in-love says:
Hi, i am in a relationship with a muslim girl for past 7 years. I want to marry her bt we both strongly feel..we dont need any conversion, 4 both of us religion is jst a faith. I work in a blue-chip company n she iz pursuing her studies..but by next year we both we want to marry..bt i dont want this to reveal to any of my parents..coz i dont want any interruption in her studies…I need some legal advice..i knw there iz a provision of special marraige act..bt i am unaware of its intricacies on a practical level..also i want to conceal the marraige for 1-2 years..while she completes her MBBS…please help and one request plz dont fight ova religion in response..i need a solution..plz help 🙂 -in-love
Admin says:
In-love, you are right, “please don’t fight over the religion in response”. This is your wishful thinking, but for your “interfaith” love, you will have to deal with religious conflict. We have excellent advisors here from Islam and all other faiths. Let people say what they want to, but you take what is appropriate for your own situation. We are not here to decide FOR you, but simply to lay facts in front of you to help you make informed decision. Fair?
First you read Hindu boy and ask her to read Muslim girl article. First you both fully educate for realities of life. Instead of hiding, sometimes, it is better to face parents upfront and be bold. We will let you decide what will work for you. Also read more about civil or court marriages.
Remember, most important question in any interfaith marriage is not how you will marry, but what will be the formal religion of your children (read BBS), have you decided on it?
After reading all these, please come back with more specific question. Mean time come and guide others (best way to learn is to teach!). Best wishes.
Anjum says: November 23, 2012 at 6:48 am
Hi, I am Anjum pursuing MBBS programme and love Mr. In-love, who is not disclosing his name. Hahhahhaha………………..
I shall marry him being compatible to me in all respects.
Expecting blessings from all of us in this blog. -Anjum
Return to InterfaithShaadi.org. To share your experience, read.
Hindu-Muslim marriages: Is the trend changing in America?
Hi Anjum and Mr.in love?
Good luck to you both.
May God bless you both to have a very happy and married life.
with best wishes,
Yasmeen
HI every muslim girl,
I am describing about stress that a modern Muslim women can struggle to balance conflicting cultures to ensure her married life has a smooth sailing.
It is a drastic and costly measure but as she takes her husband’s hand in marriage, she knows it is one which may – quite literally – save her life.
The horror and outrage that would ensue if it was discovered she had already slept with a man would be so damning that her own strictly religious relatives might kill her rather than face public shame.
“My virginity was restored in a delicate operation just last week, and I honestly view it as life-saving surgery,”
“If my husband cannot prove to his family that I am a virgin, I would be hounded, ostracised and sent home in disgrace. My father, who is a devout Muslim, would regard it as the ultimate shame.
“The entire family could be cast out from the friends and society they hold dear, and I honestly believe that one of my fanatically religious cousins or uncles might kill me in revenge, to purge them of my sins. Incredible as it may seem, honour killings are still accepted within our religion.
“Ever since my family arranged this marriage for me, I’ve been terrified that, on my wedding night, my secret would come out. It has only been since my surgery last week that I’ve actually been able to sleep properly. Now, I can look forward to my marriage.”
Myself is far from alone in seeking such drastic – and almost barbaric – surgery.
The rise in Islamic fundamentalism is being blamed for the growing trend for hymenoplasties, where the hymen is re-created from the already torn tissue, or a new membrane is inserted using a gelatine-like substance.
In some cases, the vaginal lining can also be used to create a “false” hymen.
A blood capsule can be inserted into the lining to ensure realistic blood flow when the false hymen is broken.
Eight Hundred Twenty-four muslim women in the UK had the procedure on the NHS between 2010 and 2011, but it is thought that even thousands more – included – have plundered their savings to pay up to£4,000 to have private surgery.
My story illustrates the intense pressures on young British muslim women caught between the strict moral code of their own community and the laxer, permissive attitudes of their white contemporaries.
I grew up against a stiflingly strict background as one of seven dutiful Muslim daughters in an affluent middle-class family who moved to England from Pakistan two generations ago.
“I’ve always adored my parents. My father, now 62, is a retired accountant and my mother raised a family of seven sisters in a five-bedroom house in Birmingham.
“I attended the local Catholic secondary school and although I wore a scarf on my head, I refused to wear a veil, telling my parents that it would make me stand out too much.
“I was one of the girls, totally accepted by my white, English friends whose lives revolved around shopping and fancying boys.
“But the moment I stepped over the doorstep, normal teenage life would cease and it was like entering an entirely different world. At home, we had to pray together five times a day.
“We weren’t allowed to watch television. My parents were so worried that Western influences might take our minds off the most important things – education and religion – that we were never allowed to bring any schoolfriends home.
“But it made all the things my friends did more attractive to me. I would sneak out on Saturday afternoons and join them in town, hanging around, shopping and chatting to boys.”
Perhaps ironically, it was my academic success that was to prove my downfall, as I used to move away from home to study language and politics at university, and found myself plunged into a world of louche student living.
