Fathima says: June 24, 2012 @ 7:03 am
Am a 21 year old muslim girl of kerala…i am in love with a hindu guy..he loves me truely but, my parents never accepts this relation..they are now in a hurry to look a perfect man for me..The guy i love have not got a good job yet..I am having a pretty good job now..am waiting for him to settle in life..i cant tell my parents..please help me with solution.
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Admin says: LOVE verses ARRANGE marriage?
Fatima, it is fashionable to say LOVE marriage is better over ARRANGED marriage. Further, today’s youths think why not go though interfaith marriage if your love is true. However, interfaith marriage is no for every one. You are educated and smart, and thus should think through all possibilities before making a final decision for your life.
Shamim married to Rahul. She has her own ways of interpreting Islamic scriptures. In her case, she did not like Javed and was being forced by her parents to marry Javed against her wishes (that is wrong). We assume your parents are more considerate and not like Shamim’s parents.
You mentioned that your parents are trying to find a “perfect” man for you. Give them some time (two years?). Go talk to all men they propose. If you come across a man that you start liking him and is comparable to your current Hindu boy friend, go for him. After some times, if you come to a decision that the Hindu bf is much better over all Muslims men proposed by your parents, go for the Hindu guy.
You know that for a Muslim girl to marry a Hindu is absolutely no no. Are you ready to go against your parents, brother, sister, relatives, imams and what Koran says for Hindus? Are you familiar with the honour killing practice? Are all these issues worth facing to marry a Hindu lover?
If you are the ones who is hoping that your bf will convert to Islam by Shahadah before your Islamic Nikaah, you are nothing but a love-Jihadi. Do not ask a Hindu to convert to Islam for the heck of it! Do not try now to love-proselytize him to make him a Muslim. Those kinds of marriages involving religious conversion under lies, deceptions and love-pressure are not going to be happy on a long run. These days and age, don’t even dream like it. No BBS, please.
Are you a true pluralist? Are you really ready to marry a Hindu and be a part of a Hindu family? Are you going to be comfortable being a part of Hindu wedding ceremony where multiple idols (deities) are being worshipped? Some day, your new Hindu family will have a Satya Narayan Katha or Diwali pooja, are you going to keep at distance from those family activities? If you don’t be a part of such pooja and sit in a different room, how will you expect your Hindu relatives to respect you? Some day you will have to take your kids to a Hindu mandir to pray to multiple forms of Allah (God in Arabic), are you going to be comfortable with it? Alternatively, are you going to decline all these deity pooja and keep insisting that God is only in (the direction of) Saudi Arabia, His name is only Allah (not Isvar in Sanskrit) and further all Hindus (and Christians) are going to get Hell Fire on the Judgment Day? If you believe that all Hindus are sinners (not following Koran), why will you want to associate with them? So first make up your mind whether you want (this) or [that]. Are you ready to be like Seema, Salman and Shah Rukh Khan? Are you sure you will never turned out like Dee’s wife?
We are not pro- or against- interfaith marriages nor trying to discourage from your love marriage, but wish to help you make fully informed decision. You are only 21. Unless your parents are forcing you now to marry someone you don’t like, please give some time to think through all these issues. Later, your Hindu bf will also be working and thus will be in a strong financial position; that will help if you wish to go against your parents and community. Best wishes.
A request, we spend some time for your issues, why will you not spend some time for others? The best way to learn is to teach….what will you say to Kajol, Rajanpreet, Ayesha, and others.
Fathima says: October 7, 2012 at 12:10 pm
Hello my well wishers, thanks for giving me advice, as per your own, perception.
My Hindu BF has got a good job in a shipping company, shore base, as a computer engineer. We both are still in touch. Perhaps crucial time has come for us to take a decision for life, being like minded, loyal and committed to each other, to grow old together and raising our own family.
I feel pure love is bond of commitment, not putting any one restrictions, respect each others sentiments including religious values. We donot want to change religion at all, as such. -Fathima.
Readers, is the LOVE or ARRANGED marriage better? Should Fathima at least give some considerations to guys her parents propose before rushing to marry a Hindu?
Also read: Islamic Women Today, Hindu-Muslim marriages, Hindu girl, Muslim girl, Hindu boy, Muslim boy,
Be a friend on Facebook. Return to InterfaithShaadi.org. To share your experience, read.
As Muslim concerned dost not give you fammition to marry any man an lest a Muslim, dont ever put your life on a way that a day of judgment will be also be regret, my advice is to due your life base of Islamic rule and regulations my sister in Islam
As a all Muslims concerned, all your activities and your act they have to due it base on sunnah means the way prophet Muhammad (S.A.W)run his life,if iam say, I love Fatima, I love because he Muslim and he is a beauty and also obedience to Allah subahnahu wata,ala,fatima I was ubsulutelly interested in you,please iam waiting your response my dear Fatima, I love you.
