A Kaur says: October 25, 2013 at 4:08 pm
I have been in love with a Muslim guy. We dated for a year and we didn’t really think of the consequences. I became worried that the relationship would end badly and whole family would find out and I’d bring shame on the family. When I ended it I would tell myself I didn’t need him anymore and that I would stop loving him.
I always think about being with him and I never thought that he would want to stop loving me I always thought that I would end up marrying him and live with him happily ever after. He’s never made me feel like Iv’e been used or that he just wants one thing. I have always felt loved and wanted by him. I pushed him away because I was scared that it would never work out. he believes in his religion but I don’t follow a religion because I was abused in a place of worship. I feel that he has always been there for me whenever I would think about the past. He has been there for me more than my family ever have. I’m so scared of losing him forever.
Ever since he came back from Hajj I feels like he’s realized that it will never work and that he can’t be with anymore. I don’t know what to do I love him so much I don’t want to marry anyone else but I don’t want to lose my family. -A Kaur
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Admin says:
Hi A Kaur,
What mental agony you are going through is normal. Probably this may be your first love and the first romantic experience. However, you need to know that Bollywood style love and romantic experiences are short lasting. Ever lasting married life takes lots more than romance, that something you have to make your own judgment/decision (Read 10 points, FAQ).
Here, we could talk about religions. We are sorry to hear that you had a bad experience at your place of worship. We hope God gives you strength someday to go public and expose (send them to prison) those bad people at your place of worship. However, remember that one (or two) bad person does not make your birth religion a bad one. That also does not prove that other religions don’t have bad people in it. We understand if you lost faith in God or don’t want to follow any religion. There is nothing wrong with it. It’s your life and your choice.
Now lets discuss what does it mean dating a Muslim. He is nice and caring…blah…blah… is well and good, but what is his ultimate requirement? You said, “He’s never made me feel like … that he just wants one thing.” Are you sure that one thing is not to convert you to Islam?
Can he accept you as is, meaning as a Sikh or an atheist? If one trip to Hajj transformed him, then you have to be prepared that one day he could be a true Muslim (read Haque, Koran and Hindu/Sikh Girl). Are you willing to live your life like a “true Muslim wife” and give up your birth religion and kafir parents?
Don’t mix love and religion. If he is an honest guy, he will accept you the way you are. If he is looking into something you are not (a Muslim), why bother? If you are smart, we would recommend not to have an Islamic Nikaah (with Shahadah conversion) but marry by civil marriage. This way, you have liberty and freedom to follow what ever religion (or no religion) you wish to follow.
Lets discuss more soon. Please get back to us with other details. -Admin
More information: Sikh-Muslim Relationships, Sharia, Koran, Interfaith Marriage & Divorce Laws.
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I feel like I’m in a similar situation to you A Kaur. I am with an Egyptian, the one main difference is he does not expect me to convert to Islam. He knows a conversion does not buy faith and so do I.
I understand your love for him is so great. I just hope you will not convert to a religion that you do not truly follow just to be with him. If he loves YOU so much he should understand you believe in something else, whether sikhi or believing that no God exists. I hope you are okay 🙂 I am also in a confusing state where i don’t know what to do..
Reply https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=7551
It was a wise decision. I would say, why didn’t you ask him to follow your religion and marry you then, most of the problem would had solved by that.
Its better to cry now than cry (a lot lot more) later. Now you have nothing to loose, later it will be all your loss.
Some muslim politician said that it is the womb of the muslim women that will give them the victory over the non-muslim world. Maybe he is correct may be not. But there is no denying that Muslims expect non-muslims to convert to their religion in order to marry them. You might say it is not cool but it is what it is.
About your situation…you must read the story of Phyllis Chesler because the person you want to marry comes from a very similar background as Chesler’s first husband.
Here is a wiki article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phyllis_Chesler about her.
I want to further give you the example of the bengali author who was murdered recently in Afghanistan…Sushmita Banerjee. She too had very similar experience.
The men from these places are 2-faced. Sorry… but that is the truth. They will pretend to be very modern in the non-muslim world but in their own land they are nothing but conformists.
Further Arabic men marry more than once. So be ready for another wife. The Love that have now for the Arab will last for another couple of years and after that you will have to accept too many things as part of their culture. Are you ready for that? And finally remember that Arab women have fewer rights than even Indian or Pakistani muslim women. They can’t even go out. Physical abuse is very common in the arab world. Think about these things too.
