Rajiv says:June 12, 2013 10:17 AM
hi guys. i just had a query. In my college we have a group of 6 friends, 3 of them are girls – my ex gf Shruti, Pooja, Ayesha. Year back Shruti broke up with me and felt very bad n lonely. Though all my friends consoled me but Ayesha really gave company and then one day she said she loves me, in first year of college.But i was not sure about her but still liked meeting her almost everyday after college, taking her to movies etc. I accepted her as my gf. Some months back i slept with her and from then we had sex regularly. she scared me once as she thought she was pregnant due to delayed periods. But now that we are gonna graduate shortly she is asking me to marry her. But problem is she being Muslim , how can i convince my parents about taking her as daughter in law,ceven worse they will throw me out of home and disown me.
On Ayesha side, they being liberal family have reluctantly agreed to her wish to marry me. But i have till now not disclosed our relation to my parents who are very very conservative. Plus they want me to marry the daughter of my fathers friend in 3 years time. I met that girl too and she is very beautiful and sweet. I dont know whether i really love Ayesha truelly or not but atleast i will feel guilty if i refused her and used her as a slam piece for so long. what should be the best way out of this mess ? -Rajiv
Satyen says:
Dear Rajiv,
You are at a juncture when trust and greed are on a collision course. Now it’s too late to choose among various options regarding your marriage. This must have been pondered over before going too far in the relationship with the girl. You are tempted to the new girl because of her persona today as you did last time. Just think, how often you will exchage partners? Ultimately, you will have to opt one day between stopping this habit or becoming a womanizer. Choice is yours. In my world, I would have stuck with the girl who trusted and offered herself to me. This new girl is not yet so much attached to you and that makes smooth to detach from her. However, your GF will find it hard to move forward without you.
My suggestions:
1. Tell your family that you can only marry after getting a job after graduation.
2. Tell your GF about doe’s and dont’s in your family such as no beef, puja, festivals etc.
3. Tell your mom if you afraid your dad about the relationship and the extent your have advanced in the relationship.
4. Ask the GF to see your mom and take the pledge that are binding to her as a daughter-in-law.
5. Make it clear in your family that they have two choices – either to accept her let you live as a bachelor.
6. Take time and seek the help of Arya Samajis and others who favour interfaith marriages.
Admin says:
Rajiv,
Thank you for reaching out to us. Please keep in touch over years. Above Satyen has covered a few points, let us touch on other.
On premarital sex: You had premarital sex and probably won’t mind extra marital sex too. If you are in the West (even now in East), this is common. We hope you truly believe in free sex (like dogs do). We hope you do not expect your wife (who ever that is) to be virgin. Further, when your 14 years old daughter introduce you her new boy friend, you will not be a hypocrite by asking your daughter to refrain from pre-marital sex. Remember, what goes, comes around!
Why you should marry Ayesha: It is the Ayesha who trusted you in your bad times and trusted you to go to bed with you. Now if you dump her, no Muslim boy will keep her after marriage because she will not be able to display bloody bed sheet on her honeymoon night. Is it the treatment she deserves for being nice to you? You said, “I dont know whether I really love Ayesha” then why did you had sex with her, a free sex?
Why you should not marry Ayesha: You cannot marry someone out of sympathy unless you are going to maintain that married life forever and keep her happy. Marry to the person who is fully competent with you and is a perfect match for you. Further, in case if Ayesha all of a sudden starts asking you for Islamic Nikaah and your religious conversion to Islam, dump her. Do not fake-convert to Islam, unless you wish to be a true Muslim.
