Sheebagul says: March 8, 2013 at 10:36 am
Hello!
So, I’m in a confusing situation. I’m a Muslim woman, 32 yrs. working and I cover my hair. Now that’s a personal and spiritual choice, and although it’s an important part of me, I don’t feel that it defines me. I am an active woman, both socially and publicly, and through my wide array of interests, I’ve met many men (-and women!). Many of them have later become friends, some really good friends.
A year ago I met a non-Muslim guy. At first he was simply an interesting guy I shared interests with, later we became friends and hung out more frequently. At some point I realised I had a crush on him. I kept quiet though, not wanting to kill off the friendship. But after awhile I really didn’t know where I had him. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on my side, but even friends of his, and friends of mine, commented on our flirtatious tone and great chemistry. For my psyche’s sake, I decided to ask. So, quite bluntly, I asked whether he liked me.
At first he started telling me about the difficult relationship he recently finished off, and that he hadn’t decided on whether he liked me or not. Then he laughingly said that he felt my head-covering had fulfilled it’s purpose, and that although there were men who fancied exploring beyond the hijab, he wasn’t one of them (what does that even mean?).
After some awkward silence, he asked me what my motivation to ask was. I came clean and told him I was infatuated. But laughed that I was probably better off not asking.
He said he was glad I asked. Told me he felt we had great chemistry, and that he had on occasions felt some sparks. But that he hadn’t given it much thought. He said there were just too many obstacles in between. I should mention he’s somewhat older than me.
Since then we’ve met several times, just us or with friends. The conversation is free, there’s great flow, there’s that chemistry again, and for some peculiar reason (perhaps I’m overthinking it), we are a bit closer. Or so it feels. We haven’t talked a about the awkward talk since that first time, I sort of asked whether we could just forget about it and carry on – that same evening.
A rational, and great, portion of me tells me that I got rejected, and should try moving on. Then there’s the small part confusing me, and telling me it’s not definite. What do you make of my situation? And if I’m rejected, should we keep on the friendship?
And a general question: Is it (im)possible for you – as a nonmuslim man – to consider a woman with a hijab as a love interest? -Sheebagul
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Admin says:
Sheebagul,
Lets hope other guys will speak out and express themselves what they would/should/could have done/do/did.
You are giving a strong message by wearing the hijab. It is clearly intended to discourage guys. You are telling loud and clear that Islam is a top priority for you. May be it is too much for a non-Muslim guy to chew on, especially when there are other options available.
Rather than confusing others, it is better if you make up your mind. If Islam is everything for you, then find a Muslim guy who does namaz five times a day; there are plenty around.
The married life is like going for a backpack-hiking long trip; light you go, longer distance you could hike. If one of the spouse decides to carry a non-essential extra bag while backpacking, it will be a burden for both. He may carry it for a while but may get tired out later or even cut short the journey. So, go light!
To be honest, for a non-Muslim, it is too much adjustment to be a Muslim. Actually, for any non- or less-religious person, it is too much burden to deal with a religious (any faith) person. So, if religion is important for you, keep it with you. Don’t burden others.
Lets assume he comes and tell you that “I love you and want to marry you”, normally a girl in your situation would reply, “Yes, I love you and accept your offer”; what would you say? The whole world knows that your answer would be, “ARE YOU WILLING TO CONVERT TO ISLAM? IF YES, WE COULD TALK MORE”.
You asked, “there were men who fancied exploring beyond the hijab, he wasn’t one of them (what does that even mean?)”, it means he has no interest in a love-proselytizer. He is 32+ and mature, if he was 22- he would have got in love with you without realizing what will you ask him in return.
You said, “A rational, and great, portion of me tells me that I got rejected“, YES, that is half correct. He may accept you as a person but has absolutely no interest in converting to Islam or carry all those extra bags.
Further, you asked, “and should try moving on”, YES, 100%, if Islam is important for you, look at and talk to only Muslim boys.
You are already 32 years old. Inside, you are just like any women created by Allah, a warm hearted with a loving mind; but out side your are burdened by the book, customs and rituals. Collectively you must have heard many complements for wearing hijab, but tell us how many educated Muslim guys of your age came in-person and told you that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL? Probably those Muslim guys are saving those beautiful words for other young non-Muslim girls. How long are you planning to wait? Are you saving all these for the AFTER life?
