Anita says: September 5, 2017 at 6:06 am
Dear Bina,
You are indeed going through a life changing situation, a similar situation i have gone through not so long ago.
I thought my situation was difficult, i started to look for solution and in the process i found this website. But after reading your’s, i think i am quite lucky. Before i advice you i want to tell you my experience so you can understand the difference.
I am married to a Saudi guy, but unlike you, it happened in common interest of our both families, my love came here for business trip, and i was fresh graduate thinking what should i do next. Like you, our meeting was also in public place, then social media friendship, we knew we were attracted to each other, but we both were matured so never crossed the line in our relation. I asked him what i need to do if i want him to marry me, he made it clear conversion is a must and i have to adjust to their culture. Note that, in our relation we never said each other “i love you”, because we both knew the weight those words carry.
I directly talked to my parents about it, it is your mother who is strict, in case of me it was my dad, he is retired major of indian army, my family is also religious by not blind. my mother was only concerned about the guy’s financial condition, once she was assured she never had a problem, but my dad was not so easy to get through, he made it clear he will only allow me to marry him if he gets 100% guarantee his family will accept me, fortunately the religious matter or conversion never came up as it was already taken because he was from Saudi Arabia. I promised my dad if his family does not accept me i will marry any man my dad chooses for me. Here i want to add, i actually exaggerated things, i said we were going out together for long time, bla bla bra, but in reality that things did not happen, we were basically people of our words.
Now i am married to my loved one for about one years happily, once you adjust yourself to their culture it becomes easy.
Now, about your situation, first i want to tell, getting involved with a completely unknown guy at that level is a monstrous step, from your post i am feeling you are quite young yet, you said you are young but i think you are much younger, i understand you got emotional and tried to prove your love, but still this is a very sensitive make or break step. you should have thought hundred times before getting into that kind of relation.
What happened can not be revert, but if you are adamant then i can recommend a few things that you should keep in mind.
conversion is a must, without conversion marriage is not validated, so i suggest you try to read and try to practice the faith as much as possible before you get involved in your husband’s family. I knew nothing about their religion, but fortunately my mother in law is one of the most kindest person i have ever met, she taught me everything, she is very strict about family rules but very kind to family members. Still she rules this house with iron fist, even my husband can not do anything without her permission. I am lucky i have found another mother here.
you have to get used to their cultural differences and their food style. I am saying food style because it will help you to integrate more, it is not must.
now i want to talk about the point for which i answered your post, otherwise i would not reply it.
You said you are mentally prepared to settle down in pakistan, i hope you are not drunk. I am sorry for using harsh word. There is a difference between “conservative” and “hostile”, the place you are “mentally prepared to settle down” is not conservative, it is hostile full of hatred directed towards you.
I want to tell you incident of one of my school friend who were in Germany, fell in love with a pakistani guy, both family were open minded so she thought it would be no problem, she converted and embraced their culture and went to in law’s home in Pakistan, do you know what happened afterwards? she was dragged out of her in law’s house in broad daylight, her husband’s native home is in karachi, she was saved because of her in laws iron shielded her from hostile society people, they required police protection, finally her husband applied for job in Kuwait now both of them are happy there. When she told me that it gave me chill in my spine.
I want you to understand the difference and the consequence, this is nothing to do with religion or culture, this is about how their society will accept you, your husband is just a part of their society. The example i have given you, happened in a capital city, in broad daylight, she is alive because her in law’s family that rallied behind her, stood by her and protected her from worst possible situation, i heard one of her sister in law almost lost an eye to guard her from hostile people.
Bina i am not saying this because i am trying to scare you, i myself is married in one of most conservative country in the world, many of my friend is married to muslim man, some of them in india other are settled in country like UAE, Qatar etc.They are married happily. but the country you are talking about is totally different story, it is your national identity that will hunt you most, not the religion and culture, after you sacrifice so much if you do not get a peaceful home to live, then what is the meaning of all of this sacrifices?