You asked what is the best solution out of this mess. The answer is…. be honest and truthful. Learn to live your life on what you could afford. Go find a job and support yourself and then think of marriage. Be honest to your parents and tell them about your love with Ayesha. Go ask Ayesha’s parents if they are okay if you marry her by civil marriage? Please collect all facts. After that, let us know if it makes sense for what we are telling you. Keep in touch! Best wishes. -Admin
More information: Hindu-Muslim Marriage, Sharia, Muslim-Hindu marriages, Hindu-Muslim lovers’ experiences, Koran on Hindus? Hindu girl-Muslim boy, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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I get a feeling she loves you else she would not sleep with you. Forget her religion and marry her. you are in 2013 not 1800’s. You would be happy to be with some one you love rather than some one you marry for money or religion or race.
Excellent point, “you are in 2013 not 1800′s”. Unfortunately people get stuck in books written some 2000 years ago.
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Hi Asma,
Can you tell us more what do you mean?
she likes the hindu uncut dick :).simple
Hi readers,
Premarital Sex: Sex before Marriage Devalues a Woman
It is human nature to place greater value upon that for which we work. This holds true for men. When a woman has sex with a man before he marries her, she is instantly devalued. He has nothing to work for when he has been given a woman’s ultimate, the pleasure of her body? Instantly she has been placed on the same level with all the other women that he had sex with in the past. They were not his wife and he had sex with them. She is not his wife and she is having sex with him. He did not value them enough to marry any of them. What is the difference between them and her? He probably said the same things to them that he is saying to her? What is he receiving by having sex with her before marriage that he cannot get with any other woman? A man can have sex with any number of girlfriends, but he can make love to only one wife.
Premarital Sex: Is He Willing to Die?
No greater love is this, when a man is willing to lay down his life. Men and women throughout history have been willing to die for what they place high value upon. They have chosen to die for their country, their religion and for even the whole world because they counted the cost and found their cause valuable enough to end their life on this side of eternity. Likewise, when a man truly values a woman, he is willing to die for her in marriage. Marriage is like a death. Two people have to die daily to selfish desires and truly seek the desire of their mate. This is so that their marriage may live.
Premarital sex gives a man a pretty good deal. He has a woman at a marked down price and she performs for him just fine. She may show a few imperfections occasionally that premarital sex flushes out, such as fear of losing him and insecurity. Overall, though, the arrangement is great for him. Why hurry to lay down his life in marriage when things are working fine for him now? He is single; has his sex; what else can he ask for? If she is living with him, he probably has a few meals a week and a cleaner place to live thrown in the mix too. Why disturb the good thing he has going on now? Marriage will probably come later with someone else that he values more. Why buy the cow, when he can get the milk for cheap or better yet, for free?
Premarital Sex: The Short End of the Deal
Women really get the short end of the deal when there is sex before marriage. The is no beauty of making love in marriage with his committing to you for life, building a life together, building memories, building a history together as husband and wife. After a while, a man can decide to leave for someone else. With no marriage in place, there is no recourse. He does not even have to wrestle with the proverbial words, “It’s cheaper to keep her,” because he’s already cheapen her by not putting a ring on her finger and given her his name.
What do women receive from premarital sex? Women who have sex before marriage get matted on the mattress without the benefits of matrimony. That sounds crude and so unromantic. Yet, premarital sex in of itself is not romantic in the truest sense. Two people committing in marriage to a lifetime together through thick and thin is both beautiful and romantic.
In the name of personal choice, women are told to devalue themselves. Have sex. It is not a big deal. Give your body what it wants. The message of sexual freedom is on television, in the movies, in popular music, and in school curriculum. However, what is not seen after the love scene on the big fantasy screen is the fallout that occurs for real when women have sex before marriage. Yet, no matter how hard we try to pretend the consequences of having premarital sex are not real, they remain.
Premarital Sex: Guard Your Value
The bottom line is that you are valuable. You are a valuable beautiful woman. Your body, your love is the most priceless possession that you have. You are worth holy matrimony. Guard what is yours and give it only to him who values you enough to commit his life to you in marriage. If he tries to devalue you by pressuring you to have sex before marriage, then he has devalued himself and is not worthy of you. Make haste to show him the exit out of your life.
Reply at: https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=5831