Bina says: July 23, 2017 at 11:26 pm
Hello, my name is Bina, i am from India, now living in UK for study. I have been visiting your site frequently for some few days. I want to share my situation with people here and seek advice so please help me. I am hindu girl from brahmin family (both of my mother and father is brahmin). I came to UK for sole purpose of study.
The guy first i saw was in a restaurant, normally we friend circle used to go there for gossip or to eat together. I get huge concentration because of my look or whatever, but was never dare enough to answer any of call because my family or my mother to be specific who is very strict about religion. I got thousands of proposal back there in India and get here too from many good looking guys, but never got any answer from my heart, i never wanted myself to be a playgirl.
The moment i saw that guy, i did not know, i felt an enormous attraction, when he looked into me and for first time four eyes met, i knew he was the guy i was the looking for, i have been waiting for.
As i am a bit shy, my friend circle is very protective but also very supportive of me. They were surprised i fall for that one guy at that short amount of time, but one of my friend took the initiative to get his information.
I was getting restless, i knew deep down i started to love him without saying a single word, after two or three days when she came to us, from her face i knew something is not right, she told me that guy is islamic, to make my situation more worse she said he was Pakistani. I could not talk for a few minutes after that. But i knew it was not going to stop me, i knew how madly i am in love with him, i just wanted to cry there in front of all.
That restaurant was the place where we talked first, here also my friends helped me, first time i talked to him, i was nervous beyond belief. No one had ever made me felt like that before. I got to know his name, involved in business of his dad who was based from Pakistan but spends considerable time in UK. After the first day of talk, as we were from same place(from subcontinent), in that way my friend helped me to get his phone number.
That is how we became “friend”, i can not tell how much indebted i am to my friends for doing this for me. But deep down i knew it was not friendship, we started spending time, sharing personal thoughts together, i visited his office several times too, i just could not tolerate the sight of any woman standing next to him, he literally became my oxygen ,i started to care for every tiny details of his life though he did not give me that right, he was mine to me.
And after spending near three months, i decided to tell him what was in my mind, i was nervous because i was aware of cultural differences and moreover the religious differences, i knew if i get refused i would not be able to pull myself up, i would die, i was not prepared to hear the word NO at any cost.
When he heard my proposal, he just laughed it off thinking i was joking, but as i said i am very emotional, i could not control myself, when he was convinced i was not joking, he got serious asking me if i had any idea about what i am saying, how crazy i do sound, the amount of struggle i will have to go through.
As i already knew about this all, my friends told me about those things, i was mentally prepared for that, He was my heart and soul, i could have jumped off a cliff looking at his eyes, this was nothing for me, that is how madly i wanted him. After watching my madness, he told me, let us give it some more time, may be i will not be in this kind of madness after sometimes, when i will know about reality.
In desperateness, i agreed with him, but i knew it was not going to change anything at all, i know myself very well, i just could not tear my heart and show him how much i loved him.
So i took the boldest decision i have ever taken in my life, took the decision to take the relationship in another level, may be i wanted to prove to him how genuine my love was for him. It was not anything forceful, i lured him. I wanted to make him only mine, tie him with an emotional bond so he can not break free off that, can not go away from me.
After that, he was feeling guilty, he said he should not have done that, he guiltiness was hurting me too much, because only i knew what my intention was.
My friends also reacted sharply hearing this, they said he will not stay, his need for me is over, i am a very homely girl, so i do not know about outside world much, when i heard them i was hurt and got very scared.
He was not talking to me because he was ashamed of what happened, so i had to talk to him, i just wanted assurance of him. I feared if i was going to loose him because of this. But after few days everything got normal.
After quite sometime of our meeting, i got to know i was not alone anymore, i had a part of him living in me. Before telling this to him, i shared this with my close friends. But what i faced was criticism, because i had no idea what i am falling into. They were so sure now he would definitely leave me. They tried to convince me to see doctors, but after watching my stubbornness, they gave up.
I shared the news with sheer anxiousness and nervousness, after hearing the news he was stunned, but then i could see the joy, the true love in his eyes for me, eyes do not lie, i never felt so secured.
I told him about my parents, my father was open minded, but my mother was very strict, i was so scared of her. He said we can settle in UK, but he has to convince his parents because they are very important part of his decision.
I was scared but at the same time happy about his honesty, i did not want to hear a cinematic dialogue like he would leave everything for me, my personal perspective is, if a guy can not be of his parents who have raised him from nothing, how can he be trusted? how can he be of someone else?
Now my future hang on to three persons decision, my father in law, mother in law and my mother.
