Suma says: April 5, 2017 at 12:43 pm
Hi..I am a Hindu and I am in love with a Christian guy.His ancestors are converted from Hindu to Christian. Initially my parents were not accepting our relationship but now somehow my parents are ready to meet his parents. His parents are good but they wanted a Christian style wedding only. Even my boyfriend wanted the same. But I wanted wedding to happen in both style as I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling. Is this possible? Or should I convince my parents.can you suggest me how to convince them. what will be good for us? -Suma
Suma says: May 10, 2017 at 4:44 am
Can you tell me the difference between baptism and conversion. We are going to do wedding in both the style but for church wedding Baptism is required. Can I go for baptism but still follow both Hindu and Christian traditions? What is wrong in that?
More information: Interfaith marriage with equality, Hindu-Christian Marriage, Bible on Hindus? Christian-Hindu relationships, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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iam a hindu bengali girl , aftr 2yrs of being in a relation i came to know tht my bf is a christian nonbengali. i am from a middle class family. and i nvr wanted a interfaith marriage,,but i love him really. i dont knw what to do nxt, evn it will b very tough fr my prnts to accept this, please advice
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=15228
Hi admin,
I am deeply in love with a Christian Marthomite guy. I am a Hindu Nair girl. We both come from the same community (Malayalis). My boyfriend and I have a mutual understanding that neither of us will convert. If we ever do have children in the future, we want our kids to be raised with knowledge of both religions. However, his parents are giving me a hard time and want me to convert in order to be married in the church. I want to have a Hindu ceremony and a Christian ceremony, but they are totally against having a Hindu wedding ceremony. My boyfriends mother feels that I don’t love her son enough in order to convert. My parents have agreed to us getting married and are not giving me a hard time like his parents are. My boyfriend is trying his level best to make his parents understand why I don’t want to convert. Please tell me what should I do?
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12656
I am a Christian boy and my girlfriend is Hindu. She always told me that she do not want to get converted to Christian. I am open minded and I also do not want her to get c
converted to Christian nor my parents. It’s her decision. But now she is telling that she wants to get converted to Christian for our better future as God is one. But im upset i don’t want her to get converted into my religion because i dunno what will happen to her, will she adjust, will she be happy and if she will be sad o will feel bad. What should I do? Im confused. My 50% heart says its her choice let her do, but my another 50% heart says should i stop her,
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12660
Hi suma.. Im Also same girl facing the problem..
Whats the final decision u taken to. Marry in both styles. Or in. Only one style..
Tanja,
We hope Suma will get back to you. However we will be happy to help you. We have dealt with some 1200 youths just like you and can help. Are you planning have Hindu and Christian wedding? There are certain issues and some legal points you need to keep in mind. Get back to us and we can help you walk through your isses. See you soon.
Can you tell me the difference between baptism and conversion. We are going to do wedding in both the style but for church wedding.Baptism is required.can I go for baptism but still follow both Hindu and Christian traditions. What is wrong in that
This discussion certainly gives us pain. These religious institutions have made rules for their survival that makes your life very miserable. Understand that this is just beginning. We will be always here to guide you so do come back. Now to your question…
Baptism = Conversion.
How are you going to register your marriage to Indian government? Ask your in-laws to have the Hindu wedding first and get it register marriage under the Hindu marriage Act or the Special Marriage Act 1954. Once that is done, have a fake-baptism but do not sign any child-rearing document. Next day of that fake-baptism, go to Arya Samaj and “legally” convert back to Hinduism. Explain all these to your parents, don’t hide from them.
Legality is critical here:
1) If you are legally a Christian (after baptism) or married under the Christian Marriage Act, your children will be Christian. In case of divorce, you may not have custody of children because they are Christian and you are a Hindu.
2) Further, if you inherited some properties/house from your grandfather, after conversion, legally, you are no more part of that Hindu heritage and all asset will be distributed among your sublings, not you.
3) If you die (sorry to put it this way!), you will be buried in the church property and not have Hindu cremation because you are a Christian (even against wishes of your parents).
You have nothing to gain by baptism other than it will make you weak for your wishes to be a Hindu. Consult an attorney who is an expert in interfaith marriages.
We do not recommend such lies and deception, but you wish to play that fake-conversion game, make sure to play it well.
Bollywood portraits Christianity as a religion of love. Now you will know it first hand what is the reality.
We recommend to change the church or pastor/priest that accept you as a “Hindu”. This will make Jesus happy (not the church, why should you care for them?).
Okay can I do baptism so that I can do church wedding and instead of registering in church ..can I register our wedding under special marriage act
In India (we assume you are there), the first registered marriage counts. Your marriage will be governed by that first marriage. After that, you can have as many marriages as you wish. You can also have as many conversions as you wish (except Islam where your life could be in trouble, it is a one way street). What ever your last declared religion, is your religion.