Hello Fathima,
Life will be very difficult either ways. Guy that loves you may change later and not love you as much he is today. And there will be much pressure from your parents. If you go for an arranged marriage, you might find someone who is really good at heart too. My advice to you is be strong, think through all the positives and negatives and take a decision
Dear Fatima,
Do not listen to anybody either Muslim or Hindu because they only put their efforts to prove their religion more better than others.By birth we all are human beings & messenger of supper power that runs this universe.You might have seen the PK. What message it gives,What it asks,The hero search for stamp on the body of newly born child.Nothing was seen.
What I suggest you think of your mind & take decision from your heart.Take time before taking any step so that the further life is smooth. I read many comments saying habits,eating habits, cultural difference. We must keep in mind that we are human being & if we can not adapt changes then who will do? Even the animal adapt changes for betterment.
Forget about religion & think of your bright future with your love that will take you to the highest satisfaction for your birth on this earth.People die to get love & you are having such a beautiful future with full of love in front of you. Grab this moment & live happily with your lovely partner. I am writing Hindu because i do not believe in religion, I believe only in humanity.
Best of luck for future, Take decision & come up with flying colors.
you guys please keep quite…let educated, matured girls/boys take their decision…leave them alone.
fatema plz respect to our Islam coz when no buddy with u on that time your iman will definetly with u plz respect our allah and our nabi their are very comment I have read against our prophet and I really feel bad to see that u don’t mind if any one make comment on our Islam and our honourable nabi Islam is not littil topic its have very huge martba so plz my sis don’t allow them to make comment on my Islam just coz of one Hindu boy u r forgot your nabi
To Fatima,
“I am shocked to hear from a muslim lady asking about such sinful act”
I am glad that you have such a wonderful name. I would like to put you a question what is love ????? what does love means ? Is love or pre-marital affairs allowed in Islam ?? Is your love so powerful than Allah and his beloved messenger. Do you think you will be happy after getting married with non-muslim ??? For what purpose you are marrying him ? for his wealth ? for his humour ? for his Intelligence ? for his qualification ? for his good looks ?
Do you have a time to read our Holy Book ?? Then how you are getting time to meet and discuss about your love affairs with that guy.
For the people like you did our Prophets and companions sacrificed their lives and for this reason did they give-up their desires.
“Do you know what Almighty had asked Prophet that he will bestow with wealth to him in this world and what Prophet replied “He said that he don’t need wealth but just to forgive his ummah i.e., Muslim Ummah.
Marrying a non-muslim is totally forbidden in Islam unless he accepts Islam before marriage and becomes a Muslim and Almighty does not accept Inter-faith marriages and your path is directly to hell.
Because of people like you the muslims are being pressurized in every aspects and they are being mis-leaded in every direction and they are wandering here and there.
This world is only for a short period of time “Fatima” and as you can see all the signs of the day of judgement are happening around the world as said by our Prophet and we are very close to the day of Judgement. “Arrival of Imam Mehdi” and descending of Prophet “Isa” (Jesus)” is very near as I have been predicting very closely.
Alas! If you still feel bad about my words then I would suggest you to change your religion and marry as you can. Neither we live near you nor we can stop you from marrying a non-muslim guy. The “Wish” is yours.
But true muslims will sacrifice and die for the sake of Allah and such people are genuine, Loyal and sincere on this earth and Allah loves them very much.
Best Example you can learn from a “Pet Dog”
That’s all…….
hello reader.
follow you heart. Bt don’t just follow your heart think about it and the consequence in it.
All the best wishes
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sjBTpB8EoNs
It’s Was said by some people muslim men toucher their wives, for those people please have a look at the above video muslim women married a Hindu man who was already married(she did not know he was already married) and bcoz of her so called true love for him she married him forgetting her deen. Look at her fate now. If Hindus have to marry 1 wife why did this man marry two women? It don’t seem to me all Hindu men are perfect either
i m 18 years old girl who is dating a muslim guy i know my parents or his parents are not going to accept our relationship at any circumstances…but we still continue our relationship……last week i asked him do you think i should change my religion……he told me only one thing if you wish to change u change otherwise no need at all and if it is concerned with my parents i will make them understand…but now after reading all these stories i m really getting scared plssss give me a solution should i continue the relationship or not……
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=6900
Hi fatima I advise you to take your own decision of marrying your hindu boyfriend.Firstly you must not betray him since you have loved him.Secondly you must not listen to the numerous muslim people here who are trying to stop you from marrying your dream partner.They are trying to stop you since they dont want you to leave islam.They are in no way bothered about whom you marry they just want you to marry a muslim thats all so dont listen to them as they are not giving you genuine advice.So you must remain faithful to your hindu bf and marry him.First religion is humanity go for it! Dont go for man made religions..
i think all muslim girls are not read their there holy quran. have u forget that marring a non muslim is strictly prohibited in islam, read quran with with ur own language its available in the market, there is no need to ask any body to whome u marry, be muslim and die muslim if u want to go to heaven,
Use your commen sence.In islam there some minimum criterias for a marriage.If you do something and it cannot be called as a marriage.beware of shaithan ……this life is not final
Hi Fatima,
I myself was hindu before my marriage.My husband was muslim. And his parents wanted him to get married only to a muslim girl. So I took the decision to revert to Islam.Today we are very happy that we overcome the problemwe had during our marriage.SoI advice you decide yourself and goa ahead. After all you have live your life. If you are really love him, You should marry him.
