Read this long story to learn how your ideologies and life views change over time. Here, Nita was in blind love with a guy and suffered a lot. Ultimately she got over the pain and now enjoying here life fullest.
Nita says: February 23, 2017 at 6:04 am
Hi,
I am a hindu girl. I am madly in love with a Kashmiri muslim guy. I have been dating him for past 5 months. I love him so much that I am ready to do anything for him, even convert to a muslim. But he says he can never marry me. He says whether I convert or not, his parents, being kashmiris, will never accept me. He is the eldest son and has a sister too and saya that it will affect his sister’s future in getting married. Please tell me how to convince him to talk to his parents and to marry me. Whoever feels that they can help me with an answer. -Nita
Nita says: February 24, 2017 at 5:01 am
Hello admin,
Thanks a lot for changing my name. Currently I can’t think of anything except for the fact that I can’t imagine this life without him being by my side.i think I can convince my parents. But ya I donno what will happen if he ever gives me talaaq. But his parents are happily married. So I hope he would never go till the extent of talaaq and would try to keep the family together. But he himself is not ready to talk to his parents. He says that it’s never gonna happen. But I don’t wanna lose faith and that’s why I am seeking your help.
I don’t wanna look back at life and think after 10 years that what if I had tried, my life would have been different. Atleast I wanna try 100% from my side. So that I have the satisfaction that gave my best. Result is in God’s hands. I feel lost. I could be getting really emotional and may be that’s why thinking like this but I donno what to do at present. At present my happiness lies in this. I have never felt like this although I was in relationships before also. I feel i will never be able to love anyone else again. -Nita
Nita says: March 6, 2017 at 12:39 am
Hi Admin,
Yes, you are right in saying that he is not ready to go against his family. without him being ready to even try, I will not be able to visit Kashmir and meet his family, although m ready to do so and talk to his parents , if he lets me do that. no, I also havnt introduced him to my parents cz I donno if we ever be together. whats the point in giving my parents a problem that’s not even gonna materialize itself. I feel stuck and not able to go ahead with other things in my life cz I always feel that my future is dark…that all throughout my life, i will miss him…I understand that love dies after marriage. I will have real hard time adjusting with him and especially with him cz he gets bored easily and is moody. But I will have to adjust with any other guy also after marriage. But in this case, atleast I will be doing this for someone I love. with any other person, I might give up cz I wouldn’t feel like going ahead or stretching myself after a certain extent. thinking all this only I feel I should get settled with him onlyu no matter how hard the life is gonna become. af far as talaak is concerned, I don’t think he is that kind cz his dad is also not like that. I donno, I could be wrong. But I just feel that I have one life.. and I wanna live my own mistakes..
He says he loves me a lot and he even said once that he wishes he wasn’t a muslim and that too a Kashmiri so then we could have been together. But I don’t understand how come I am ready to go to any extent for him but hes not ready… But I am not ready to give up on us. I want to try everything tahts possible in order to persuade him to introduce me to his family. Just help me out in persuading him. talking to his parents comes later. he should be mentally ready first… day in and day night I just think about this only..i have put my career also after him which is not good I know. but when my mind is not at peace, I donno what to do. when things are sorted in my head, when this problem is solved, I feel I will be able to do better at any field..if you have any idea please help me out…I feel lost and tired…and burdened too.. I feel as if the zeal inside me is dying. if hes not there with me, I wont have any light in my life and wont look forward to getting up in the morning or going ahead with my day. I know I might be sounding crazy. but this is how I am feeling and I am helpless.
I wish so many times in a day that I shouldn’t have fallen in love and tried stopping myself too…but it happened…and initially he had said that he would talk to his parents…so I gave in.,..but now he says sorry that he said it in emotions and it was a mistake cz he can never do that…he doesn’t even let me keep hopes about it cz he saya he doesn’t want me to get hurt later..i have told him that I have left those dreams. but the truth is that I can never stop hoping. This hope is something that’s giving me the strength to live each day.
And I am very thankful to you for talking to me cz I have no one who unmderstands me and with whom I can talk about this. My best friends asks me to leave him and I know shes right but I am not able to..so I don’t talk about my problems with anyone..cant discuss with him also..Thanks a lot. -Nita
Nita says: March 7, 2017 at 8:48 am
Hi admin,
Every time he abuses me with words. Not by calling me bad words but by saying other emotional things that hurt a lot. Today again when same thing happened, I gave up. I told him that I cannot take it anymore. That he can delete my number and if m making him miserable then he can finish it once and for all. Every time saying it hurts me. Yes I have cried my eyes out since then but then every time I cry for him. It’s just that this time I am praying to God that I should not become weak and accept his sorry or worse go to him and say sorry. It’s a very tough time for me emotionally but I know o have never done or thought of any bad for him or anyone so God will watch over me. I pray that I don’t break down and succumb to my emotions… -Nita
Nita says: March 28, 2017 at 1:46 am
Hi Riya/Admin,
Its very nice of you people to be trying to help me so much…its been some days since I had written to you last…I had decided to be strong and to let go of him…but he insisted on meeting and I met him and I forgot all my hurt and problems and forgave him…I donno what magic he has on me that my heart forgives him every time..after that we had to travel somewhere together due to work and we stayed together…we had good times as well as unforgettable fights…
one night the fight grew so bad that he slapped me many times….I was shocked…I have never been slapped in my whole life…I know, now he must be becoming a villain in my story, whoever reads this…but trust me, he was repenting…I could see the hurt in his eyes after hitting me,…the kind of love that he showered upon me that night is something that I crave for all the time and for that I am ready to get hit 100 times also by him….and ya, my parents were pushing me to meet a guy of their choice, so I told my mom about him…also told her that hes not gonna marry me…my mom may be was shocked and was worried as well…she tried to console me and also tried making me understand to forget him…I asked her for some time and to not tell my dad as he would be very upset…
the saddest part is that, so many people are trying to help me, including you all, but I am not able to leave him…I cannot imagine any other guy in my life…I donno if he loves me truly or not but i know that I do…and I have never felt like this before…most of the times, I feel hopeless thinking about my future..then I try to put positive thoughts and ray of hope that one day he will fall in love with me truly, not by just words and will talk to his parents and we will get married…if I wasn’t supposed to live my life with him, why would God bring him in my life…
if I don’t get married to him, I think I should better remain unmarried cz I cannot imagine being with any other guy…I know, I sound like a fool…but I seriously donno what to do…the solution which everyone tells me is leaving him.,..that would mean the end of my life…cz even if we fight and don’t talk, I feel depressed and feel like there is no meaning to life….so the solution is actually not a solution…or I should consult a psychiatrist who would tell me if I am going mad…cz this pressure from parents and nothing turning out with him, is making me go crazy day by day and depressed…I am not able to concentrate on my work too…at times, I wish I was not even born.,…or if God would end my life now before anyone could separate me from him…I try hard to remain positive despite all odds and keep listening to positive thinking audios but its becoming very difficult day by day…but deep down, I feel I am gonna live my life with him by my side as my husband….I am sorry if I make you people angry all the time cz in your messages whatever you write for me, I talk totally opposite here…but this is the only place where I don’t pretend…if I lie to you people about my feelings and tell you that yes I am forgetting him and all, I would be doing injustice with both myself and you people…that’s why I am always honest about my feelings whenever I write… -Nita
Nita says: May 9, 2017 at 1:04 am
Hi Admin,
I donno if I will ever be healed…hes hurting me with his words every single time…I have discovered some more shocking facts about him which he hid from me…I am trying a lot to detach myself but I am not able to…I am not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel…God is with me…but I feel that I have lost my eyesight and donno where I am going…I have lost faith in myself…in my decisions…I have ruined my life as well…theres nothing that I can do to heal it….I am lost…. -Nita
Nita says: September 21, 2017 at 6:12 am
Hi, I have been trying to keep myself away from everything that reminds me of him. Hence I never wrote anything here after that day. We broke up few months back. I see him in my dreams and I wake up at night…when his thoughts come to my mind, I try to think of something else…I tried hating him…but not able to…to others, I look normal cz I laugh, I smile, I look happy…but at times that emptiness is so powerful that nothing seems to be right…to be meaningful…I am okay…but I donno when will I heal…the wound is still sore…but even writing things here scares me cz now the memories will haunt me…I am sorry for not keeping in touch…But I don’t think I can explain my situation…Nothing can help and no one can help me…I have to help myself out…you can send me a mail if you wanna talk to me further…sorry, I don’t wanna come here again cz when I see my previous posts, everything comes back…and it hurts…Hope you can understand…I would love to continue talking if you can send me mails… –Nita
Nita says: February 23, 2018 at 1:06 am
In my case, the guy lured me well in the beginning and was all good but when the talks about marriage started coming up, he first agreed and then he started saying that his parents will not agree and that he’s the eldest in the family and that he cant set that example.