I did not want to do court marriage because i want my two family together in my marriage sitting side by side happily. Even thinking of his parents or my mother not accepting me or my love gives me nightmares, the reason i can bear this because at the end of the day i can put my head on his broad shoulder and forget everything, i know he truly loves me, the guarantee i wanted so bad. He was only mine.
I have been living with him in his home, as his parents is due to come next month, with every single second passing my anxiousness is growing exponentially, our child is growing inside me, i just do not want him or her to bear the stress i am bearing, i want my child to grow in harmony of my two family and i want my child’s father to be the shadow for his child’s mom and his child always as he is now.
I love my mother way way too much to leave her from my life, i can not do that, neither i can leave the man i love who is my heart bit, i got my hands tied with two oceans probably flowing in different direction tearing me apart inside, i am so scared right now. If i have to leave any of them, i will not be myself, the only way will be let for me is to kill myself. -Bina
More information:Brahmin-Muslim Relationships, Hindu-Muslim Marriage, Sharia, Hindu-Muslim marriages, Hindu-Muslim lovers’ experiences, Koran on Hindus? Hindu girl-Muslim boy, Marriage & Divorce laws
Return to Home, Blogs, How to Share? Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, Book, Media.
खंड 2.6: अन्तर्मत विवाह: सनातनी जनों हेतु सन्देश
Dear Bina,
Its not about your mom its about you. ITS ALL ABOUT YOU. Marrying you that guy will get indian nationality and even the child but its possible you might have to give up ur nationality, ur faith ur family that too for a guy who lives in one of the nations where women themselves never wanna go?
Above all in Islam only father has the right on children. pakistanis marry cousins he can take up another wife VERY EASILY. Is this love?
Abort the child and move on. Such a child will never get full love anyways as you will be torn and the dad will be a supremacist.
Think carefully its your life that matters.
God bless girlie.
Good story. fake propaganda by a Muslim writer.in India strict religious families never send their girls in foreign country.only some forward thinking and open minded parents send their daughters in foreign countries and their children’s can share everything with their parents .
Now take some taste of Islam. Before taking so many decisions you never think about your parents now why are you thinking about your family. do not play this emotional drama with your parents.your type people have zero values in their life and they are dependent on others like parasites
Hello everyone
This is a very unique issue I have here and I am not sure if this is the correct forum or thread to talk about this. However there are certain similarities here and honestly I couldnt find a place to start my own topic, sorry about that. My name is Iqbal (name modified) and I am a transfer student from Bangladesh studying engineering in Kolkata (West Bengal). I am 20 years old and currently in my 3rd year.
Because of some accomodation issues in my rental unit I have been staying with a friend of mine alomg with his single mother. They are a hindu family but they are quite open minded and have no problem with me staying with them.
Now comes the issue. Over the last couple of months I have been in a sexual relationship with my friends mom Shonali (name changed). To set any concerns aside this started as harmless kissing and was completely mutual. Over the past few months we have grown very close to each other and indulge in sexual activity whenever possible. To be honest our relationship is not just physical in nature but we genuinely care for each other. We share pretty much everything in our lives with each other. We have managed to keep it a secret from my friend but I have a feeling he is suspisious of our relationship but has not yet brought it with either of us.
The problem that has risen now is that Shonali is a week late in her period and she is freaking out. She took a pregnancy test and it came out positive although I am aware it can be a false positive. I am very excited about this and really hoping that she is actually pregnant. I really want to make this relationship official so that we dont have to hide it anymore. If she is really pregnant I want to marry her and make her my wife. I am aware of the obstacles in the way; the age difference of 17 years might seem big in the eyes of society but I have no problem with this. The fact that we are from different faiths is also an issue. I also dont want to lose a good friend as well. Financially there is no issue since back home in Dhaka we have a family business which is doing good and I can join any time I want.
Shonali is very stressed about the situation and is talking about abortion. I really dont want her to take that drastic step. Wanted to take everyones advice as to how I can convince her to think about the next step of her life with me as her partner
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12796
Seventeen years is a big gap, will your parents okay with it?
Does she has to convert to Islam?
Hello
17 years is indeed a big age gap but I really care for her and want to marry her. I have not told my parents yet. The only people I have mentioned this are a couple of my very close friends from back home.
Regarding conversion to Islam we are not there yet since I have just had a brief discussion with Shonali regarding marriage. However to answer your question conversion to Islam is an absolute must for us to get married. I cannot convince my family who are quite religious to accept a Hindu wife. The age difference in itself is a big hurdle and if I ask my parents to accept a Hindu woman it will become impossible for me to convince them.