I recall: “I was a totally naive 18-year-old, and found myself living away from my parents for the first time, and suddenly, everything that I had been bought up to believe was wrong, was being played out in front of me.
“I decided that drinking, smoking and having boyfriends was just a part of normal, teenage growing up.
“Like other young girls, I just wanted to be part of a crowd. I stopped wearing the veil and for the first time in my life I wore Western clothes – designs which revealed far more of my body than anything I had ever worn before.
“I also started drinking. I started off on beer and then gradually things like vodka and cocktails, which naturally helped me lose my inhibitions.”
I was in her second year of university when she found love and inevitably, lust.
“He was another student in my tutorial class, and the more time we spent together, the more I found myself falling in love.
“Philip was white, English, charming and kind. When we started dating, I told him I was a virgin and that I was expected to keep my virginity for marriage.
“But he wore my inhibitions down, and I began to see that having a physical relationship with him would be pleasurable.
“All my friends were sleeping with their boyfriends and it was entirely accepted. I was the odd one out, so after several months I took the plunge and went on the contraceptive pill as a precaution.
“As the months went past, he became more and more desperate to make love.
“I wrestled with my conscience night after night, but having taken away the fear of pregnancy by being on the pill, I saw that – as long as my parents never found out – there was no reason not to make love.
“Marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. Anyway, at that time I assumed I would marry for love, not have an arranged marriage.”
I tried to resist Philip but I discovered that I liked the physical contact. Then one fateful night, we went out and I had too much to drink. My head was spinning, we ended up in bed together and couldn’t resist any longer. It was really lovely, and I felt no shame.
“It was only when I woke up the next morning, and saw Philip lying beside me, that I thought: ‘What have I done?’
“But there was no turning back and it felt entirely natural. He reassured me it was OK and told me that he loved me.
“Part of me was scared but I was also rather proud of what I’d just done. I wasn’t just a little Muslim girl, I was an independent young woman who could make up her own mind how she was going to live her life.
Traditionally, Muslim brides are expected to be virgins when they marry
“Four months later, Philip and I broke up but I suddenly felt sexually empowered.
“When I started going out with another student, I knew from the word go that we would sleep together and we did, on the second night.
“I also had another sexual fling at university with a friend.
“Having lost my virginity, it didn’t seem to matter how many men I slept with, the damage was already done.
“Besides, I was living away from my parents, and my old life of endless prayer and abiding by the customs of our religion seemed a long way away.”
The full reality didn’t hit home until I returned home to Birmingham at 22, after finishing my degree.
“It was horrible,” . “It felt like returning to a prison, and I could feel my father’s eyes burning into me, as if he knew. I tried to play the dutiful Muslim daughter, but I had changed.
“I felt as if I was being smothered. My parents wanted me to live at home and work in Birmingham, but I got a job on a graduate sales training scheme in London. I convinced my parents it was a great honour.”
With a new job and a new life, I fell in love with a colleague, Steve, and as a couple moved in together in an astonishing breach of her strict Muslim upbringing.
“I still managed to keep it secret from my parents; my father was quite ill by now and they rarely travelled.
“I would talk to them on my mobile phone, and we didn’t have a landline in the flat.
“Steve and I lived together for two years, but then the relationship started to go wrong. He spent too much money, and he was very jealous and possessive of me.
“When a job opportunity came up in the chain of stores I worked for in Birmingham, I seized it and moved back to get away from him. My parents were thrilled and they started talking seriously about an arranged marriage.
“I realised I had two choices. I could either move back to London and live a Western life, bringing shame on my poor parents and estrange myself from the sisters, aunts and uncles I loved. Or I could go along with their dreams of an arranged marriage.
“A Muslim husband would have the same values as me, and I would be firmly back within my family support system.
“For a year I played the part of the dutiful daughter. I wore the hijab, even to work, and I helped my mother care for my father. His pleasure at my return was so touching.”
Then last summer, my mother announced that she had found a prospective husband who came from an affluent Muslim family living in Pakistan.
As tradition demanded, the families had shared two ceremonial meetings and the parents of both prospective bride and groom agreed to a match.
In July, I flew to Pakistan to meet her “fiance” for the first time.
“I was absolutely terrified. This was the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
“I didn’t know if I would get on with him, or even if he would approve of me.
“And at the back of my mind was this awful, sickening worry about my virginity.
“But when I met him, I liked him immediately. He was 28, 6ft 3in tall with black hair and very handsome. He made me feel so welcome.
“I spent a month at his parents’ house, and I grew to love my future husband. We didn’t kiss in all the time we were together, and I played the diligent Muslim girl who prayed five times a day, wore my hijab and kept my eyes downcast.
“But as I said goodbye to my future husband and flew back to Birmingham, I really started to panic about my virginity.
“Muslim tradition demands that on my wedding night, bridegroom will take the bloodied sheets to show his mother and aunts to prove that his bride is pure.
