intended spouse and family before getting married, interfaith or within faith. Make the decision to marry with mind and not heart.
10. Although many faiths cants agree on anything, they all surprisingly agree that the idea of an interfaith marriage is a bad idea. Is interfaith marriage good way to end communal wars?
Yes, provided no conversion is involved and there is true “sharing” and “respecting” of two faiths. The conversion practice for marriage will increase communal wars.
11. The couples under interfaith marriage have many types of social problems. What is the solution?
a. Pluralism (verses exclusivism).
b. Best is to understand each other’s faiths and find common ground before the marriage. Also keep the church, imam and pandit away from your married life. Make decisions that are rational and well thought out, and certainly not under pressure from religious institutions.
c. Be financially independent (and not count on parents for money). This will give the couple strength to do that is right and just.
12. How they decide that what type of marriage and rituals to be followed and how the decision is made?
This is a very difficult question for the couple to deal with. Unfortunately the most religious fanatic wins!
13. What are some of the probable solutions to deal with problem in interfaith marriage?
Education (read my book!)
No BBS (no religious exclusivism)
Discuss issues up front before marriage. Make decision like you would do for a business deal, don’t make decisions out of emotion or under pressure.
14. Was it the own decision to go for interfaith marriage?
Of course, the couple decides and against wishes of parents, imam/priest/pandits.
15. Does family and friends support them in good and bad times after marriage?
No, don’t count on any one. This is your decision and be ready face the consequences. It is a good idea to get buy-in from two sets of parents before the engagement. Involve parents sooner than later.
16. Are the children from such marriage affected by either sides of family behaviour?
Always.
17. Does such kind of marriage affect the workplace also?
Unhappy marriage will reduce one’s productivity at work, irrespective if that is within or interfaith marriage.
18. How such marriage helps one to grow as individual?
Interfaith couples, where there is no conversion, are open minded for faiths and are progressive thinkers. Important is to have a happy married life to grow as an individual, irrespective if that is within or interfaith marriage.
19. Would you recommend interfaith marriage to friends and family members?
I am not for or against interfaith marriage; as far as the decision is made with full knowledge. There should be minimal faith related surprises in life after the interfaith marriage.
20. Which are the things that affect the most in interfaith marriage?
Of course, the faith!
Family and friends
Culture
Food habits
Holidays and festivals
Issues goes on even after one’s death (which rite to perform?)
21. How important the religion is and how they celebrate the festive with family?
Ideally, there are two sets of festivals and food to enjoy. In reality, holidays bring anxiety to the interfaith married couple. Many times it is difficult to find a middle ground. If two sets of parents are pressuring the couple, best options is to move out of town and live 100 km away from any parent.
22. What kind of people generally oppose/against the interfaith marriage?
Most people will oppose except your college friends and rare few relatives. Your parents/pandits/imam/priest/religious institution will bring plenty of pain and suffering for you. Do not expect interfaith married life as a rose-garden, even roses have thorns!
23. What kind of compromise one has to made in an interfaith marriage?
Compromises has to be made in all respects, including teachings from your scriptures and religious leaders. One has to be prepared to rewrite your religion (take the best from both faiths and leave the rest for others). However the later is easy to say but difficult to put in practice.
24. What are the precautionary measures one has to keep in mind before interfaith marriage?
The list is endless but most important is—make sure your intended spouse and his/her parents are progressive thinkers and adaptive. Run away from the relationship if there is any expectation of religious conversion or any type of religious labeling (BBS) on the interfaith children.
Other answers are covered in these articles/videos….
Interfaith Marriages
Hindu-Muslim marriages
Sharia and interfaith marriages
Muslims Perspective: 6 Points of Hindu-Muslim Dating
Before, at the time and after interfaith marriage (10 min)
A message to Catholic students
With Rajiv Malhotra (60 min)
Divya Bhaskar Samachar
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