Please don’t mix religion and love. -Admin
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More information: Hindu-Muslim Marriage, Sharia, Muslim-Hindu marriages, Hindu-Muslim lovers’ experiences, Koran on Hindus? Hindu girl-Muslim boy, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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Shazia
since you hindus are always spread posinous hatred againest muslim perheps you should vist http://www.womeninislam.ws a site opened by muslim sisters to get better understanding about position of women in islam. fate of nonmuslim is always hell All the religions say that people of other faiths will get hell. To fight againest non muslim it is allowed for self defense for non muslims who want peace for them there should be no compulsion
Sheebagul
If you both have understood each other and willing to marry each other,
dont waste time, as you are already 32 years. Non-muslim guys are better than than muslim guys.
God bless.
Hi everyone
I’m not sure where else to turn other than ask for some advice on my current situation. I’ll give a brief history of the situation to give some background of how this even happened. Well, I’m a 25 year old Pakistani female with a 27 year old black boyfriend (African American). I met my boyfriend the very first day of college freshman orientation back in 2005 and needless to say we just hit it off perfectly. Ever since then, we’ve been inseparable. I love him, he loves me, his parents love me, I love his parents etc. He’s been everything to me and more than I could have imagined.
The problem is the last 8 years I never once spoke about him to my parents…in 8 years!! My parents are pretty conservative culturally, religiously and first generation immigrants to America. I’m not religious at all myself and I’ve expressed this to my parents before. My boyfriend is not Muslim which is already an added X to him being black. Aside from knowing Urdu and eating traditional foods, I’m American as American can get and it’s who I am moreso than Pakistani! But this is beside the point, I have just been TERRIFIED to mention him at all to my conservative family.
Anyway, I was so afraid to tell them about him because the concept of interracial marriage, let alone a black guy and non muslim, is grounds for being disowned in our culture. I also always told my family I wasn’t interested in marriage or dating anyone until after I completed my graduate degree and I’ve done that now. Well, I finally told them about him, and it went as expected. They want nothing to do with me until this “abomination of a relationship” is over. I’ve dishonored and shamed my family apparently. I told my parents that I’m not even religious as they know and him being black is all they care about, which all they do care about (we have other male and female family members married to non muslims). I then told him about how the Prophet Muhammad said there’s no superiority of a black over a white or vice versa and also the story of Bilal and how they could judge my boyfriend because of his ethnicity.
Well, that didn’t matter. I just got sweared at and called a whore by my own father lol. Even worse though he called my boyfriend the N word My boyfriend is an amazing guy and comes from a great family…he has his doctorate, a great job lined up, and his parents are two of the nicest people I’ve ever met. In no way would he be a so called “shame” to our family name. My parents have refused to meet him or even speak to me if I’m talking to him.
I told my boyfriend this would be an issue and I feel so unfair to him because I’ve dragged him along promising to be with him for almost a decade… I kept telling him just wait I’ll tell them…wait..wait . He’s done everything possible to learn about Pakistani culture also. He learned Urdu fluently and so many other things just for me and to meet my parents. He proposed to me two years ago and I told him I’m all his but just wait until I tell my family..
I don’t know what to do. I’m very disappointed at the racism /hatred my parents have shown me but at the same time they are my parents. I do love them In the last 8 years though, I’ve become my own woman and I’ve met the guy of my dreams. I don’t care that he’s black. I know he really loves me and would do anything for me. When I told him I may have to leave him, he broke down to his knees and cried.We both are working in diffrent companies.
I cant imagine life without my parents or him.Due to my attachment with him, one day I seduced him to have sex with him and we really enjoyed. Thought not feeling guilty, yet scaring enough if married to a muslim guy, how to show my virginity with blood stains on the bed sheet on the weding night intercourse. Some time feeling that I should leave my parents and marry him immediately, as they are not giving due cognizance to my happiness and emotional attachment.
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4692
Please suggest best option for me
Hello Zunaid,
ISLAM IS TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY BOGUS – A SHAM AND A FRAUD
The term Islamo – Fascism gives tremendous creditability to Islam. It perpetuates the myth that Islam is a wonderful religion of peace and love that has been hi – jacked and perverted by a few bad apples of evil Islamo – Facsists, Islamic militants, Islamic Fundamentalists, jihadists, Wahhabism, radical Islam, Islamists. There has been no hijacking. There has been no perversion. These demented souls are following exactly the teachings of the Koran and in the footsteps of the Prophet – Muhammad.
The reality is that Osama bin Laden is a true Muslim – a holy man of the book who is following exactly the teachings of Islam as recorded in the Koran.
By not exposing the perverted teachings of Islam, those who use the term Islamo – Fascism etc are elevating Islam to an equal footing with Christianity and other world religions.
