Aditya says: February 29, 2016 at 12:48 am
I am a hindu boy, and I have been in a committed relationship with a muslim girl for 2 years. About 4 year ago we met. We didn’t knew each other that time.. Then our friendship started .. Soon this turned out to be love… apparently from both sides…..
I knowing the the fact that THIS would not have a future, never engaged or approached to her. It was her who approached me confessed the deep love which ahe had for me. At the very moment seeing her in such a breaking situation, I couldn’t resist myself from telling her the same I felt for her.
Despite knowing the fact that ultimately it would lead to nothing then also I said yes… now it’s been 2 years … It has been smooth for us but a fear of separation always creeps over my head. Because of this fact I always turned her down when she tried to get intimated with me …. (We have no type of physical contact yet) because of this fact only…..
See I desperately love her and care for her. After reading the content I am so confused… first I thought up to go to her father’s house and talk over the marrige issue. But now it seems less important to me. See I love her the most and would happily sacrifice our everyrjing for her. Please guide me what to do????
That girl is a simple straight orthodox girl who loves her family. I don’t wanna be the guy cause of whom she looses all her bonds with her family…
Plz guide me :
-If we can both marry and be happy as a couple without any religious issues?
-I am concerned only about her well wishing so what should I do to ensure that no harm comes to her either in this life or afterlife?
-whenever I try to hint her about the such issues she just says “See I don’t know anything. I just want to be with you every time. I just can’t live without you” If marring her would put a question on her eternal character or belief on god I would rather choose to leave her, because atleast it would ensure her being safe from all voodoos . and if I decide to do so, please tell me a way to do so … Because I know it ain’t gonna be easy to tell her all this….
I request you to please guide us after understanding all the circumstances and the love we carry for each other and fear you putted in my heart from allah regarding her well wishes !!!!! Please do enlighten us !!!! -Aditya
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This post is in response to Mr. Aadil who had bragged as how Hindu girls had sent him vulgar messages (which he had saved for proof) but due to his faith, he didn’t yield to their advances! I could not trace the exact page and hence posting the reply here:
Arre wah! What magnanimity? Some lunatic woman sends lewd messages and this ‘Mahatma’ takes screen shots and boasts that because of faith he didn’t commit adultery, ELSE…..????????? An atheist who stands his ground against the advances of a tempting woman is honourable or a ‘devout’ rogue who brags about his ‘proofs’ and faith in such an issue?
Lowly creature!
Are you the one whom she invited in her birthday party?
Sorry ???
I didn’t quite get it.. can u plz clearly say what u want to say.. birthday party?????
Thank u all guys.. but seriously I have been more confused over this since last tym.. its been over a year now since I have given some serious thoughts over ur suggestions..(Thank u very much for sparing ur precious tym)
But in the last year..I thought a lot about it.. I again consulted a lot of people.. participated in community meeting ..
so sometimes I would b given a ray of hope n a complete satisfaction that yes it is possible.. all we have to do is apply effort ..
But sometimes it would b so devastating that a frindge runs through d head that why r u spoiling her lyf…
This holy month of Ramdan I won’t lie to u…I love her.. I do love her very much.. n yes Miss Rabia ,I do want her to b happy in a long run..But we both want to run that path together…
Yes I tried hard to concentrate n apply Mr. Ahmad Noor’s advice.. but it was very hard for us.. I tried almost every week.. Yet I didn’t had d courage to follow on..
Yes once during last Ramdan I told her everything.. Placed all d cards on the deck for her to understand n atleast give me a way whether what I was doing was right or wrong.. After listening all this she kept quite for a while..Though she didn’t say nothing but her swelled eyes said everything.. then at last she spoke “Mujhe pata hai aap kabhi mere liye galat decision nahi loge..N main aapke decision ki n aapki puri respect karungi..But plz aap ek baar soch lo.. Cause if it ain’t u..Then it’s no one.. until 3 years ago I just used to live for my father ..Now I have another reason to live.. Now if u take that reason away..N when my others reason get completed..I would b out of every other reason to live”… Then it was the tym of prayer.. she whispered her prayer n completed her fast… while she did so all I could think of was that She pretty much said everything that my heart wanted to say..What I felt.. still continuing I did the most cruel thing I could..I tried to make her swear to Allah that she would forget each n every trace of my existence.. n the moment next .. I saw her cry .. she cried.. maybe more than someone , whose dear just departed from this world.. before I could say anything , she left..