I still kept my hopes alive and continued the relationship with him cz he was like a charming person and I was mesmerized by his love. I was too blind to see the truth. Your love has to pass the test of time. even after getting out of college and getting a job, you both still want to be together then only you should talk to him about talking to his family. Even then, you should be ready to convert to Islam because the marriage is not validated in their religion if it is not done with a Muslim person. Regards, -Nita
Nita says: March 6, 2018 at 12:33 am
Hi Admin,
yes I got over him. I found my strength back. I started interacting more with my friends and joined gym for few months…work, family, friends, all these kept me busy and gradually the hurt became lesser and lesser…I do think of the past but I always try to remember the lesson I learnt out of it…and in fact I feel proud of myself that I could come out of it strongly…what I fell is that problems will keep coming our way one way or the other in different forms and it would seem the end of the world at that time but there is still hope…there is still light at the end of the tunnel…we just have to keep moving forward…my best friend says that I fall for the wrong guys..:) its true may be…but because of that fear I cannot stop loving…cz that’s what makes me human and that’s what makes me beautiful…my experience had made me bitter for a while but soon I realized that’s not the way we live…
now I am concentrating on my job…looking for a job switch…I have friends…I go out for movies and shopping during weekends…I read novels..i am pretty much happy in my life…my family is looking out for alliances…I met few…but still havnt found the one yet…still looking out with a hopeful heart ?-Nita
Why people get suicidal ideation or get depressed in LOVE?:
i was almost ready to kill myself
saved myself from 3 years long mental depression, suicidal thoughts
I felt like suicide is best option
thoughts of suicide have started cropping up in my mind
I feel suicidal
I really have to die
mera Mann karta h ki suicide kar lun
I wish I was not even born.,…or if God would end my life now
totally emotionally shattered he had attempted suicide also
she attempted sucide by cutting her nerve
if my parents will not agree then we shall both commit suicide
I want to die for that boy
My wife calls me kafir…..I wish I die.
ME bhut depression ME aagya hu kyoki ME uske bina nhi rh skta
we both are going into a depression stage
im in depression
I am so depressed
I’ve suffering from really bad depression
got into depression right after marriage
feeling like ending my life
3 years long mental depression, suicidal thoughts
I was extremengly sad and had become a victim of depression
Doctor gave me the anti depression pill
my mom also led this disgraceful life till she died due to depression caused by my islamist dad
my family thrust me into the deepest state of depression
i am in deep depression
I have suffered through depression
he tried suicidal attempts
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Hello , I would say one thing that every guy is not same ! So just on the basis of one person we can’t judge entire kashmir . This page basically alligates all the kashmiri guys ! But let me tell you my boyfriend is kashmiri too he doesn’t have any problem in marryin me and he is muslim too ! So please stop this judgements?
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=15350
I was in Delhi last year only for enjoyment. I m from Kashmir. I m very attractive and white looking guy. My friend suggested me to go dance bar.who was doing any course there.inside bar a girl approch me to talk to her nd adress etc etc.and talked about marriage with me. Now we are connected on phone. After 15 days i told my friend to go cinema. The mentioned girl was there with bf. Lonely i told to her bf after collaborative effort that which relationship u have with her. Replied that i met her yesterday nd i also xxxx with her she is almost prostitute.she is so open…. I wanna say that. They occasionally made relationships for their physical and and other purposes. Otherwise it isnt possible that any Indian girl can marry with kashmiri guy. My mob 9622802410.ty for reading artc.
Woww.. This is filled with anti muslim people.. I am sure any bhakt made this page..or maybe this page is running by bajrngl dal party… Girls open your mind and try to find your solutions on your own.. Dont listen to these fake people with fake stories… Listen your love and heart
Dear Every Soul Shall die, Educated, Eye Opener, Honest, Chaii Pakoda Party, and now Radha,
Please decide what name you wish to use on this site and stick with it. Where did you learned such lies and deception?
We absolutely agree to “Listen your love and heart”. We assume you mean no need for religious conversion for marriage but truly love and respect the other party the way he or she is.
Educated says: May 9, 2018 at 10:10 am
This page is designed in such a way to spread hate for islam.. Admin you are supporting many idiots who are talking rubbish.. Why don’t you take action on them ???.. Ohhh i forgot you are the person who is itself talking rubbish…. Dont tell lie about muslims here.And stop terrifying girls with talaq
Admin,
Please stop illuminating people on these privileges too which are exclusively Islamic:
child marriage,
polygamy,
nikah halala,
no alimony to divorced wife,
wife-beating,
sex slavery,
kidnapping of non-Muslim women and forceful conversion,
a woman should not lead any organization where even a single male is present,
a woman’s testimony is only half-valued that of a male,
rape victim has to produce four witnesses to prove the assault;
onesided proselytizing, blasphemy & apostasy laws,
death for LGBTs and apostates;
beheadings, stoning to death, chopping, flogging…
i am in relationship with my boy friend from past six years. now we want to get married. he is sunni muslim and i am hindu, my parents are not happy to see me getting married to him where as his parents seems fine with our relationship. i want to marry him as per court procedure but his parents are insisting on islamic marriage as he is their only son. i am confused what to do, is anyone there who converted and married to muslim ? please share your experience.
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=13432
Hi Diya,
If you have decided to take that step then you will have to stick on it no matter what. But marrying according to Muslim procedures would mean that you would have to convert to Islam which is a very big step and you might not be able to adjust. Go for the court marriage Cz then you would still be having the rights of a Hindu girl. But according to me, if your parents are scared, try to talk to them and let them check the family back ground and stuff before you get married to this guy. Don’t hurt your parents and marry him Cz later on if you face any problems, you wouldn’t have their support also. I know that it feels right at this time to marry him and I am not denying it Cz he might be a very good guy and from a very good family. But precaution is better than cure. So safety first. Talk to your parents again and try convincing them first.