I might seem a bit rigid here but there are certain things I cannot compromise on. Shonali is not religious at all and I dont expect this to be a big issue in our relationship.
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12796
bhai what is the current situation
Dear Bina,
You are indeed going through a life changing situation,a similar situation i have gone through not so long ago.
I thought my situation was difficult,i started to look for solution and in the process i found this website.But after reading your’s,i think i am quite lucky.Before i advice you i want to tell you my experience so you can understand the difference.
I am married to a saudi guy,but unlike you,it happened in common interest of our both families,my love came here for business trip,and i was fresh graduate thinking what should i do next.Like you,our meeting was also in public place,then social media friendship,we knew we were attracted to each other,but we both were matured so never crossed the line in our relation.I asked him what i need to do if i want him to marry me,he made it clear conversion is a must and i have to adjust to their culture.Note that,in our relation we never said each other “i love you”,because we both knew the weight those words carry.
I directly talked to my parents about it,it is your mother who is strict,in case of me it was my dad,he is retired major of indian army,my family is also religious by not blind.my mother was only concerned about the guy’s financial condition,once she was assured she never had a problem,but my dad was not so easy to get through,he made it clear he will only allow me to marry him if he gets 100% guarantee his family will accept me,fortunately the religious matter or conversion never came up as it was already taken because he was from saudi arabia.I promised my dad if his family does not accept me i will marry any man my dad chooses for me.Here i want to add,i actually exaggerated things,i said we were going out together for long time,bla bla bla,but in reality that things did not happen,we were basically people of our words.
now i am married to my loved one for about one years happily,once you adjust yourself to their culture it becomes easy.
now,about your situation,first i want to tell,getting involved with a completely unknown guy at that level is a monstrous step, from your post i am feeling you are quite young yet,you said you are young but i think you are much younger,i understand you got emotional and tried to prove your love,but still this is a very sensitive make or break step.you should have thought hundred times before getting into that kind of relation.
What happened can not be revert,but if you are adamant then i can recommend a few things that you should keep in mind
conversion is a must,without conversion marriage is not validated,so i suggest you try to read and try to practice the faith as much as possible before you get involved in your husband’s family.I knew nothing about their religion,but fortunately my mother in law is one of the most kindest person i have ever met,she taught me everything,she is very strict about family rules but very kind to family members.Still she rules this house with iron fist,even my husband can not do anything without her permission.I am lucky i have found another mother here.
you have to get used to their cultural differences and their food style.I am saying food style because it will help you to integrate more,it is not must.
now i want to talk about the point for which i answered your post,otherwise i would not reply it.
You said you are mentally prepared to settle down in pakistan,i hope you are not drunk.I am sorry for using harsh word.There is a difference between “conservative” and “hostile”,the place you are “mentally prepared to settle down” is not conservative,it is hostile full of hatred directed towards you.I want to tell you incident of one of my school friend who were in germany,fell in love with a pakistani guy,both family were open minded so she thought it would be no problem,she converted and embraced their culture and went to in law’s home in pakistan,do you know what happened afterwards? she was dragged out of her in law’s house in broad daylight,her husband’s native home is in karachi,she was saved because of her in laws iron shielded her from hostile society people,they required police protection,finally her husband applied for job in kuwait now both of them are happy there.When she told me that it gave me chill in my spine.
I want you to understand the difference and the consequence,this is nothing to do with religion or culture,this is about how their society will accept you,your husband is just a part of their society.The example i have given you,happened in a capital city,in broad daylight,she is alive because her in law’s family that rallied behind her,stood by her and protected her from worst possible situation,i heard one of her sister in law almost lost an eye to guard her from hostile people.
Bina i am not saying this because i am trying to scare you,i myself is married in one of most conservative country in the world,many of my friend is married to muslim man,some of them in india other are settled in country like UAE,Qatar etc.They are married happily.but the country you are talking about is totally different story,it is your national identity that will hunt you most,not the religion and culture,after you sacrifice so much if you do not get a peaceful home to live,then what is the meaning of all of this sacrifices?
I will beg of you and wholeheartedly request you,please do not go there,please.Do not endanger your life and your child’s life.If you are so blindly in love then think of your own child,at least the man you love,do you think they will spare him? no,they will not,the sword of wrath and hatred will be brought upon him too,do you want to loose him?you said there is possibility you can settle in U.K. That will be a blessing from heaven.What ever you do,please do not go to pakistan.Do not even think about it.
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12787
We have change your name your privacy, hope you are okay with it. We will be back to you soon, thanks.