However, don’t underestimate the church. They have smarter lawyers than you can find. It is not going to be easy dealing with them.
Tell your parents every thing now. You cannot deal with such major issue yourself, you need help and support.
Dear Suma,
I have an example which may be an inspiration for you (real life example):
A family member of mine (someone who became my extended family through marriage) is a devout practicing Hindu who married a devout practicing Catholic Christian girl. They had a church marriage (I believe he had to be baptized before this) as well as a Hindu marriage with a pundit reciting mantras, the fire etc.
Admin says “Church will not let you have a Hindu wedding” but this girl, whose parents are also religious Catholics, were present and smiling at their daughters’ Hindu ceremony. The church doesn’t dictate everyone’s lives. The church may have its problem with Hindu marriages but what matters is what the girl/the couple want. Everyone is free to take their own decisions in life.
Their marriage was registered in a civil court and nobody officially changed their religion on paper.
After having done both Hindu and Christian marriages, the couple (married for years now) continues to practice their respective religions in their house.
I think in your case, just follow your heart and do what feels right. Definitely go for the Special Marriage Act to register your marriage if both of you will be practicing your own religions after marriage. I agree that both sets of parents should be kept happy, ideally, but you as a couple need to decide what you want and what is important to you…
You said “My parents are not aware that my would be’s wanted to have only Christian wedding. After 2 long years my parents are ready to meet his parents. But I don’t know how they will react if they will get to know that my in-laws wanted to have only Christian wedding.” – IF your parents come to know of this, they will probably not react very positively. They will be upset with your in-laws. You have to pick and choose your battles when it comes to intercultural/interfaith relationships so decide if this is a fact worth sharing. Not everything needs to be revealed to everyone. I do believe honesty is the best policy, as a rule, but sometimes certain things are better left unsaid, especially if it will create a fight or other future problems between your parents and your in-laws.
You also said: “His parents are good but they wanted a Christian style wedding only. Even my boyfriend wanted the same. But I wanted wedding to happen in both style as I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling.” – What matters is what you and your boyfriend want. Speak about this, come to a common ground, and then do what you want to do, ideally without hurting the parents.
Thank you so very much for this help and details.
Can you tell me the ideas for fusion wedding.We want to follow our rituals (Hindu – Christian)without conversion.
Dear Suma,
This is superb idea. You have to teach your spouse to respect each others belief. You should have a Hindu as well as a Christian marriage without conversion. This is a perfect plan and that is what we always recommend. Main issue is the church. The church doesn’t want to share but wish to eat the whole pie. They will not settle no conversion deal. Further, church will not let you have a Hindu wedding. Can you manage to keep the church out (but Jesus in) of what you do? Talk to your friend and let us know.
Hlw suman..I m a Christian girl…so would I marry a Hindu guy..would it be ri8
My parents are not aware that my would be’s wanted to have only Christian wedding.After 2 long years my parents are ready to meet his parents.But I don’t know how they will react if they will get to know that my in-laws wanted to have only Christian wedding.
Suma,
Now you are a full grown adult. Cut the umbilical cord from the parents. Take charge of your life and do that you think is logical and moral.
Now as a responsible and intelligent citizen of this world, explain us why “my in-laws wanted to have only Christian wedding” and “my would be’s wanted to have only Christian wedding.” Tell us what is wrong with the Hindu wedding. Assume you are a Hindu parent today and your own daughter propose not to have a Hindu wedding, what would you do?
Tell us why are you not respecting your inner feelings “I wanted wedding to happen in both style”?
Tell us why those Christians have allergy to Hindu wedding. Lets talk in details. We are waiting.
Because I was told that it is against the Christian religion. I am a person..Who respects all the religion..I neither want to hurt my parent nor his parents. I will never ask any one to follow religion based on me. It’s a personal choice after all.He is also a good person and he never forced me for conversion.This wedding style is the only thing in which he is stubborn.I am not sure what to do now.I don’t want to loose any one.
Dear Suma,
We are very happy that you reached out to us. Marriage is a long journey and we will walk with you.
Problem is not him, his parents nor Jesus, but the church. Many of churches are so irrational and illogical; it will kill all fun out of your life. We hope you don’t get in the trap of his church. You are in love with your boy friend and you care for his parents, but there is nothing you have to gain by pleasing his church. Thus, if you wish to be happy, learn to separate him, his parents and Jesus from his church. We will work with you.
Before we go in details, clarify to us what do you mean by “should I convince my parents.can you suggest me how to convince them.” We thought your parents “now somehow my parents are ready to meet his parents” and you “I wanted wedding to happen in both style,” perfect! This sounds like a good plan. Tell us what is the issue on your or your parents side?