If a muslim girl need to marry a other religious person, she must leave ths Islam, or that person must be entered in Islam; firstly she don’t know what is Islam, first teach her, before marriage love ( sexual love ) is not allowed in Islam, this the mistake of her parents, the modern life style.
Learn islam at http://www.usislam.org and read the stories of some muslim converts and find the truth of islam at http://www.muslimconverts.com. do not listen these antiislamists. may allah show u right path.
more importantly also learn about savage Islam by reading ‘faithfreedom.oreg’ run by Ali Sina, and further explore Nonie Darwish, Wafa sultan and Ayan Hirsi Ali. These are all educated muslims and tell you about the savage religion and savage prophet Mohammad was. By the way they are all muslim men and women.Google those names.
i am by birth human and my parents had forced me into hinduism but now i an atheist and happy. I got in a relationship with a muslim girl and i loved her a lot and she also shares the mutual feeling. She once said to me if I covert to muslim she can marry me or else not. I told if was hindu there was a very rare probability of me getting converted. But i am just a human with morals, so what to convert from a good human being. Well so is it worth to keep relationship with her as for her as I see religion seem higher than true love. Or is there a way her eyes could be open and rational thinking can be induced to her?
Thanks in advance
This comment has been moved to https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=3159
dear u should tell her that if she truly loves u than she should stay wid u as a human being and not impose religious restrictions on your relation.see what guts she has to accept u as you are.even after conversion ur heart wont stop believing in god which u were told to respect.tell her to stop this conversion business.
Hello my well wishers, thanks for giving me advice, as per your own, perception.
My Hindu BF has got a good job in a shipping company, shore base,as a computer engineer. We both are still in touch. Perhaps crucial time has come for us to take a decision for life, being like minded, loyal and committed to each other,to grow old together and raising our own family.
I feel pure love is bond of commitment, not putting any one restrictions, respect each others sentiments including religious values.We donot want to change religion at all, as such.
ACCHA HAI KI TUM MARJAO.. ATLEAST HAMARE ISLAM KO KOI BADNAAM KARNE WALA MARJAYE… I SPIT ON U .. CHANGE UR NAME FIRST..U LOSE CHARACTER GIRL.. I ALSO BLAME UR PARENTS AGAR UN HONE TUMHE ACCHE PERVARISH KI HOTI TOH TUM AAISA KAAM KABHI NAI KARTI.. MAY ALLAH DESTROY U..AND KEEP U IN HELL FOREVER… AMEEN
hey guys see the truth of islam
http://www.faithfreedom.org
http://www.islam-watch.org
http://www.thereligionofpeace.com
http://www.wikiislam.net
Dear Fathima,
My name is Javad & I am a malayali and from Calicut . I am a moderate muslim. Not at all fanatic. I am still learning my religion & you know something , our Imam is British Guy who has done lot of reserch in all Religions. ( I am based in Abudhabi). All my close freinds by the way are non muslims but they are nice people and always appreciate my attitude towards drinking,Attitude towards my Parents, Uncles, Cousins , Paying somebody in need of help etc.
They always say ” We should learn from them”.
Please note the follwing:
1. Love is not just feeling towards oppsite sex only. It is there with our Mom, Uppa, Brothers & Sisters,society, Our Nation etc.
The purest form love in this world which is 100% pure, is only the love of a mother to her children, which is scientifically proved.If, one drop of your mother’s tear fall because of your action, God (I will say in an atheist way ” Super Natural Power), will not leave you like that. Did you see the movie ” Manssinakkare ? ” The dialogue by Sheelamma ? ” I gave pain to my Parents and this may be reason my children are abusing me ?
Doest it make any sense for you ?
Hudreds of living example i have seen….Including my own Uncles…
Please also note, The most sincere people or who always wish something good to happen to us is our Parents. Please respect their emotions, coz they are the only people who are committed & concerned about your future ….May be your brothers ans sisters also…
You may think that i dont believe in romantic feeling / love affair. I 100% believe that there should be romance between couples to integrate mentally and ever lasting. But is it love that you are feeling now ? No , it is known as “lust”. Means , feeling that we have towards beauty, Money, Sexual desires etc.
Love simply will translate to more actions. In your case, you are muslim who is clean from your heart (Basis of Sufi Islam), what about the other Party ? Had he is really in love with you, ” He would have loved your Parents first, Your faith, Your society not just you only.