Best regards,
Nita
Hi Nita,
It has been a year (from Feb 23, 2017) since you came to this site. Since you are strong now, let us ask you these that we always wanted to ask you. Can you reflect back on what you wrote (in bold above) like …he abuses me with words (what was that?), I wish I was not even born.,…or if God would end my life now, etc. Now how do you reflect on your stage of life then?
To all other readers, life is not worth wasting for a wrong person. Collect strength to get over evil out of your life and a beautiful life is waiting for you. Nita will be there to help you, if you ask for.
Hi Admin,
I am writing this post for all the girls out there who are going through a breakup right now…Those were very hard times for me…He used to blame me for everything…he used to make me feel that I am the reason for everything bad happening or for even what hes doing with me..he used to make me feel guilty if I raise my voice against him…at that time, I just wished that I hadn’t survived to see that day…to see my heart getting broken and being used by someone who doesn’t understand the meaning of love…and I used to get angry at myself because even after knowing that he doesn’t love me , my heart still wanted him and was ready to do anything..
This is not the case with this guy only..hes not like this because of his religion…I have heard stories from my friends as well.. There are many guys out there like him who use girls and promise marriage just to get into relationship and then start using and abusing them…but we girls , we always feel that we have to make our relationship work…somehow…we never wanna give up…that’s where we are wrong…we needn’t bear atrocities…that guy is not the only guy in this whole world…at that time we feel that if we don’t get this guy, our life would end and we would not be able to live without him and that we would never be able to find love elsewhere. But that’s NOT true!!! First we need to love ourselves…we need to respect ourselves…we need to love ourselves the way we want others to love us…then only someone else would be able to love us that way….girls, you tell me, you would rather go for a guy whos happy and confident or someone whos always sulking and is scared to be alone? if you would choose the former, why do you become the latter? leave that guy who doesn’t know your worth! Its a coincidence that I am writing this post on women’s day.. But really, we girls are worth more than what we give credit to ourselves for!
We girls are very intuitive…we get the intuition when something is not right…But we don’t get out until its too late…I am not asking us to give up…small fights and arguments can be resolved.. .but someone who doesn’t respect us or is scared to accept us in front of the world, doesn’t deserve us…
we all know whats right for us…but when we really need to do it, we are not able to…it takes a lot of courage to walk out on someone…but if that guy really loves you, he would do whatever he can to never lose you…and if he doesn’t, hes not worth even shedding a tear for…I know its all easier said than done..even when I am writing this, I can remember that feeling what I had for the months following my break up…it was a very hard time…But it was necessary for me…
I feel really sad when I hear that people are committing suicide…I know that at that time the pain is very strong…but nothing is stronger than the love of parents…that’s the only true love I have come across till now…they have given birth to us…they have taken care of us till we came to this age…now just for one person, for a guy whom we have met just few months or years ago, should we forget the love of several years of our parents? is that justice with them? if we are committing suicide because we loved that guy so much and cant live without him, then I think our parents should also do the same because they love us a lot and cant live without us…
Killing ourselves is not a solution to any problem…nothing changes by that…especially that guy…but our family and friends who really love us, we just hurt them and leave this world…don’t get into self pity mode! so what if one guy cheated…if two guys cheated…if he did not love…f he used…or whatever he has done…so what???? Life is long…take it as a lesson…try to fight the pain…and move on…there is still so much in the world left to do…and if you feel weak, talk to me! we can get out of it together…all of us… we can help each other…we are stronger when we are united…you are not alone in your break up…I am there with you…Just reach out to me…
Regards,
Nita
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=13384
i am also in the same condition but in my case my bf told me that he wants to stay with me n will try convince his parents too but we will have to stay out of india once we both are self dependent and earning really well .But all this is not stable my friends say that after college he will go kashmir and will not come back but my heart sometimes think there way and knowing him personally feel that no he would not but what to do its all blank and don’t see a future ahead
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=13308
Hi Luv,
Reading your comments, I assume that you both are still in college. I think you both are too young to take that kind of decision at present. Nevertheless, I think you need to talk to him in detail about his plans. As long as you both are not self dependent, you cannot even think of having a life of your own. For now, I would suggest, concentrate on your studies and then on getting a decent job. only then you both can sit and have this conversation. Then ask him directly when can he talk to his parents and what’s the plan for future. I can understand your condition now. You love him truly and may be he also does but because of this uncertain future, you are very scared. Its okay. I don’t want to make you doubt your love, and I do hope that you both end up together. But in my case, they guy lured me well in the beginning and was all good but when the talks about marriage started coming up, he first agreed and then he started saying that his parents will not agree and that he’s the eldest in the family and that he cant set that example. I still kept my hopes alive and continued the relationship with him cz he was like a charming person and I was mesmerized by his love. I was too blind to see the truth. Your love has to pass the test of time. even after getting out of college and getting a job, you both still want to be together then only you should talk to him about talking to his family. Even the, you should be ready to convert to Islam because the marriage is not validated in their religion if it is not done with a Muslim person. I donno about your family background. I donno how your parents will react. Life is very big. Right now you are just boyfriend girlfriend. But once you start talking about marriage and stuff, you have to be mentally very strong cz there will a lot of changes that will come your way and you ill have to take the most appropriate decision at that time. I am always here to help you out but I would need to know more ion order to understand the guy. My experiences might help you but decision will always be yours. I would just say that right now you are too young I believe so don’t take any decision in haste. And right now try to concentrate on making your career so that when you are financially independent, then only you can take any decision. Let me know if you need any suggestions/help from me.
Regards,
Nita
Nita,
Thank you for sharing your updates. How are you going in life. Did you get over the emotional issues? Now think back of your past, how would you summarize it for other girls?
Hi Admin,
yes I got over him. I found my strength back. I started interacting more with my friends and joined gym for few months…work, family, friends, all these kept me busy and gradually the hurt became lesser and lesser…I do think of the past but I always try to remember the lesson I learnt out of it…and in fact I feel proud of myself that I could come out of it strongly…what I fell is that problems will keep coming our way one way or the other in different forms and it would seem the end of the world at that time but there is still hope…there is still light at the end of the tunnel…we just have to keep moving forward…my best friend says that I fall for the wrong guys..:) its true may be…but because of that fear I cannot stop loving…cz that’s what makes me human and that’s what makes me beautiful…my experience had made me bitter for a while but soon I realized that’s not the way we live…
Nita,
We are proud of you!! We hope we were of some help. Now come and help others on this web site, thanks.
