Section 5.15: I Will Not Convert

Section 5.15: I Will Not Convert

Vijya says:

I was born into a practicing Hindu family and was raised in the West. I grew up spending massive amounts of time at the temple and found many parts of the religion beautiful. Today, I am not really a practicing Hindu but expect that I will become slightly more religious as I grow older. I have avoided dating outside of my religion my entire life due to respecting my parents’ wishes as well as what you (Srinivas) have outlined. However after dating many Hindu guys, I was not able to find someone suited for myself.

It has now been two years since I started seeing my best friend from High School who comes from a Muslim background. He himself is not religious and we share equal views (be a good person and good things shall follow). We both are kind, generous and charitable. His mother is the only practicing member of the household and his parents are very accepting of our relationship. However, I know that this news will break my father’s heart. I truly believe I am making the right decision to marry my boyfriend and would love if they could partake in my life’s decision.

I believe that my parents were raised around others who were taught everything you (Srinivas) have outlined and so I don’t blame them for their opinion but wish that they would realize that one GOD has created each human being, and we should all coexist.

I am extremely against the Islamic definition of marriage (accepting Allah as the almighty). Marriage is a sacred union of hearts and minds. Nothing about this ceremony should be forced. I was willing to do a nikaah if his parents would like us to however Islam will not recognize it as a true marriage since I will not convert so I don’t believe this will happen.

My boyfriend agrees to do the Hindu ceremony. In terms of our children, since neither he nor I attend the temple or mosque I don’t believe this will be an issue. However I would like to make them aware of not just these two but ALL religions and practices as they wish. If I choose to go to the mandir later in life, I will also take them with me sometimes to give them the experience.

Please share any unbiased opinion and advice including topics of children, marriage ceremony, etc. —Vijya

Admin says:

Vijya,

You asked for unbiased advice; let’s lay all of the information in front of you and you can make a decision that is right for you.

Many people like novelty and that is why they get attracted to people not from their background (read 10 points of dating). The grass is always greener on the other side—this common saying might apply here. Love also tends to be blind from some of the negative realities. Muslim girls know the issues Islamic women have to face, but you don’t. Please do your research on what is expected of a Muslim wife, even if you have assurances from your boyfriend that he is not a practicing Muslim. Likewise, your boyfriend should do his homework and learn as much about marrying a Hindu. 

How truly Muslim are they? No two Muslims are the same (read Azad). Please read all 30 points that a “true” Muslim may be expected to follow. Print the list out. Write down your expectations/agreement/disagreement on each point/issue. Ask him to do the same. You will both see how closely aligned or how far apart your true views are. This is called an “informed” decision. If you agree enough to continue with your plans, keep this written list and present it to both sets of parents. We also hope your father will come around to seeing your point of view after you have presented it this way. It might be painful, but we would rather see you take the pain now rather than after marriage (even worst, after childbirth). Marriages may be made in heaven, but about half end in divorces in the West. In many cases, the divorce costs much more than the marriage!

Do not be afraid of this list of 30 points. If he is in America and if he is not religious, perhaps none will apply. Let us know how it goes. Best wishes. —Admin

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