deep_xing says: November 30, 2018 at 9:19 am
Indian sikh guy from United Kingdom, UK here. I’ve had an experience with a similar situation which broke my family apart. I an not a part of the equation directly but it is one of my ‘friends’ from University and my mom. They are dating. Sameer and I were classmates during college time. It started as an affair during college time itself.
He was an international student from Pakistan and I was a student assistance volunteer at that time, so I was assigned to help him get used to everything here. We became really good friends and he started coming over a lot for group study with me or just to hangout. That’s how he got introduced to mom and eventually got close.
In hindsight, he seemed to be quite into her since the very beginning. Even, might have been hitting on her since then itself, but I didn’t now about it at that time. I started noticing it about a couple of months later. But still it felt like he was just being nice or friendly flirting more than anything else. At least, that’s what it was in front of me. It was by the starting of 2nd semester I started noticing that maybe he might trying something. But didn’t think much because mom was married and I didn’t expect there was any chance that she would fall for him. So I didn’t pay any attention to it or even bother to look into it. But they were already seeing each other (not openly though) by the end of 1st year of college itself. It has been going on since then. Dad, obviously, got suspicious eventually, which led to problems between him and mom.
Mom tried to keep the affair from dad for some time, but others in college had also started to get hints of it as they both had been spotted in public in restaurants, movies or malls a few times being questionably close to each other so that further added to the questions. I guess then she just got too frustrated and eventually accepted it. Mom and dad separated then and their divorce came through in December 2016. Mom and Sameer have been dating openly since mom and dad separated after having made their relationship official, rather than it just being an affair like earlier. Sameer even moved in with mom in November last year which is getting quite awkward since we Indians live with our parents, and now having to see Sameer take dad’s place even in the house is making it awkward for me. Him being from a different background as us means he has a different lifestyle and different habits and practices which he now says everyone should follow. Mom doesn’t seem to mind it at all and goes with everything he wants. He is a bit of a cocky person by nature too so that makes it more difficult. Keeps saying how HE is making things better than they had been before. They have talked about the possibility of marriage. It came up earlier when mom and dad were deciding their separation, but it hasn’t been talked about since. But even then he is bringing his practices and habits and trying to change everything here. I don’t understand why mom keeps going with everything he says or wants. –deep_xing
deep_xing says: December 1, 2018
I don’t think they’ve discussed that. Or if they have I am not aware of it. They did certainly discus the possibility marriage once Sameer was more well settled. At times people often suggest that he might be in it to marry mom in order to get permanent residency here. But I’m not really sure about that.
As for their current situation, they’re still very much together. Mom has even started to get involved in the business again with him. It was originally our family business which dad had kept the majority share in mom’s name for tax purposes since dad was an immigrant at the time and mom was born and raised here so there was some tax benefit in early days with mom being the majority owner. However, now with mom and dad’s divorce the business also split in the ratio of ownership. Now mom had already brought Sam on in our business during the final year of Uni as it was supposed to be a placement year and students were expected to do placements in companies to get experience, so Sameer joined mom as her assistant. He would then come daily to the office with mom and since he was her assistant, they’d be in the same cabin most of the day. He even started helping her with her decisions. When the business split mom decided she didn’t want to work there any more and had Sameer manage things for her. Now it is him fully managing everything and running it as if it’s is own. Even though mom has started to go back to office it is more like she is assisting him now. I really don’t understand the reason why mom trusts him so much.
Even at home since it has been almost over a year since they’ve been living together, they behave like proper couples. Even in front of others and I am left dealing with people’s looks. Mom’s sister has come around to fully accept her and Sameers relationship too over time, even calls him ‘Jiju’ now as she used to call dad earlier. Even tells me to be more accepting as mom is happier with him more than she has ever been before.
As for conversion, again I am not sure if they have talked about that or not. But he is definitely made some changes in our household, or rather ‘his house’ as he says now. My dad never ate meat. Though he was open minded enough to not force it on anyone else. Me and mom both are not very religious at all and he never forced anything on us. So even though I loved eating meats, there were days when we would have good vegetarian meals at home. Now it seems every meal we have has some meat in it. Not to mention the big deal about everything having to be ‘halal’. You never think you’ll ever miss these things until you actually do. Same with the prayers. Dad used to listen to our kirtans and shabads which has stopped too. No photos of the gurus anywhere in the house. Again, I have never been religious and neither has my mom, so I never thought I’d be missing it but it was still a part of me growing up. Mom doesn’t seem to mind any of these changes one bit but to me all of this seems very awkward. Even in business too, working with credit is something which has been very common in the business as it is something which is always a part of the business. But we have stopped doing that all of a sudden since he came as it is apparently ‘haram’ to work with credits and interests. Same for investing the savings in certain deposit schemes to make auxiliary income from the interests paid on those, that is apparently not allowed too. Not that I understand any of this, but it is just so frustrating at times that why would mom trust him so much and give him so much control over everything including our house and business.
I do agree with your statement that we should be careful of who we bring inside our home. Only if I had been careful about it earlier. However, there weren’t any signs during that time that would have suggested any of it. Or if there were, I was just to oblivious to them. He seemed to be a very quite, reserved and shy kind of a guy when he was new here but clearly that’s not the case as I got to know later.