That was the last day of Ramdan n next was Eid.. so I could not contact her for 2 days.. Those appeared to b d most longest days in which I could neither sleep or eat.. when I sat there I thought of what has passed… I figured how cruel I m.. how can I ask a girl such thing.. what she must have felt after listening from the very person whom she has given her all.. I felt more than miserable… I didn’t knew which path should I take..To the left ,where nothing was left…Or to the right ,where nothing was alright… So confused I still chose the straight pathway..
Then following day when I met her.. I saw that look in her eyes ..Red swollen..Maybe because of the crying.. she was silent.. maybe prepared to what was going to happen next.. but this tym I bailed out.. I begged for forgiveness from her.. cause I broke my promise n I hired her.. She looked at me aghast of what happened… The very next moment a tear rolled out of her eye n she sat down.. this tym she asked me to vow to her that I will never take such decisions ever alone.. n I promised her so..That I will never bail out on her. ..
So again we r square one for that..
But all we could make out from our situation was that it is not hard but is impossible to separate from each other…. N if u too have loved someone irrespective of the imperfections perfections n situations.. u must know how hard it is.. n what what we go through..Together..
They say that if u ask from allah wd a holy intension , he always grant it.. he grants na ???
Allah always support true love….. paak pyaar ko allah ka nazrana naseeb hota hai na ??
Then plz.. I request u all to pray to him along side wd us that once , just once he looks inside our hearts.. for once he sees how holy our love is.. for once he sees there no trace of anything else mixed wd it… He will just find true love just waiting to b acknowledged of his blessings.. waiting for him to bless us..
I still seek ur precious support n help.. plz guide..Show us a way.. help us discover n plan our future… A better future.. a together future
Aditya,
The bottom line, are you willing to be a true Muslim (meaning 0% Hindu)? If not, she has not interest in you. Did you talk to your parents about you in love with a Muslim? After marriage, is she going to come and live in a Hindu family as a Muslim bahu (daughter-in-law)?
No sir… Neither m willing to convert myself nor her.. its our mutual decision..
Yes my mom n sister know about it.. my mom as every indian women has over rates it.. but never on the basis of religion.. only on the basis of age…. She has asked to set properly settle up first.. then think for these futile issues.. on the other hand.. my sister has been perfecto bindas wd her since our school times.. ahe loves her company n we prem have healthy conversion about her in our home.. (not as my lover Though) but as my very very best friend..
After Marrige , she would b coming to live wd my family.. aside nikah n shadi , we wish to marry legally under special Marrige Act.. by which we r allowed to carry wd our desire religion.. so she would b living in hindu home.. yet she would b free to carry on with her islamic ritika.. n free to decide to participate in hindu rituals or not… {If it is what u ment by Muslim Bahu}
Aditya,
We honor your wishes to honor both faiths and find a middle ground and marry your love. We are hear to make you think of some of points that you may have missed. You should know that “nikah” means you MUST be Muslim to have a Nikah (no exception). Further, a Muslim cannot be a part of a Hindu wedding (in most cases). Are you aware of these? Go talk to her Imam to confirm and let us know what they says.
Aditya, I do agree with your mother’s concerns about young age. If both of you are young and not settled yet, its best to wait.
You don’t want to do something fast and stupid because you are in love and then regret it when you become older.
Do you have a job, does she?
Aditya,
Some questions to think about:
– will her father/family accept you if and when you try to get their permission to marry their daughter?
– are you 100% sure your family will respect her as a Muslim and not force her to do things that she isnt comfortable with? You should discuss all these issues in detail before even going to ask your parents for permission to marry.
The important thing understand is a) will she be able to adjust to your family and b) will you be able to adjust to her ways as a Muslim?
