Niti says:
I am a born Hindu and my fiancee is a Catholic. We are planning to tie the knot in 2 years time.
Our relationsrohip grows stronger by appreciating differences of each other and we celebrate the differences together. However we are not in align when comes to raising the kids. We decided and agreed to raise the kids in both faith. I have a concern and didn’t agree to baptize our children. what i understand on baptism is it simply means “You follow Jesus and he is the only God”
He explains that Baptism is simply a ceremony cleansing of mortal sin, its blessing and sign of purity. The baby will be blessed and guarded from Evil.
He is ok with my decision of not baptizing the children but not happy with that. I am worried and confused.
Please advise. -Niti
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Admin says:
Dear Niti,
You have raised a very vital question for any interfaith marriage – what will be the formal religion of children? You are on track by declining the baptism (no BBS); be firm with it.
You are not here to please him on a short run but to make a long lasting happy married life. Promise less but produce more.
This is an interfaith marriage and he should not get stuck on Christian dogma (and you on Hindu dogma). You two have to get married and make your own new religion with your own rules and new belief sets.
Do not sign the pre-nuptial agreement necessary for Catholic Church wedding. If necessary, marry without the church.
Tell him that you will give birth to sin-free children (as per Hindu belief). It is the kid’s karma that will decide if he/she is a sinner. For this reason, you do not see any need to wash sins of a newly born.
Tell him that even without baptism of children, you will respect Christianity, celebrate all festivals, will go to your churches, will display Jesus’ cross in home, teach children from Bible (and Geeta) and will be a batter Christian (without baptism) than many others. We are confident that he will agree to your reasonings and will appreciate your pluralistic (not exclusivist) thinking.
On his point of “The baby will be blessed and guarded from Evil”, is this truth or superstition? Jews believe in circumcision of a male child and believe that one should not work on the Sabbath day, if not followed something negative will happen; again is this superstition? Jesus changed that and accepted all uncircumcised gentiles and further told that it is okay to do good karma even on the Sabbath day; is this not progressive thinking? If Jesus gave such wonderful messages, why churches are teaching today that Mahatma Gandhi’s karma is not important, but his baptism label? For such reasons, we said follow Jesus not the church. Adapt from Christian teachings but decline baptism by the church.
Continuing on above point of superstition, some Hindus believe in putting black ash on child’s forehead to guard from evil or break coconut in front of a new car as blessings from the God; others may see these practices as nothing but superstition. Tell him that this is an interfaith marriage and both parties have to give up superstitious beliefs.
Actually it is not that 30 minutes ritual (here Baptism) that is of concern, but the thought process behind asking for it. The BBS will set a tone for your newly married life.
Every one can talk of equality and tolerance, but those are not measurable qualities. If you wish to find out a true tolerant nature of his family, decline the BBS. All of a sudden, reality will come out. We recommend NO BBS as a sort of insurance from a religious fanatic, just to make sure.
Please read all that we have written on the BBS. It will help you to explain it to your fiancée and his family. Please come back to us with more specific questions. Keep us posted over years. Best wishes. -Admin
More information: Interfaith marriage with equality, Hindu-Christian Marriage, Bible on Hindus? Christian-Hindu relationships, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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He (Muslim boy) wants me to convert
Hay Niti!
I think the admin knocked it out of the ballpark! Any interfaith marriage is going to have elements of both religions – it is up to you and your spouse to decide what that balance is going to be for your household.
Baptism is a sacrament that leaves an indelible mark on the soul. There are two type of baptism – infant baptism and believer’s baptism. Believer’s baptism is generally performed when the child is older and able to profess their own faith. This is something that you both may want to research and consider as a compromise solution. See this link for more information on the sacrament:
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c1a1.htm
The rest of this is my personal experience, so it is one of may perspectives:
I got baptized because I felt that my child should be exposed to and have a sense of belonging in both religions. In order to be part of church life and community, my husband and I chose to be baptized. Shortly after our child was born, we were contacted by the Church to have our child baptized. We did not feel that we could make that decision for her. In fact, in hindsight, we both realized that even getting baptized ourselves was completely unnecessary for the purpose of making our child belong. She has to confront the fact that she is different and find her natural religious balance. Her relationship with God is her own. As parents, we have the unique privilege of guiding her, but it is up to God to call her.
Secondly, many aspects of traditional Christianity were incompatible with our belief system as a family and here’s why-
(1) The Life of Christ is very inspiring to us, and it is undeniable that if a person could live as he did, it is most definitely a successful life. However, the Church spends the vast majority of time(in my perspective) on his death. I think you can say this about the Christian religion as a whole – remember, the resurrection gave birth to Christianity.
(2) The concept that those who have not accepted Christ go to hell, and in the alternative – those who truly accept Christ can be forgiven of their sins by that very acceptance.
(3) “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
* If you are in the US, Church is about politics too. We disagreed with much of the Church’s conservative views and agenda – on homosexuality, on abortion, on birth control, on it’s view of the role of women etc.
However, this is just a personal experience. It is up to you to chose the right balance for your family. Please feel free to ask any questions of me and I will do my best to answer.
Thanks!
Hi Sriti,
Thank you for speaking out. Unfortunately the Hindu community is very ignorant of Christian church teachings.
Hindus, in general, are pluralist while Christians, Jews and Muslims are exclusivist, supremacist, monotheist. Thus there is a perfect match, an ignorant pluralist and an opportunist exclusivist.
Probably 70%+ Hindu boys and girls in colleges will not have any problem with their child’s baptism to please their intended spouse (or his/her parents)’s belief. However, what they don’t know is the intention of their exclusivist in-laws and churches. We do not have problem with that 15 minutes ritual but we have serious concerns with the thought process behind it.
While reading every line and word of Bible, we are deeply impressed by Jesus’ messages in three chapters. If those three chapters were whole Bible, we would gladly be a Christian today. However, as soon as Jesus left, those Peter and Paul turned things around for church’s benefits. It is shame on those who give priority to churches exclusivist teachings and forgot Jesus’ all inclusive messages.
Bottom line, our message to all youths for NO BBS as an insurance (follow Jesus not the church or follow Allah not Muhammad or follow LORD God and there is no need for the Bris/Bar Mitzvah). However, they are not going to hear us till they experience themselves.
Sriti, we are glad to partner with you. Please plan to come here and guide all Hindu-Christian dating youths.
You gave an excellent message and we must repeat it, “We did not feel that we could make that decision for her (our daughter’s formal religion). She has to confront the fact that she is different and find her natural religious balance. Her relationship with God is her own. As parents, we have the unique privilege of guiding her, but it is up to God to call her.” Superb!! We wish we could convince all interfaith couple to hold on to the BBS till age 21.
The children should be baptized only when they turn the age of maturity. I am always against rearing the children in a particular religion. It’s the right of children to follow the religion they like. It must not be thrust. Many people in interfaith has started dividing the children on religious grounds, rearing one of them of the father’s and the other of the mother’s. Do you think, it’s justice to them?
So, my suggestion is let the children choose the religion they like once they turn up the age of maturity. Before, them acquaint them with all the religions. No baptism please.