List of “My Mother is in relationship with a Muslim“
| Name | Relationship with mother |
|---|---|
| Sudhansu | Sudhansu: My mother married her Muslim boss |
| Iqbal | Sexual Relationship with My Friends Mom |
| Gautham | (Muslim friend) Got My Mother Pregnant |
| Raj | My Hindu Mother Wants to Marry a Muslim |
More information: A similar story, Sikh-Muslim Relationships, Sharia, Koran, Interfaith Marriage & Divorce Laws.
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Indian origin Sikh from UK (Cambridge) here as well. Going through a pretty much similar situation. We had moved over to the UK when I was 6 and have lived here since. When I got done with the school I was admitted to a Uni just outside of London. There was this immigrant student from Rawalpindi who in the same course as me, and we had pretty much the same modules too. We were in the group projects together since the first semester itself and that’s how we became friends and stayed that way throughout University. After our first year had ended my mom joined a new company and her new office was in London as well, so she decided to move to the same town as me so we could live together. Dad still had his job over at Cambridge and would come over on weekends, or we would go there.
It was around this time that Sameer (the guy from Rawalpindi) was introduced to mom. It all seemed all normal back at the time, but now when I look back, I can’t help but notice that maybe he was always a little too interested in my mom. We had already become friends as I told earlier, so it was quite normal for him to hang out at my place as then he would get home-cooked ‘desi’ food too. Often on mom’s insistence. I could see that him and mom had grown to be quite friendly over the course of the next year or so, but I had never actually imagined it wasn’t just that. It continue the next year as well and well into our final year too.
Then Covid came and mom insisted that as he was living alone and in densely populated student accompdations, it would be better if he move in with us before the restrictions got crazy. So he moved in the guest room downstairs. He did insist on paying rent though, to which mom very reluctantly agreed. Almost only a couple of days later the first national lockdown was announced. The university went into remote too, though as we were already in our final semester by then and had pretty much completed our project work, so we were both able to graduate quite easily. There was no ceremony obviously, as everything was happening remotely.
After graduating I got a placement job with a company in Manchester, and once the restrictions started to ease I had to move there to join the office. Sameer was still living at our place with my mom. Then the second lockdown was announced in November 2020 and then they contiued one ofter the other. Till the end of 2021 due to the lockdown or the work situations as they were, neither I was able to visit London or Cambridge, neither was dad able to visit. In the mid of 2021 when the lockdown had eased up a bit, dad was trasnferred to his company’s office in France. He had asked mom to go along with him but mom had refused at the time saying she can’t leave her job and start over again. That was the first time I had actually noticed the arguments between mom dad like that. Those seemed to become more frequent over time and I could sense some tension building. But the true nature of what was happening was still hidden from me.
During this time once around spring time, I guess in March/April 2022, his sister had visited him for a week and stayed there at our home itself. Apparently mom and Sam had both gone travelling around London to show her around which I did find a bit weird as to why mom was visiting with Sameer and his sister everywhere. And then there were a lot of pictures of the three of them together, or the two of them together or even mom and his sister together on either his Instagram or his sister’s instagram. This was also the first time I noticed dad questioning me about Sameer and why his sister was there and all that, I couldn’t figure out why dad seemed so pissed at it, and maybe that’s what led me to notice it being weird too.
Around this time I was able to see hints of friction between mom and dad too, but neither of them addressed it directly with me, and I obviously did not bring it up either. I had no idea of the reason and just thought of it like them having some disagreement which might eventually die out. Individually, while dad did seem upset over our calls with me and seemed more short-tempered at times, mom seemed normal with me. In fact, in hidsight that when dad’s frequency of calls also started to decline at around that point.
I had visisted home once for a weekend, in June and things did seem a bit different. Where earlier Sameer’s stuff was largely limited to the guest room that he was living in and paying rent for, now it seemed like that he was fully using one of the upstairs room as a office room as well, as his company allowed him to work remotely. He late father’s picture was hung up in the office room as well. In the living room also, there was a picture of him, mom and his sister (from when she had visisted earlier) on one of the corner stand where the phone is kept. I did find it weird, but didn’t make much of it.
Then again in August July 2022, his sister visisted again and this time his mother was visiting too. Again they both stayed at our house itself for a week again. It was a repeat of earlier in terms of them travelling together – mom included, and the pictures as well just like last time. Mom also had an instagram account by now, she didn’t use earlier, and had only whatsapp and facebook accounts. Mom had also a couple of pictures on her instagram account too, but not on Whatsapp or Facebook.
Again angry calls from dad asking me about Sameer and this time his family too, and why were they visiting so regularly etc. I dismeed it at that point assuming that it was just dad being mad at Sameer from being Pakistani and a muslim. Yes, dad was initially skeptical about Pakistanis in general. Not the ones from here, but new immigrants, and I thought it was just that aspect of dad showing up again. Also the friction between mom and dad was becoming more and mroe obvious now. It often did seem like they weren’t talking because mom apparently didn’t even seem to know about dad getting a promotion and dad also seemed unaware of the fever mom had developed for a while.