It’s the holy month of Ramadan and especially the last 10 days are considered very special. Pray for the right guidance from the heart and I hope that Allah grants you your wish to be together but please do realize that there are a lot of tings that may be very difficult for your family (nobody wants a practicing Muslim in a Hindu household and I assure you that unless you are a strong man (most desi boys I know are not) and can stand up for your wife, your family will make life difficult for her and you both. Will you be living with your parents after marriage?
In love, so out of touch with reality!
From an ocean you’re going to jump into a stream and that too a stream, which has been successfully converted into a gutter by Saudi Arabia.
Whatever sense we drive will be only in vain because, “her tears, her tears, her tears”, has decimated your thinking faculty.
By the time you come out of this fantasy you would have already lost the right path!
If she is righteous believer of Islam she won’t proceed with marriage her current strong feelings for you aside…but if she is one of those who believe in ALLAH and Islam but won’t mind crossing the religious barrier to marry a non muslim shunning aside the fear of life after this world and accounting in front of her creator it being unseen will marry you even if she has to strain the relationships with her family…i have seen quite a few women on Facebook who would join a lot of Islam related groups and give you an impression that they are strong believers of their faith but when you dig deep you end up finding that they tied knots with Non muslims(Mostly Hindus)or in strong relationships(Affairs) with them
Sorry I didn’t get the inference u r trying to make..
Shuja said if she is real believer in Islam, she won`t marry you unless you become Muslim.
Y did u use Allah in the last paragraph.
We are all RAM’s kids and are called Ramzada. Where as the followers of Mohammad are Haramzadas.
Mr.kumar mind ur words..
You dont know who is Ram, you are saying us Ram’s kids.. this what you learn in ur career.. and if u hate islam then keep a side.. dont say unneccary things
Kumar, please leave your Muslim girl while you can. You are being so brainwashed by the lingo in India nowadays that it’s best for your Saba if you don’t marry her… Feel sorry for you that you have become so brainwashed and cannot see reason.
Aditya, it’s best if you follow Ahmad Noor’s advice and leave her while you still can. She will be devastated, heartbroken and will cry a lot over you, but in the long run you and her will both be happier. Unless, you are 100% convinced that she is “the one”, very very rare. Her family, since you said they are orthodox, will not accept you until you become a Muslim, and your family will probably torture her if she doesn’t become a Hindu.
Mam I m combined that she is the one.. n seriously if I could , I could have explain wd it.. But u cant explain it right,u just feel it…
N mam , I intend to bring her home as my wife.. wd her freedom..Wd her freedom to choose what she wants to bileave , whom to pray … N I intend to marry her wd both of our family’s permission.. no one would ever raise a finger tisara her in my family..
If you are a strong man, like my husband was/is, she may be happy. But don’t be so sure of how your parents will trat her. You said “N mam , I intend to bring her home as my wife.. wd her freedom..Wd her freedom to choose what she wants to bileave , whom to pray … N I intend to marry her wd both of our family’s permission.. no one would ever raise a finger tisara her in my family..”
What will you do if your mother tells her “tell her to stop eating beef”, like my mother-in-law once told my husband to tell me?
My husband also eats beef, which his parents don’t know. But he was man enough to stand up for me and told his mom I am free to eat whatever I want. Not too many Indian boys I know would do that.
Please tell me what you will do if your mom asks her not to pray namaaz, not to keep roza etc…
Mam I completely understand ur concern….. N I didn’t knew about u much… But now feel a little relaxed to talk about it to u..
For every boy.. his mother n his wife..These two r the person wd whom he has to live up his lyf.. So if any condition such comes..I will truly abide by what my morale says n on the basis of what I have promised to her.. n I will do anything to keep them both happy n we will all live together.. yes ,problems will come.. But to every lock , there is a key.. for every problem there will b a perfect solution.. n I am pretty sure we will b able to grap it ..