And last but not the least. Does he love you? If he does then I think you should pose these questions to him and ask for answers. If he can’t answer and goes for the rhetoric that he loves you too much and wants to marry you and you alone then ASK HIM TO CONVERT TO SHOW HIS LOVE.
No religion is superior and inferior to other and why should a girl have to convert in order to marry? Food for thought!!
Superb message. Come to guide other youths!
Dear Admin,
I am focusing on my education, I have always found a way to get through education even in the worse of times. I am not considering marriage till I at least find a stable job. I would love to do that if only it was so easy, my family mean a lot to me but my boyfriend also means a lot too me. One day society will change and people will accept that we only have one life why should we choose what other people think is right. Look at Saif Ali Khan he is a devoted Muslim and he’s married a Hindu woman.
The thing I broke the relationship up and he was telling me we should stay together until we have to worry about the obstacles in our way. Now it looks like a role reverse where he’s telling me the exact same thing. i didn’t mean to say too him that we should break up I just didn’t want to ruin his life and mine. Now I see things in a different way, I want to be with him until there is no way that we can remain together. He isn’t like that I told him I won’t convert and he told me that’s fine, I said lets not worry about the future and just live in the present.
He has no sister, I highly doubt he would let his sister convert. I have told him this and he says it’s his religion, he wants to live a good life and go to heaven.
The best thing to do would be to not think of my happiness but the happiness of my parents.
Dear A Kaur,
There is good and bad in every one. There are good and bad outside factors that influence every one in life.
It seems that he is a good guy now. He wants to see you remain what you are and that is why he is saying “I won’t convert and he told me that’s fine”. This is the ultimate test so you will know, under bad influences, if he changes for worst and start asking for your conversion.
Lets talk about Saif Ali Khan’s life (read). His first Hindu wife converted to Islam for marriage and gave birth to two Muslim boys. Still, Saif was miserable with her and ultimately gave her talaak, talaak, talaak. Thus, a conversion is a wrong way to please a boy friend. Instead of that, Kareena probably told Saif to accept her the way she is, that is a Hindu, and never converted for marriage. It is possible that even Saif may have realized that it was mistake to ask Kareena to convert to something she is not. Bottom line, no one converted and both are happy. Be like Kareena, and not like Saif’s first wife, don’t convert. This way, your parents also will be happy. This is a win-win for all. Does it make sense?
Dear Admin,
he told me today that when he was in Saudi, his mum asked if we are going out he said no because I ended it, Then she made him promise to not be with me or any girl. She told him he needs to be good and find a good Muslim wife and have kids. She told him this life is a test and we should only worry about after. He said because I ended it he thought I would be okay with it.
I was once again hurt I begged him not to do this to me and he told me it would ruin our lives. I felt as though I was the one doing all the crying and the hurting. He kept telling me that I don’t need him I should move on and that we’d always be best friends. He said that he needs me in his life and that he will never leave me like all the other people in my life. I said to him how could I forget so easily all this time we spent together, I said so you will be okay me kissing going on dates with someone else. He said he’d be broken but he’d smile through it knowing that he didn’t ruin my life. I tried to push him away saying I don’t want him anymore he said I don’t want you out of my life.
He told me that he will always love me, then we argued about me ending it he said I pushed him away made him feel like I didn’t love him but I only did this because I didn’t want to ruin his life.
I couldn’t take what he said so I said he gave up so easily and he said did you think I wanted this to happen and I don’t know how he feels and how he’s been trying to cope.
I began to calm down and I told him that he has already made his decision and I should respect it even if it means losing him. He replied Aman I love you so much I always will, your my first love, you’ve taught me so much you will never know. Your amazing and so special your the best thing that’s ever happened to me. This world isn’t for us. We can be together in heaven my angel. I will always be in your life. I want to see you grow and be successful. I will be proud to know you loved me. I will never forget anything. Aman when I see your sadness it hurts me I’ve never felt pain like that before. I will always call you, I need to be there for you. I will see you soon. I will be in heaven with you we can be together forever aman. In shah Allah aman. I will pray that we both reach heaven baba. Aman I want you to be happy, I put your happiness before mine. I will always be sorry for what I put you through the bracelet you gave me I will never take it off and I never have taken it off.