Then again in November 2022 his sister and mother visited again, this time for almost 3 weeks. They all, even his sister and mother, came to Manchester and it did seem weird meeting all of them. His mom had a lot of questions about what IWas working on how was my life and things. And while leaving she gave me en envelope with money saying it was a custom to give it to children when meeting the first time. Weird, but I ignored it. But what I did notice was that not only his mom, but also his sister was referring to mom by name – ‘ ji’ , instead of how you would normally refer to a friend’s mom as Aunty.
I met them on one of the days only for lunch and in the evening and then they went back to their hotel and I went back to my apartment. I had work the next day so I didn’t see them as they travelled through the day and I went to see them off in the evening as they returned. This time mom uploaded the pictures of the 5 of us on her Facebook too when she got back. The next morning started with another angry call from dad, I was at office, so couldn’t really talk all that much. And I wasn’t able to understand what he was so mad about.
The next week on Sameer’s birthday there was apparently a birthday party thrown for him at our house. A couple of our friends from the Uni whom he was still in touch with also attended, his mother and sister were still there too. And the pictures from the party were posted on Instagram and again mom posted a Happy Birthday post to wish him along with a picture of the 4 of them together from the party.
This time there was no angry calls from dad. Then nothing major happened till the Christmas/New Year holiday period. I went back to London for the holidays and Sameer was also gone to Pakistan for a week. I tried to talk to to dad to come as well, but he just said he was busy and won’t be coming. What I also noticed while there was that mom and dad weren’t really talking. Like no phone calls or anything and eveytime when I was on the call with dad, mom would get herself busy in something or on a call with one of her friends or another and leave the room till I was done with the call. However, Sameer on the other hand would always call almost daily and after me and him talking for a bit mom would usually take the phone to the kitchen or in the back garden on the pretext of doing some work in the kitchen or walking along with talking on the phone, and those phone calls would often last around 30- mins or so.
I returned back to Manchester and joined my work again and Sameer returned a day after I had left. Things were quite for a bit for a while after that, but dad and mom’s friction was becoming more and more obvious. Also dad being busy all the time had increased considerably and the frequency of his calls had also dimished just as much.
Then April this year, his mother and sister visit again. This is a shorter visit – 5 days only. But Sameer did post pictures again. And this time his sister apparently slipped up and I noticed in one of her comments on Facebook, she referred to mom has ‘bhabhi’. That comment was however edited later and the bhabhi was removed. At that time it had genuinely left me feeling like I had imagined it and it wasn’t real. And I got it out of my head, at least till July. Apparently the purpose of the visit of his sister and mother was to invite mom to Sameer’s cousin’s wedding. Mom had also apparently accepted the invitation, but she told me that she would be going in July itself. A couple of weeks before she was supposed to leave.
Now this was a major thing to me also, because I couldn’t for the life of me, undertand why she would agree to go all the way that far to attend a wedding. And that too in Pakistan. But anyway, she went. A whole week before the wedding date and was schedule to return another week after. Mom said she would need to get her suits stitched and to get it done right she would need this time, and it would make sense to get it done their as the quality of Pakistani Suits there is much greater than what we get here. And the stay after was justified by the cheaper flights on the date it was booked, giving them a chance to visit some local places and explore what the place really is like in reality.
This trip did turn out to be the major turning point. Mom updated her display picture on Whatsapp the day she landed there. A normal selfie outside the airport. The same day, by the evening dad had left almost all of our family groups on Whatsapp, his facebook profile was apparently deleted too. By this time, the frequency of my calls with dad had also greatly decreased as he would always be busy when I called and he would only call himself when he was angry with something related to mom. When I tried to call dad after he exited all the groups, someone else picked up and said that dad was in a meeting and would call later.
Mom’s calls and video calls on the other hand were almost daily as she would show me around how things were actually like in Pakistan. She genuinely seemed to be having a good time. She wasn’t staying in a hotel but was actually living in their house for the first couple of days. However, later before the guests for the wedding were supposed to start arriving she would move to a nearby hotel to ‘not cause any discomfort to the guests or Sameer’s family’. There were a couple of functions and then the actual wedding. Then Sameer mom and his sister apparently went to a place called Mari in the mountains before Sameer and mom returned.
All hell broke loose upon their return. I do not know how things played out and what really happened, but things between dad and mom, apparently, started to turn really ugly really fast. August and September pass on amid the increasing tensions that just kept increasing, until early last week when I got to know and mom and dad are actually headed for divorce. Mom was actually the one who had filed for it, dad didn’t even bother to come to discuss and was negotiating through a lawyer.
Turns out, mom and Sam were indeed seeing each other and in fact, have been having doing so since the fourth semester itself, which would be around 6-7 months after they first met. It continued as an on and off thing, secretly throughout our Uni becoming more and more regular as the months and years passed. It really turned into a more serious thing, rather quickly, after he moved in and then every thing was locked down and they were basically together 24×7 for almost over a year. That have in fact been living in the same room ever since I moved to Manchester.