So , as far as ur conditions go mam…
She does not consume beef or any type of meat.. she is not habitual of it ,n it directly effects her health.. my father consume meat n I myself m pressurised by family n doctors to consume beef (yet I don’t because of sheer generosity tisara animals..I don’t wanna satgur on primilinary veg vs non-veg plz).. so yes meat comes at our home.. for dad n cats too (our family is found of cats n dog; 3 cats 2 dogs) , so even if she resumes eating meat or our children consume meat…. I don’t think there would b any issue wd anyone…
My mom is somewhat of a typical lady.. but once she is combined , of our love , n ou r bonding , there would b no problem… M not asking her to convert for me , nor has she ever.. we wanna marry acc to law , Special Marrige Act , section (no I don’t clearly remember) , which gives the permission of practising their religion after Marrige .. Aside officially , I insist on having nikah first , n then shaadi later on the day.. point is , (as I mentioned before) I wanna marry her because of the person she is.. N its her choice to decide what she has to do.. N if my mom asks not to do namaaz , I bet she cant.. cause I myself pay my regards 5 times a day … N more over , I will make my mom understand.. that look.. even she is wd us..In this environment , she is still connected to what has been tight to her.. she not even is trying to new methode but still keep on practising what has been tight to her.. n whats wrong in praying.. n ishwar allah to sab ek hai na.. to yahi samajh lo k un 33carore devi devtao s achcha she is focused on just one.. n completely devotee to both sides.. now where can she get such a milti talented wife…
N , same for the roza… m keeping roza this year too… N if my mom says anything.. We have fasts almost 1 day in a week , not to mention the 9 days of navratri n fasts on many other occasions.. n they sum up to more than even 50-60 days of fast.. so whats d problem in having fast for just 30 days.. besides.. no daily schedule is being barmer in any way.. look I too keep it… Everyone has a way to cherish n pray to his god.. we have ours , she has hers.. so if she can accept ours for us.. cant we do the same wd more open arms for her..
Mam.. m not a person who just lives by the sides of others.. my happiness lies in the happiness of my people.. so I insure u that I will never do any injustice to anyone.. never bethay my mom , or cast any sort of pressure on my believe wife.. n if a problem comes , we shall face it , n conqur it , both together…
I hope u get what m trying to say.. b sure that u tell me exactly what u feel like.. m I a worthy person to b there on her side ??
Aditya,
You and she are ready for interfaith marriage. As you said “so if she can accept ours for us.. cant we do the same wd more open arms for her,” this is beautiful. You keep roza and she celebrates and fasts for navaratri.
On “I insist on having nikah first” are you ready to convert to Islam? Note a Muslim (you) cannot have “n then shaadi later on the day,” is that okay with you and your parents?
Dear Aditya,
I am convinced that you will stand up for your girl.
Now let’s move to the other important questions:
What about how she will handle her family if and when they will ask questions? You already sound like you are being very supportive like keeping roza etc with her, so how will her family accept you?
Will she be able to convince them, since you said they are conservative?
I got married into an extremely religious family. My parents-in-law were shocked to find that their only bahu doesn’t follow the Islamic norms but were exceptionally magnanimous enough to not torture me to toe their line of belief. Now, this I call it as chaste piety ‒ you believe in your God but do not force down the throat of others. The nobility gains mammoth proportion if you consider the fact that they were extremely religious, practicing Muslims.
Once my father-in-law told me that I should at least offer my Juma namaz, I hesitated for a moment but I did my prayer since that was the only way I could honour their broadmindedness. Even after his death, today I regularly offer my Juma prayers and I thank God that I was woman enough to accommodate the wishes of the noble soul.
Dear readers
For a muslim girl to marry with a compatible Hindu guy is always beneficial becuase of following evils in islamic rules as in Hadith and Sira.Hindu guys are not so cruel and fundamentalist to charghe their colours after marriage.
Bukhari (6:301) – “[Muhammad] said, ‘Is not the evidence of two women equal to the witness of one man?’ They replied in the affirmative. He said, ‘This is the deficiency in her intelligence.'”
Bukhari (6:301) – continued – “[Muhammad said] ‘Isn’t it true that a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses?’ The women replied in the affirmative. He said, ‘This is the deficiency in her religion.'” Allah has made women deficient in the practice of their religion as well, by giving them menstrual cycles.
Bukhari (2:29) – Women comprise the majority of Hell’s occupants. This is important because the only women in heaven mentioned explicitly by Muhammad are the virgins who serve the sexual desires of men. (A weak Hadith, Kanz al-`ummal, 22:10, even suggests that 99% of women go to Hell).