Dear Nita,
Very interesting post, in between What is your situation now. Have u succeed? Can u pls explain
Hi Krish,
I donno what you meant by “success” here…if getting over him is success, then yes I have succeeded…the real peace came when one night at around 2:30am, when I wasn’t able to sleep, I went out , looked at the sky and shouted out his name and said that “I forgive you“. Forgiving is not easy but that’s what brings the real peace and strength to move forward…hatred is a negative feeling…it was eating me from inside..so I forgave him for my own sake…
now I am concentrating on my job…looking for a job switch…I have friends…I go out for movies and shopping during weekends…I read novels..i am pretty much happy in my life…my family is looking out for alliances…I met few…but still havnt found the one yet…still looking out with a hopeful heart 🙂
Dear Nita,
I know it is very painful and we all are with you in this situation. Yes forgiveness is biggest success. As per my experience taking decision from parents as well as good friend is wise advice. I have noticed many girls initially fall in love with muslims and later they repent their life severely. Very few are success in ther interfaith marriage. In muslim tradition, women will fully submission their entire life to their Husband, it seems you likes this submission but extremely difficult and sometimes impossible practically. I have noticed how Hindu girls were treated by their muslim in-low post marriage, you can search in QUORA users and see their stories. There are many such marriages were cancelled and Girls are living with their parents house with their kids and that is more painful than forgiveness your love. 95% interfaith marriage failed. Just check QUORA. I am giving you one of my beautiful friend (REEMA CHHABRA) out of 1000 cases, she is working in Deloitte, Hyderabad get converted and marry a mulsim guy in working in same copnay and after living with him for around 5 years, she has 2 kids and followed all islamic rituals and even she started hatred her parents and HINDUISM and posted several islamic ritual in QUORA like Halal (how to slaughter a cattle using a sacred knife), why Halala (After talaq, why women should live one night with other man until her husband accept her) etc. She was so much embraced islam is that she forget her parents who hails from Haryana. Moreover she was ponder of Islamic religion. gets lot of Muslim follower in Quora. Lst 2 months ago she divorced and staying alone with kids, she was running with bipolar depression and now dont want to meet anybody. Now she is against islam and started hatred this religion. She fought with her husband for religious matter and finally divorced. She said (please search with Reema Chhabra in QOURA) islam is extremely dangerous for human especially converted women. My advice to you is dont fall love blindly. Our religion is our identity and our identity is our nation. Be proud to be Hindu and love your parent as well as nation.
Never mind, are you working in IT sector and if yes in which domain and what is your current company location.
Hi Krish,
Yes, I am out of it completely. I have no hatred towards any religion. yes at one point of time I was going to embrace anything just to get united with my ex but now I am much better a person. I am stronger than before. yes I work in IT sector. I wouldn’t wanna disclose anything else over here. you can talk to me over mails.
Thanks Nita.. I am so happy you left such cowdish religion people (A pin pinched to my heart when somewhere Hindu Girls marrying a mulsim or christian man and get converting).
Dont disclose your company details, I too working in Oracle, Hyderbad but soon joining another company in Blore. Anywey here is my mail id: dilip4488@yahoo.co.in dont hesitate to ask me any type of help (if I can) from a Hindu brother.
Read the story of Madhu (her name changed)
https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=13247#comment-415919
I followred her but she was so mad to her ex and suffered bipolar depression and finally she commited suicide on 24th Feb.
Dear Nita,
We are so happy to hear this, “I have to attach my happiness with myself and my work…I was dependant on him and that’s why I was always sad…I have to love myself the way I want someone else to love me…God is with me…hes helping me remain at peace in this trying situation…hes strengthening me…if god is with me, who can be against me?” We cannot be any more happy to see now you are enlightened. A very bright and ever happy life is waiting for you. Best wishes.
Hi Admin,
I donno if I will ever be healed…hes hurting me with his words every single time…I have discovered some more shocking facts about him which he hid from me…I am trying a lot to detach myself but I am not able to…I am not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel…God is with me…but I feel that I have lost my eyesight and donno where I am going…I have lost faith in myself…in my decisions…I have ruined my life as well…theres nothing that I can do to heal it….I am lost….
You will heal and you will heal. A bright light is ahead for you. It is only a matter of time when you remove this darkness in front of you, that dirty evil man. Read what we said about addition here https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12100#comment-407555, but you are on course to get rid of them. He is cancer, it is not going to go easily without causing damage on you. We (doctors-oncologists) are giving you best treatments for your cancer and we are hopeful. Only thing you need to do is to trust us and take our advise (medicines).
Tell us more about “I have discovered some more shocking facts about him which he hid from me.”
Nita, would you be OK if Admin shares our emails with one another? You really need to be gently woken up from this dream you were living in, and i am very sorry to see you in this state. This boy sounds like more trouble every day i read about him.
Admin, if Nita wants to, please share my email privately with her. I really want to help her out, feel very bad that she has nobody to talk to and maybe, I can help her see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi Nita,
What happend? no answer till date. We can surely help you, Rabia also wants to help/ counseling you. please tell us whereabouts you and your stand off.
Hi,
I have been trying to keep myself away from everything that reminds me of him. Hence I never wrote anything here after that day. We broke up few months back. I see him in my dreams and I wake up at night…when his thoughts come to my mind, I try to think of something else…I tried hating him…but not able to…to others, I look normal cz I laugh, I smile, I look happy…but at times that emptiness is so powerful that nothing seems to be right…to be meaningful…I am okay…but I donno when will I heal…the wound is still sore…but even writing things here scares me cz now the memories will haunt me…I am sorry for not keeping in touch…But I don’t think I can explain my situation…Nothing can help and no one can help me…I have to help myself out…you can send me a mail if you wanna talk to me further…sorry, I don’t wanna come here again cz when I see my previous posts, everything comes back…and it hurts…Hope you can understand…I would love to continue talking if you can send me mails…
Nita,
Sorry to hear of your situation. You were a perfect happy girl but now your are totally messed up. It is like cocaine addition, once you get it, you want it more even if it ruins you. There are many bad element in society that you have to learn to manage with (read this). We are confident that you will get over your current situation and be a productive member of this society in a few years. Best wishes.
Nita,
Since you wanted to learn, let us give you homework. Go read Koran 2:223, 2:228, 2:282, 4:3, 4:11, 4:15, 4:34, 4:35, 4:24 and 24:4. You may do it on google. Since you are dreaming to be a Muslim wife, you should know these. Ask him to explain all these.
Go talk to a chain smoker to quite smoking. Tell them that this smoke will cause you cancer. Let us know what the smoker says and how much success you have with it. Likewise, you cannot and will not give him up, till something really worst happen. It will take 2-5 year to find truth, by that time you will be very old for other guys. You are stuck!
Hi Admin,
I read those verses from Koran. Some I understood, some I did not…in fact, he had gifted me Koran…I had started reading it but then left after the first chapter as I was not able to understand much…some of the verses which you asked me to read are shocking. Like the one about beating wife if they disobey you…why do I always feel that he wont be like that…that he would be different from what everyone thinks of a muslim guy…but yes, like you said, I am kinda stuck…and if at all I realize also later, I would be too old for other men…but I am not able to fall for any other guy…may be I should just decide to never marry ever…I cant destroy someone else’s life…my life anyways has no direction and I donno where its heading towards…if there is really something called power of love and universe, I will get what my heart desires…and if I am wrong, may be being alone for the rest of the life is my punishment for myself….
Wow, he has already started proselytizing you and gave you the Koran! Did you give him Geeta?
If he is a true Muslim, then you have to really help him, if you care for him. Can you ever think of these happening to him, and that’s because of Nita? “We shall send those who reject Our revelations to the Fire. When their skins are burnt up, We shall replace them with new ones so that they may continue to taste the punishment.” (4:56). “I will instill fear in the hearts of those who deny the truth: so strike their necks and strike all their finger joints!” (8:12) and “cut hands and feet cut off on alternate side“(5:33).