Also, a couple of our friends from the Uni, who were more closer to him and a couple of his other friends who were also from Pakistan, also knew about him being involved with my mom even before he had moved in and it was a kind of a on-again off-again thing between them. Then he apparently also told his sister about it, which is why she visited in the first place. Apparently she was skeptical at first but after meeting mom she seemed to come around. Then something major had happened. Mom had apparently got pregnanat with Sameer. Which is why his mother had come over. All of them had apaprently decided that while it had come as a complete shock to even mom and Sameer, he apaprently did at some level seem okay if they were to end up raising the baby. But mom was obviously skpetical given her situation. Similarly Sameer’s mother was against the idea, but she was open to it in the future if that’s what mom and Sameer actually wanted. Eventually, it was a joint decision to get the pregnancy terminated. But their relationship had become pretty much official as far as Sameer’s family was concerned.
Mom had confided in her sister, my Maasi, about it as well. Who was super against the idea at the time but later said she’ll be there to support her if that’s what mom really wanted and if it doesn’t end up harming me in any way. What I did not know earlier was that she had actually gone to Pakistan as well along with mom. And the trip wasn’t just for mom to attend a wedding, but it was actually suppoed to be mom’s formal introduction to Sameer’s extended family as his future wife. They even had a small ‘Roka’ ceremony there which is supposed to ‘formalise the future alliance’. My massi attended that ceremony too representing mom’s family.
All of this has been a mindfuck – excuse my language, since it all became apparent. And I can’t believe that I didn’t really notice all the signs earlier, which I can see now in hindsight, as I write this down. Who thinks these things in normal life anyway, but when they happen it just has you shook.
Hello Deep
How is relationship going between Sam and your mom? What is their age difference?
That sounds disgusting
Sorry to say but seems to be quite a filmy story
Hi Hussain,
We do go through some checks to make sure the story is authentic, but can never be sure about it. We have written this person and hope he will get back with some answers you may have.
Hi admin,
I got your mail. I don’t know why someone would think to write a story about their own mother like this, that too on a public platform. I was referred to this site as a place where I could possible get some advice on how to deal with my situation and not let it affect other aspects of my life any further. But I found the discussion here more to be about some religious or political agendas pertaining to communities in the India-Pakistan region or so. I also thought this site might help me in getting some insight or help me understand if there is some cultural precedence or justification for someone to do something as what happened in my case, however, I felt as if I was getting involved in some Hindu-Muslim or India-Pakistan debate. I mentioned my concern in a comment on another post I guess, and since I am not from the region and I don’t know much about these issues I decided not to take part in this further.
Dear Deep_Xing,
Thank you for getting back. Your life experience is so unreal that some people doubt about it. It must be very painful to go through such a life stage for any one. Have you considered asking a help from a life counsellor in UK? How are you managing your day to day life? How is your dad doing?
Considering there are four similar cases involving Hindu woman-Muslim man, it is natural people go back to 1000 years of Hindu-Muslim conflicts. Such discussion may not help you personally, but it is inevitable that this discussion will come up.
We feel you should still talk to S.M.A.R.T., you never know what they may have to offer. If it does not help you directly, it could help other innocent other people alerted about such issues, if there is a trend. If people like you (and 3 others listed about) don’t talk, it appear like it is not an issue. Thank you very much for sharing the information here.
Hello my name is Bilal and a similar incident has happened to me too. My mother has married my best friend Shreepad who is a Hindu. This happened ina time span of 3 years. Shreepad and I went to the same school and later on to the same college. It was during the college days that he started staying at night in my house. I was his friend so I did not care much but this led to my mom and Shreepad getting tok close. Eventually my mom split from my dad and married him. I don’t know what to do as I’m forced now to call him dad and my mom’s name was Zara but now after conversion she is called Radha. I’m also being forced to convert. My mom is pregnant with his chold too. I don’t know what to do. Please Help.
Sorry to hear this. Can you explain ” I’m also being forced to convert”? Do you live with that family? What are they telling you do?
Yes, this has been troubling me for a while and I thank you for listening. Shreepad is my new step-dad now. This started 3 years back when we both were in class 12. We were 18 then. We became best friends as we both liked to play badminton. We were good friends so he would occasionally come for a night in and my parents did not have any objections either. But there was this problem that he would vanish somewhere at night. After a few repeated occurrences I decided to find him. I found him on the terrace having sex with my mother. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Shreepad was my best friend and he was doing this to my mother. I couldn’t understand how my mother who is a very religious woman (she prays five times a day, knows the Holy Quran by heart and daily teaches a lesson from it at night) would agree to have extra marital affairs with a hindu boy who was the best friend of her son.
This didn’t stop and I ignored it to stop my parent’s marriage from breaking. But Shreepad started to come home more often. And I slept everyday knowing that they were having sex either in the kitchen or in the terrace. Eventually I decided to confront my father. He was in office and when I told him he got furious. He couldn’t believe that one of his wives (he had three wives) was having sex with a school boy. That night he came home and beat my mom. This is where I stepped in and tried to stop everything but one of the begums said that he can hit his wife if she is misbehaving and they will take this issue to the local Azam as he was close to our family. But dad wasn’t up for it and he kicked her out of the house.