Bukhari (62:81) – “The Prophet said: “‘The stipulations most entitled to be abided by are those with which you are given the right to enjoy the (women’s) private parts (i.e. the stipulations of the marriage contract).'” In other words, the most important thing a woman brings to marriage is between her legs.
Bukhari (62:58) – A woman presents herself in marriage to Muhammad, but he does not find her attractive, so he “donates” her on the spot to another man.
Muslim (4:1039) – “A’isha said [to Muhammad]: ‘You have made us equal to the dogs and the asses'” These are the words of Muhammad’s favorite wife, complaining of the role assigned to women under Islam.
Abu Dawud (2:704) – “…the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: When one of you prays without a sutrah, a dog, an ass, a pig, a Jew, a Magian, and a woman cut off his prayer, but it will suffice if they pass in front of him at a distance of over a stone’s throw.”
Abu Dawud (2155) – Women are compared to slaves and camels with regard to the “evil” in them.
Ishaq 593 – “As for Ali, he said, ‘Women are plentiful, and you can easily change one for another.'” Ali was raised as a son by Muhammad. He was also the 4th caliph. This comment was made in Muhammad’s presence without a word of rebuke from him.
Ishaq 593 – “From the captives of Hunayn, Allah’s Messenger gave [his son-in-law] Ali a slave girl called Baytab and he gave [future Caliph] Uthman a slave girl called Zaynab and [future Caliph] Umar another.” – Even in this world, Muhammad treated women like party favors, handing out enslaved women to his cronies for sex.
Ibn Ishaq (693) – “Then the apostle sent Sa-d b. Zayd al-Ansari, brother of Abdu’l-Ashal with some of the captive women of Banu Qurayza to Najd and he sold them for horses and weapons.” Muhammad traded captured women for horses.
Al-Tirmidhi 3272 – “When Allah’s Messenger was asked which woman was best he replied, ‘The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves’.”
Tabari VIII:117 – The fate of more captured farm wives, whom the Muslims distributed amongst themselves as sex slaves: “Dihyah had asked the Messenger for Safiyah when the Prophet chose her for himself… the Apostle traded for Safiyah by giving Dihyah her two cousins. The women of Khaybar were distributed among the Muslims.”
Tabari IX:137 – “Allah granted Rayhana of the Qurayza to Muhammad as booty.”
Ishaq 969 – “Men were to lay injunctions on women lightly, for they were prisoners of men and had no control over their persons.” – This same text also justifies beating women for flirting.
Tabari Vol 9, Number 1754 – “Treat women well, for they are [like] domestic animals with you and do not possess anything for themselves.” From Muhammad’s ‘Farewell Sermon’.
Aditya:
thank you for being very clear when showing this case
and what encourages me to talk to you ..is that you believe in ALLAH
Look it seems that your love ( which we believe that it should never start as a relation between any hindu and muslim ) is not selfish love …
so do not put this girl in a position of being against her religion ..against her family ..against her society ..just to win her
it is her family mistake for not teaching her islam but looks like you will never exploit that point
Aditya ..you have 2 two choices either you leave that girl (for her good) cz life is going on by following brain and heart both ..not heart only
you can simply ask help from her family to finish this relation
or you convert to islam
and here you have to believe in islam as a true religion and try to follow islamic instructions as much as you can but you have to beleive in ..as a true religion
and one thing more …is that islam is not a strange religion for india
Hi Aditya,
There are all types of Muslims. A Muslim in the West may be more liberal compared to in the Middle East. Given these, we could give you some general guidance.
-If we can both marry and be happy as a couple without any religious issues? Answer is NO. First, Muslim community will expect you to convert to Islam, meaning being 100% Muslim and 0% Hindu. If this is the only option given, are you willing to be a true Muslim? Religious issues will get ever worst when you have children because your parents and her parents may want to take quite a different path for your children.
-I am concerned only about her well wishing so what should I do to ensure that no harm comes to her either in this life or afterlife? A question of harm for being in love is less an issue in the West but will be a serious issue in many other countries. The ‘afterlife’ question is for people of faith (and there is no proof of it) and if she is a faithful Muslim she would not date you anyways. For this reason, ask her this question about the afterlife.
Let us know what else we could tell you. Best wishes.