Savio says: July 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm
I’m a Goan Catholic and my girlfriend is a Gujarati (Hindu) from the States. We met each other two years ago and we’ve since fallen in love with each other. We want to be with each other for the rest of our lives but her parents are strictly against it. We as a couple are willing to have two different weddings (one Hindu and the other Catholic). But apart from the marriage issue, the issue of what religions the children will follow comes into play. We figured that each of us will teach our children of both Hinduism and Catholicism. But my girlfriend thinks that she will lose her values of bring a Hindu because she’ll be losing her last name for one and secondly, she’ll be living with me and my parents, which means that our household is gonna be Catholic dominated and the fact she’s getting married to a Non-Hindu will cause her parents to not interfere in her life when she definitely wants them to. I’m pretty liberal in my thinking. I love her a lot and the fact of not being with her would totally crush me up. How do I find the appropriate answers to her questions? How do I convince her that the she will not lose her values? Your views please?
Reply by Admin:
Savio, you have a good chance to succeed because you are “pretty liberal” in thinking. This is superb! Just to make sure we understood you right….so, do you think Christ or Krishna could lead to salvation? So, are you taught different in your church than McKenna and Molly? Please clarify what do you mean by liberal.
It appears that your parents are okay accepting a “Hindu” in their life, but her parents are strictly against it. It is possible that her Hindu parents may have read The Goa Inquisition or believe all Christians are proselytizers. Show them – in your acts – that you are different and slowly and slowly you will win their trust.
You want a Catholic wedding. That means your Hindu wife has to convert before marriage or at least sign this one sided prenuptial agreement that children from this marriage will be baptized and raised in Catholic faith only. She will have to sign this document on Rupees 20 court stamp with her photo on it. Your church priest will hold this legal document in their file. Please talk to your priest and confirm all what is said about this prenuptial. Like it is clarified for Mar Thoma Church, ask your church to comment on this blog.
“What religion the children will follow?” is the #1 question for any interfaith couple. As much as one would like to avoid this critical and painful discussion, resolve it now, before it is too late.
You have mentioned “teach our children of both Hinduism and Catholicism.” Remember, the word “teach” has no meaning. If someone reads Koran does not make him/her a Muslim. Schools will “teach” children all religions. Instead of non-measureable “teach both faiths,” “I love her a lot,” “I am open minded,” or “I am tolerant” statements, prove by something that is measurable. Tell us your wish….are your children going to be Christened/Baptized? If yes and must, how is this equality of two faiths? Read the Baptism Debate with Anu.
“She’ll be losing her last name” is a minor point when there are major other issues to resolved. If necessary, let her keep her last name, have both last names or accept husband’s last name.
“She will be living with my parents” will be difficult for any one raised in the West. There are major cultural differences between East and the West (or people from big cities in the East). If you could win her trust that you will protect her from unjust demands from your parents, yes, she may accept it. By the way, are you 100% financially independent? If not, yes, even a Christian girl from the States will have concerns.
“House hold is gonna be Catholic dominated”….like Jodhaa bai, can she bring a murti (idol) of Lord Krishna to your home? King Akbar was okay with it 500 years ago, how about your family in 2011? Can she perform Hindu pooja of multiple Gods with her children (and you) in your home? Are you okay going to a Hindu temple? In return, she will come to your church. Are you okay taking Prasad, offerings from Hindu Gods, while in your Hindu wedding or Satya Narayan Katha at your wife’s parent’s home after marriage? In return, she (a Hindu) will take Jesus’ bread (body) and wine (blood) while at your church!! Keep in mind, as per the Bible, worship of any one other than the LORD God (and His son) is unpardonable sin. How would you interpret the first two of the Ten Commandments?
To your question….. “how do I find the appropriate answers to her questions?”….simply demonstrate your intention to have an Interfaith Marriage with EQUALITY as defined all over this web site and she will be at ease. There is no reason any one has to lose their values. Learn to live with religious differences and respect each other’s faith. Be a pluralist, not an exclusivist (my God is better than your God; my doll is better than your doll!!). Trust yourself and challenge rigid religious leaders. Let the love rule, not the love of religious dogmas.
