Section 8.2: I Am an American Christian and My Girlfriend Is Muslim

Section 8.2: I Am an American Christian and My Girlfriend Is Muslim

John says:

My girlfriend, who is a Muslim, is currently going through a dilemma. I am an American, a conservative Christian. My girlfriend is from the Middle East. She is a practicing Muslim. We both love our religion and love each other! My parents are okay with the whole situation but her parents would have none of it! Her mom said she would rather kill her than let her be with anyone who is not a Middle Eastern Muslim.

I want to go down to my girlfriend’s house and meet her parents but I know that would only exacerbate the situation. Every time we are together she always tells me she doesn’t want to go home. Just recently, her mom proposed two men to her for marriage but she refused both.

Now she is not allowed out of the house without a companion. Her father drives her to work and picks her up from work. We have both contemplated running away! But currently I can’t because I am in medical school. I am a poor medical student!

This is what I have always told my girlfriend, that I love her, and that everything will be okay. I tell her that if God wants us to be together, we will be together. I tell her that we both need to work together to convince her parents. I tell her to engage her mom in friendly educated conversation. She should ask her mom how she got married, how did she feel about the way she got married, how does she now feel about her husband? According to my girlfriend, at first her mom was reluctant to talk about her past, but recently, that has changed! They both now do have few amicable conversations. I am hoping that eventually her mom (who got married when she was 15) would understand.

We are both young and I told her we can be patient, giving her parents time. Running away should be the last resort! Hopefully these traditional parents will understand that we are in a different era! Religion ought to be the substances that keep us together and (not) a poison that destroys our lives. —John

Admin says:

Hi John, 

Please have patience. If your love is true (on both sides) and none of you is a religious fanatic, it should work out well in the end. However, be mindful of the honor killing practice.

You mentioned that you are a “conservative” Christian and she is a “practicing” Muslim. Wow! You are mixing milk and yogurt. Instead of not tolerating each other’s faith and culture, tell your priest or pastor and her imam that “Like salad in a bowl, where tomato stays tomato and celery stays celery; we will merge and respect each other’s faith. No one will convert. We will pray to Allah and Jesus, both.” Unfortunately, this does not seem possible for a conservative and practicing Abrahamic.

So a question for you both: are you pluralists (salvation is possible through all faiths, including for atheists) or exclusivists (there is only One God, and that is MINE!)?

If you both are exclusivists, then who’s God will win? 

First, let’s hope you are a realist. Please answer these questions that will help you realize some important issues:

1) Are you going to get married in a church? Is she willing to go through your church’s prenuptial agreement that children by this marriage will be baptized and raised as Christians only?

2) Are you going to marry by an Islamic nikaah? Are you ready to convert to Islam by shahadah for your Islamic wedding?

3) Are you both going to celebrate Christmas and Easter and fast during Ramadan? Will your extended families join you?

4) Are your children going to have Christian or Muslim names?

5) Will there be a baptism or sunat/khitan/khafd/khatna label on the child? Or both, baptism and Sunat! Are your children going to be called Christians, Muslims, both or none?

6) Are you going to take your children to a mosque on Friday and to a church on Sunday? Will your church welcome a Muslim son with a name Mohammad? Will her mosque welcome your baptized daughter named Mary?

7) What will you teach to your children about Jesus? Who is the father of Jesus, is that Joseph or God the Father?

8) On the Judgment Day, who is going to save you? Will that be Jesus with Lord God or Allah? If you believe in the Trinity, you are an unbeliever as per the Koran and will get Hell Fire. Is the Bible or Koran God’s true word?

You have said eloquently, “Hopefully these traditional parents will understand that we are in a different era! Religion ought to be the substance that keeps us together and (not) a poison that destroys our lives.” Before asking traditional parents to change, first find out who really you are.

There’s dogma and there’s life. Let’s hope you will settle for life. —Admin

John added:

True be told, she doesn’t really care about whether I convert or not! Even though she speaks and writes Arabic, she said the Koran doesn’t seem consistent to her. Like the majority of Muslim kids, she said she grew up listening to her parents tell her that “Allah” was the only God and Mohamed his prophet. She said all she knows is what was taught to her, by her parents. But, according to her, as she matures, and begins reading the Koran on her own, she sees lot of things that aren’t consistent with the nature of God!

She acknowledged that even though God is omnipotent, God is also compassionate and loving, but according to her, her faith focuses exclusively on the omnipotence of God while alienating his compassionate and loving nature. She is Western in her thoughts… she says lot of things, which I discourage her from saying to other Muslim folks, as they might hurt her. She has been begging me to take her to church sometime but I am not willing to risk her life, because I know what might happen to her if her parents found out that she went to a church.

Even though we have not seriously talked about marriage at this point, she told me she would not want any of her children to be raised as Muslim. She said and I quote, “I would not want any of my children, if I ever have any, to experience the hell I have and continue to live through, especially, my girl children.”

I took her to a friend’s wedding once, at a church and she loved it! My friend is from Middle East. His parents used to be Muslim but then converted… at the reception both Middle Eastern rituals and Western rituals were done! It was a blast!

If married, we are going to celebrate X-mas, Easter, Ramadan, etc.! Ramadan is a way to appreciate the food God has blessed us with… Easter is to thank God for the harvest (corrections below), and X-mas is to celebrate the birth of Christ. But as you might know, X-mas is commercialized now and it means nothing other than a time for people to buy expensive gifts for each other. About names, I am not going to change my name, and my children, if we have any, could be named anything except Jesus or Mohammad! We talked about the naming thing! I love names with meaning and majority of the Middle Eastern/Greek/Hebrew names are great!

I do not know what the future holds. We hope our children would choose a religion that is consistent with their beliefs. I am not going to take my kids to the mosque but if she thinks it is okay to do so, I would not have any problem with that. My philosophy is I do not have the power to save anyone. I can tell you all about God but it is only God who saves! I cannot do anything to influence my salvation in any shape or form. It is only by God’s grace that I am who I am and have what I have. I love my girlfriend, and will do whatever necessary to keep her safe! I am very aware of the honor killing! Just told, some parents in England were found guilty of killing their daughter who according to them “was too westernized!”

It is not our duty as human beings to force people to accept God! God himself does not force people to come to Him. He gives us the liberty to choose! You can only force someone to obey you by doing certain things or acting in certain manner, but you cannot force a person to love you! —John

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