WHY ISLAM IS FASCISM
Islam is a barbaric, sexist, violent ideology (not a religion) that worships a pagan god (Allah) and women are oppressed under Islam.
THE CRIMINALITY OF MUHAMMAD
How could any person be ‘proud’ to follow a man who was a pedophile, endorser of clitoridectomy, slave trader, rapist, polygamist, punched his child bride and endorsed whipping/beating women and ploughing them like fields, stoned women to death, flogged his slave women for fornication while he had sex with slaves himself, propositioned women and passed them round to friends, denied women equal inheritance, or equality under the law etc forever and abused and denigrated them in every way–not to mention his general sadism to others, mass murder, beheading captives, massacres, terror, torture, owning slaves and raping them, looting and pillaging, amputations, flogging, thievery, lying, hate, megalomania— unending horror.
All Muslims believe the Koran is the Eternal divine word of God – the Eternal laws of God. All Muslims believe that God authored the Koran and a copy of the Koran is in heaven. The Koran remains for all Muslims, not just “fundamentalists,” the uncreated word of God Himself. It is valid for all times and places forever; its ideas are absolutely true and beyond all criticism. To question it is to question the very word of God, and hence blasphemous. A Muslim’s duty is to believe it and obey its divine commands without question.
Following are some of the close to 1000 Islamo – Fascist teachings of the Koran that are not sins against God, are not crimes against God but are THE LAWS OF GOD.
SLAVERY AND RAPING AND KILLING SLAVES ARE LAWS OF GOD FOR ALL ETERNITY
4:24 And all married women (are forbidden unto you) save those (captives) whom your right hands possess. It is a decree of Allah for you. Lawful unto you are all beyond those mentioned, so that ye seek them with your wealth in honest wedlock, not debauchery. And those of whom ye seek content (by marrying them), give unto them their portions as a duty. And there is no sin for you in what ye do by mutual agreement after the duty (hath been done). Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Wise.
“All married women (are forbidden unto you) save those (captives) whom your right hands possess. You can’t have sex with married women, unless they are slaves obtained in war (with whom you may rape or do whatever you like).” 4:24
If some one kills your freeman, you must kill one of their free men, if some one kills your slave, you must kill one of their slaves, if some one kills your woman you must kill one of their women.
2.178 O true believers, the law of retaliation is ordained you for the slain: The free [shall die] for the free, and the slave for a slave, and a woman for a woman.
23.1-6: Successful indeed are the believers, Who are humble in their prayers, And who keep aloof from what is vain, And who are givers of poor-rate, And who guard their private parts, Except before their mates or those whom their right hands possess, for they surely are not blameable.
LOOTING AS AN ETERNAL LAW OF GOD AND SHARING 1/5 OF THE PROCEEDS FROM LOOTING AND SELLING SLAVES WITH GOD
Quran-8:41— “And know that out of all the booty that ye may acquire (in war), a fifth share is assigned to Allah,- and to the Messenger, and to near relatives, orphans, the needy, and the wayfarer,- if ye do believe in Allah and in the revelation We sent down to Our servant on the Day of Testing,- the Day of the meeting of the two forces. For Allah hath power over all things.
Quran-33:27- “And He made you heirs of their lands, their houses, and their goods, and of a land which ye had not frequented (before). And Allah has power over all things.” [Merciful Allah asked Prophet Muhammad to confiscate entire properties of the surrendered Jews]
100% OF BOOTY WAS MUHAMMAD’S IF NO VIOLENCE WAS INVOLVED
However if the victims surrendered without any fight, all the booty belonged to Muhammad.
59.6 Allah gave all the booty (Fai’) to His Messenger (Muhammad SAW) if the unbelievers surrendered without fight.
MURDERING INFIDELS AS AN ETERNAL LAW OF GOD
9:50 When the sacred months have passed away, THEN SLAY THE IDOLATERS (unbelievers) WHEREVER YOU FIND THEM, AND TAKE THEM CAPTIVES AND BESIEGE THEM AND LIE IN WAIT FOR THEM IN EVERY AMBUSH, then if they repent and keep up prayer [become believers] and pay the poor-rate, leave their way free to them
9:29 Fight those who believe not in God nor the last day, nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by God and His Apostle, nor acknowledge the religion of truth, (even if they are) of the people of the Book [Christians and Jews], until they pay the jizya [poll tax] with willing submission, feel themselves subdued.”