Also read:
Hindu-Christian Marriage
Will Gandhi go to Hell since he was not Baptized?
Idol-Worshippers
I am a Christian mother
I converted without knowledge of my family
I am Christian getting married to a Hindu
Do all Christians go to Heaven?
Ignorent Molly trying to convert a Krishna believer to Christianity ..a video
Namastey London movie…intolerant Christians ..a video
All religions are not same
A Hindu America?
Why I am a Hindu?
A fundamentalist Christian
Why I came back to Hinduism?
Dharma is not the same as religion
Text book on How to convert Hindu Students to Christianity
.
Be a friend on Facebook. Return to InterfaithShaadi.org. To share your experience, read.
HI
i m Roman catholic from Mumbai and my GF was Hindu from Kanpur, we both working in same company but different building and used to stay in city at 7 kms away from each other, since she used to ask for and bring customer problem for solution n i used to get resolved by any means than it can b with any team, from their our communication began and we came close to each other, i felt in love with her but she was not than i tried to convince abt my love n feeling for her n than even she felt the same n we were in relationship from almost 2 years and we knew everything abt each other , i was pure non veg n she was purely veg, i never had veg in my 7 to 8 years span but started having becoz of her so that she will like it
we started having calls everyday and than from calls to meeting every week and from meeting every week to almost every day also everyday video calls
we shared everything to each other including our family, personal, official, private concerns and daily issues
i used to booked her tickets and used to go for pick up and drop at airport or railway station her, even she used to come 2 to 3 times to pick up me
we were not only emotionally attached by physically also, we started to go on trips with her friends who also had their love partners and on trips we started sleeping together(2 trips were done, hence we slept twice)
we came to level where we decided to get married in both religion and had plans all our future dreams abt our family, children, home, future business plan, etc
she wanted to get married as soon as possible as our ages were increasing but i was not able to tell my parents since my younger sis marriage was getting fixed(for whom we both prayer together for her to get married) and my home renovation(for which we both prayer together for loan to get passed and even after that selecting almost all interiors) but my parents had lots of tension hence was unable to disclose abt us to them, this was already know her as i used to tell her everything
we used to go to catholic church for mass and Hindu temple as per our time convenience and have all kind of prashad, lunch and things which they used to provide
we also used to reject if any marriage proposal received to us through our parents
we used pray together over call in night before sleeping and we used to spend lots of time together either on call or practically
used to go with her for Buddha meetings
i used to drop her till home after her shift, used to change my shift timings for her and so does she
she started preparing lunch for me as my office canteen was not good enough
i told her everything’s abt my past relations and also abt girl who used to blackmail me in office since i had used her for official things
one day we were on way to next(3rd) trip with her friends but her father called urgently to c a boy whom her father had called as the boy was supposed to leave for USA for job, since her father had given a word to that boy father, she went hometown to fulfill her father wish, saying that she will reject that boy and will propose everything abt me to her dad, even she will convince to her dad abt me
but wen she came from hometown(kanpur) i had good news for her that my parents have agreed for our relationship but than she halted me and said that she wants to broke up with me(7th Feb 2019) saying i don’t love her but loves physically, i don’t care abt her and i m very selfish abt achieving things whatever i want and will do whatever for get those wishes fulfill, doesn’t care abt others feelings, even i m thinking all time abt unnecessary things and not fruitfully, even she is not able to study or attend budda meeting becoz of me and i have wasted her lots of time, she started removing my mistakes and abt my past relationship with girl from my office who used to black mail me
i was so broken, still its being more than 2 months i m waiting for God to help me to restore as i tried everything my end to make her convinced and understand, her friends didnt supported me to convinced her as they will loose the friendship, even i told her i wont stop her from doing anything, will allow whatever she wants to be, but now she is feeling that i m irritating her by trying continuously to meet her or discussed abt resolving the issues and if tried to make to c her by waiting near home she will lodge a complaint of emotional harassment on me, everyday my tears flow as i m unable to forget since we had spent so much time together and done things together, i m praying for her continuously whenever i m getting time from my office hours and when i m at home day n night for hearts transformation, I really trying to finding a way to remove all those misunderstanding from her mind(as this se can be propose to her friends or in office abt me) and trying to convince but she has blocked me from every communication n all my ways where i m stuck n unable to clear the same
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=15222
I believe that she has taken best decision. She shouldnt marry a converted man just for rice bag. For converted man or women, their religion is first than nation. take my word.
