Tahira says: December 26, 2012 at 9:42 am
Hi
France, has 5 million Muslim population, despite being a liberal democratic country, Hymen repair and issue of fake virginity certificates by Doctors, is high. In Muslim community chastity is linked to bridal purity and family honor. Even though Muslim women are emancipated, they still live under rigid codes of family honor. Thus women are forced to go for surgery (To repair hymens, the membrane usually broken by the first act of sexual intercourse) to go to marriage bed as virgins. These acts clash with liberal social mores of France, but has become mandatory for the young muslim women to prove their virginity. The hymen repair surgery performed under general anesthesia takes 20-30 minutes and costs about $500.
About 95% muslim girls are now adopting this hymen repair procedure to have smooth sailing in the inlaws house.
I am from Paris now, and have also under gone the above procedure to please my (Muslim) husband but still fearful whether he would love me throughout the life, after reading and heard so much general condition of females in Muslim community. My father is a staunch support of islam and does not like me to marry non-muslims. I am a working girl, have pre marital sexual contacts and thus necessiated me to under go above procedure.
In fact, I wanted to marry a budhdhist boy, who had sexual relations with me, but due to pressure from my parents, I could not move further.
Please guide me. -Tahira.
.
Admin says:
Tahira,
Considering you have already decided to marry a Muslim guy, now try to make best out of it.
Not all Muslim guys are bad, and hope the one you got is little open minded. Please follow these advise:
1) Do not plan for a baby at least for 2-3 years till you are sure this marriage will work. Once you are a mother, you are stuck for this life.
2) Believe in THIS life (and also AFTER life), but do not take the crap of pain, suffering and sacrifices for Islamic women in THIS life. Live life with pride, demand for respect.
3) Continue your working life, even after children.
4) Love and respect your husband. Give him positive feedbacks when ever he gives you respect and dignity. Do not let your husband be like your dad. Your mom made a mistake to put up with your dad, you do not follow in the foot steps of your mom.
5) Do not make your children like your dad. Make them pluralist, teach them love and respect to all faiths.
6) Be vocal. Write articles. Come and guide on this site. Take Islam out of dark ages to a new level of love and respect for all. Like Satyen says, believe in Allah not Muhammad. Remain in Islam and bring change from within.
Please come and tell us updates in your life. Best wishes. -Admin.
.
Veena Malik says: December 27, 2012 at 2:12 am
Hello Tahira,
Seen your message and problem. Here Admn. has rightly pointed out some useful guidance. In the meantime if you ever get a chance to talk with your husband, try to identify / assess his attitude, belief and behaviour for future and also get to know about his parents mind set. In case you feel sense of insecurity and rigidity of attitude as per islamic culture, dont get pressurized to marry him other wise, you will repent whole life. You are an independent and matured girl, no need to come under pressure being in France, look for another guy of your compatibility irrespective of his non-muslim religion.
Hope you got my point. –Veena Malik
.
Tahira says: December 28, 2012 at 6:54 am
Hi dear VM, Admin and other muslim sisters,
So nice to hear your comments.Your suggestions have made me bold and decisive to opt for a right course of action now.
I shall tell my parents that they cannot force me to marry some one who is not compatible, like minded as per my choice. Incidentally, I chatted last night with my muslim would be husband, he could not promise to keep me restriction free to live blissful life and about my job.
Next time when he chats, I shall tell him openly to point to chat and I cannot marry under strict islamic environment to supress my feelings for ever, So I have conveyed to my Budhdhist BF to discuss future modealities about everlasting relationship. He is very happy now to hear from me positively. -Tahira
.
Also read: Islamic Women Today, Hindu-Muslim marriages, Hindu girl, Muslim girl, Hindu boy, Muslim boy,
Be a friend on Facebook. Return to InterfaithShaadi.org. To share your experience, read.