Why? Because, with your charms, you are making him do that Allah forbids it. Allah told Muslims to “Enjoin believing men to turn their eyes away from temptation and to restrain their carnal desires.” (24:30). For Allah, What you two are doing is a very serious matter (that a Muslim boy is in romantic relationship with a kafir girl before marriage). He will surely go to Hell just bacuse of you.
So, please do every thing possible to discourage him to look at you and show your true love for him.
For all these, “my life anyways has no direction… I donno where its heading towards….the rest of the life is my punishment for myself,” you have a very productive, successful and extremely happy life waiting for you. As we said, Rome was not built in a day. Just hang on with us, that’s all you need to do. We will turn things around. We love you!
Hi Admin,
Thank you for all the love…I am trying to suppress my romantic side for past two days…I have told him that we should give each other some space…I told him that we should be friends first…I know I will never stop loving him…but yes, I don’t want him to later regret whatever we have…I want him to cherish these moments with a smile…I donno how successful I will be in keeping myself mentally detached from him and thus physically, but yes now I know that I want to try earnestly…not because its a sin in his religion…cz love is never a sin…true love…but because, its not doing any good to either of us…if something is meant to be, it will be..may be my god will help me…will give me some sign…but yes, I guess true love is only from my side…from his side may be it was infatuation and later a lot of care…God bless him…I think true love will find me…I don’t have to go in search of it…but I have become very weak as a person…I am in constant fight with my inner self who always wants to hope that one day everything will be as I wanted…this emotional side has taken over me drastically…I am driven emotionally, not using my brains at all…this emotional side has made me weak…but I cant lose this battle…I have to win over me…today I am saying all this, may be tomorrow I will be weak and would want some other things…but this is exactly what I have to overcome…love brings out the best person in us…but I haven’t become the best version of myself…I have to move on…just donno how to…I have started praying again…somehow, that brings peace for a while….and writing to you also helps me pouring out my feelings and dealing with them to some extent…I have screwed up my life…will take time to get out of the mess I guess…but I will…hes not a bad person…neither his religion or what he practices…its just that I am not ready to handle that love yet may be…I don’t blame my heart or love…I just blame the weaker me who brought me where I am…thanks for your support…I will alwys keep in touch with you….
Nita, everyone gets weak with love, it’s the most human thing. And to me, all the things you are describing mean that you are a 100% normal girl. Many times, girls become a lot more attached in romantic relationships… I don’t want to generalise, because I have seen the opposite case as well, where male friends of mine had their hearts broken. But that’s the cycle of life I guess.. You are sometimes loved, and sometimes you love someone and they don’t love you back..
Praying has always helped me in the past, with all my problems, as God is the biggest helper, and I also encourage you to talk to your mother/best friends as it will ease this pain and they will be your biggest supporters in this battle to overcome your feelings for this man. You said you work with him, that’s a big problem because you cannot avoid him. It means you see him every day.
Also, it may be a good idea to get some help from someone – I know in India this is a taboo sometimes, but maybe go see a therapist/psychologist to discuss this love attachment/obsession? The therapist may help you and offer some self-help books or something, and if you’re emotionally down, maybe something to help you feel better (temporary medicines) It’s good to sometimes be able to talk to someone completely foreign, who doesn’t know you at all, and pour your heart out to them, they way you are doing to us here.
And if you are emotional nowadays because of this issue in your life and cannot function properly, these “dimag ka doctors” might be able to give you some sort of relaxing medicine to make you happy and relax. (You may have seen this in the movie “Dear Zindagi”, a good watch)
Your mother and friends are also going to be a great support, so I would open up to them and tell them, and they can give you beneficial advice. You know now that this relationship is a toxic one for you. I am 100% sure that if you let yourself meet other boys from your community, you will be much happier with one of them as opposed to trying to make it work with Mr Kashmiri who doesn’t seem to value you. If he values you, he will have to prove himself.. and if he doesn’t… Just move on, no matter how hard it is, and imagine yourself 5-10 years from now, happier with someone who loves, respects, and understands you. Best of luck!
Nita, Life is long. You will see lots of ups and downs. You will feel lots of twists and turns. Those people who cannot cope with it, will suffer. Others who can think critically and learn to act smart, will prosper and enjoy life like being in heaven right here. We consider you as smart. We fully trust you that in the end, you will make a right decision. When you are ready to make a critical decision, do reach out to us for guidance (but it will be your decision, not what we say). Best wishes.
Hi Rabia/Admin,
yes, I have to and I want to move on now… I have to attach my happiness with myself and my work…I was dependant on him and that’s why I was always sad…I have to love myself the way I want someone else to love me…and yes, change is inevitable…may be he never loved me truly…I cannot blame anyone…but yes I did love him truly and paying the price for it…I wont regret falling in love I guess cz it wasn’t in my hands but yes I would always seek answer for the question as to why couldn’t he remain loyal to me or why did he play with my emotions…I was nothing but answer to all his problems…I cared for him like my baby.. but anyways, no point talking about all this…whatever has to happen, happens…now I want to move on and I have started focusing on my career…God is with me…hes helping me remain at peace in this trying situation…hes strengthening me…if god is with me, who can be against me?
Hi Nita,
Only time will tell you where are you heading towards. However, we are happy that you are keeping in touch here. Let us give you some tips to chew on for your statement “he slapped me many times.”
1) Innocent and emotional girls sometimes get trapped by whosoever appears to respect them, though this “respect” is false. There are so many anti social elements in the society who are disguised as gentlemen but are conspirator inside. —Abida
2) Source: Dating abuse is a pattern of destructive behaviors used to exert power and control over a dating partner. While we define dating violence as a pattern, that doesn’t mean the first instance of abuse is not dating violence. It just recognizes that dating violence usually involves a series of abusive behaviors over a course of time.
Warning Signs of Abuse
Because relationships exist on a spectrum, it can be hard to tell when a behavior crosses the line from healthy to unhealthy or even abusive. Use these warning signs of abuse to see if your relationship is going in the wrong direction:
Checking your cell phone or email without permission
Constantly putting you down
Extreme jealousy or insecurity
Explosive temper
Isolating you from family or friends
Making false accusations
Mood swings
Physically hurting you in any way
Possessiveness
Telling you what to do
Pressuring or forcing you to have sex
3) Tell us how many times your father hit your mother? How many of your relatives husbands hit their wife? Let us know.
Hi Admin,
I don’t think my father ever hit my mom…atleast i have never seen it…as far as relatives are concerned, I have no idea about them…the problem now is that, my mom is asking me if I am over this guy…cz she wants to get me married…even if I try helping myself and meet the guys, I am not able to picture myself with any of them…I can never be with any other man…I donno now what to do…I am kinda stuck…and I have not told him that I have told my mom about me and him…
Nita,
You mom and dad raised you with love, educate you and gave you freedom in life. Now you have to be honest with them and tell them truth. Never ever think of running away with this Muslim guy. As we always say, a Muslim can give you a legal talaak in the middle of a cold night, where will you go (we hope not your parents!). With that, we are not saying do every thing parents want you to do, but tell them truth and have healthy argument or exchange of views with them. This will be a win-win for all.