5:36 The punishment of those who wage war against God and His Apostle, and strive with might and main for mischief through the land is: execution, or crucifixion, or the cutting off of hands and feet from opposite sides, or exile from the land: that is their disgrace in this world, and a heavy punishment is theirs in the Hereafter;
Quran-8:17—It is not ye who Slew them; it is God; when thou threwest a handful of dust, it was not Thy act, but God’s…..” (Allah said, the killing of surrendered soldiers were done by the wish of Allah)
Quran-8:67—“It is not fitting for an Apostle that he should have prisoners of war until He thoroughly subdued the land….” (Allah insisting Prophet to kill all the prisoners, and should not keep any surrendered prisoners alive until He (Prophet) occupied entire Arabia.”
Quran-33:26- “And He brought those of the People of the Book [Jewish people of Banu Qurayza] who supported them from their fortresses and cast terror into their hearts, some of them you slew (beheaded) and some you took prisoners (captive)”
APOSTATES SHOULD BE EXECUTED
4:88-91 Why should ye be divided into two parties about the Hypocrites? God hath upset them for their (evil) deeds. Would ye guide those whom God hath thrown out of the Way? For those whom God hath thrown out of the Way, never shalt thou find the Way. They but wish that ye should reject Faith, as they do, and thus be on the same footing (as they): But take not friends from their ranks until they flee in the way of God (From what is forbidden). But if they turn renegades, seize them and slay them wherever ye find them;
THE OPPRESSION OF WOMEN ARE ETERNAL LAWS OF GOD
Koran sura 5.6 (repeated in sura 4.43 –re removing pollution before praying) And if ye are sick on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet or ye have contact with women and ye find not water, then go to clean high ground and rub your faces and your hands with some of it
“When it’s time to pray and you have just used the toilet or touched a woman, be sure to wash up. If you can’t find any water, just rub some dirt on yourself. 5:6
Qur’an 4:43 “Believers, approach not prayers if you are polluted (had sex, farted, attended call of nature or touched a woman).
2:223 Likens a woman to a field (tilth), to be used by a man as he wills: “Your women are a tilth for you (to cultivate) so go to your tilth as ye will;”
65.4 You can marry (and divorce) little girls who have not yet reached menstruation age.
For those who have no courses (premenstrual underage girls i.e. they are still immature) their ‘Iddah (prescribed period) is three months.
WOMEN ARE ½ HUMAN BEINGS AND STUPID CREATURES
4:11 God (thus) directs you as regards your Children’s (Inheritance): to the male, a portion equal to that of two females
4:176 They ask thee for a legal decision. Say: God directs (thus) about those who leave no descendants or ascendants as heirs. … if there are brothers and sisters, (they share), the male having twice the share of the female.
4:14 Women have very little intelligence—their own testimony is inadmissible in rape cases; in other matters their testimony is half to that of a man
MEN CAN MARRY UP TO FOUR WOMEN: MUHAMMAD CAN HAVE UNLIMITED WIVES
Men can marry up to four women if they treat them equally; unlimited forcible concubines permitted
In Islam, not only are men allowed to practice polygamy, but they may also capture women in war and use them as sex slaves. This is considered morally legitimate according to the Quran. In other words, non-Muslim women have no right to be free from the horror of slavery and serial rape by Muslim men.
4:3 Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.
Muhammad can go beyond the four-wife restriction, can treat his own wives and sex slaves unequally. God permitted His Prophet of Peace to rape his slaves.
33:50-52 O Prophet! We have made lawful to thee thy wives to whom thou hast paid their dowers; and those whom thy right hand possesses out of the prisoners of war whom God has assigned to thee; and daughters of thy paternal uncles and aunts, and daughters of thy maternal uncles and aunts, who migrated (from Makka) with thee; and any believing woman who dedicates her soul to the Prophet if the Prophet wishes to wed her;- this only for thee, and not for the Believers (at large);
EVIL PARADISE
An evil Paradise of big breasted, big eyed Hurs to be sexually molested for all eternity as a reward for those who slay and are slain in the service of God.
9:111 “Lo! Allah hath bought from the believers their lives and their wealth because the Garden (Paradise) will be theirs: they shall fight in the way of Allah and shall slay and be slain”
“As for the righteous (Muslims)…We (Allah) shall wed them to beautiful virgins with lustrous eyes” – Q 44:51-54
BRUTAL AND INHUMANE INJUSTICE OF GOD
“Lewd” women should be punished with life imprisonment
4:15 If any of your women are guilty of lewdness, Take the evidence of four (Reliable) witnesses from amongst you against them; and if they testify, confine them to houses until death do claim them, or God ordain for them some (other) way.