Shreepad belonged to a very poor family. He was studying in the school on scholarship as his dad was the school bus conductor and his mom was a maid in the principal’s house. After all of this happened I got worried about my mom. Next day I called Shreepad and he told me that my mom was staying with him. I failed to understand as he didn’t even live in a pukka house, he and his family lived in a tent in a very poor section of the city. His parents had accepted to keep her if and only if she married him. My mom accepted stating to me later that he was the only loved one she could count on as nobody supported her when my dad kicked her out. Shreepad met me in college after a fortnight and he said that he and my mom were married and he also told me that she had converteď to Hinduism. Her name had been changed to Radha now. I didn’t believe him and thought that this was just a joke. I visited his home and I saw mom cooking food inside her and Shreepad’s tent. She was wearing a mangalsutra. I knew instantly that she had converted.
I stopped talking to her but after 4 months Shreepad told me to meet mom once. When I met her she told me she was pregnant with Shreepad’s child. This didn’t seem new as I knew that this was bound to happen sooner rather than later. She wanted me to stay with her. But I couldn’t live in such a place.
At the end of the final year in college Shreepad got a job in a big IT firm. His life seemed to be going well. I too had moved on and was in my dad’s business. My mom then threatened my dad to give up my custody otherwise she would go to court. By my dad bluffed it. But she did not and the court case went for 8 months and my dad lost because none other than my sister confessed on mom’s behalf that dad beats his wife and children. Now me and my elder sister are living with my new dad. My mom meanwhile is completely changed. She is a complete hindu and always says that Hinduism is the true religion and Islam is an inferior one. Although I agree that Hinduism is a dominant religion and hindus are more fiery in nature but that doesn’t mean that anyone will defame my religion. Soon enough I was asked to convert. My sister will convert in June when lockdown gets over and I am being forced to. My mom has already had 3 more children with him and he says that they will 2 more. I know it may sound fictitious but this is my true story and i need help.
Hello guys, Akhil this side. I have a problem which I need to discuss. I couldn’t find someone for advice thinking people will mind. But I read a few stories on this website and saw that people do help you regarding such problems.
Ok, so this happened in the past year. I am attending college in Delhi. In my second semester I fell madly in love with my teacher. In the beginning I couldn’t muster up the courage to ask her out. So I sent her a friend request on Facebook. She accepted but we didn’t chat for two weeks as I was very scared to even try.
So the teacher’s name is Vandana Tripathi. She is divorced but has one eleven year old kid from her marriage. She is a typical mother a little chubby but not fat. She is fair as milk and I find her very attractive. None of my friend’s do but I am attracted to her beauty. She is nineteen years older than me but she doesn’t look that old, probably around thirtiesh not more. She teaches us Economic Trends in the 21st Century.
So after I sent her a friend request I waited. But after two weeks I knew that if I didn’t do anything then nothing would happen. So I sent her a text relating to that day’s lecture and from there on our chatting began. But I didn’t overdo it and stayed professional in the beginning. After a month I upgraded and started to talk about our daily lives as well. We became kind of friends but not too close.
Then one day when I was alone with her in the staff room I asked her out for a movie. I barely even managed to complete my sentence as I was shit scared to death. But she smiled and said yes. That day was my happiest. I was excited throughout the day. Even right now when I remember that day a sense of exhilaration ripples through my body. So I asked my brother for his car and went to pick her up. She was impressed that I personally would drive her for our date. We watched the movie and had a great time. I dropped her home and before leaving she gave me a peck on the cheek. Now I knew that she too felt something for me although she didn’t mention it.
We went for two more outings and her son Raghav became good friends with me. But last year the Government suddenly announced a lockdown in the country. I was stuck in Delhi and couldn’t go back to my hometown of Aligarh.
It was during the lockdown that I got very close to her. Her house was only a 20 minutes drive from my place and I would bicycle my way to her house almost daily. I would have online classes at her home and she would help me out with the subjects as well. I would teach Raghav also from time to time. I even had meals at her home but our relationship wasn’t sexual.
Everything changed in August. I still remember it was a rainy day and her son Raghav had gone for a night out at his friend’s place. Vandana and I were alone. She asked me to stay as it was raining. I wouldn’t disclose what happened next as it is too personal. But we did have sex. Now our relationship was sexual and she didn’t mind me staying at her house. I didn’t move in but was present in her house all day.
In November we found out that she was pregnant with my child. She and I both want to keep the child but the society’s reaction would be a big trouble. She is my mother’s age. I haven’t told my parents about it but when I asked my brother he told me to ask her for conversion.
My family is very strict towards marriage and religion. I too will only marry a Muslim. I’ve talked to her about conversion to Islam and as of today she is willing. I’ve also instructed her to wear a hijab and read the Quran daily which she does. I’m surprised that such an ardent Hindu can respect Islam with such love. She is ready to convert and we will marry but there is another bigger problem; my parents. I still haven’t told them about Vandana. I’m scared and I want some advice so if there is anything then please help me out.
I agree with u. Most of the posts seems to be fake. I’ve seen some pattern non Muslim mothers elope with muslims.
Dear Victor,
We are concerned and watching it carefully. We do evaluate such post critically and check if any ways it is suspicious. If there is any hint, we do not generate a post. However we should not NOT create such posts because we don’t like them or assume they are fake.
As an administrator, we are in a dilemma;…
1) one side–is to be honest and let all express their views as is and
2) the other–post only comments that are true and 100% authentic (meaning we end up adding our bias).
Though we try our best to find a good balance between these #1 and #2 for best interest of our readers.
