Section 3.14: A Church Prenuptial Is a Must

Section 3.14: A Church Prenuptial Is a Must


Interfaith couples should not underestimate the powers of religious institutions. They could change your life in many ways, including after death.

Maya says:

I am a Hindu girl in love with a Christian. We are both very liberal in our religious faith, so are my parents. However, his parents are ardent practitioners of Christianity.

Although, they have not forced me to convert, they insist on us getting married in the church only and to have Hindu ceremonies in secrecy which is upsetting me and my parents.

I have spoken with the church representatives, and have been informed that though there is no need for me to be baptized, however I would have to sign a pre-nup that our children would be raised in Christian faith.

I have been informed by my boyfriend and the church that if I do not follow up a Christian wedding after our civil marriage (by Special Marriage Act) and do not sign the pre-nup, his parents would be punished by the church and that their rights would be stopped like holy communion and after death burial rights.

I feel pressurized by these circumstances and do not understand what to do? Please guide. —Maya

Admin says:

Maya, 

Now you are at a right place for guidance. You will not find similar guidance in any other place. Your’s is a typical story for us and that is why we have made this web site. We are working hard to make this world a better place to live for all. Just hang in there with us. Educate yourself here.

We believe in Jesus but not the church, we believe in Allah but not in all of Mohammad’s teachings, we believe in LORD God but do not see why a Hindu considering marriage with a Jew has to have bar mitzvah for the interfaith children to announce them Jews. This BBS is a social sin created by religious institutions for their survival, nothing more.

The issue— “his parents would be punished by the church and that their rights would be stopped like Holy Communion and after death burial rights” —is their issue. You have nothing to do with it. Their religious institution is very rigid and controlling. Ask them if they would consider attending other churches in the area they might be comfortable worshipping in.

Maya, we have seen repeatedly on this site that intended spouses claim they are ignorant of their family’s dogmatic, even fanatical approach to their religious expectations, even after having lived with those parents and in that community for most of their lives. You have a right to be clear and to stand up firmly in your own beliefs while exploring these issues fully with your fiancé. His parents have their own issues to work out with their church; that is not your fault or responsibility. Your intended husband must decide where he stands, with his family or with you and how he is going to navigate any rift that occurs. Whatever you agree to will set the tone for the rest of your marriage and you want that to be satisfying to both you and your husband. This understanding must come before the marriage, not after, if you want to avoid any future conflict. 

Hypothetically, let’s assume you loved a rich, handsome and highly educated Hindu man from your community and he asks you for Rupees one lakh dowry as a part of marriage condition just to please his parents. What would you do? Even your parents may pressure you to agree to give this small fund, but will you not be alarmed by the junwani (old timer) thinking and terminate this marriage agreement? If you would terminate the engagement in this hypothetical case, why would you agree to give away your some 1000 generations of Hindu heritage and pride as dowry just to please his parents and their church in your current situation?

Tell him that this will be your life: First, you will get married once, in the same location and time, under Jesus and Krishna’s photos, by both Hindu and Christian ceremonies, and in the presence of all relatives from both sides. Both the Bible and Geeta will be sitting side by side in your home and children will learn from both. When your children reach age of 21 years, they will declare their own faith, whatever that is. Maya, tell us what is wrong with this? Is this not beautiful?

Read all we have written and come back to us with more questions. Best wishes. —Admin

Maya added: 

Dear Admin,

Thank you for giving me confidence to do the right thing. Both of us have this beautiful vision of living a full life without any hindrance from religious fanaticism. However, it seems the religious institutions are holding our parents at ransom here and indirectly black mailing us into falling in line with their ideologies. If I do it now, I fear I would always fall prey to it. I am waiting for my boyfriend to clear things with his church and parents, and if needed take a stand, which would make things clear for me in more than one way.

In any case, I would not take a decision out of guilt or pressure. Regards. —Maya

Next Section, Next Chapter, Prior Section, Prior Chapter

A Chapter from the book Interfaith Marriages: Share and Respect with Equality is posted here. View some of others chapters from the book here.
Video messages by the author
How to purchase the book (as low as Rs.270 or $14.99).

Return to Home, Blogs, How to Share? Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, Book, Media.