On “I have not told him that I have told my mom about me and him “ YES, he will not want you to talk to any one. This way he can exploit you. It is not in his interest that you reached out to us here, too bad for him. We are sure he told you several times that “don’t mention to any one about your relationship and we will work out;” is this not correct?
Ask him what would he do if his sister is in love with a Hindu? Let us know what he says.
On “I don’t think my father ever hit my mom“, this is not unusual; this is normal in all healthy marriages. Probably your father also never beat you. You love someone does not mean you hit the person. When a man raises a hand against a woman; that should be the end of that relationship. Only a woman willing to submit to an abusive husband will continue this relationship.
On “I donno now what to do…I am kinda stuck“, …this is the way all addicts (smoker, alcoholics, gamblers, drug addict) feel. Stay with us and we will get you out of this mess, slowly!
Hi Admin,
I have told my mom about him…what else can I tell her? she knows that I like him…but yes she said the same thing that he would not keep me happy and that shes scared to lose me…I told her not to worry cz I would never do anything without their consent…and I am even told them to look out for other alliances but just gimme some time….although that’s just to make her happy…cz I know I can never think of any other guy.. but no, I will never run away with him,…I can never break my parents’ heart…I know I fell in love with him which is against their will…but this was not in my hands…it just happened…I tried stopping myself initially…but then went with the flow…
yes, he has told me not to make our relationship public cz we are not gonna get married according to him and hence its not good…but I feel, where there is love, caste, colour, religion, nothing matters…for me, it doesnt…and I hope that one day he will see this true love and he will himself ask my hand for marriage from my parents…I see the sunshine behind the clouds…I know, you must be thinking that I am being too optimistic…but that’s how I get the strength to move on…
yes, my dad has never raised his hands on me or for that matter anyone…I had told him this after he cooled down that night…he regretted what he did and he will never repeat it…he says I made him angry which yes to some extent is true..
if I ask him what would he do if his sister marries a hindu, his reply would be that his sister is very pious and would never do anything like that…and for that matter any Kashmiri girl..he says girls are raised like that in Kashmir…
I donno if I am addicted to him or I am really in love…I just know that his happiness means everything to me…if he has not eaten, I get worried..if hes not well, I feel restless and I do everything to make him alright…if hes tired, I want to make him relax..if hes unhappy, I want to find the reason and remove it altogether…I just know that I care for him like my kid…but yes, I am very confused as to how things are going ….I donno whats in store for me…but yes, talking to you, keeps me happy by thinking that there is someone with whom I can talk freely about my feelings…I will always keep in touch with you….
Nita,
Why don’t you test this Kashmiri Muslim boy and make yourself a little less available? Maybe he will actually start valuing you then. I definitely think you should break up with him and let him go, as all warning signs are there that this is not gookng to be a happy marriage in the future (he himself isn’t willing to marry you, that’s why I said this)
You said “yes, he has told me not to make our relationship public cz we are not gonna get married according to him and hence its not good…but I feel, where there is love, caste, colour, religion, nothing matters…for me, it doesnt”
For most Muslims in India, it does and you need to understand this very clearly: unless you became Muslim, his family would never accept you. In some extreme families, even if you converted to Islam and became Muslim, they may still not accept you. And you are going to break relations work your own family’s if you run away wit this guy (again, assuming he was willing to do this, which he ISNT)
Please listen to the advice given here.
If you don’t no want to break up with him and still want to be an optimist; here is some advice which whicjnjas worked for other girls before:
Make yourself less available for him, don’t answer his calls, pull yourself back and make him realize your worth. If he genuinely loves you, he may just realize what he is missing & be strong enough to fight for your love.
This is as much a test for you as it is for him. Don’t do something stupid and ruin your life. Meet other people through your parents and maybe you will find someone through the arranged marriage system who you are more compatible with.areiage isn’t a joke, you may start hating this Kashmiri guy after marriage once you discover his habits.
Hi Nita,
Rome was not built in a day. Only time will tell what is truth. However, we are so proud of you that you are hearing us. This is a smart strategy on your part.
You should read all wife-abuse cases. This is common theme “regretted what he did and he will never repeat it” and the gullible wife will believe it. If your dad never thought of raising hands to you or your mother, where did your bf learned to beat you? Not all Muslims do it but you should know that Allah permits beating wives.
Even you may know, ask him about his sister getting into love with a Hindu. To learn his views, challenge him–why and why not. Your objective here is to learn of his mentality and male dominative nature. Let us know what you learned.
Learn the difference between dating time and routine married life. Lets us give you an analogy. If you are very hungry and we give you only half of a Gulab Jaboon (Indian sweet balls; or any sweets that you love) and tell you to hold little while and not eat now. You will hold it deerly and cannot wait to eat. However, if we give you 50 Gulab Jaboon and ask you to eat all in 30 min, you will cry to eat the 50th one. Right now you are dating (got only ½ Gulab Jaboon) but you have to think how will be your life 50 years into your married life. Go see how his father is treating his mother today, and it will give you some clues for what is on your way for you. What does, comes around.
Hi Rabia/Admin,.
Thanks a lot for your support…yes, I can try to pull myself away a little to test him…but we meet daily as we work together…I don’t think its gonna be that easy…Besides I wake him up everyday morning so that he doesn’t get late for office…I cant stop that…cz once when we faught, I did not wake him up and he actually got late…besides, I love doing that for him as it makes me feel like I have some part to play in his life…its a right that I have acquired…other than that we don’t message much or call…but yes, we do meet everyday…but yes, like you said, I will try to pull myself away as much as possible from my end just to test him…I will do it honestly..and if I am not able to do it, then also I will tell you…meanwhile, I will also try to get more insight regarding muslim community and their rules and mentality….
Nita,
We love you. No one will give you a shoulder to cry, but we will. No one knows who you here so be free to express your heart and mind here. That is the exact reason we have created this site. We have come across at least 50 youths who talk about giving their life or depressed due to their love issues, this is normal for us. We will put your life back on track!
Addiction:
When he is next to you, you feel “high,” however soon after you “fall” to get depressed and ready to commit suicide. This is same for someone is cocaine addict. When you inject cocaine in your veins, you go “high” and enjoy absolute pleasure, but soon you fall as hard as soon as cocaine level does down in your blood. This is same story for alcoholics. There are many obese people who cannot stop eating, even they know excessive food is bad for you. A smoker will not quit smoking, even he/she know what is coming. Even he/she gets lung cancer and lungs has to be removed, some weak minded smokers still cannot stop smoking and they will take their last breath with a cigarette smoke. Neha, you are no different that this smoker. You know it well what you got into. He has ruined your life and soon you will loose your job. Your parents may even kick you out and you will be begging on street for food. We hope some day you will get senses and crush him under your foot like you would do to a cigarette butt.
You are addicted and you have to get over it. We can start your rehabilitation only after you are out of your sex addiction. Even you may have cancer, we will treat you with latest cancer drugs, but you must stop smoking (dump him!).
There is no future you have with him, except failure and miseries. His parents will never accept you. Further, you will never be adjusted to his religion and culture. He already showed you the truth what he is by “he slapped me many times,” but you are addicted and thus cannot get over with him. Hitting wives is sanctioned by the Koran (read). also keep in mind talaak and polygamy.