We hope readers understand that this is an open forum and should take home message from here with a “grain of salt” (meaning evaluate on your own and not take it literally). This is true for any media, be that The New York Times or a message you got on your WhatsApp.
Thanks for responsing. I’m telling u that Love Jihad is hoax. I’m a Hindu. In my area few hindu girls specially brahmin girls married to Muslim men. Recently 3 muslim women married to Hind men. Only one case I saw 2 years back when hindu wife eloped with her children teacher. As her husband stayed outside the town for job purpose. But, I asked lots of hindu girls why they like muslims. They told me that hey are good in sex. I’m telling u the truth. Even my cousin sister used to date muslim. Due to family pressure she left her boyfriend.
On Love-Jihad:
People should have option to marry who ever they desire, without religious labelling. Love should be given a top priority over expectations of religious institutions and their priests/pandits/imams/rabbis.
In most cases, we have seen two youths enter in a relationship honestly and out of their true love (or infatuation). However, as soon as a talk of marriage comes, hell gets loose. The religious institutions make the relationship a hell. At that point, the Muslims party will want conversion of the Hindu party for their nikaah (Islamic wedding). Why?
The Muslim will explain that Koran 2:221 expect them to marry only to another Muslim only thus the Hindu has to convert. However, the Koran 24:30 says not to fall in love to begin with.
Now the Muslim party has to think if they are Muslim or not (considering 24:30). If they were not a Muslim and fall in romantic relationship, then they should get married by the Special Marriage Act 1954 and keep two religions out. If the Muslim, after years of romantic relationship, asking the Hindu to convert, that person is a Love-Jihadi–this is the way we define.
More details at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch9MvATwJA4 @ 36:45 minute. Let us know what you think of our video message. Thanks.
Dear Deep_xing,
This is something you should read….No love, only jihad… S.M.A.R.T. (Sikh Mediation And Rehabilitation Team) centre is a community-run initiative based in the UK, aimed at providing “rehabilitation, mediation and intelligence services surrounding abuse and exploitation of Sikh girls”.
https://www.dailypioneer.com/2018/columnists/no-love–only-jihad.html
Strange comments made by me have deleted purposely.
Contd….
Comments made be me have been purposely deleted with ulterior motive.
Mr. Haque, did you post any comments on this post too? I might have missed them too as I didn’t see them. Are you sure you’re not confusing them with the comments in the other post – the one about increase in Muslim population?
Deep xing,
Please see your comments made on 2.12.18 at 2-32 PM and be satisfied that I had posted my comments on this post.
Dilip sir,once again some guy giving his opinion has become sorce here?
Last line of the article
(The writer is a political commentator and a former BJP Rajya Sabha MP)
You lost me there.
As far as I know, S.M.A.R.T. is an initiative which aims to act as a mediation service between individuals and families and the police to protect victims (especially younger females) of sexual exploitation and in some cases even paedophilia and making sure their complaints get registered and acted upon in a a proper, effective and legal manner. I don’t think that applies here.
Dear Deep_xing,
This is a clear case of Love-Jihad. Initially Sameer posed as a shy quiet individual but he must have seen an opportunity in your home. There are many Muslims in UK, why he picked a Sikh home to be hosted? What he is doing with your mom is totally un-Islamic. First, he is ignoring The Ten commandments (that Muslims endorse) [Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not covet (neighbour’s house), Thou shalt not covet (neighbour’s wife)]. Further, Koran 24:30 states “Lower your gaze. Enjoin believing men to turn their eyes away from temptation and to restrain their carnal desires.” All what he is doing is against teachings of Allah. Inspite of all these, Sameer, his mother and brother (and Mr. Haque) are ignoring Allah’s wishes; unless they think you and your mom are kafirs and these rules do not apply to slaves, unbelievers and kafirs. Read what Koran has to say for kafirs here.
If it was a Sikh youth in a Muslim house and talked about marring the Muslim mother, probably that Sikh youth would not survive and Mr. Haque would be outraged. It is a double standard.
Admin,
Please give reference and narrate in detail
Hi,
The statement by Md.Zia-ul-Haque in this comment above – “why do the non Muslim girls including married women are getting married with married and unnarried Muslim boys and married men having 2 or three 3 wives.” is something that caught my attention. What I don’t understand here is why is it a matter of bragging that you are approaching and seducing a married woman and breaking a family as a result. How is it a matter of pride that you seduced a married woman who was already living a happy married life, and then have her break the marriage so she is only with you. This same trait was shown by Sameer too, who in the initial days of his affair with mom used to brag a lot (still does on occasion, but not to the extent as he used to earlier) that even mom ‘knew’ he was a better than my dad that is why she ‘chose’ to be with him rather than stay with dad when their affair came to light. As if it had nothing to do with the seduction and lies he must have obviously fed her to turn her against her own husband so she would start having an affair with him. Why mom fell for all of that and why she still stands by her decision to be with him and give him all the power and control over the house and everything else, I don’t yet understand. But what I also don’t understand is how is it a matter of pride for him. Reading some of the other posts, this seems like kind of a common factor and it is seen to be something to be proud of if they seduce a married woman of a different faith and have her break her marriage to be with them. Can Mr Md.Zia-ul-Haque or any one else explain why is this so?