Anita,
You’ve blasted Pakistan but ironically, Pak is only the daughter; the mother is Saudi Arabia!
Your post is really intriguing and raises various question:
* You might be well aware of purdah, polygamy, child marriage, triple talaq, nikah halala, no alimony to divorced wife, wife battering but do you also know that marriage among first cousins is a norm in Islamic nations, i.e, will it be okay for you if your daughter is married to your husband’s own brother’s son?
* Are you aware that custody of children goes directly to father in case of dispute between the spouses?
* Your mother was worried about financial security‒ any responsible mother would be! But monetary background alone does not give happiness‒ equality, justice & liberty are extremely important parameters in a relationship.
* Children are taught that polytheists are sinners; an Indian army Major’s grandson will be chanting that polytheists are destined for hell‒ I understand that you have surrendered your love of country & humanity for the love of a man!
This nation was built on the blood of millions and millions who sacrificed their lives so that we could be a free, fair & fearless society and how beautifully we are repaying them back!!
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12787
I just want people to know that as a hindu I have no problem with girls marrying muslims as long as it is of their own will. You see it is very rare phenomenon anyway, but muslims try to make websites surrounding this rare occurence as to project their own insecurities of not being able to get the best hindu women. I harbor no ill will for genuine interfaith marriages as for others they usually fall apart after few years. Any way good luck to all.
Hi Bina,
What would you advise to https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12685
Hi Bina
I read your story and would really like to comment on a few things. I have personally seen similar things in my family so I can relate to your situation
– Firstly I would like to congratulate on your pregnancy. I understand at this point it feels like a blessing and a curse.
– If I followed the comments properly it looks like the boys parents are still unaware of the situation. I would really suggest that you tell them everything. I am sure that the next steps of your life will be dependant on what they want. Being muslim and Pakistani it will be tough for them to accept you, a hindu brahmin into their family. Even if they are liberal and they accept you I am pretty sure that they will expect a lot from you. That expectation will be in the form of immediate conversion to Islam, changing your name to a Islamic name, expect you to offer prayers 5 times a day, be a housewife, new dressing habits (hijab, nikab etc). Also expect your child to be raised a Muslim.
– I have noticed that hindu parents are more easily convinced. Once they hear of your pregnancy they probably wont have any further say in this matter
– If you are okay with the changes be mentally prepared for this since your life will alter dramatically.
Best of luck in your future.
What you have seen “I have personally seen”?
Hello Admin
I have personally seen my mom fall in love and marry a muslim man. She got pregnant before marriage and she had to convert to Islam before getting married.
Welcome back, we missed you! Keep in touch now.
Check your post… https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=11786 Do you wish to use the other name to protect your privacy? We can change it. We always look to protect bloggers, thought count on us to do the job you should be doing!
Bina stupid girl really, now landed in trouble. Foolish girls like you are soft target of muslim guys who trap them, enjoy sex,then give divorce and force halala and lead a life of prostitution.
What pleasure you find in islamic guys, who are notorious for terrorist
activities and even do not hesitate to rape their cousins.
Massey, read what she wrote properly – she explicitly stated that SHE lured him. I feel sorry for people like you.
Thank You
So you became pakistani?
Hi Massey, why are you putting salt and pepper in her open wound? If you cannot help her in her difficult situation, why not at least offer her a bandaid or simply walk away quietly? Have you seen the movie Pinjer? Why are you pushing her to be a Muslim even she respects her own faith?
Massey,
BINA said she is lured him.. Anyway if she is ready to convert and marry a muslim, then she should also ready to face honor killing, Genital humiliation, Read time namaz (which is purely fake and no meaning and waste of time), Cover her head 24X7, Triple talaq (withing 3 months), Polygamy (she dont know when her husband marry rest of 3 wives), terror, Hindu hater,HALALA, Ban to travel other countries (specially Pakistani bastard).
You know, in 19 years, 57% of population increased in Pakistan and 55% population increased in Bangladesh. Please check google.Because their infected Quran made them to go hell.. Bina is one of them to go hell for sure.. no matter she is qualified or not.
I am sure Bina will suffer a lot in future for sure and her citizenship of India will be cancelled.
Go ahead Bina and try to have dozen child as per QURAN
Stupidity, thy name is Bina!
Parents send daughters to far away places with hopes & dreams of providing them a better future and here we have daughters, who bury their heads in the sand and imagine…..
No idea of the man’s character, country, religion… don’t call yourself educated, you are only literate, that’s it!