OOOOkay, the first quality about a Man is the willingness to take a responsiblity of a woman. Including financial , which he doesn’t have. Anybody can love, taking responsiblity is meant for “Real Man only”. Is he having that in him ? I think he is eying on your Salary or income (Just my doubt) so that this guy can lead a enjoyable life with your hard work. Sister, please note , it is only our religion relieved ladies taking any financial responsiblity”. For them everything is OK coz there is no clear direction…Even if you have children , he can always throw the responsiblity on you…and you are mother you will do it..He will continue as a romatic boy. “Is it a Manly act ?” ( I have seen such case in my house: Our muslim servant lady ran way with our own Hindu house driver, now after 4 years she is weeping to feed her children coz the guy spending all his money on beverage Corporation of Kerala. She is now surviving from the Zakah me & my famlily paying to her)
Think think…think a lot …Pray , have faith in God …will lead to take correct decision.
I have a lot to write , but I am busy now , please send me a mail (javumon@hotmail.com) if you want my sincere advice. Consider me as your Kaka…
I am never against any Hindu or Christain. But , Islam is not a just a religion , it is the highest way of thinking ever made in Human history. If you have time , please go through people like Ghandhiji, Swami Vivekanda , Sree Narayana Gura told about Islam & Our Prophet…We got it as a Cuture or ethnicity we don’t know its real values…We have been mislead by some stupid Musliyars & Fanatics time to time…They were trying to make us more Arabised or threaten with “Hell fire” (Narakam)and just impose restrictions Without showing the real beauty of our faith….
All i wish you to happen the best for you…Not to get carried way by hormones (Chorathalapu)…Be matured, have self esteem , responsible and be happy…
ENG. JAVAD AHAMED (javumon@hotmail.com)
Salaamu’alaykum sister in faith
please allow me to tell you about legendary ansaari woman from the sahaabiyaat who was put in the exact same position as you were, whom Allaah is pleased with.
Her name is Al-Ghumaysaa or Ar-Rumaysaa or Ramlah or Sahlah, better known as Umm sulaim bintu milhaan an-najjaariyyah al Awsiyyah Al-ansaariyyah [ whom Allaah is pleased with].
she was the mother of Anas ibn maalik [ra], the close companion, Scholar, servant of the propeht[saww].
she was one of the few women of the ansaar whom accepted islaam at the hands of Mus’ab ibn ‘Umair [ whom Allaah is very pleased with].
Umm sulaim was married to a rich bussiness man called maalik ibn nadhar, when he heard she became muslimah, he didnot like it at all, he started to abuse her, insult her, shout at her, and even started violence in the house, but she stood her ground and was patient.she kept on calling him to the deen, but he would reply very rudely, and she would tell him that he just couldnot comprehend the treasure she found [islaam].
then maalik got even more angryabusive when Umm sulaim started teaching her son Anas about Allaah and his religion, so one day maalik went out to one of his bussiness trips in syria, and he was murdered and robbed by some of his enemies.
after anas’s father died, she dedicated him to the prophet[saww] to be his servant and to be with him all day for 10 years, and because of her sacrife, anas [ra] narrated 1000s of ahadeeth that we couldnot have known about.
this is from the womans virtues
so it was known in madeenah that Umm sulaim was a widow, and umm sulaim was not just any regular woman, she was the only woman whom the men fought over, competed to marry.
so the elite came and proposed to her, and amongst them, was a young handsome man called Abuu Talhah zayd who was a kaafir till now.
Abuu talhah was one of those fortunate men whom every woman dreams to have in her lap.
he was one of those lucky men who WoWwed everysingle woman in the city.
he was young
he was handsome
he was very rich/wealthy
he was of noble/good manners
he was a ladies man
he was very charming
he was generous
he was loving
he was caring
he was romantic with women
he was intelligent
he was of good leneage
he was physically built
he was strong/brave
he was tall
he was a cheif of his clan
he was loved by his clan/people
he was a night
he was a night in shinning armour [literally]
he always smelt of the BEST/MOST EXPENSIVE perfumes available
he just had everything in this world
he just had it aaaaaaall as they say.
except eemaan, which is everything.
So when young Abuu talhah heard about Umm sulaim, and her desirable quilities she possesed such as patience, looks, intelligence, good manners etc, he went to propose to her.
so he went to Umm sulaim, and asked for her hand.
Umm sulaim was very flabbergasted, happy by this gesture.
and she replied “oh abuu talhah, i am like all other women, i would love to have you,I swear by Allaah your kind is never ever rejected, any sane woman would not reject you, BUT I AM A BELIEVING WOMAN, AND YOU ARE A DISBELIEVING MAN, YOU ARE NOT HALAAL FOR ME”
so abuu talhah, thought it was about money, and did not take her seriously, so he ran to his house and got gold and silver, and laid them out infront of umm sulaim, BUT SHE REPEATED THE SAME ANSWER, your kind is not rejected, but you are a disbeliever, leave.
so he left and kept comming back, untill she said to him, that her mahr would be his islaam [if he becomes muslim] and she did not want any yellow or white metals [gold and silver]
and then after a while he studied the deen and became one of the best ansaar and full of eemaan.may allaah be pleased with him
and umm sulaim got the most extraordinary mahr there could be in history.
but the mushaahid here is that DESPITE HOW DESPERATE Umm sulaim was to marry abu talhah and how much she fell in love with him, she was always loyal to her lord first and foremost as she knew that it is him [swt] who give and provide spouses.and she put her trust in Allaah.
so Allaah provided her a dream husband from where she could not expect.