I wont forget that you are my first love. I will always pray for your happiness. I ain’t going to forgive myself. Aman I didn’t do enough for you. I hate that this has happened. I will never forget you. Our love will last in heaven. He said he will never leave me because he has helped me through so much. he will never stop loving me and if he could be with me he would. He also promised that in heaven he will be with me as he once was.
I was being very supportive of his decision, he made me see that he loves me and would do anything for me but we can’t be together because he doesn’t want me to change. He was the first man that helped me through so much the man I knocked down but still managed to never leave me. I don’t blame him for what happened because I would never make him choose between me and his Mum or his religion.
He has helped me love myself before him I was broken now I feel confident that he loves me and will always be here for me. I am going to pray everyday and night that God will reunite us one day heaven or earth and that we will finally be together. I know it sounds crazy but that is what is keeping me so strong, no matter what I will never forget our love and what he had to do to protect me and my family and his family. He put my future first before his own. He risked being with me for so long. I love this man and will always love him in many ways. Please pray for me and my love to go too heaven and be reunited.
Thank you 🙂
We understand it is very painful. It is too sad you two realized your religious incompatibility after already getting deep into love relationship.
Come to think of it, some people realize religious incompatibility after marriage and having children. This ruins lives of two youths, their extended families and worst for their children. In this respect, you are better of knowing all issues up front.
Believe us, your relationship will go on for a long. There will be lots of ups and down. We gave you one mantra, “no conversion“. Stick with it, otherwise you will end up ruining your life in your blind love. Please keep us posted.
Remember, we have nothing to gain from what you do. We simply wish to help you make fully “informed” decision for your life. We hope we helped you so far. Best wishes.
Dear Kaur,
Be careful, dont get trapped, you will not stand any where.
Muslim guys are interested in trapping non muslim girls through
their tricks and flattering behaviour to enjoy sexual pleasure and multiply their muslim population.
Hi Admin,
No this isn’t my first love, this is my second. My first love Sikh he was a good guy but we didn’t have the same values. He was more bothered about his money. When we broke up he would tell me to give him the money that he spent on me back. I know that love isn’t like bollywood movies. I know that ever lasting marriage takes time and patience and love. My parents had an arranged marriage and it didn’t work out, thats why I have always wanted to marry someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Thank you, but I was eight at the time so I nothing can be done. I have studied Religious education and philosophy so I know about the different Religions and the different beliefs. I know that not all people are the same. I believe in one God and I also believe in Co-exisitng.
I have dated a Muslim for a year, his ultimate requirement at the time we were dating was to protect me and make sure I do well to get into university. He never talked about me converting. His mother caught us on skype and didn’t like me because I’m not Muslim, however he told his mother that he enjoys talking to me and will not stop. I think that shows that he does love me and he isn’t one of them guys you hear about in the news.
Well he could except me but his family wouldn’t and my family wouldn’t accept me converting. He is a true Muslim and his faith is more important to him. I could never ask him to change that. I am willing to be Muslim wife but I would take that step only if my family would accept it.
I am smart and I am not willing to change, I am more willing to accept his belief but he needs me to convert because a Muslim has to marry a Muslim. I have talked it over with him about the civil marriage but he has told me his family will not be willing to accept that.
Dear A Kaur,
Sorry to hear of difficulties you faced in your life. These are good reasons for you not to make any mistake in picking life mate for you.
Best would be to focus on your education and get a good professional job. If you are in the West, don’t bother to get married till age 25+. After being financially independent, marry to whom you desires without worry about your parents or in-laws or this conversion business. It is your life and have to do that is right for you.
When you are in love, every thing looks good, but reality comes only when it breaks. We are glad you let go that Sikh bf who is not compatible with you. Your current bf will be caring and loving but as soon as you say you will never convert to Islam (no Shahadah in this life), you will find out he is now completely different.
Ask him if will he allow his sister to convert to Sikhism if she finds a nice Sikh boy? Let us know what he says.
Why he cannot tolerate you what ever you are? Why you have to be converted to something you are not? Do not tolerate such intolerance for what you are. Teach him that this is an old practices and must go. Teach him to be respectful to every one the way they are. Teach him to be a pluralist.
Read a lot on this site before you decide what is right for you, keep in touch.