“If I do not bleed, the wedding will be annulled, and I will be sent home in disgrace.
“This was all I could think about. How could I fool my own husband and his family into believing that I was pure?”
Through friends, I heard of a new operation to “restore” a torn hymen, and, in my desperation, I went onto the internet to find out more.
“A few friends have already had this operation, though it has to be done with the utmost secrecy, as we would be disowned by our family if the news ever came out.
“On the internet, I found the clinic of Dr Magdy Hend, at the Regency Clinic on Harley Street.
“I went for an initial consultation, telling my family I was travelling to London on business, and was absolutely reassured.
“The operation would cost £2,000 and would be done under local anaesthetic.
“Dr Hend said it would take only about an hour and a half, and I would be able to go back to work the next morning, though I had to be careful not to do anything which would make the hymen break, such as strenuous exercise.
“The operation would involve taking the ‘torn’ parts of my hymen and basically stitching them back together, adding further tissue from the side of my vagina.
“If I wanted, just prior to my wedding he could place a capsule of blood into the hymen which would ensure a healthy amount of blood. It sounds barbaric, but what choice did I have?”
Inevitably, there was controversy when it emerged that taxpayers had funded such operations on the NHS, with MPs suggesting it was a sign of “social regression”.
But while I felt I had no choice, I preferred the discretion of a private clinic: “The operation went just as he predicted. It was painless, and I can feel no difference at all.
“I think I will have the blood capsule put in place, just to make sure. I’ve had to save up for months to afford it, and I still have student debts, but it is such a weight off my mind. I had been crying myself to sleep, wondering how I was going to cope, and now I know that my secret is safe.
“I feel very sad that women like me feel so torn between our two cultures. Our religion is so rigid – yet I was brought up among Western friends who thought nothing of sleeping with their boyfriends.
“It makes life so confusing and I feel so deeply for all the many Muslim girls in Britain who are caught in the same dilemma.
“I was lucky, I suppose, in that I could afford to repair my ‘mistake’ so no one would know.
“But it scares me to think what will happen to Muslim girls who do not have this option and are seen to be ‘shaming’ their families. They are the ones whose lives will be at risk
and finally after 4 months I got married in Pakistan and on the wedding night, as usual, my husband penetrated and broke the hymen and the blood capsule bleeded and several stains of blood appeared on the bed sheet which were examined by an elderly women in the monrning. Husband and his family was proud of me having a virgin woman.
Time passed and one day, I came to know that my husband was already married and having kids. It came to me a big blow. I asked him why did he choose to marry me, he said as per religions, he can keep 4 wives.
OMG, I informed my ailing father and mom, they were also shocked. Dom estic violence against me started and one day I was divorced. I contacted the prominent persons of my locality but of no use. Ultimately, I had to leave Pakistan and came back to UK with parents.
Again started working in Birminghmam mall and this time met with a Punjabi Hindu boy. Having lost so much in the life, I got attracted towards him. His wife had died with out any kids.Our relations grew more and more and one day I told my parents to marry him. They asked him to meet them. He met and discussed and did not put any condition to covert to Hindu.Ultimately parents agreed.
Now I am with him (Vivek),both respecting each other,s religion. I have a kid. My 2nd and 3rd sisters have married with British guys, as per their choice. Due to growing age of parents, they have lost to put any pressure.
Reply to her at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=3510
Muhammad’s first wife, Khudeija died in 619 A.D. He took his second wife in 620 A.D., when he was fifty. He married his last wife two years before his death in 632 A.D.
SECOND WIFE
After returning from Taif to Mecca, Muhammad married Sawda. As we have mentioned earlier, Muhammad was facing acute financial hardships after the death of his wife. He desperately needed someone to help him survive until he found a permanent solution to his economic difficulties.
Sawda was a widow of Sokran, who had left behind some wealth for her to live on the rest of her life. She was neither young nor beautiful. On top of it, she was very tall for a woman and also had an excessively corpulent physique. Her physical shortcomings notwithstanding, Muhammad went ahead and married her due, perhaps, to the following considerations:
1.Having lost his ability to engage himself in penile intercourse with woman, Sawda’s age, physique and ugliness, at that crucial time of his life, had became irrelevant to Muhammad;
2. All that he wanted from her was her wealth.
His purpose served, Muhammad announced his intention to expel her from his house. Faced with grim prospects of starving and dying on the street, she implored him not to proceed with his plan, pledging at the same time that she would not divulge to anyone the state of his sex life. Satisfied with the bargain, he allowed her to live in his household for so long as she lived.
THIRD WIFE
Aisha was the daughter of Abdullah Ibn Abu Qahafa, popularly known as Abu Bakr, Father of the virgin she-camel, an appellation people gave him after he gave his child in marriage to a fifty- plus year old Muhammad. Being a friend of Abu Bakr, Muhammad had the privilege to visit his house anytime he wished. In course of those visits, child Aisha became accustomed to him, whose presence gave her delight and brought her “something of the joy of the Paradise.” In his “miraculous touch, the sensation of joy,” she narrated later, “was even tangible” (Martin Lings, op. cit. p. 133).