Suggesting you marry your christian community.
I was a hindu girl and married a christian and that too believer pentecostal. We had courtship of 6 years before marrying and at the time of marriage, despite knowing that it is a sin he agreed to hindu marriage for the sake of my parents respect. Then after marriage I converted on my own will and experience of christianity but now my parents especially my younger brother, after four years of my marriage have still not accepted my husband and they want that I should come back to Hindu faith and follow all festivals etc. So worse is the situation that now my brother has started commenting on FB openly in public about this. I mean it is my choice and I am happy with this and I guess what matters most in a marriage is happiness. So when I am happy, does not that mean that whomsoever loves me is happy the way I am. I have not changed a bit after my marriage but does the religion matter over the person who I am. I mean is religion everything that nothing else matters to my family. not even my happiness nothing. Please suggest.
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12249
Hi.. am priya. I am a Hindu girl. I am loving a Roman Catholic Boy. Both of us are very religious. Hence i will not convert to his religion.He is alright with my decision. But it is his wish to marry in a church. I am also okay with it. But Which catholic church will allow us to get married without getting me to convert? We are from Chennai and I don’t mind my children to be christians.Is there any church allow this in here? We are okay even if it’s in Goa? Can anyone suggest any church?
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=11712
I AM A CHIRISTIAN PLANNING TO MARRY A BUNT (TULU) GIRL.
We have software professionals and was in love for nearly 3 years. My parents are ok with the marriage but there is stiff resistance from the girl’s family. I introduced oneday the girl to my family and every one was very happy. Some one even said she is the most beautiful girl they have even seen. I am not particular that the girl should converted to Christianity eventhough my family is insisting for conversion. After reading the article above I feel little shaky and in a dilemma what to do. Expect valaubale suggestion.
Reply to Armstrong at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=3942
Hello Savio, While I don’t have the answers for you, I am in a similar situation.
I am Roman Catholic and my son is planning to marry a Hindu woman. While I don’t expect her to convert, I am having some concerns about my participation in the ceremony, and I am hoping for a ceremony that reflects both cultures.
You say you really love this girl. One thing you can meditate on is “God is Love”. and hopefully some answers will unfold for you. I am going to take my own advice! Best Wishes for a life of love and happiness to you and your fiance.
BEWARE HINDU YOUNG GENERATION… PLEASE DONT DO INTER-CASTE MARRIAGE. YOU WILL SPOIL YOUR LIFE.
Here is my story…
My husband and I met during our bachelor and we were best friends. He always told me he loves me more than his life. I talked to my parents that I want to marry him. My parents maturely react to me. They make me understand many times that this relationship won’t work as he is Christian and don’t trust whatever he says. My husband used to talk big things about the richness of his family and his parents although it was totally lie. He used to make stories and I always believe in him because when you are in love with someone you always believe him moreover you lose the ability to differentiate the trust because ‘love is blind’.
We had lot of problem in getting married and my husband even told me once that he may get converted into Hinduism. He was ready to do anything for our marriage. My husband got US visa so he told me he will go to US only if I marry him so I converted into Christianity in Rs. 20 stamp paper and I married to him without informing my family and he went USA. My elder sister did arrange marriage and marry in the same cast. She had problem in her marriage life. My parents told me that we are totally oppose to allow me to marry any Christian guy and my sister already had problem in her marriage life so if I will have problem in marriage life in future then they will be in lot of pain. Still I didn’t convinced by them. My parents got to know that I got married, they didn’t said me anything instead when my husband came back from USA my parents had little function and I moved to my husband’s family.