When other parents hear such incidents they would naturally shiver at the idea of sending their daughters to unknown places & even strong, educated girls will face pressure as not to pursue their dream courses…
I remember the case of actress Neena Gupta who fell in love with cricketer Vivian Richards and gave birth to a baby girl. This happened nearly two & a half decades ago when India was still extremely conservative & a child outside marriage was unthinkable!
Alas! After the initial bliss wore off, the guy just went away & singlehandedly the lady brought up her daughter!
It is tough being a parents. Here, both sets of parents sent their kids to the West hoping for the best. But now those “good” kids are lying and deceiving their loving parents. If those parents kept these kids with them, even as a manager of small bank or any mediocre job, they would have been happy.
Living in the West, we learned that it is not good to raise kids too “pure”! In medical term, too much sterile atmosphere make you loose your immunity. It is better to let kids make small mistakes or do little wrong things. For example, if your daughter asks to go for a prom date in her 9th grade (spend 6 hours dancing in school), what would you say? yes or no? If you kept your daughter too pure, she may end up making a major mistake at her age 24, like Bina did. Instead, if you let you daughter go for that prom and let her do many small “bad” things but in front of your eyes, probably the girl will be truly prepared for life and lots smarter. The girl will know what is right and wrong on her own term, not by parents force.
Hanah,
Dont know whether you are a muslim or not. But I salute you for your perfect judgment and is trivial truth.
Any educated/un-educated person cant go with a stranger who is from other country that to be Pakistan where United Nation going to BAN such terror country.
Leaver her such cheap and gradeless lady, who dont even faith upon her own parent and religion and now having a child of a stranger.
Congratulations Shri.Krish
I 100% agree with you.Bina is a stupid,duffer girl..I am shocked having read her stupidity..
You had lack of sex education from school aswell as in your home. Getting laid down under him is not the way to prove love. You are a kind of person who doesn’t have control over your desires, if the guy was an arfican black sudanese then you wouldn’t have lured him most probably, so what you are saying is lust not love. Getting pregnant from unknown guy is not a smart thing, not something to get proud of. Anyway whatever happens, don’t commit suicide and don’t kill the child, he/she is eagerly waiting to see his/her mother, which is you.
Sex before marriage is big NO NO in our Indian culture as well as in Islam and mostly most of the religions.
Those who disobey god land in such trouble.
mac, this has nothing to do with any faith. No faith/religion is teaching or endorsing such an act. Even Bina may not have done all these if she was under the umbrella of her parents, however now she is in the West where she is free to do that she wishes. There lots of liberty in the West, but the liberty comes with responsibility of one’s acts and choices in life. Lets find out soon what her bf’s parents have to say.
West gives absolute liberty which is not good at all.
Anything in its extreme is absolutely bad! Tucking women inside long abayas & parading women in swimsuits/ both underline the same logic‒ that women are nothing more than flesh!
mac,
In West, there is liberty. That doesn’t mean girls and boys are unethical and sex maniac. People work hard, go do lots of charity, go fight in support of Muslims, and live very successful life. Those who learned to understand that liberty comes with responsibility, those people do well. Others, well, they will get lost.
You said, “liberty which is not good at all”, such a blank statement is wrong. In India and America, there is lots of chaos, confusion, all painful news, people burn American flag, even a child man can make any dirty statement about Narendra Modi, etc, etc, does it mean Indian and American democracy bad? Does it mean the liberty should be taken away and be installed government like Saudi Araibia or China? yes, in China and Saudi Arabia none of these will happen and media will portrait those country as most happy. What is the reality? Would you dream to go live in those countries? A LION will never want to be a DOG and try to please the master, would you?
Admin, you made an excellent point here: “There lots of liberty in the West, but the liberty comes with responsibility of one’s acts and choices in life.”
I think some young people do not realize this, and this leads to such cases. At this point, in Bina’s case, what’s done is done and unfortunately she has already gotten pregnant so let’s try to give her some advice to help her for the future. I can only imagine the kind of drama that awaits once the parents find out.
I think as long as she has the support of some of her relatives, her parents will come around eventually. I just hope that the Pakistani partner/boyfriend stays supportive for the rest of his life…
Sorry for the late reply.
Abortion?what are you saying admin?you just described why i should not leave my mother,does not it apply for me too?You have no idea how much warm i feel when i feel my child,it does not only go for me,him too.There is not a single day passing without us discussing how are we going to raise our child.It was the first suggestion of my friends when they got to know my condition,I just shut them down on their face.I can not do that.If what i am doing is wrong,i will be the one to take responsibility for my sin.I told you before,when he got to know about it,for the first time i saw true love in his eyes.That is the reason i am still breathing.