We believe that during his frequent visits to Abu Bakr’s house, Muhammad developed a sexual relationship with their daughter Aisha. For doing it, he, at first, made use of his fearsome character to control the child’s mind. Gradually, herself overtaken by the “sensation of joy” that his “touch” gave her, and also prevented by his order not to let anyone know what he had been doing to her, she refrained all along from divulging the secret to others. Her parents might have recognized what had been going on between her and Muhammad, and they might also have made her confess the truth to them, but his strong influence over them, as well as their own future plan prevented them from taking any action against their child’s molester.
Over a period of time, Muhammad became fully infatuated with the child due to the fact that he could “play with her and she with him.” This confession on Muhammad’s part led some writers to confirm that he had a physical relationship with Aisha before he married her (See Thomas W. Lippman, Understanding Islam, p. 54). Fed up with the secrecy with which he had been satisfying his lascivious nature, he decided to marry the six-year old child.
The Arabian traditions permitted child marriages, but the marriage of a six-year old child with a fifty-plus year old man was not common. With a view to overcoming people’s criticism, Muhammad came up with a brilliant idea. It was a dream that he made use of to justify his otherwise unpardonable marriage with a child.
One day he told everyone that he had a dream in which he saw a man carrying someone wrapped in a piece of silk. The man said to Muhammad” “This is thy wife; so uncover her.” He lifted the silk and, lo! There was Aisha.” Inadvertently, the narrator of the dream left for us a clue that indicates Aisha’s real age at the time Muhammad had developed for her his sexual infatuation: A man would ordinarily carry an infant, wrapped up in a piece of silk or cloth, and not a grown up child who is able to walk.
He interpreted the dream to be a divine command for him to marry the child. In compliance, he betrothed her when she was a six-year old child. The betrothal removed the difficulty that he faced hitherto before in engaging the child in acts that gratified his sexual fantasies.
Following the betrothal, Muhammad’s non-penile sexual relationship with Aisha continued for over two years. It had a brief break when he migrated to Medina. Within a year of his arrival there, Aisha also moved to Medina along with her family members. Soon after her arrival, Muhammad formalized his marriage, and took Aisha to his house. Aisha was nine and her husband fifty-three years old.
The young age of the bride notwithstanding, Muslim writers maintain that Muhammad had married Aisha because she was clever and learned (Abdullah Yusuf Ali, op. cit, vol. 2, p. 1113). He had judged her qualities with his prophetic eyes. After being convinced by her extraordinary qualities, he decided that he should marry her first, and then equip her with his teachings, which he expected her to relate to the posterity after his death. Because Muhammad had reposed his complete trust in her, she is universally referred to as Ummul Momenin, the mother of the Muslims. Most Muslim theologians, scholars as well as their ordinary cotemporaries consider her to be an authority not only on hadiths, but also on the details of her husband’s entire life.
Not knowing what level of learnedness a nine year old child could have acquired in an environment in which facilities for imparting education did not at all exist, we assert that what we have stated in the foregoing paragraphs of this presentation was the reason for which Muhammad married Aisha at such a young age. It was all about fulfilling his sexual lasciviousness. Her presumed intelligence and learnedness played no role whatsoever in the marriage.
After she had grown up, Aisha, we believe, resented not only her childhood marriage with Muhammad; she also hated him for not being able to satisfy her sexual needs. The fact that she supported Hafsah in her confrontation with Muhammad on a supposedly sex-related dispute lends credence to our theory (66:4). She stood on Hafsah’s side to vent her anger at what he had done to her in her childhood, as well as for what she was going through then in her sex life.
For so long as Muhammad and other fearful stalwarts of Islam lived, she dared not revolt against all those who supported all the misdeeds of her husband. Ali’s assumption of power of the Caliph gave her the chance. She revolted against him, and fought a pitch battle against the Muslim forces. Though she was defeated, yet she is believed to have caused more trouble among the Muslims than all the pagan Quraishites combined together (cf. R. V. C. Bodley, op. cit. p. 147).
Readers would be confused by our above assertions. With a view to putting their perplexity to rest, we need to mention the following historical fact:
Muhammad had six children from Khudeija. Three of them were male and they died in their infancy. Subsequent to Khudeija’s death, he took at least ten wives. Almost all of them were in their childbearing ages. Despite this fact, none of them bore him a child. In our judgment it was his impotency that had prevented his wives from conceiving, and enjoying the pleasures of motherhood.
Muhammad’s sexual impotency has always remained a well-guarded secret. To prevent it from ever becoming a public scandal, he forbad his followers from marrying his wives even after his death. His sycophantic followers buried his embarrassing condition forever by including his slave-girls and concubines in the same prohibition (cf. Maulana Mufti Muhammad Shafi, Quranul Karim, p. 1088-9).