Apart from this, I, in my personal opinion, agree with the view that has been presented in some other posts on this site that Islam seems to be somewhat a dominating faith. There is little to no tolerance towards practices of others who follow different faiths. Even though we are not Muslims, since he’s moved in with mom he makes such a big deal out of what we eat and what we bring in. Only halal products for example. No wine or even beer (basically alcohol of any kind) at home as another. What started as simply saying he doesn’t like all that when he had just moved in, to now having the nerve to go and throw out stuff that ‘goes against his principles’ without even consulting anyone. Even if it’s not even ours. It happened a few times when some of my friends brought their beer and he simply asked them to keep it out or leave as ‘that stuff’ was not allowed in ‘his house’!
In fact he says that quite often that it is ‘his house’ now and that I should respect his position in our new domestic arrangement now showing another trait I have seen common among many stories I have read about this issue here. That trait is completely taking over once they’re in and making the people who were already there follow them. Like I said I don’t know why mom keeps supporting it, hell, she even agrees with it and has herself started saying that recently, not as aggressively as him, more like suggesting. I have always heard Sameer talk derogatively about my dad in the early days, even when their affair wasn’t completely out in the open I knew he wasn’t a fan of dad. But since mom and him separated he lost all his refrain in saying how much he didn’t like my dad and considered him lesser than him any chance he got. Mom obviously having just divorced dad didn’t do much to say otherwise, but didn’t contribute to his demaning of dad. This has since changed though and now even mom has made it clear she absolutely despises her time with that and is in fact proud of her decision to be with Sameer for whatever reason (obviously Sameer’s constant bashing of dad was bound to brainwash mom to think that way).
However it’s his mother and his younger brother who live back in Pakistan but visit here every 3-4 months that are more vocal about it. They’re much more orthodox as compared to Sameer, his mother prays 5 times a day and all. Where we used to have sounds of Sikh kirtans and shabads early in the morning when dad woke up to pray in the morning, when his mother is visiting and staying here, we have to wake up to the voice of the Azaan. Not only this but her and Sameer’s brother are always suggesting that because Sameer is mom’s partner in the household now that gives him a certain position in the family and I should respect him accordingly. Indirectly suggesting that I should be somehow be treating Sameer as if he’s my dad. They take offence if I refer to him by his name saying I should show him respect and not call him by name as ‘he is not my friend anymore but his relation to me has changed and I should respect that and treat him accordingly’. Same happens whenever any topic about dad comes along. Though it rarely happens as no one ever talks about dad any more. Seems like even mom has forgotten completely. But it did come up once and while that too while his mother was visiting. I naturally referred to dad as dad and Sameer’s mother took offence to that too, saying ‘that man has no right to be addressed that way in this house’ and how ‘in this family a son has only one dad and that is the person who is with their mom which he is not anymore.’ Obviously all of this was said in Urdu, as Sameer’s mother doesn’t speak any English. Mom doesn’t react much as she understands very little Urdu. Being a born and raise Sikh in the UK there’s no reason for her to know any Urdu, until she got together with Sameer of course. I do understand a bit too as I’ve had some other Pakistani friends during my school time.
The point of saying all this is that it shows another trait which is quite common among the experiences of other people in similar situations that I’ve come across here. That being the tendency to take over everything completely once they get in, and either brainwashing the gullible by sweet talks or romance or whatever and then forcing everyone else to follow what they think is right. Another thing I’d like to understand from Mr Md.Zia-ul-Haque or any one else how is this something someone could be proud of?
Dear Deep_xing,
You are wondering if this is your personal unusual life experience or a pattern expected from a community. Assuming the later and based on our 13 years of our experience and the experience of Sudhansu, let us tell you what may be next for you and your mom:
1) All Sikh symbols and lifestyle will disappear and slowly your family will adapt Islamic/Muslim life style.
2) One day you mom will be converted to Islam (Shahadah) for their marriage. Remember the Shahadah is a one way street. Once one person is Muslim, he/she dies as such. If any one try to deviate from it, punishment is death (Bukhari 9.84.57: Muhammad: “Whoever changes his Islamic religion, then kill him.”). View more here.
3) After the conversion, they will have an Islamic nikaah wedding. Probably you will not be invited.
4) Slowly, you mom will start wearing hijab and start namaz five times/day. She will be confined to home, no more going to business or meeting any other Sikhs.
5) She will bear many children.
6) When your mom reaches menopause (that could be in next 5 years) when Sameer may be in his middle of sex life. Mr. Haque explained sex needs of Muslim today. As you know Koran allow Muslims to marry up to 4 wives at a time. With all these, your mother should be ready to accept other young wives to satisfy needs of Sameer.
7) Koran (4:34) allow beating wives. You mother will not tell you but ultimately you will learn of all these.
8) As observed by Sudhansu, your mother will become submissive woman that will be beyond your imagination (read Sudhansu: my mom has no option now but to fully satisfy my step dad and make as many children as he wants. Why shouldnt a woman have a say in what she wants in life. I find it very weird that my mom does everything he wants without question. my mom who was originally quite dominant has become completely submissive. Being the youngest wife she has to not only listen to my step dad but also his other wives and children and Sudhansu: My mom was quite liberal in nature did not challenge or question any of the changes that she went through. She willingly converted, started wearing a hijab, changed her name, eat beef etc. Although she had no desire to have any more kids but after marriage she had 2 kids and one more on the way.).