I can not leave my mother,i am scared of her most,but i love her the most,i can not leave any of them,it will be like choosing between my two eyes.that is why i am so afraid,they are part of me,i can not live without any of them.Nor i want him to leave his parents for me.
I do not want him to be against his parents for me,it is me who dragged him into these.so i know i will have to be the one to settle it.All i want him to be my shadow and i know he will be.Otherwise he could have left me that day.It was his idea for me to live in his home.I will admit i was scared to death because i did not know how would i adjust in his country,i was mentally prepared but had no idea how would i do it,Then when he said he will settle in U.K. so it will be easier for me,It was like thousands of tons of stones off my chest.Do you understand how mature he is?
Rabia, i thank you from the bottom of my heart,i followed your suggestion and talked to my aunt,it took a lot of courage to tell her that even if she is very close to me.I have been in constant talking with both uncle and aunt last few days.i can not tell you how much relieved i am now after talking to them,i have said them everything,they said they will be coming here within few days and will meet his parents too if possible.Then they will decide the best possible way to convince both his parents and my parents.It took world’s weight off me.After knowing my situation both of them is contacting me once in every hour to know if i am alright because they are afraid i am going to do something crazy,that is how close they are to me.They are like my second parents.They have also talked to him.It was a huge relief seeing how easily the communication happened between him and my aunt,uncle.
I can not tell you how grateful i am to you,Thank you.
Dear Bina,
There are many Muslim parents open minded and accepting. Your bf should know them the best because he spent whole his life with them. When are they coming to UK? However, it will be hard for them to accept that their son will stay in UK for good. Are you okay if you have to go and settle in Pakistan? Keep us posted.
Dear Bina, I am very glad you opened up to your aunt. This is a big weight to be carrying on you right shoulders and sharing these things with family members you trust will be great, as they will suppprt you.
Do remember that you are carrying a life inside you and every pain/emotion you feel now may impact your child’s well-being in the future. So try to meditate, relax, find a way to somehow not be too nervous for the sake of that baby growing inside you.
I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck in convincing the parents – keep us updated on how things go and we will try our best to help whenever needed.
Bina,
First of all you are now enemy of my nation and you are no more Indian. You are one of the most cheap women in the world. Just for love you have converted and let your parent sacrifice their entire life. I am sure you will face serious problem in your furute specially in Pakistan a no more state in the world..
Shame such cheap lady to be in Hindu community
Hi Krish,
At this stage of her life, it does not help calling her cheap and all these. We agree that she should have made fully informed decision before committing so much in life. She may not be sure in the beginning but by now she will know clearly that a Muslim will not tolerate a Hindu in marriage. He Pakistani to be in-laws may be already there with her to realize reality of her new life. She doesn’t have permanent residency (we assume) in UK so he will have to spend her life in Pakistan (assuming that guy marries him). Yes, in this respect, he is deserting her Hindu parents and nation. We are serious to hear form her.
Hi Admin,
What will happen her citizen ship in India. I dont know about it. Should her husband allow to live in India or not.
My view is her husband shouldn’t allow to live in India. Can you please explain..
Probably India may allow, but him being a Pakistani it will be more difficult.
Bina,
So far you have dealt with your bf and his brother, the parents can made things totally upside down. And worst is… now your LION bf may become like a GOAT in front of parents.
Read what a Muslim mother in law did to an innocent Hindu girl like you… https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=7828
Also read https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=1618
sorry,i did not know the rules regarding name,age.I never asked this kind of question before.The information you have got was provided correct,i wanted to contact on mail,but after reading contact page,i had to put this here,i do not think i have shared sensitive information that could harm me or him.Still i am not much learned about this things.So thank you for protecting my privacy.
If it was lust,It would have happened thousand times by now,it happened only one time.I am exhausted to make people believe what i truly feel.So i stopped trying it.Do i have lust for him?Yes i do,i breath for him,i live for him, if you are comparing me with drug addicts then yes,i am addicted to him and i am willing to die in his arms.
You asked me “Tell us what is wrong being a Muslim and Pakistani?” You have also given the answer “yes, we also want Israel and surrounding Muslims countries to sitting side by side happily”. If it was not for those lines,i did not need to write it here. I have no problem with his cultural,religious or national identity.But my family will have as i mentioned it before. People lives with dreams, i have my dreams,is it a great sin?