It is unclear what “lewdness” actually means. This verse is so open-ended, almost any woman could potentially be accused of lewdness and sentenced to a life of house arrest, except ultraconservative women who never do anything to offend strict Muslim men.
Stealing should be punished by amputation of hands
5:41 As to the thief, Male or female, cut off his or her hands: a punishment by way of example, from God, for their crime: and God is Exalted in power.
When a person has no hands, they probably cannot earn a living anymore, so they will end up as a beggar on the street. That doesn’t seem very beneficial to society. Also, before medical sanitation and anesthesia, amputation of the hands was in many cases the equivalent of a death sentence.
Adultery and fornication must be punished by flogging with a hundred stripes.
24:2 The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication,- flog each of them with a hundred stripes: Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by God, if ye believe in God and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.
This verse leaves no other option for Muslims who believe in the divine origin of the Quran. It specifically says they must not have mercy on people who have committed adultery or fornication, and that this brutal punishment of 100 lashes is “prescribed by God.” However, since other verses in the Quran specifically allow men to have sex slaves, the horrible crime of serial rape against a non- Muslim is allowed.
IS IT RATIONAL – IS IT A REASONABLE HUMAN THOUGHT
Does anyone truly believe that God would have as His Prophet for His one and only true religion a criminal – Muhammad and teachings of slavery, rape, murder etc. Is this a rational, reasonable human thought that God would be a criminal involved in these evil criminal acts.
Is it a rational human thought that God would create a religion that allowed His followers (believers) in His one and only true religion to require His believers to murder unbelievers after giving them a warning to convert or pay a submission tax. Is this rational ? Is this reasonable?
Is it a rational human thought that God would create a religion that allowed His followers (believers) in His one and only true religion who slay and are slain in His service to ascend to an evil Paradise of big breasted, big eyed virgins (Hurs) that they can sexually molest with eternal erections for all eternity in the presence of God who teaches you how to engage in orgies, group sex. Virgins that re-generate as virgins after each sex act. Is this rational ? Is this reasonable? How can you be normal and believe that by fulfilling Kornic teaching 9:111 (quoting again) – “Lo! Allah hath bought from the believers their lives and their wealth because the Garden will be theirs: they shall fight in the way of Allah and shall slay and be slain” you will go to this demented sexual whorehouse of God and not directly to hell and damnation.
Is it a rational human thought that God would create a religion with such an evil sexually depraved Paradise. Is this rational ? Is this reasonable?
Is it a rational, reasonable human thought that God would create a religion that allowed His followers (believers) in His one and only true religion to enslave the unbelievers, breed and sell them. Is this rational? Is this reasonable?
Is it a rational human thought that God would create a religion that allowed His male followers (believers) in His one and only true religion to rape unbelievers and gang rape them. Is this rational ? Is this reasonable?
Is it a rational human thought that God would create a religion that allowed His followers (believers) in His one and only true religion to marry up to 4 women and His Prophet to marry as many women as he desired and own and rape his slaves. Is this rational ? Is this reasonable?
Is it a rational human thought that God would create a religion were women are evil, vile, stupid creatures – ½ human beings. Is this rational ? Is this reasonable?
Is it a rational human thought that God would create a religion that required His followers (believers) in His one and only true religion to share the booty gained from the looted property of the unbelievers and from the sale of slaves with God Himself. And if no fighting was involved then allowing His Prophet of Peace to obtain 100% of the booty. Is this rational ? Is this reasonable?
Is it a rational human thought that God would create a religion that allowed His followers (believers) in His one and only true religion to amputate hands or flog to death (100 lashes is death) for robbery or adultery.
Is it a rational human thought that God would create a religion that allowed His followers (believers) in His one and only true religion to murder freemen, slaves and women in retaliation for someone killing one of their freemen, slaves, and women.
We can go on and on.
THE ANSWER IS ABSOLUTELY NOT. IT IS NOT RATIONAL. IT IS NOT REASONABLE. THERE IS NO SUCH CRIMINAL GOD.
Islam was the invention and creation of Muhammad. There was no Allah. The Koran is the teachings of Muhammad and not of any God. By not exposing the truth of Islam, and trying to be politically correct and not be labeled as a racist or Islamaphobic , these people utilizing these terms are doing us all a grave disservice. By perpetrating the myth of a hijacking and perversion of the teachings of Islam, they are granting Islam – legitimacy.