Allaah promised in the qur’aan
“and whomsoever fears Allaah, he will make for him an exit, and he will provide him with sustainance without measure”
and whomsoever fears Allaah, he will make/gather his affairs easy for him”
so please sister, be like umm sulaim, and turn him down, Allaah has made it obligatory upon himself to find you a better husband, or if he becomes muslim, you will have a happy life together inshaallaah.
the prophet[saww] said;
i entered paradise and heard some footsteps and said who is that, it was said that is Al-Ghumaysaa/Ar-Rumaysaa” [Umm Sulaim] may Allaah be pleased with her.
umm sulaim also participated in the pledge of pleasure.
the prophet[saww] said those who participated in the bay’atu-ridwaan, the pledge of pleasure were
all going to paradise and forbidden from the hellfire, EXCEPT the man with the red camel.
umm sulaim, the perfect muslimah!
If you love him no one can deny your right to live a life of respect by marrying him. I know there are hurdles for your move, hurdles are part of life, without those we cant live. After listening to others if you change your mind, then think – what good is it to marry a person you dont love? If you love your guy and would be happy with him, its best to marry him, all those who advised against it haven’t met your guy
Happiness is all that matters in marriage, if you dont want to marry him just forget him immediately and marry where you are forced to. Remember most of the time once parents see that daughter is happy with her man they agree later. All parents wants their daughter /sons to be happy.
Best of luck, its your exam time.
“your right to live a life of respect by marrying him.”
Dear sister , you can not earn respect by marrying against religion.
“hurdles are part of life”
Yes hurdles are part of life, but if you can have better way then why choose hurdles.
“think – what good is it to marry a person you dont love?”
Yes please think. You don’t love whom you don’t know. If we keep a dog as a pet we start loving it. similarly If you have not come across any other good person how can you say you won’t love him?
Our beloved prophet said – “Marriage is a relation that brings extreme love”. Sometimes we don’t get a person whom we love but we get a better one.
And sometimes we become blind for a person and after few years our all love is lost and that time we repent for mistake.
Love is natural and may be the person whom you love is good enough to be loved, but believe in yourself , believe in words of your Lord who says not to marry to the dis-believers. Our Lord knows what is better for us.
Many a times there are situation where people just think that everything will be fine after marriage, but real problems come after marriage. Life is driven by faith, if you could not hold love for your faith,parents,almighty Lord, then your love is just a timely wind , and when it will pass away you will realize that you have moved so far thatyou can’t get back anything.
You are a Islamic extremist and whatever you write does not makes any sense in real world. We are NOT your allahs servant – like you so keep your idiot advice to yourself.
Everything makes perfect sense in real world.
Yes you are unaware and ignorant, but a servant of God is always guided.
I did not advise to you and better first learn how to talk.
By the way are you atheist or have any religion?
Like Muslims beheaded daniel pearl or how your muslim hero Osama hijacked kafir plane and killed kafirs? List is endless with real world examples. Your real world is weird. Why don’t you convert to correct religion become Buddhist and bring peace to the world. Your Mohammed kidnapped kafir girls, married women and made them sex slaves for Muslims, isn’t that what your quran says, ( not you will say that our interpretation is wrong or you will confuse readers by saying its not there in quran, i know your tricks) till know arab countries buy girls from Philippine and kill them once she tries to run away. This is allowed by quran so don’t say that has nothing to do with islam, you and you idiotic talks are just too fake to be true.
Islam does not say such thinks. I find you lying bring proof from the Quran for such things if you cant guard your tonge and keep quite
Please have a look of what good it is to marry the person you love
Above video is a lesson
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sjBTpB8EoNs
Hello readers,
I once again stress that male muslims are fanatic, howwoever they are educated. They never treat females at par with male. In the name of religion, restrictions are imposed on them about their education, movement, life styles, preferences and so many other things and males are allowed to have many wives, keep extra marital status, give talak to wives in a second. This is the worst part of Islam where females who were created by the same almighty are discriminated. In several countries, they cannot drive, cannot participate in games, confined to burqa, no right to choose their representatives. Talking too much about islamic values but practically horible and miserable life of females. These are so called values who force them into prostitutions and these males do not feel shy to go to prostitutes.Rather it is their status of symbol.
Muslim males are cruel, fanatic and inhuman in majority of cases to lead married life. They believe in talabani style of behaving women.
Fathima
Hi I am a Muslim man, riaz. I am also from kerala. you mentioned that you are in love with a hindu guy and would want to marry him. I would advise you against that. see interfaith marriages are not what are shown in movies where everything seems simple and happy. I myself was in love with a hindu girl in college and wanted to marry her. But later I had a chat with my cousin who helped me in finding the right path. He told me it was always better to choose a husband from your own communtiy.