I do not want you to feel what my situation is,right now as i have said before,i am scared of my mother most,i have got my stubbornness from her,i do not know how will she react,my father is open minded,his decision will entirely depend on how his family excepts me,but my mother is different.
people here i believe to be experienced to deal with those situations.Should i tell her directly and then let it cool down?or should i wait and convince her to accept my love?i am so confused, i can not wait much longer,i will have to tell my family about this after i meet his family,but my family is completely unaware of my situation,it will be a hard thing to tell,how will my mother handle it?that is what scaring me. I am afraid to go in front of her and tell her about this,but i also want to tell her myself so at least i will be able to express my feelings.
Right now,i am feeling like standing in middle of ocean,so many ways to go,but i am afraid of choosing any of it.
Bina, you are indeed in a difficult situation but I will try my best to give you good advice.
You mentioned that your mother is more conservative and your father may be a little more openminded.
You wrote “…as i have said before,i am scared of my mother most,i have got my stubbornness from her, i do not know how will she react,my father is open minded,his decision will entirely depend on how his family excepts me,but my mother is different.”
Firstly, speak to this Pakistani boy about whether or not his family will accept you. Figure this out with him – as SOON AS POSSIBLE. Also, maybe it may be worth it to speak to your father directly if you think he may understand. If you have siblings or an aunt or someone you trust, maybe speak to them and confide in them first before bringing the issue to your parents. This is your decision to make as you know your family dynamics best.
You also said his parents are coming to UK next month – if they learn that you are pregnant, this will be a big shock for them also. The most important thing is for the boy to support you – will he be able to do that? (I mean emotional support)
Your mother being convinced may be easier than his parents being convinced, if you ask me. How did the Pakistani boy react when you told him about your pregnancy?
You also said “I did not want to do court marriage because i want my two family together in my marriage sitting side by side happily” – I don’t want to discourage you but what you are saying will probably take some time… It will not happen overnight…
My father-in-law is also a very very stubborn man and he took a few years to come around and agree to our marriage. My husband (originally from India) would have married me whether his father agreed or not – he was not afraid of his parents or anyone else. But for the sake of not ruining family relations, he slowly introduced me to his family, then introduced our families and basically in the end everyone had to agree to our marriage whether secretly they liked it or not. My family, liberal Muslims, were a LOT more supportive in our journey than his conservative Indian parents who were very shocked when he told them he wanted to marry a Muslim girl.
Write back and hopefully we can guide you on this journey.
Thank you for responding me,That was the kind of advice i was looking for.
The problem is neither of our family knows anything,his family is coming next month,he told them it was business.But i guess they already know it is far more serious than just business because he has asked his mother to come too.
My father is open minded,but still i am scared of hurting his feelings.Will he think his girl has misused his trust?will he ever love me as same as before after he knowing this?will he think his daughter has taken advantage of his trust?. All the questions.But i do not know answer of any of these. Yes i have an aunt,my father’s younger sister,i share many things with her.I am very close to her. But i am afraid of sharing this with her too.
Another problem is, we are both very young as a couple to start a family and having child,but he is matured,looks after his father’s business alone.So i believe in me,us.
Here in his office,many think we are husband-wife and married secretly because of our different faith.
But one of the biggest plus point i have here is, his younger brother lives with us.I was so relieved when he openly accepted me.It is 24th day of me living in their home,but not for a single moment his younger brother let me feel i am an outsider.
He is confident of convincing his parents,but i am scared how many surprise they will be able to handle? i am from different religion,different country and living in their house.
i want to get married as soon as possible because i do not want to share the news of my pregnancy before marriage,i want to give it as much time as possible.
How did he react?you gave me blush.For first two three minutes time stopped,every single second was feeling like hundred year,i was looking looking at his stunned face and it felt like my ground was breaking apart.I was nervous because what my friends told me,I was trying to stay on my feet against wall.But what followed next was something outside of this world.I can still feel it. I mentioned it before ,i never felt so much secured.It was first time he hugged me out of true love which i wanted so bad.I did not let him break it for how much time?may be six or seven hours. If it would not have happened that day,I would not be talking here today planning what should i do next.At that time i knew he was not going to left me.
I know i can not be afraid of everything.so i have to face it.Now i know where to open it.Thank you again for that advice.I did not think of it.
Would you mind if i ask you something about your life?Did you need to convert to Hinduism?or you both are maintaining owns faith?If it happens,Couple maintain different faith,do you think it can affect child as their parents are not on the same page?
I am afraid,as my mother is conservative,what will happen if his family want me to convert.Though i am willing to do it.Not because of them but i do not want my child to think his or her parent is going on different direction.