9) If ever your mother raises her head against Sameer or Islam, talaak can be an end of this relationship (only after all your mother’s asset will be in hands of Sameer and she will walk out poor. Ultimately Deep_xing will have to support her till her life).
10) After the Talaak, she will be expected to marry only another Muslim.
No one can guarantee for what is in her future but these are potential issues she should be aware of. Over a month or so, try to win her love and slowly make her aware if she is prepared for all these. Most critical point in all these is religious conversion (Shahadh) and that will be a turning (or no return) point for her. As a son, it is your utmost duty to educate her. We wish you the best.
Any updates?
I had a similar situation happen to someone I knew in Delhi as well.
Haven’t been on here in ages. Pretty much forgot that I had posted about this here, or that this site existed, till I saw the email about the comment someone had made asking for updates as they knew someone in a similar situation. Man, I’d suggest you ask them to keep their heads straight and get therapy if available. Obviously depending on which side of the equation they are on.
As for the updates, I’m not even sure how much I’d shared the last time I was here, this pretty much seems like a new site, but as for mom and Sam, they’re getting married. The dates aren’t set yet, but they’re talking about early January as it’ll take that long for Sam’s mother and brother to get a UK visa. It still feels that everything’s happening in a hazy kind of way, and I don’t have much of a say. Let me get a read on what have I shared already as it’s been way too long.
Dear DeepX,
Sorry to hear that your own trusted friend broke your family. Only your fault was you trusted others to be following normal decency. We have seen many similar cases just like yours. Take home message is not to trust certain people to invite inside your home. Always keep at distance. What is their (your mom-him) current situation? Is your mom ready to convert to Islam?
I don’t think they’ve discussed that. Or if they have I am not aware of it. They did certainly discus the possibility marriage once Sameer was more well settled. At times people often suggest that he might be in it to marry mom in order to get permanent residency here. But I’m not really sure about that.
As for their current situation, they’re still very much together. Mom has even started to get involved in the business again with him. It was originally our family business which dad had kept the majority share in mom’s name for tax purposes since dad was an immigrant at the time and mom was born and raised here so there was some tax benefit in early days with mom being the majority owner. However, now with mom and dad’s divorce the business also split in the ratio of ownership. Now mom had already brought Sam on in our business during the final year of Uni as it was supposed to be a placement year and students were expected to do placements in companies to get experience, so Sameer joined mom as her assistant. He would then come daily to the office with mom and since he was her assistant, they’d be in the same cabin most of the day. He even started helping her with her decisions. When the business split mom decided she didn’t want to work there any more and had Sameer manage things for her. Now it is him fully managing everything and running it as if it’s is own. Even though mom has started to go back to office it is more like she is assisting him now. I really don’t understand the reason why mom trusts him so much.
Even at home since it has been almost over a year since they’ve been living together, they behave like proper couples. Even in front of others and I am left dealing with people’s looks. Mom’s sister has come around to fully accept her and Sameers relationship too over time, even calls him ‘Jiju’ now as she used to call dad earlier. Even tells me to be more accepting as mom is happier with him more than she has ever been before.
As for conversion, again I am not sure if they have talked about that or not. But he is definitely made some changes in our household, or rather ‘his house’ as he says now. My dad was an ‘Amritdhari Sikh’ means he never ate meat. Though he was open minded enough to not force it on anyone else. Me and mom both are not very religious at all and he never forced anything on us. So even though I loved eating meats, there were days when we would have good vegetarian meals at home. Now it seems every meal we have has some meat in it. Not to mention the big deal about everything having to be ‘halal’. You never think you’ll ever miss these things until you actually do. Same with the prayers. Dad used to listen to our kirtans and shabads which has stopped too. No photos of the gurus anywhere in the house. Again, I have never been religious and neither has my mom, so I never thought I’d be missing it but it was still a part of me growing up. Mom doesn’t seem to mind any of these changes one bit but to me all of this seems very awkward. Even in business too, working with credit is something which has been very common in the business as it is something which is always a part of the business. But we have stopped doing that all of a sudden since he came as it is apparently ‘haram’ to work with credits and interests. Same for investing the savings in certain deposit schemes to make auxiliary income from the interests paid on those, that is apparently not allowed too. Not that I understand any of this, but it is just so frustrating at times that why would mom trust him so much and give him so much control over everything including our house and business.
I do agree with your statement that we should be careful of who we bring inside our home. Only if I had been careful about it earlier. However, there weren’t any signs during that time that would have suggested any of it. Or if there were, I was just to oblivious to them. He seemed to be a very quite, reserved and shy kind of a guy when he was new here but clearly that’s not the case as I got to know later.
Deep_Xing,
This must be very painful. We cannot imagine being in your shoes, sorry. Read all that changes came to Sudhansu’s mom here, that is on way to your mom, but you are helpless. Well, you feed milk to the snake and now paying the price. If you cannot help your mom, at least help other Sikh girls getting into such situation.
Changing subject, what are your views on increasing Muslim population? Share your views there.
Keep in touch and come to guide other Sikhs here. Thanks.