I will beg of you and wholeheartedly request you, please do not go there, please. Do not endanger your life and your child’s life. If you are so blindly in love then think of your own child, at least the man you love, do you think they will spare him? no, they will not, the sword of wrath and hatred will be brought upon him too, do you want to loose him? you said there is possibility you can settle in U.K. That will be a blessing from heaven. What ever you do, please do not go to Pakistan. Do not even think about it. –Anita
More information: Hindu-Muslim Marriage, Sharia, Muslim-Hindu marriages, Hindu-Muslim lovers’ experiences, Koran on Hindus? Hindu girl-Muslim boy, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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Anita,
You said, “our meeting was also in public place”, what kind of place? Was it a Western style club or a bar?
How long have you been married? Do you have to wear burka in public? Can you go alone on streets? Can you drive? Do you know any polygamy in your distant relationship in Saudi?
You said, “my family is also religious by not blind” but now you are marrying to someone who is religiously blind, is this not a difference between two families? One family cared for your happiness while the other will not give a second chance if you ever try to show you are a proud Hindu or start following your childhood practices.
Was the religious and strict military Major General never concerned you are moving to Saudi and giving up your Hindu faith? Do you know that your religious Hindu parents are kaafir in eyes of Muslims?
Do you know what Koran says for Hindus (read)? Are you okay teaching these to your children? Are you okay if your son one day date a Hindu but must convert that innocent Hindu girl (till no Hindus left to convert!)? Is this conversion practice justified?
You said, “many of my friend is married to muslim man”, are 100% of them converted? Do you know any Muslim showed their true love for a Hindu and converted to Hinduism? Why do you think Hindus don’t have self pride?
Well said Sister!!
Anita,
You’ve blasted Pakistan but ironically, Pak is only the daughter; the mother is Saudi Arabia!
Your post is really intriguing and raises various question:
* You might be well aware of purdah, polygamy, child marriage, triple talaq, nikah halala, no alimony to divorced wife, wife battering but do you also know that marriage among first cousins is a norm in Islamic nations, i.e, will it be okay for you if your daughter is married to your husband’s own brother’s son?
* Are you aware that custody of children goes directly to father in case of dispute between the spouses?
* Your mother was worried about financial security‒ any responsible mother would be! But monetary background alone does not give happiness‒ equality, justice & liberty are extremely important parameters in a relationship.
* Children are taught that polytheists are sinners; an Indian army Major’s grandson will be chanting that polytheists are destined for hell‒ I understand that you have surrendered your love of country & humanity for the love of a man!
This nation (India) was built on the blood of millions and millions who sacrificed their lives so that we could be a free, fair & fearless society and how beautifully we are repaying them back!!
1. The nation ( India) was built on the blood and sacrifice by lower Castes who were enslaved, raped, genocided by invading Aryans and upper caste Hindus who labelled them as untouchabile and bound for hell for over 2000 years. ( No freedom fighter was upper caste, they were sitting back in their luxurious homes ( built by lower Castes themselves).
2. Again child marriage is not sanctioned by the Quran, Only Muhummad married a 9 year old,But he didn’t have any child with her. Ironically it is Hinduism which has highest amount of Child Marriage :
India has highest amount of pedophilia in the world says world census:
“India has the highest number of child brides in the world.The rates of child marriage vary between states and are as high as 69% and 65% in Bihar and Rajasthan”
-https://www.girlsnotbrides.org/child-marriage/india/
#84% Of 12 Million Married Children Under 10 Are Hindus
– http://archive.indiaspend.com/cover-story/84-of-12-million-married-children-under-10-are-hindus-82446
3. Polygamy is only allowed in Islam to support other widows financially and emotionally, a Muslim cannot marry a virgin or non virgin who husband is alive or who isn’t married yet as per Quran, but in Hinduism polygamy is allowed (until banned by British Constitution).
A survey conducted by the 1961 census shows the practice of polygamy being highest amongst the Indian Hindu tribals (15.25 per cent) while for the Hindus it was 5.8 per cent and the Muslims it was lower at 5.7 per cent.
The report of the Commission on the Status of Women (1975) has revealed that during 1941 and 1951 Muslim polygamous marriages were 0.09 per cent less than Hindus. The figure for the period 51 and 61 shows that the Muslim polygamous marriages were 0.65 less than Hindus. The report also showed that in the later period the number of polygamous marriages were greater amongst Hindus (5.06 per cent) than Muslims (4.31 per cent).