As to the question of his having a son from Maria Qibtia is concerned, we will dwell on this issue later in our sub-chapter titled, “Concubines.”
FOURTH WIFE
Hafsah was the daughter of Omar, an intimate friend and a close confidant of Muhammad. Her father became the second Caliph of Islam after the death of Abu Bakr.
Hafsah was married to Kunays but became a widow when she was eighteen years old. Her father offered her in marriage to Othman, the widowed son-in-law of Muhammad, but he refused. She was then offered to Muhammad’s father-in-law, Abu Bakr, who answered the request in an evasive manner that hurt Omar’s pride.
Finding no willing groom, Umar went to Muhammad to seek his advice as well as to vent his anger at Uthman and Abu Baker. Counseling patience, he told him (Omar) that he would give him a better son-in-law than Othman, and give Othman a better father-in-law than him.
Some time later, Muhammad gave his daughter Umm Kulthum in marriage to Othman, and he himself married Hafsah, thus fulfilling the promise he gave Omar some time ago.
Afterwards, Abu Bakr explained his evasiveness to Omar by divulging the secret: Muhammad himself harbored the wish to marry Hafsah; therefore, he had to be evasive when Omar asked him to marry his daughter. Had Abu Bakr accepted his offer, it would have upset Muhammad who, in his turn, would have destroyed him and his future.
FIFTH WIFE
Zainab was the daughter of Khuzaima and was married to Ubaydah. She had become a widow when her husband was killed in the battle of Badr (Some say it was the battle of Uhud). She was rich and had a generous disposition. Her generosity had earned her the title of “the mother of the poor.” She died few years after the marriage.
Muslims claim that Muhammad had married Hafsah because her husband had been killed in a battle, and she needed a man to look after her. To us, it does not appear to be an honest explanation of what must have tempted Muhammad to marry her. Let us explore:
Eight Muslim men had died in the battle of Badr. We do not believe that all of them were married. Even if we accept, for argument sake, that some of them had wives, in that event, we may assume that there were more than one women whose husbands had been killed in the battle. Muhammad married one; what happened to the remaining widows, and who took care of them, remains shrouded in silence. We have nothing in the Islamic history that tells us that apart from Muhammad, other Muslim stalwarts had married, and given shelter to other women who had lost their husbands in the battle of Badr or in the battle of Uhud.
In the battle of Uhud, sixty-five Muslims were killed. Hamza, one of Muhammad’s uncles, was among the dead. History does not tell us that either Muhammad or any his Companions had married any number of widows, left behind by their dead husbands.
The facts, narrated in the above two paragraphs, prove convincingly that Muhammad had married Zainab either for her wealth or for her youth and beauty. His alleged piety had played no role in any of his marriages.
SIXTH WIFE
Umm Salama, whose real name was Hind, was the daughter of Abu Ummaya. She had a son by the name of Salama, hence the appellation of Umm Salama. Four months after her husband’s death, Muhammad asked her to marry him. Despite the fact that she was no more than twenty-eight years old at the time, she declined the proposal on the ground that she was too old for him and that she had a jealous nature, which would disrupt his conjugal life. Muhammad had, at this time, a number of wives and slave girls at his disposal.
Umm Salama married Muhammad after he assured her that her age was not a factor and that he would have her jealous nature cured by God soon after their union. History, however, does not tell us if she was ever cured of her jealousy or not.
SEVENTH WIFE
Zainab, the daughter of Jahsh, was a young and beautiful girl, coming from a respectable family of Quraish. She was a virgin cousin of Muhammad.
Muhammad wanted to marry her, and he might also have proposed to her. Perhaps, after being rebuffed, he vowed to avenge the insult at any cost. To fulfill his vow, he designed a trap to escape from which she would have no route.
Zaid, a freed slave and an adopted son of Muhammad, was married to Umm Ayman and they were leading a happy life with their son, Ayman. Muhammad decided to turn Zaid, into a pawn in a game that he had devised to bring his passion, Zainab, to his harem.
Knowing that the aristocratic men of Mecca did not marry the former wives of their slaves, Muhammad proposed to Umaymah bint Abdul Muttalib, Zainab’s mother, that she let Zaid marry her daughter. She and Abdullah, her son, declined the proposal (Maulana Muhammad Nazimuddin, Quran Majid, p. 612) on the round that Zaid was a former slave; and also that he was ugly to look at. Undaunted, Muhammad produced a revelation, in the name of God, which required Zainab’s mother and brother to submit to his wish. The revelation read:
It is not fitting
For a Believer, man or woman,
When a matter has been decided
By God and His Apostle,
To have any option
About their decision.
If anyone disobeys God
And His Apostle, he is indeed
On a clearly wrong Path (33:36).