In kerala your culture is totally attached to your religion. Your food, practices, weddings, lifestyle are all according to your religion and it varies from people to people. When you are in college and at age 21 you are mostly spending time with your bf chatting with him, cracking jokes etc etc. life is not about this. when you get married you will be sharing a home with him and there the conflict of your religion and his will begin.from food to lifestyle to your views to fasting during ramzan etc there will be conflicts. you might compromise for a while but later as you grow older and cross the age of 30 etc you will start realising that you are making too many compromises. If you have children you will feel that he is not imbibing your culture and values. at that point of time you will feel that you shouldn’t have married outside your community but it will be too late.you will not be able to change the mistake and will live your remaining life critizing this decision. If you and ur husband both become atheists even in that case I don’t think it will help you.Your child will most probably be devoid of good values.you wont be able to propogate good values cos u will always the guilt of pushing ur religion on ur child.Moreover in kerala and in evy govt form ur religion is important. ur son will be in a real dilemma. Inter faith marriages are best avoided.
I am sure you will find a suitable groom from the muslim community in kerala. There re all kinds of guys within muslims- modern, stylish, secular, orthodox. I am sure you will find some1 sharing your ideals. After listening to the points above from my cousin i decided to give up on ma relationship with my hindu bf. It was difficult initially but i kept myself busy or a month. After that i had overcome her. and then I moved on. after an year my parents brought many proposals to me. I chatted with them and found a female whose ideas and outlook to life was similar to mine. tofay I am a happy father of two young boys. I don’t regret beaking the relation with the hindu girl. It was in the best interests of both of us and both of us are happy. Sometimes for both to be happy you need some sad break ups. You may not be able to realise this know but I promise you, you will be thanking me for this 10 years down the line. When you marry within a community you jut need to match ur ideals and out look with the guy. but when you marry outside you have to match ur ideals and then make compromises at evry stage of life.Imagine you are fasting and he is not. there will be no big iftars, you will find urself lonely and you wont like it. You’ll be thinking why am I still alone even after marriage??
As for either of you converting its not good idea. your childhhod years are the ones where your ideals and habits are shaped, Its difficult to change them once you grow up. So even if either of you converts you will still be having ideals from ur past religion and you won’t feel comfortable performing the religious rites of your new religion. You’ll feel like you are having multiple personalities like having two lives.
So fathima think about this properly and I’m sure you will realise to go ahead with this relationship is not right. Give your parents a chance they have brought you up for these many years so they know you well and want to see you happy so trust them. I’m sure they won’t disappoint you.
there will be many hate mongers who will tell you about how bad Islam is etc.Dont listen to them.there are rotten apples in every religion.
this is ma email id- khayalon@gmail.com…feel free to contact me for any help
Hi Riaz,
We are happy that in the end you and your former Hindu gf are happy.
Just curious, when you were in love with her, how did you hoped to get married? Did you requested to the Hindu gf of religious conversion (Shahadah) for Islamic Nikaah?
sir, please do not bring your religions into this. There are 1000s inter-religious marriages all around us; all are not failing, but remember there are more divorces in arranged marriages, than in love marriage from inter-religious marriage.
now coming to religion. what have you got from your religion till now? I am sure nothing, the religion is now a commercial establishment, and now being used by political parties for their benefits and convenience.
You must be spiritual, rather than being religions, since NO ONE HAS SEEN GOD, for He is everywhere, in you and in me too. Best wishes.
Fathima,
Listen and listen good…Have ever seen a hindu community comes to gether to kill a son/daughter/neighbours that convert to ISLAM? Google around and you will find the mentality of Muslims are such that, doesn’t matter how educated they are but, when come to religion they are fanatic. So, to answer your question…YES, MUSLIMS will resort to violence when they can’t get their way. BE Prudence.
Sasha,
…….. comment and reply has been moved to…. https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=2027&cpage=1#comment-29176
Wow, I thought this website was a place of healthy discussion rather than calling each other names. I am really shocked at the name calling and Anti-Muslim remarks. If you cannot have civil discussions, I suggest you don’t comment. This behavior is really amazing to me, as I did not call Hindu’s any name nor did I reply in a violent manner nor did I tell her to go one way other. I gave her advice based on my experience.
There is no easy resolution to Fathima’s dilemma, and responses such as yours are very one sided & cause more confusion and HATE amongst Muslim & Hindus. Seriously, Chris, grow up and then write some noteworthy discussion points here. I love when someone has nothing intelligent to say, they just use the cliche terms like “Suicide Bomber” and “terrorist”. The only reason your reply deserves attention is to help educate people like yourself. Being a good human being is utterly important. If you weren’t so quick to hit that reply button to promote a ignorant remark, you may have realized what I meant, is there are many good humans. Being a good human doesn’t always qualify a good marriage. Does that mean, everyone should marry the first “Good Human” that the meet? Does that mean we really know what we want at age 21? There are many issues we’re discussing. Not just religion. Are we so narrow minded to truly believe that , it’s the ONLY criteria that should matter. We are not living in a bollywood movie. THis is real life. ALSO, if you noticed, I said if religion is not too important in your life, an interfaith marriage would have less challenges since you’re not stuck on one set of beliefs. Take Religion out of the equation. Being cute, romantic and funny becomes secondary to other things as well. Responsible, a good provider, a decision maker, an involved father, etc… religion is another MAJOR thing to add to the mix since many people’s lives/values are centered around it when you have kids. Gain some perspective buddy. I am ending my reply to you with a chuckle. Do you know how many unreported stories there are of violence in US and other countries? Everyone likes focusing in on Muslims so that is what they will report. Violence occurs in every culture, race, religion. I can tell you story after story of Violence against women in Muslim and Hindu culture. Do you want me to go into the caste system and what they do to untouchables and the violence inflicted people simply being born in a low caste? I won’t. POINT BEING This is not the sound board to hate on each other and pinpoint the negatives of each religion/culture.