Now my life changed from here.
There are lot of bad experience happened to me every day but let me describe some of them.
We had a dance party after our marriage function and at the end of the party my parents requested to me to tell DJ to play garba and I did but on the other hand my husband got angry that why they played garba and her mom stand up and walk as she hates garba. My husband scared from her mom too much. HE LOVE ME MORE THAN HIS LIFE HOW COME HE DIDN’T TOLARENT GARBA FOR ME?
He took me every Sunday to church and we sat there almost two hours. Even I never went to temple and had puja for two hours but still for his love I did everything he said. Once on New Year I asked him to go temple and he refused. He scared that if his mom knows then she feels bad. HE LOVE ME MORE THAN HIS LIFE HOW COME HE SAID NO TO JUST SPEND HIS 15 MINUTS IN TEMPLE?
We had Satya Narayan Katha at my mom home. My mother in law told me that don’t let his son to sit in pooja as it is sin in their culture. We just went to puja for few minutes and my husband even didn’t take prashad. I told him to eat it as normal food but he didn’t take it as having Prasad is sin in Christianity he said. Before marriage whenever he come to my home and I offer prashad, he always took it. HE LOVE ME MORE THAN HIS LIFE HOW COME HE DIDN’T EAT PRASAD THOUGHT ONE DAY HE TOLD ME TO GET CONVERT INTO HINDUISM?
There are lot of small things which I feel shy to write down. One year I lived with his family and almost each day I cried. He didn’t allow me to either go to my friends or my parents’ home. I have to go everywhere with him else I am not allowed to go. I never dare to take murti (idol) of Lord to his home. He like me to wear western clothes to do show off that he is very global and free but from his mind is sick.
During fight he told me that he hates hindus. I asked him why did you marry hindu girl then he said it’s good to convert any hindu girl into Christianity. During fight if I don’t convinced by him than he started hitting himself and even he hits me twice. We were immigrated to Canada so I was waiting for the day to go out of india and get divorce.
Today I’m in Canada and whenever I talk to him for divorce, he fight with me and started hitting him and said me to first kill him and then go. I don’t want to be reason for someone’s suicide so I am still with him. I don’t want kids because by default our kids will be Christian. According to him, its sin in Christianity to take divorce on the other hand he can hit his wife.
Still my parents dont know anything about my bad life. I always pretend them that I am very happy. I dont want to see them sad.
Indian Christians has created their own rules and created their own weird religion which they says Christianity.
My life is so precious. I was very happy in my life but one sick christian family has devastated it.
I dont know who is admin of the site, but thanks for creating this site and giving awesome replies.
Reply to Hinu at….
https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=1249
Dear Hinu
I empathize with you. I also underwent a similar experience as I am a Hindu and was married to a Christian for 15 years and had two children. Your husband is weak and is emotionally blackmailing you to stay on in this marriage. Believe me he will not kill himself and he knows that by talking like this you will stick on with him. I took a divorce form my husband who had made life miserable for me and children by his daily preaching, controlling and quoting bible at every step. So much so he was not willing to allow me or children to visit my parents and kept on saying to me that I will burn in hell as only Christians will go to heaven. When they are dating they are different and when they marry they remember their religion. I had had a civil marriage and did not convert and I agreed willingly to let the kids be Christian becos I did not feel there was an issue on this score. He also threatened me that he will die if I left him but I felt I owed it to myself for my sake, children sake to get out of this hell. Now he comes after me saying he was wrong and he is ready to accept the fact I am a Hindu but I am at peace and living a sane life. You are in Canada where it is much easier to get rid of him why are you bent on destroying your life for this man. You owe it to yourself to be happy and move on. You are not responsible for his life, if he chooses to commit suicide so be it is on his head. Remember no one in this world understands what you are going through, do not bother about anyone go and take a decision and move on
If you say your life is precious them make it so. It is not about christian or hindu it is about the mentality of indivdual persons. Tolerance and acceptance of the spouse from another religion is difficult to abide so successful interfaith marriages in the true sense I believ are a rarity
Please reply at
https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=1249&cpage=1#comment-26973
Dear Hinu,
I sympathize with what you’re going through and there are several things I would like to talk about.