Frightened by Muhammad’s potent determination, the family gave in, and Zainab became Zaid’s second wife. Soon afterwards, Zaid realized that his adoptive father nurtured a tremendous lust for Zainab and that he was dying to have sex with her. Knowing that his refusal to please Muhammad could cost him his life, he volunteered to divorce Zainab so that he could fulfill with her his heart’s desire.
Muhammad was delighted at the prospect of having Zainab in his grip, but an age-old pagan custom doused his sadistic plans; they believed it was unethical and also a sin for an adoptive father to marry his adopted son’s divorced wife. Fearing a storm that his marriage with Zainab was going to create, he advised Zaid to retain her in his marriage until such time he was able to find a solution of the problem.
He tried but found no solution. Unable to control his passion for Zainab any longer, he decreed, “Muhammad is not the father of any of your men,” . . . (33:40), thus paving the way for him to have his adopted son’s divorced wife in his bed. Zaid heard the decree, and while he was on way to his home to divorce Zainab, “the power of Revelation overwhelmed him.” When he came to himself, his first words were: “Who will go unto Zainab and tell her the good tidings that God hath given her to me in marriage, even from Haven?” (Martin Lings, op. cit. p. 213).
Zaid wasted no time in pronouncing “I divorce thee,” perhaps, three times. The divorce formality over, he handed over his former wife to Muhammad. Claiming that his marriage with her had already been contracted in heaven (33:37: “We have joined in marriage to thee”), the best man among all mankind took her, without bothering for a formal marriage, to his quarters for inflicting on her all sadistic tortures that he could conceive of. Thus, in the manner we have described, Muhammad fulfilled his vow of revenge on Zainab, which he had taken when she rejected his marriage proposal.
The divorce formality that we say Zaid had followed needs some clarification. Traditionally, a Muslim husband is required to pronounce the words of divorce three times over a period of time. Thereafter, the divorcee needs to wait for a term of three months (2:228) in order to make sure she was not pregnant at the time of her divorce. Only after completion of the waiting term, can a divorcee contract a new marriage. Conversely, a widow has to wait four months and ten days (2:234) to clear up the question of her pregnancy viz a viz a divorcee who is required to wait just three months to achieve the same result.
Contiguous nature of verses 33:36 and 37 gives us the impression that immediately after Zaid’s marriage with Zainab, Muhammad made it clear to him that he wanted his wife to be his bed partner. His announcement forced Zaid to avoid a physical contact with his wife. Since there was no possibility for Zainab to become pregnant and as her marriage with Muhammad had already been contracted in heaven, we believe, Zaid took a shortcut in divorcing his wife. He did not divorce Zainab in the traditional manner, for doing that would have delayed Zainab’s availability to Muhammad. Having seen him react against those people who failed to measure up to his expectation, Zaid knew any delay on his part would bring him a serious problem from his highly enraged mentor. Zaid must have hastened the divorce to save himself from Muhammad’s wrath.
Zainab’s procurement gave Muhammad immense pleasure and happiness. To celebrate his victory, he threw a grand party to which he invited all the people of Medina. Interestingly, this was the only party, related to his marriage, which has found a place in the pages of the Quran (33:53).
EIGHTH WIFE
Jawayriyah, also known as Barra, had become a captive in the hands of the Muslims. She belonged to the clan of Bani Mustalek. A woman of great beauty, she fell to the lot of a Helper from Medina who, not appreciating her beauty, fixed a high ransom for her freedom. Muhammad learned of her predicament and, being highly charmed by her beauty, paid the ransom himself and took her as his wife.
NINETH WIFE
Umm Habiba was the daughter of Abu Sofian, Muhammad’s uncle and his inveterate foe. She was married to her cousin, Ubayd Allah Ibn Jahsh. While in Abyssinia, Ubayd had reverted back to Christianity and died. The widow remained a Muslim.
Once she saw a dream in which someone addressed her as the “mother of the faithful,” which she interpreted to mean that she would marry her cousin. After her marriage with Muhammad, Abu Sofian, her father, is reported to have remarked: “By heaven, this camel is so rampant that no muzzle can restrain him.”
TENTH WIFE
Safiya, a Jew of great beauty, belonged to the tribe of Khaybar. She was married to Kinanah when she was seventeen years old. A few months after her marriage, Muhammad reached Khaybar on an expedition against her tribe. At this time, Safiya had a dream. She saw a brilliant moon hanging in the sky and knew that beneath it lay the city of Madina. Then the moon began to move toward Khaybar, where it fell into her lap. When she woke up, and told her husband what she had seen in her sleep, whereupon he struck her a blow in the face and said, “This can only mean that thou desirest the King of the Hijaz, Muhammad.”
After the fall of Khaybar to the Muslims, Safiya’s husband was beheaded, and she was brought to Muhammad as a captive, still bearing on her face the mark of the blow. He asked her the cause of the injury and she told him the story of her dream. Flattered, the he took her as one of his wives. Their nuptials took place while the remains of the bride’s murdered husband awaited a burial.