Dear Bina,
You are certainly in a very difficult position. Every day is crucial. It remains to be seen if he will stand behind you when his parents arrive, let us know how it goes, best wishes.
Since you came to us, we need to help you in many ways, even the points you may not have thought about. From legal point of view and protect you legally, best would be to get married in civil court first, next day have Islamic marriage and the third day have a Hindu wedding in a mandir. It is possible that your parents may agree if there is some compromise in two faiths. Propose it to your fiancé/bf, let us know what he says. At least ask to find out truth for what he thinks.
This is a beautiful thought, “i want my two family together in my marriage sitting side by side happily.” We hope you will not dump your parents who gave you birth, mother who breast-fed you, taught you how to walk, help you learn bicycle, cooked every day for you, spend lots of hard earned money to educate you and to sent you to the West. Your mother must be so proud of you today and bragging to her friends about your accomplishments. Your whole family is looking at you as a role model “best” girl. Why will they not feel hurt when they find out that you lied to them, become a bibi (converted to Islam) and settled in Pakistan. Why will they not feel hurt when they know that they will not have chance to meet their grandchild? You will know the pain only when your own child (to be borned) will do the same one day to you. To make the story short, it is possible they may reluctantly accept you if they know that you are still a Hindu and your child can be at least half Hindu. Since your fiancé/bf really loves you, tell him that you will not convert. Let us know what he says.
Lets learn what Rabia did (“Did you need to convert to Hinduism?”)?
Dear Bina,
As an answer to your question “Did you need to convert to Hinduism?or you both are maintaining owns faith?”, I was never asked by anyone to convert to Hinduism as my husband himself was an agnostic when I met him. He was -and still is- a scientific mind who doesn’t believe in idols etc and he would only celebrate Diwali, Holi etc as it is customary in his family. Even I celebrate Diwali with them but due to being a Muslim I don’t perform the murti worship part, and honestly I just sit there with my hands folded and watch what the pundit is doing.
In your situation, there may be pressure to convert. I think you should only convert if you believe in it. My husband and I are a different case because we don’t live with his parents and we probably never will. But if you marry into a Pakistani household, the expectations from you as a girl may be different. Even in my husband she family we struggled to adjust the first year of marriage – I did what I could but after that did not compromise on my principles.
In my experience, Pakistanis are generally a lot more conservative as Muslims than my people (won’t reveal details about my origins but I am not Indian)
Have you considered getting an abortion before it’s too late? I cannot believe that as a Muslim I’m even suggesting this to you but I’m just concerned whether or not you will regret this decision in the future since you are too young to have a child.
Rabia,
Yes, abortion was the first thing in our mind too. It is the most practical but not moral or ethical suggestion (depend how one defines it).
Bina, don’t underestimate Pakistani Muslims, especially in Pakistan. You will be 0% Hindu and 100% Muslim. Your name will be changed, religion be changed (a must), soon you will start cooking beef, you will start learning that Hindus are kafir, you will not see a shadow of your parents, and more.
View this… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiWLGEKusIg
Bina, have you had any discussions with your boyfriend about this baby issue and regarding his family? Tell us what he is saying about our suggestions. If he is a practicing Muslim, he won’t be too thrilled about the idea of abortion, I am sure.
May I also suggest that you seek the help of a trusted friend (someone your age or older and more mature) – it will
Give you someone to talk to at least, to ease this burden. We are also here for you so write back and let us know what you decide.
Hello Bina,
We will work with you for years right here. You are an adult and you are responsible for your acts. There are many adults decide to start injecting cocaine in their blood stream because they just like the feelings of getting high. There are many chain smokers who will not quit smoking even they are warned of health hazard, because they like that smoke. Likewise, you are addicted to lust. It is useless for us to tell someone to stop taking cocaine or smoking, because they know it all well. It’s only when the time is right (like diagnosis of terminal lung cancer for the smoker), that person will change. So, we will refrain from telling what you should do now.
Can you tell us why you said, “guy is islamic, to make my situation more worse she said he was Pakistani.” Tell us what is wrong being a Muslim and Pakistani?
You said, “i want my two family together in my marriage sitting side by side happily,” yes, we also want Israel and surrounding Muslims countries to sitting side by side happily. Dreaming is one thing and reality of life is different.
We hope the name you provided was not your real name. We have changed it for your privacy. It is not smart on your part to say your state, age and name on any public forum (unless you provided all wrong; we deleted them to protect you).
Tell us what you wish to do now? How can we help you?
Hello Shri. Krish.I congratulate you and I agree with you. Bina is simply a stupid and duffer girl.