Tortured by her husband to pray 5 times a day
I am twenty two years old muslim I live in Canada and I am from Somalia, I am going to have hymen repair surgery tommorow and i am so scared i paid 3100 Canadian dollar i lost my virginity when i was 19 with my Muslim Somali boyfriend we were arranging to get married but he went back to Somalia and he got killed by Muslim extremist :'( that was 2 years ago, now my family arranged this marriage for me and i accepted but i am not virgin and i was panicking about it i recently found out about this hymen repair surgery and i decided to do it to save my family from shame and and off course to save my life because my father is very strong Muslim he is imaam at the mosque,, i feel guilty and i know it’s against Islamic rule but that’s the only way i can safe my self i wish Allah will forgive me. When i read there is alot of muslim girls around the world who got the same problem i feel sad because i know what they going through may Allah help muslim youth and guide them to the right path.
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=5410
Learn about islam at http://www.usislam.org and do not belive these antiislamic posts
Hi dear VM, Admin and other muslim sisters,
So nice to hear your comments.Your suggestions have made me bold and decisive to opt for a right course of action now.
I shall tell my parents that they cannot force me to marry some one who is not compatible, like minded as per my choice. Incidentally, I chatted last night with my muslim would be husband, he could not promise to keep me restriction free to live blissful life and about my job.
Next time when he chats, I shall tell him openly to point to chat and I cannot marry under strict islamic environment to supress my feelings for ever, So I have conveyed to my Budhdhist BF to discuss future modealities about everlasting relationship. He is very happy now to hear from me positively.
In the past, if a woman wasn’t a virgin, she would surreptitiously pour animal blood on the bed after consummating her marriage. Today, this tradition has been replaced in Macedonia with a more sophisticated ruse – hymen repair surgery. This procedure is recognized medically as plastic surgery and is easily performed, taking only thirty minutes to one hour to repair a broken hymen.
Thinner than skin, the hymen is a fibrous, elastic membrane covering the vagina – one so delicate that it can be ruptured from vigorous physical exercise or even a fall, as well as by sexual intercourse.
“I’m at this clinic for the second time. I have to have hymen repair surgery because if I’m not a virgin I can’t be married again. I don’t feel any pain, it’s not difficult – it’s just expensive!” – says Esma, a 19 year-old Romani girl explaining that after two previous marriages, she now wants to marry again. But the family of her third husband doesn’t want a bride who is not a virgin. After the wedding, they will wait outside the bedroom all night and ask to see if there is blood on the bed sheet. If no blood is found, the husband’s family will return the disgraced bride to her family’s home. To avoid this grave situation, a virginity test is often conducted by a doctor on the engaged woman at the request of the fiancé’s family.
Esma will pay 400 euros ($550 USD) to repair her hymen – the equivalent of two months salary for average Macedonians – even though this procedure is forbidden by law.
Her 16 year-old cousin Lina, has five marriages behind her, having had hymen repair surgery twice. The first surgery was performed before her first marriage, the second was done for her current marriage.
“When I went to the gynaecologist for the first time, I was only 13 years old. The mother of my husband was with me to ask the gynaecologist if I’m a virgin or not. Because I wasn’t, she paid for the surgery. I was afraid, but I didn’t feel anything,” explains Lina. She says that she decided to get the surgery again because her new husband promised to be a good lover if she is a virgin.
• Young Romani woman and her child in Eastern Europe. Photograph by Amy Keus •
Both Esma and Lina are Romani Muslims, and while the majority of women in Macedonia who pursue hymen repair surgery are Muslim, young women from both of the country’s main religions (Muslim and Macedonian Orthodox) decide to have the procedure done. Muslim women are particularly pressured to have the surgery because of their religious beliefs: a woman who is not a virgin, faces potential violence and can even be in danger of being killed by her male family members in an attempt to restore the family’s honor. While Islamic law requires chastity before marriage for both men and women, men are never required to “prove” their chastity. But the practice of honor killing is determined by culture, not by religion. Because hymen plastic surgery re-establishes the appearance of virginity, these young women can potentially avoid the threat of physical violence that might otherwise occur.