VIOLENCE does not discriminate. Controversial topics need to be discussed in a civil manner. I hope you try to educate yourself further and stop simply listening to the news and making ridiculous comments.
Fathima, I would first like to say that you are very young girl. Having passed my twenties and approaching my thirties, I have learned many many things about myself. Firstly, what you want at 21 is completely different than what you want when you are a little bit older & mature to get married. I’m not trying to say that your love is not true or that your feelings are not real. I am certain they are.
We often find ourselves in a struggle of love at the age you are for the following reasons. 1) It’s the time we start becoming adults and our feelings are intensified as we start developing more meaningful relationships than what we did in our teenage years; 2) This is the age that we start thinking about marriage and our future so meeting someone wonderful during this time makes us believe we are more in love than we truly are. I’m saying this from experience. The love you share with your bf now, it will change over time, so you must really think deep and hard to if this boy really has every single quality you are looking for in a man. I’m not talking about just romance and “chemistry”. When you get married, romance and chemistry become secondary, if not tertiary.
I have been in love with a hindu and now I am married to my Muslim husband. Few years back, I wanted to marry this hindu. I felt like life could not go on without him and it was all over and there was no life without him. I don’t feel any of that now. It’s not that the love went away or it wasn’t real, but marriage encompasses so many other aspects besides what you share at a young age. I had to really sit down and put my romantic feelings aside and determine if this person has the qualities that will SUSTAIN a marriage. My hindu bf at that time was wonderful, romantic, madly in love with me. However, when I thought about raising kids with him, our values clashed. I am practicing (moderately) muslim. I wanted to make sure I had someone to fast with in Ramadan, someone to push me to read namaz and live by the values of Islam. All this nonsense of honor killing and community is problematic in some areas but really put that aside and think about yourself.
Marriage is holistic Fatima. It doesn’t become about you and him anymore. It becomes about family interactions. For example, poojas for hindus and ramadan for Muslims. Doing things together that bind you as a family. It takes INCREDIBLE strength to try to manage two cultures/religions and unhappy families. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. But, I’ve also seen it work in many instances, but I will tell you in those instances, I’ve always heard from (especially the woman) that it’s a very big challenge. The only way the challenges are minimized is when you have two very modern families whose beliefs are more laxed. It all depends on YOUR strength, your relationship with your parents and your deen. If you are a religious person to some extent, then you will want someone to believe in Islam the way that you do when you are older. It won’t matter anymore that he’s funny or cute or romantic, or even a good human. That’s not enough when it comes to marriage IF you infact want to incorporate religion in your life.
If you are open to practicing both and incorporating both then you both have to discuss this at a very mature level. Once you two have an understanding of how you can live together you must consider parents/extended family. While the shock does fade over time, I can tell you that the relationships change. Especially daughters and mothers. I could not bare to hurt my mother so it was a big reason I left him, but later realized it’s what I wanted inside because I truly wanted my children and myself to improve in my own faith. I wasn’t ready to incorporate another faith that I didn’t grow up with or believe in. You need to think about all this. I was the same as you. I wanted to marry him, couldn’t live without him. Again, I am able to and I love my husband and I love that my family is happy. I realized now that my feelings were so intensified due to our chemistry but if I was to have married him now I would not have been content.
Another thing about him being settled. It adds much burden to one’s relationship, so you also have that factor on your shoulders, however, I’m assuming he is also quite young. Darling, I know how emotional this situation can be. If you remove all the emotion and stick to the facts it becomes easier. If you truly cannot imagine your life without this guy and see your values, ideals, future plans, personalities, all in line then you must be prepared to fight & have ALOT of patience. If I know Muslim parents, they are very strong minded and you will face much resistance. Some races/religions are more open and some more closely knit. One is not better than the other and this nonsense someone posted about muslim wives being tortured is so narrow. Maybe in small very desolate communities but in most cases especially in America no man keeps 4 wives and even the ones that do, it’s not out of disrespect but other familial reasons that we cannot judge. People are so easily jumping to conclude it’s “torture”. Even in hindu communities there is much hypocrisy and unfairness against women. This is not Hindu/Muslim battle. Both and all cultures have it’s pros and cons. Many great Muslim boys out there as well as Hindus’. Let’s look past at criticizing the other and focus on the real challenges within interfaith marriage. Best of Luck to you Fatima. Please let me know if you have any other thoughts or need further advice. My duas are with you.
