SNEHA says: December 26, 2020
i am a 20+ year old hindu (not religious but not receptive towards any other religion). the boy i like is sikh (he is very religious towards his religion).
We are thinking of marriage. his family is happy and they don’t mind a hindu girl. the boy and his family said that i wouldn’t have to change anything. However, i haven’t told my family yet and i’m confused as hell. what if i have to compromise on my religion ? What if the boy says in the end that he will like his kids to follow sikh only. I will be devastated.
Please help and tell me what are the consequences (pros and cons) of a Hindu-Sikh marriage?
ADMIN says: December 26, 2020
Dear Sneha, you are making a major decision of your life and thus glad you reached out to us. We will help you out stepwise and over years right here.
In general, Hindu-Sikh couples have minimal religious related issues and normally we would say go for it without much concerns. However, here you are saying “he is very religious”. What does it mean? Does he wear turban and do you have concern if your sons wear the same? Is he religious-religious or religious-political person? What are his views on Khalistan? Does he think Sikhs are an integral members of India? What are his views on current farmers protests in India, does he thinks Hindu majority government is trying to suppress and control Sikhs? What are his views on Hinduism in general, did he made any negative comment about Hindu practices or Hindus in politics. If he has politics in his mind and not your innocent love, it is time for you to walk away now.
If we use an analogy using recent USA election, it is okay for a couple to marry even one voted for Joe Biden and another to Trump. However, it is not healthy to marry for two strong supporters of Joe and Trump ideologies. In your case, you have limited capacity to please him as a wife and thus will never be able to solve Khalistan issue in your life time.
Why don’t you ask him straight upfront about his vision of your married life? Ask him what his religion means to him and your married life? Is it okay with him if you continue to be a practicing Hindu in your new Hindu-Sikh home? Does he has any problem if you bring in Hindu murtis and photo of Lord Krishna next to Guru Nanak ji in your married home? Will your children’s name be Sikh only or one Hindu and another Sikh? It is okay if children visit a Hindu temple and also Gurudwara? Is it okay to teach children from Geeta as well as from Guru Granth Sahib? Is it okay to have a Hindu as well as a Sikh marriages (one in temple and another in Gurudwara)?
What does this mean, “not religious but not receptive towards any other religion”? Are you an atheist (okay with us)? In an interfaith relationship, one should never say to the other “I am not religious”, because the other interpret this that you are a good target to convert. Even you may not be religious, you should start saying now that you are a proud Hindu and wishes to give my children Hindu names, take your future children to mandir, celebrate Diwali and Holi. If the other party is a religious fanatic, he/she will walk away right a way. This is the best way to identify a love-Jihadi. If the other party has not problems to it, after marriage, you may not have to exercise all what you asked for. At least, it is good to have all these options. At 20+ you may not care about Hindu practices, but what at your 40+ you have a change in your mind? At least, it is good to keep all your options open.
Generally we have seen this “his family is happy and they don’t mind a hindu girl”. May be his parents may be honestly telling you this and may be they are truly open minded. It is possible the boy you are dealing with has some anti-Hindu mentality. Find out facts now for where is the problem.
Why you have kept your parents blind? They are the only one to come to your rescue if there is any disaster after marriage? Why not be honest with them and ask their consultation honestly?
Please reply back in two days for what you think for what we said here. Later, we will give you more tips for how to proceed. Best wishes.
More information: Sikh-MuslimRelationships, Sikh-Hindu Relationships
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I am in live in relationship with my boyfriend since 7 years..we lived in abroad and our families live in india. We belong to diferent religion. He is hindu and i belong to sikh family. Due to some nationality issue we were not able to travel back in those past year. Now everything solved and he wants to marry me officially infront and with the blessing of our parents. But i am not ready to marry him. He is good and we have a strong bonding and understanding but i dont understand why my heart rejected his marriage proposal.
I have two question in mind and not able to discuss with him.
First, how to convince my parents. I never talked with them that we are in relationship from past 7 years.
Second, i am not comfortable with his family. May be this is reason my heart did not allow me to say yes to marry him. This is the main reason may be my parents did not allow me to marry him.
What to do? Please suggest me.
I am a Punjabi Hindu and have seen many Hindu-Sikh marriages. You have brought up 2 major questions:
1. Will you have to change your religion? You have checked with the boy’s family and they have said no. That is good. However, they may not like some things after marriage: they may not like you having murtis in your home or doing murti puja or doing a havan. If you visit a mandir, your husband and in-laws may not bow to the murtis. They may not like you doing a vrat (fasting). They may not like you using the greeting “Namaste” and urge you to only say “Sat Sri Akal.” With the exception of Diwali, they may not celebrate any other Hindu festivals. A lot depends on the boy and his family but you need to answer the questions by ADMIN so that I can understand your situation better.
2. Will your children only follow Sikhism and not Hinduism? Most likely, the answer here will be YES. (This is based on old, patriarchal society norms where the children follow the father’s religion.) They will have Sikh names and follow Sikhism. If you’re in India, the in-laws will make sure of this, especially if you plan to live with them after marriage. Even if you don’t live with your in-laws, your religious Sikh husband will make sure that your children will do what he does. If you are not religious, then over time, you will most likely compromise on Hinduism and decide not to raise any problems and only go with what your husband is doing.
The best thing you can do is have an open talk with your boyfriend about these topics.