ELEVENTH WIFE
Maimuna was a widow. Her full sister, Umm al-Fadl, was married to Muhammad’s uncle al Abbas. The uncle offered his sister-in-law in marriage to his nephew, when he came to Mecca to perform his lesser pilgrimage about two years before his death. He accepted the offer and married Maimuna while still wearing the pilgrim’s Ihram. (Bukhari, Hadith 49, Book 62, Vol. 7). He consummated the marriage at Sarif, a few miles outside of Mecca. Ordinary Muslims are not permitted to marry while wearing their ihram.
TWELFTH WIFE
Esma was the sister of a princely desert chief of Najd. She was given in marriage to Muhammad in order to protect his estate from being taken over forcibly by the King of Hijaz.
Realizing his sexual incapability, she left him the night they were married. Muslim Apologists narrated the incident with a twist. They tell us that as she was young and very beautiful, Aisha and Hafsah developed in them a sense of insecurity, fearing that Esma’s youthfulness and beauty might force Muhammad to pay her more attention than he was in the habit of paying them. Consequently, they hatched a conspiracy in order to prevent their husband from approaching her sexually. Their plan worked well and Esma forestalled all attempts to engage her in a sexual act on the night she joined his harem. Her persistent refusal to copulate infuriated Muhammad. He divorced her without consummating the marriage (R.V. C. Bodley, op. cit. p. 266).
Maxime Rodinson speaks of another wife whom Muhammad divorced on the ground that she, too, had denied him sexual access.
According to many of Muhammad’s biographers, only nine of his wives ever lived together in the quarters that he had built around the Mosque of the Prophet in Madina. These quarters also housed an unknown number of slave-girls. They catered to all needs, which included sexual intercourse of their master. For them to deny him sexual pleasures would have tantamount to displeasing God thereby earning for them a place in hell after their death.
CONCUBINES
Apart from his wives and slave-girls, Muhammad also owned a number of concubines. Two among them deserve a brief introduction:
Rihana: Rihana was a Jew from Bani Koraida. She was the most beautiful female of her tribe. After Muhammad put most of the male members of her tribe to sword, he chose her before distributing booty among his followers. Some writers maintain that upon her conversion to Islam, Muhammad married her. Others say that she remained a Jew and died a Jew, five years after her enslavement. They add, however, that once when her Master discovered that she had not become pregnant, he asked her to embrace Islam. She is said to have declined his suggestion saying, “O Messenger of Allah, leave me in thy power; that will be easier for me and for thee.”
Maria Qibtia: We have mentioned earlier that Muqauqis, the ruler of Alexandria, sent Muhammad two Coptic sisters, called Maria (or Mary) and Shiren Qibtia as gift. Of the two, Maria was a great beauty. Both the sisters captivated Muhammad, but since his own law forbade marrying or having sex with two sisters “at one and the same time (4:23), he reluctantly gave Shiren away to his close friend and poet Hasan Ibn Thabit. She bore Hasan a son, whom they named Abdul Rahman. Later on, Hasan became Muhammad’s poet laureate.
Maria also bore Muhammad a son whom they named Ibrahim after the patriarch Abraham. According to most biographers of Muhammad, Ibrahim died at the age of fifteen months.
The death of Ibrahim caused Muhammad great pain, for he, in him, according to his biographers, had reposed his hope for transmitting his name to posterity.
Consequently, he cried uncontrollably as he bent over the bosom of his heart. He was bathed in tears as he laid his child’s little body down into the ground The lamentations reportedly exhibited by Muhammad on the death of Ibrahim were in contradiction of his earlier conduct, viz a viz, the death of his three sons, born of his first wife Khudeija. All of them had died in their infancy. He neither cried nor expressed any sorrow at their death. Similarly, he remained nonchalant at the death of his wife Khudeija. We have no historical record that indicates that he cried or expressed his grief at the loss he allegedly suffered due to the passing away of his so-called beloved wife.
We have our doubts on Ibrahim’s paternity. We submit, hereunder, the reasons, which caused us to develop our doubts:
Traveling to distant places, in 7th century, was not an easy matter. It used to be more so, when one had to undertake his journey from the deserts of the Middle East.
Many people of the Arabian Peninsula did travel to Syria, Persia and Egypt etc., on trade, but those travels were not frequent. They used to take long time in organizing their caravans, and only after preparing themselves in all respects, did they embark on their missions. Advance preparations were inevitable for the reason that traveling in those days entailed great risk to lives and properties. Due to the perilous nature of their journeys, the Meccans traveled, only once in a year, to Syria and to other distant lands for conducting their trade.
As long-distant travels caused great hardships, women and elderly people always avoided undertaking the risks of long journeys. Those among them who had to go, they usually traveled on camels’ back. Otherwise, the group of travelers almost always consisted of young and strong individuals, who were willing to walk great distances, when their camels provided rides to those men who walked, and became exhausted, before them.