Over the last five years, large numbers of young Orthodox women in Macedonia have also begun pursuing this surgery, but for a much different reason: their lovers think that sex is better with a virgin. And while Muslim women secretly opt for the surgery, Orthodox women do so usually after discussing it with their sexual partners. This trend began when private gynaecological clinics were established in Macedonia. Before that, neither Orthodox Macedonians nor Muslims could readily have the surgery as state medical clinics strictly forbade it.
Gynaecologists and plastic surgeons worldwide report that an increasing number of women are seeking hymen repair plastic surgery. Other religious groups such as Orthodox Jews and fundamentalist Christians are fueling an increased demand for this procedure. In the US, there is a similar demand with some women simply doing it as a way to “restore” their sex lives.
According to June Reinisch, former director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sexuality, Gender and Reproduction, there is a long history of hymen repair, including using a needle and thread and membrane material from goats. But there are also more modern methods, the simplest of which is done by stitching together the remnants of the ruptured hymen with sutures that dissolve, and inserting gelatin capsules with fake blood that rupture during intercourse.
In Macedonia, doctors often perform the surgery at night and their patients typically give false names, arrive in disguise and pay in cash to ensure the necessary secrecy that will save some of these women’s lives. Some travel from as far as Turkey and Western Europe to have the procedure done.
“[A] lot of women come from Kosovo and Albania to repair the hymen and their husband or their fiancé pay without to ask for the price. They pay in cash and in euros, but they ask us for discretion,” says one gynaecologist from Skopje, the capital of Macedonia, who insists on anonymity. He says that over the last three years the number of women seeking hymen repair has skyrocketed from 10 surgeries per year to approximately 15-17 per week.
“After the war in Kosovo women and girls came [to] Skopje and asked for fast and quality surgery. They didn’t ask [about the price]. This is the reason why the price is going down. If in the past we ask[ed] 2000 marks, today the price is between 300-400 euros ($412-550 USD),” says one Albanian gynaecologist who confirms that all the women who come to his clinic are Muslim. He explains that the price depends on the damage done to the broken hymen. A woman seeking her first surgery pays the least, but the second or third time the price is more expensive because the hymen is more damaged. One gynaecologist from Bitola, a town in western Macedonia, has repaired one woman’s hymen one hundred times! Unlike most women who seek this surgery, the woman was a Romani prostitute who always wants to be “new” for her wealthy clients.
But even the surgery doesn’t guarantee a woman’s safety. If her partner discovers that she’s had the procedure, her safety and possibly her life can be in jeopardy. Doctors who openly advertise the procedure are receiving death threats but they continue to offer the surgery to save the lives of these women. And yet despite the good intentions of some doctors, the fact that the surgery is illegal means that many girls are putting themselves at risk. Some of the cheaper clinics that offer the procedure are not up to medical standards and their doctors often use un-sterilized equipment that leads to infection. Last year, three Romani girls who could not afford to pay top dollar at a good clinic, died after surgery.
Hindu girls should understand that Islam leaves no room for tolerating non muslims. They reserve pure contempt for Hindus. In one of cases, I remember how badly after marriage muslim guy used to beat his non muslim wife.. I do not find any place for non muslim girls to get interested in muslim guys to adopt burqa, restrict their fundamental freedoms.Parents and brother left such girls for no choice to them, as the girls equally harsh towards them at the time of marriage and when every thing they have,they have no right to criticize. This is all due to evil and anti women teachings in the islamic religion favouring criminal, hyprocrate and fundamentalists. I know how cruel are the muslim guys under the pretext of religion cover
Hello Tahira,
Seen your message and problem. Here Admn. has rightly pointed out some useful guidance. In the meantime if you ever get a chance to talk with your husband, try to identify / assess his attitude, belief and behaviour for future and also get to know about his parents mind set. In case you feel sense of insecurity and rigidity of attitude as per islamic culture, dont get pressurized to marry him other wise, you will repent whole life. You are an independent and matured girl, no need to come under pressure being in France, look for another guy of your compatibility irrespective of his non-muslim religion.
Hope you got my point.