For him, you are nothing but kafir and a sex toy! He will not hesitate to harm you seriously (even kill you?) out of rage. NEVER go along with him. Always take your friend with you to protect you. Your life is in jeopardy.
Don’t blame God for your stupidity. He has ruined you and will ruin you more. He is a devil. If not you, he will go after a second Hindu girl. So wake up!
Lets talk more for how to put your life gather. One day you will have bright and happy future, as soon as you forget this guy. Get back to us.
Hi Admin,
I am greatful to you for being so much concerned…but some things which you say about him, I am not able to agree…he will never harm me…I don’t have to take any friend for my protection…hes my protector…yes I understand that the chances of us being together and his parents accepting me are very bleak, but that’s the reason I had contacted you …to get some insight as to how to convince him…he will not kill me instead he can give his life to save mine….I know I also have many doubts in my mind regarding his behavior…but he feels genuine…and even if hes not, my love is genuine…may be one day my love will transform him….but please don’t tell me to leave him or forget him…its not possible for me to….please just help me in getting emotionally stable…I love him a lot and will always pray for his happiness and success…God bless him….
Nita,
We are sorry that you got into this situation (https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12100#comment-406732). Well, lets take it positive that you are awake before marriage, not after Nikaah.
In general, as a woman, you have to be strong by mind. If not, one or other person is going to abuse you verbally or other ways. You should feel happy that you had this experience and now you will be stronger than ever for life. There are millions of people out there, why will you get upset by abuse words of someone not reliable? Get over it and star a new life. Keep in touch with us right here. Pour your emotions here.
We have requested Riya to contact you here and hopefully she can guide you. Best wishes.
Hi nita,
According to me, I think u should verify whether ur bf’s ready to marry u or not. I don’t think he’s at all in real love, Idk though! See no matter whatever, ur good but very weak nd u need to be strong! Please trust me, don’t have blind faith, not on only ur bf but on anybody! I think u should talk to his parents, coz if is adamant enough and is in love with u truly, he’ll obviously take u to his parents inspite every odd! Just as ur ready to sacrifice anything for him, he’ll be ready too, coz that’s true love! And try judging him when he says that his parents won’t accept you coz I don’t think he’ve taken any initial to introduce u to his parents! No person in love gives up! I want to tell u one thing only, even if ur crying in, don’t show him that! Even if ur weak, don’t show him that! And u should think once before doing anything which includes being converted to Islam coz when ur bf emotionally tortures u without even hardly seeing u fave to face, think what’ll he do when u get converted. I know it’s really not easy to forget the person u love coz even I’m in love with a muslim guy nd am trying to sort things out but u should not just get swayed away in love! He’s ur bf nd he should respect you first, that’s his duty, don’t give him the opportunity to torture u like this coz that’s where he might take advantage even later on after marriage! You’re in absolute love but this isn’t always okay sweetheart, I know u should trust, but it’s really a bad place out there, so keep ur eyes nd ears open as admin had also told you. I hope things get fine but if u rely on me, do the first nd foremost thing to just test ur bf sometimes whether he loves u or not coz again I repeat, if he loves you he’ll do everything possible to get u for eternity and just won’t say he can’t do anything bout it.
We’ll be there to help you out. You shouldn’t worry nd just trust on brains more than ur heart sometimes!
Hi Riya/Admin,
Its very nice of you people to be trying to help me so much…its been some days since I had written to you last…I had decided to be strong and to let go of him…but he insisted on meeting and I met him and I forgot all my hurt and problems and forgave him…I donno what magic he has on me that my heart forgives him every time..after that we had to travel somewhere together due to work and we stayed together…we had good times as well as unforgettable fights…one night the fight grew so bad that he slapped me many times….I was shocked…I have never been slapped in my whole life…I know, now he must be becoming a villain in my story, whoever reads this…but trust me, he was repenting…I could see the hurt in his eyes after hitting me,…the kind of love that he showered upon me that night is something that I crave for all the time and for that I am ready to get hit 100 times also by him….and ya, my parents were pushing me to meet a guy of their choice, so I told my mom about him…also told her that hes not gonna marry me…my mom may be was shocked and was worried as well…she tried to console me and also tried making me understand to forget him…I asked her for some time and to not tell my dad as he would be very upset…
the saddest part is that, so many people are trying to help me, including you all, but I am not able to leave him…I cannot imagine any other guy in my life…I donno if he loves me truly or not but i know that I do…and I have never felt like this before…most of the times, I feel hopeless thinking about my future..then I try to put positive thoughts and ray of hope that one day he will fall in love with me truly, not by just words and will talk to his parents and we will get married…if I wasn’t supposed to live my life with him, why would God bring him in my life…if I don’t get married to him, I think I should better remain unmarried cz I cannot imagine being with any other guy…I know, I sound like a fool…but I seriously donno what to do…the solution which everyone tells me is leaving him.,..that would mean the end of my life…cz even if we fight and don’t talk, I feel depressed and feel like there is no meaning to life….so the solution is actually not a solution…or I should consult a psychiatrist who would tell me if I am going mad…cz this pressure from parents and nothing turning out with him, is making me go crazy day by day and depressed…I am not able to concentrate on my work too…at times, I wish I was not even born.,…or if God would end my life now before anyone could separate me from him…I try hard to remain positive despite all odds and keep listening to positive thinking audios but its becoming very difficult day by day…but deep down, I feel I am gonna live my life with him by my side as my husband….I am sorry if I make you people angry all the time cz in your messages whatever you write for me, I talk totally opposite here…but this is the only place where I don’t pretend…if I lie to you people about my feelings and tell you that yes I am forgetting him and all, I would be doing injustice with both myself and you people…that’s why I am always honest about my feelings whenever I write…
Nita,
You are going through a lot emotionally right now, and I’ll try to be as objective as I can to offer you some advice because I understand the pain you are going through – believe me, I do.
What I don’t like is the fact that he has raised his hand on you – of course to us, he will be a villain when he hits a woman! You’re saying “he repented and felt bad, I saw it” – what’s the guarantee that he won’t get angry and do it again one day? My point is not to make a villain out of him, it’s so that you as a young woman start respecting yourself and standing up for yourself now (before it’s too late)
Whether to stay with him or leave him is YOUR personal choice. But keep your eyes open and make sure he RESPECTS you.
His family may never accept you even if you convert to Islam, so this is something HE has to reassure you about, by introducing you to them etc. The people I know in your situation would lead a life together with the family approval only AFTER the spouse became Muslim, especially in the case of a Kashmiri Muslim, who are conservative.
You wrote: “He says he loves me a lot and he even said once that he wishes he wasn’t a muslim and that too a Kashmiri so then we could have been together. But I don’t understand how come I am ready to go to any extent for him but hes not ready… But I am not ready to give up on us”
He is being honest with you because in his religion and family background, a Hindu girl would not be accepted easily. If he is strong enough to stand up to his parents & fight for his girl, hats off to him. But most Indian boys I know, Hindu-Muslim or Sikh- cannot do this because of the way your culture teaches them to respect their elders and especially mom and dad. So they become subservient to the culture and religion they are raised in.
“if I wasn’t supposed to live my life with him, why would God bring him in my life…” – God sometimes puts people in our life to test us through hardships, and you can see this either as a blessing (if you think he’ll make a good husband) or a test from God.