In view of the perils and risks they expected to face during their long journeys, the Meccans always sent small caravans to distant countries. The small size of their caravans served them two purposes: It helped them not only save lives; it also prevented their caravans from becoming the target of the highway brigands.
Considering the fact that long journeys, in his time, caused great hardships to the travelers, Muhammad selected Hatib b. Abu Balta’a to go to the court of Muqauaqis, the ruler of Alexandria and to ask him to accept Islam. Hatib was a young person, who was willing not only to undertake the hazardous journey, but also to complete it successfully. Muhammad must have given him a horse or a mule to cover the distance between Medina and Alexandria.
End of part-12
On his journey back home, this young man has, in his company, two young and beautiful damsels. They were Maria and Shirin Qibtia, two Coptic sisters, given by the Alexandrian Ruler as gifts to be had and enjoyed by Muhammad, the imminent Ruler of the Arabian Peninsula. They travel together; eat together and sleep together in the tent. Hatib, an Arab, most of whom cannot survive without sex, makes his move. Knowing well that they are in the midst of a desert where Hatib’s help is as essential as a few drops of water, the girls do not repulse his approach; rather, they indicate their cooperation.
Hatib establishes physical relationship with both of them, which continues until their arrival at the gate of Medina.
He delivered them to Muhammad. He was highly impressed by their beauty and would have possessed both of them, had he not decreed earlier to have sex with two biological sisters at the same time to be a sinful act. Thus prevented, he chooses Maria, who was prettier than Shirin, to become one of the newest members of his harem, without knowing that she was pregnant.
Muhammad permitted Muslim men to have sex with their female slaves without marrying them (4:24). Muslims are required, under the decree, to accord a bastard child or person (Dictionary definition: Bastard: a person born of unmarried parents) the same care, privileges, respect, honor and opportunities they accord to their legitimate children. It was this Islamic spirit that enabled many bastards not only to live their normal lives; it also enabled many of them to attain high offices and respect in the past. Wasiq was one bastard who became a Caliph in 842 A.D., after succeeding his father Must’asim. He was the son of a Greek slave girl Karatis (Prof. Masudul Hasan, History of Islam, Vol. 1, p. 228).
Muhammad had three sons from Khudeija. All of them died in their infancy. We do not know the exact time period in which those boys were born. However, we surmise Khudeija had gone birth to her sons either during the period Muhammad was undergoing his training in the cave of Hira or during the time he was struggling to establish his apostolic mission among the pagans. In either case, his pre-occupation did not allow him to take good care of his children. Also the obsession that he had developed for his mission prevented him from understanding the important role that a son, in certain circumstances, is called upon to play during his father’s life or after his death.
Initially, Muhammad was not much confident of his success, nor did he know that he was going to become the virtual ruler of the peninsula. Consequently, he did not realize the importance of having a son, whom he could entrust with the responsibility to carry on with his mission in his absence. By the time he realized his mistake, it was already too late.
After being in Muhammad’s company for sometime, Maria disclosed that she was pregnant. He was shocked by the news, for he as well as Maria knew well that he was not her impregnator. Their respective secrets thus exposed, both of them agreed to play their respective games of deception, hoping that the child when born would be a son. In the birth of a son, Muhammad pinned his hope on having a successor; Maria on the other hand, had a great hope in Muhammad’s successor to bring her freedom and a good and happy life. The child’s death in his infancy dashed their hopes and they were devastated.
Muhammad’s manipulation of Maria’s pregnancy created uproar among many of his lukewarm supporters. Having inkling of what was going on in his sex life, they did not believe his claim. Unable to contain their discontentment, he is reported to have put Maria in a separate house, though it was his custom to have all his women reside in the quarters he built in the court of the mosque, now famously known as the “Mosque of the Prophet.” This mosque is the second holiest mosque, after the temple of Ka’aba, for all Muslims of the world. The child’s untimely death, at fifteen months, rescued Muhammad from many of his suspicious followers
Hi In-love and anjum,
Nice to know you both love each other truly as is evident from the fact that no one is converting. Some of the issues though should not be overlooked that are cultural (may be considered religious as well)e.g. Children’s names (Indian or Arabic), circumcision, Halal food etc.
Why don’t you wait for another 1-2 years when Anjum’s studies are over? At that time you both can marry in the presence of your respective families?
Hi I am Anjum pursuing MBBS programme and love Mr. In love, who is not disclosing his name. Hahhahhaha………………..
I shall marry him being compatible to me in all respects.
Expecting blessings from all of us in this blog.
Our well wishes are always with you both for your blissful bachelor and wedded life. Make sure, your marriage and post marital life sets an example of ideal interfaith marriage.
Hi in Love,
Does your GF has the same sentiments and emotions of marriage with you?
Why do you want to hide, is it practical solution.
You both have to keep your mental swing stable for future relations, with loyality and commitment.