Firstly, Garba is part of your culture and your upbringing. It’s a part of you what makes you the person you are and I don’t think anyone has the right to ask you not to indulge yourself in any cultural activity. In fact, I’m sure you may want to pass on that your kids some day. In fact, I’ve been to many Garba functions myself and I, being an Indian Catholic, enjoy being part of it.
Secondly, I’m a Catholic and I’m liberal too. People may disagree with me but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you spending time with your spouse in the temple. As long as you know what you believe in, you should be fine. Your husband is very chauvinistic and needs to learn that if you can sacrifice your beliefs and go to church, he can go to a temple with you too.
Thirdly, as for your Satya Narayan Katha, I think your husband should have told you if he had a problem right from the very beginning. I mean I don’t really understand the idea behind ruining each others’ lives. Religion was always gonna be an issue but there are ways to deal with it.
I’m so sorry to say this but your husband is in love with the person he wanted you to become and not the person you are. I don’t think anyone should change when it comes to religion and culture. My sister has been happily married to my brother-in-law (Hindu) for 7 years and they have a son together and I think they’ve managed to keep their faiths aside and still managed to work things out. In fact, my brother-in-law encourages my sister to go to church and vice versa. At the end of the day, it comes down to individuals, if you as a couple are willing to work things out, you will and also be successful at it. If you want to be together, you’ve got compromise on both ends.
The most important part of marriage and relationships is communication and understanding each other. Then only you’ll be able to live happy whether you’re part of an interfaith marriage or not. Yes divorce is frowned upon in any religion but if you’re miserable and are abused, I think it’s best to end it as soon as possible. You would both be living a lie if you continued to be together unless he lives up to his promise.
NOT ALL INTER-FAITH MARRIAGES ARE BAD. THERE ARE QUITE A FEW OUT THERE THAT CAN WORK. IT ONLY COMES DOWN TO THE KIND OF INDIVIDUALS INVOLVED. I HOPE THAT HELPS.
Savio,
Excellent answer, excellent thoughts. Seems like you have really learned the meaning of real religion. Best wishes to you.
We are glad to hear of your sister’s Hindu-Christian marriage with equality of both faiths. That is the way to have a happy and long lasting interfaith marriage. Just to clarify, was the marriage in a church? Did your bother-in-law had to sign the child-rearing one sided prenuptial agreement on a Rupees 20 stamp? Was their 7 years old baptized to be labeled as a Christian or will that child have a chance to decide his own religious fate when he is an adult?
Why does the admin seems to be anti-christian??
Christianity has lots of negativities attached…all religions have. Basically, it come down to what each and every human being is.
NO point of trying to argue upon what is written in the Bible..it is one of those books which can be interpreted in many different ways. Lot many scholars r already working on that.
Inter religion marriages shud be promoted to remove the caste hierarchies and orthodox religious beliefs..to spread humaneness and genetically, to keep the population fit. Its best to be kept till that rather than trying to criticize any particular religion directly or in a round about way!!
Agree 100%, but there should not be a requirement of fake-conversion (baptism) to marry a Christian or prenuptial that children from this marriage will only be Christians. Interfaith marriages should be secular and equality of both faiths, agree?
Savio, Last week I was in Goa (for the first time). What struck me as I visited the Churches was the similarities in the way Indian Catholics and Hindus worship. The flower sellers were selling the same garlands as are sold in front of Mandirs. The older women all had their heads covered and hands folded and ofcourse as Indians we all look alike, regarldless of our differant religions.
I know I am being superficial but you will have to focus on the positve for your future.
One thing though is absolute. Catholic law will require your children to be brought up as Catholics and thats something that you and your your future wife will have to reconcile too.