“if I don’t get married to him, I think I should better remain unmarried cz I cannot imagine being with any other guy…I know, I sound like a fool…but I seriously donno what to do…the solution which everyone tells me is leaving him.,..that would mean the end of my life…” – RIGHT NOW, it feels like your life will end, but in the long run, after a few years, your life will go on and you’ll meet someone else who will be more compatible with you and who will keep you happy.
Just read all the advices given here, think with your own head and decide whether you want to continue fighting or not. You’ve already made too many compromises and willing to fight for him – if he is willing to do this for you too, then maybe go ahead and take the leap of faith. Otherwise, run away from this person and BE STRONG! God will help you with figuring out your love life inshAllah.
Hi admin,
I just know one thing that all I need is his companionship for the rest of my life. Even if that means I will have to become 100% Muslim, I will try my best to become. But currently the problem is that I don’t even know if he or his parents will accept me even if I get converted to a Muslim.
It is normal for your parents not to accept him (a Muslim) and his parents not to accept you (a Hindu). There is no easy answer unless both of you are ready to ignore your parents and go against their wishes. But then the question is when you need your parents later (like talaak) where would you go? This is a very difficult question to answer unless you two are willing to take life in your own hands. We assume he is not ready to do for you.
In your true love (or lust?) you are willing to do any thing, but love does not last long after marriage. We know you will not believe us but go ask any number of married people if we are wrong.
Can you go visit Kashmir and meet his parents? May be that could change something. This way, you will also have a chance of seeing how they live and if that is matching your expectations of your life. Can you visit them?
Have you introduce him to your parents? If your parents agree to him, your parents may help convince his parents about two of you. Try!
Hi Admin,
Yes, you are right in saying that he is not ready to go against his family. without him being ready to even try, I will not be able to visit Kashmir and meet his family, although m ready to do so and talk to his parents , if he lets me do that. no, I also havnt introduced him to my parents cz I donno if we ever be together. whats the point in giving my parents a problem that’s not even gonna materialize itself. I feel stuck and not able to go ahead with other things in my life cz I always feel that my future is dark…that all throughout my life, i will miss him…I understand that love dies after marriage. I will have real hard time adjusting with him and especially with him cz he gets bored easily and is moody. But I will have to adjust with any other guy also after marriage. But in this case, atleast I will be doing this for someone I love. with any other person, I might give up cz I wouldn’t feel like going ahead or stretching myself after a certain extent. thinking all this only I feel I should get settled with him onlyu no matter how hard the life is gonna become. af far as talaak is concerned, I don’t think he is that kind cz his dad is also not like that. I donno, I could be wrong. But I just feel that I have one life.. and I wanna live my own mistakes.. He says he loves me a lot and he even said once that he wishes he wasn’t a muslim and that too a Kashmiri so then we could have been together. But I don’t understand how come I am ready to go to any extent for him but hes not ready… But I am not ready to give up on us. I want to try everything tahts possible in order to persuade him to introduce me to his family. Just help me out in persuading him. talking to his parents comes later. he should be mentally ready first… day in and day night I just think about this only..i have put my career also after him which is not good I know. but when my mind is not at peace, I donno what to do. when things are sorted in my head, when this problem is solved, I feel I will be able to do better at any field..if you have any idea please help me out…I feel lost and tired…and burdened too.. I feel as if the zeal inside me is dying. if hes not there with me, I wont have any light in my life and wont look forward to getting up in the morning or going ahead with my day. I know I might be sounding crazy. but this is how I am feeling and I am helpless. I wish so many times in a day that I shouldn’t have fallen in love and tried stopping myself too…but it happened…and initially he had said that he would talk to his parents…so I gave in.,..but now he says sorry that he said it in emotions and it was a mistake cz he can never do that…he doesn’t even let me keep hopes about it cz he saya he doesn’t want me to get hurt later..i have told him that I have left those dreams. but the truth is that I can never stop hoping. This hope is something that’s giving me the strength to live each day. And I am very thankful to you for talking to me cz I have no one who unmderstands me and with whom I can talk about this. My best friends asks me to leave him and I know shes right but I am not able to..so I don’t talk about my problems with anyone..cant discuss with him also..Thanks a lot.
Hi Nita,
That is why we have created this site, Please express yourself.
I know you don’t want to think any negative about him because you are blind-in-love. However, it is our job to open your eyes and ears. If not, you will be ruined for ever. We found this of concern, “initially he had said that he would talk to his parents…so I gave in.,..but now he says sorry that he said it in emotions and it was a mistake.” That’s all, easy, sorry! Remember, he could say the same after marriage too.
Only we request is… do nothing without permission from your parents. They say–don’t burn bridges behind you. If ever, hope not, but if you get talaak (he could say that was a mistake, simple!), where would you go?
Hi admin,
Every time he abuses me with words. Not by calling me bad words but by saying other emotional things that hurt a lot. Today again when same thing happened, I gave up. I told him that I cannot take it anymore. That he can delete my number and if m making him miserable then he can finish it once and for all. Every time saying it hurts me. Yes I have cried my eyes out since then but then every time I cry for him. It’s just that this time I am praying to God that I should not become weak and accept his sorry or worse go to him and say sorry. It’s a very tough time for me emotionally but I know o have never done or thought of any bad for him or anyone so God will watch over me. I pray that I don’t break down and succumb to my emotions…
Hi Nita,
We are so happy that you reached out to us. Lets decide today that 1) You will do that is good for you and by your own choice, 2) what ever you do will be after full exploration of facts. This way, there is no surprise left when you exercise your options and 3) you will make smart decision without being blind by emotions (meaning not jump in the well blindly). Agree?
Now you learned for your life never to put your real name on any public forum, unless you want your whole school/college/town to know for next 20 years. You could be in deep trouble if everyone find it out what you are going. You will learn a lot over few days, so hang on. Now with a new name, you are okay speaking what you wish to.
We understand you are in true love. It is good to enjoy these feelings. However, sometimes dreams and realities are different. You understand marriage means living together for next 80+ years, living and dealing with in-laws, keeping your own parents happy, raising children, giving them religious teachings, making enough money to maintain your life and more. You go and ask all long time love-married people, if their life is running by dating time love; and they will laugh at you.
To start with, from the list of 30 some questions, tell us what is absolutely No, No for your life? You already said you do not want your husband to have that talaak option. Tell us what else is of your concern.
Hi admin,
Which 30 questions are you referring to? And my concern is that he doesn’t feel that we can ever have a future. He always says that his parents can call him anytime to Kashmir and get him married. He’s never gonna talk to his parents about us. Is there any way, I can make him believe that there is a way and that somehow convince him to talk to his parents? But I don’t wanna offend him in any way. I might be sounding crazy too. He’s in love with me but he’s ready to sacrifice that for the sake of his family. What do I tell him that he feels like telling his parents about me… that starts seeing a future with me… that we start planning things together for the future…
Hi Nita,
Click on that underlined “30 some questions” and it will take you to https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=2402
You are a Hindu and he is a Muslim. There is a big difference between two. Are you willing to be a 100% Muslim and zero percent Hindu? That is the first think you have to think when you are in love with a Muslim. Once you are okay becoming 100% Muslim, then we can think of how to convince his parents.