Do NOT reply to Sasha here, a new post has been created at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=2027, reply there.
If you have a message for Fathima, yes, you may comment here.
Fathima,
Sabana is right to point out. Nothing is obtained without struggle for everlasting happiness and pleasure.
Have patience and be tactful to achieve goal and in the mean time make realistic assessment of your boy friend.
God bless you.
Hi dear readers,
From this forum, I would like to share my life experience. Being a muslim girl, I have also married a Hindu guy.I have no words to appropriately express his kindness and humanitarian approach. My mother was victim of tremendous sorts of tortures by my father, an orthodox individual, never treated my mother as individual, very disrespectful,and negative person. My mother was deprived of two meals even. He was a person of all demerits in him, drunker, womanizer, gamblers, uneducated and whenever, my mother tried to mend his ways politely, she was beaten. One day she approached influential persons of the community for talak with him, she was blamed and humilated.
Some how she managed for some time and one day, under deep influence of alcohol, my father died. I could complete with great difficulty my 10th class with good marks and thereafter got some students to give them tuition and persuaded my further study. Some so called our relatives started pursuing my mother to get me married to an elderly muslim. I objected and did not agree. So we became the victim of muslim community in the name of religion, to exploit us. Some how I continued my efforts and gradually number of tuition needed students increased.In the meantime, I met with a Hindu Boy from a respectable family. He encouraged him to continue my study further and I passed my 12th exam.as a private student and then passed out graduation. I married him and my mother did not object considering his nature and family. Now I have passed out MBA in Finance stream and working with him in a MNC. I have two loving sons and very happy with him. In laws are very cooperative and my mother also lives with me. I follow my own religion and respect Hindu religion also.
My point here is that in the name of religion women are exploited, tortured in muslim community. They are not allowed to move freely, confined to burka, even some countries, not allowed to drive vehicles, not to visit mosque, not to go for talak, irrespective of bad habits of the husband, and ABOVE ALL MALES ALLOWED TO KEEP FOUR WIVES.
What a religion based torture to the half population in the muslim based community. Any muslim girl finding good hindu boy for marriage do not hesitate to marry. Hindus are more cooperative, respectful and liberal towards wives.
Do not comment here. This post is moved to https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=2002
You are still in Islam after all that?
Though, theologically and technically, you are no longer a Muslim.
sir, just live them alone….
Some one posted this link on my blog:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/marriage-to-non-muslim/
Just read the comments to feel the hypocrisy of Indian Muslim men.
And if you go to facebook page of Suhasini Haider, you will find Muslim men singing songs for her.
Who are these people? Educated ones, as they write in English.
I heard that once a muslim woman marries a hindu, she is treated badly by people of muslim community..there are cases where they resort to violence…what to do in that case???
Fatima, you first change your name any name even hindu name but not this one, because the name doesn’t suits girls like you. It is not love, it is just your short time enjoyment. When our eyes see something attractive to us we think it is love. But it is not really. I request all those muslim girls and boys who ever favoring interfaith marriage i.e. who favor marrying hindu girl or boy without converting to Islam shall use any other name but not a muslim name, because we respect even names. No muslim man torture his wife, and if someone tortures then he is just a muslim of name, because our religion….oh better just read about what our prophet muhammed S.A.W has to say regarding women or about any one lady sahabiya R.A then you all will turn to islam. F….a you just ran away with your hindu friend, but do not blame here other muslims or islam for your affairs and deeds. Hope allah will guide you either now or after sometime.
how many wives your Prophet had? How many sex slaves he had? Did he rape a child 6/9 year old? Did he have sex with his dead aunt? did he marry his daughter-in-law?
Are you still trying glorying him?
Mind your words mr,
Without any knowledge dont speak any thing wrongly
Fathima, get good education and a good job. After you are financially independent, you could get over all social pressures. Best wishes.
a hindu chauvinist masquerading under the name of a muslim. spread hate in your house not here.
@ilyas
Lol dude, dont have courage to see the truth, what will you do kill her to, oh i forgot its just quran approved honor killing. Famous in all muslim countries / countries with muslims/ or a muslim community near you 🙂
Be courageous to see what it feels when you do the same to others, Muslim girls are getting liberated. Something that qurans does not approves isnt it? ( actually you muslims do most worst).
please leave them alone.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sjBTpB8EoNs
Please have a look how how co operative this Hindu man was towards his muslim wife and talk again. I dont think all Hindu men a perfect either
I would be always happy to marry a TRUE Muslim
True muslim mens are the ones who
Will not toucher his wife
Help his wife in every aspect
Will not engage in fornication or be alcoholic or engage in gambling
Will educate his wife
Earnings would be earned with honesty
And will lower his gaze on non mahram women’s
Will not make his wife a show for other men who fornicates with eyes
Be protective of his wife
Look into her needs
Love her with all his heart for the sake of Allah fearing him