SIMI says: February 15, 2020
Hello,
I am in a situation where I’ve fallen in love with a muslim guy, who believes our relationship will not last as our parents will not accept it, we haven’t told them yet. However I don’t know anyone who’s been through this situation so i can’t ask questions. Can I ask how you parents have come to accept it? Will we be fighting a loosing battle? -Simi
Admin says:
Dear Simi,
Thank you for reaching out to us. We have guided some 1200 youths in love like you and thus will help you step wise. We hope Priya will come back to guide you.
How long have you been in relationship?
Why he said, “…muslim guy, who believes our relationship will not last as our parents will not accept it”, what do his parents want?
Your Sikh parents may be open minded somewhat and may want you to remain Sikh and he can remain what ever he is (that is Muslim here). If this is acceptable both sides, it is possible your parents may ultimately accept your relationship? Are Muslim boy friend’s parents also open-minded to accept you as a “Sikh”?
Before asking your parents, first you have to decide what do YOU want? Most critical question with any Muslim is–are you ready to convert to Islam?
Did he bring up discussion of changing your religion yet?
If you are curious what this conversion means? or what else is on the plan for you, print these questions below and ask him or to yourself. Let us know what is acceptable and not for you and him.
Do you have to take the Shahadah oaths, that is, conversion to Islam?
The Islamic Nikaah (marriage) is possible only if you convert. Your name will go in a Nikaah-nama as a “Muslim”. It is a legal document as per most country’s laws. Are you okay with it?
You will be given an Arabic name. Is that okay with you to change your name?
You will not have your original name on your wedding card, but only a Muslim given name! Is that okay with you?
The Muslim boy cannot be a part of Sikh wedding because it is prohibited by Islam. Are you and your parents okay not having a Sikh wedding?
After marriage, you may not be allowed to use Facebook any more (read Akansha to Nusrat). Is that okay with you being like in Nusrat’s situation?
Your Muslim lover cannot enter your Gurudwara and bow to Granth Sahib because it is prohibited in Islam. Is that okay with you?
Most likely, your Muslim lover will expect you to accept 100% Islam and quit 100% Sikhism. Are you ready for it?
You cannot display Guru Nanak ji’s photo in your new Muslim home, but will have photos of kabab and some Arabic writings. Is that okay with you?
Most probably, you will not be encouraged to go for further education or a job. Is that okay with you?
In most cases, you will be rushed into having several kids. If you are smart, do not plan a child at least three years into your marriage life. Plan for a child only after you are 100% sure for your decision. Ask him for expectation about children and when.
Will your children have Arabic names and circumcision?
will your children be taught only from the Koran, not at all from Guru Granth Sahib?
Will children celebrate bakra-id and Ramadan? How about Sikh festivals, like you did in your childhood?
In many cases, your children (especially daughters) will not be allowed to listen to music, learn dance and play sports. Is that okay with you?
Your Muslim sons will be allow to mingle with your Sikh relatives and girls, but not your Muslim daughters. Are you okay with this double standard?
As per Islamic tradition, your children can marry to their Muslim cousins. Is that okay?
Your children will marry to (former) Hindu/Sikh (after converting) like their mom did. This saga will continue for another 1000 years till no more Sikh/Hindu left to convert. Are you okay ending your Sikh heritage and starting a Muslim heritage?
You will have to reduce association with your Sikh parents and Sikh friends, and ultimately forget them. You will have a new set of Muslim relatives and Muslim friends. Are you ready for this transition?
Muslims take pride in eating beaf. You will have to cook and eat meat, are you okay with it?
Your husband and his family may ask you to start wearing burqa/hijab, and no more jeans. Are you okay changing your cloth practices?
Your Muslim husband has rights to get three other girls as wives (polygamy is permitted for Muslims in India). Are you okay being in such a potential situation? This applies only if you marry by the Islamic laws. If you marry by the Sikh/Hindu Marriage Act or the Special Marriage Act, polygamy will be illegal. Do you consider Islamic Nikaah worth all these potential risks?
If you don’t behave well, you husband may (lightly) beat you. Are you going to be okay with such Koranic teachings?
If you are tired of your married life, sorry you cannot ask for a divorce (ii is very difficult after Nikaah). Are you okay with loosing your options for the future?
If you continue not behaving well, your husband may say talaak, talaak, talaak and you are out of that marriage. This was practice in India for many years. Even laws may have changed now, some Muslims mind may still be same. Are you okay with it?
If you get talaak in the middle of a cold night and asked to move out without any bags of your own cloths, where will you go from here? Will that be to your Hindu/Sikh friends? Will that be back to your Sikh father and Sikh brother(s) with whom you may have spoiled relationships with? If you are smart, you got to have a back-up plan for that day.
If your former Muslim husband#1 realize his mistake of talaak, he cannot take you back. You MUST marry another Muslim, have sex with this temporary husband#2 then get (hope) a divorce to remarry your #1 husband. Are such complex situations worth it to get married by Nikaah when you have other options now?
You (a Muslim after shahadah) cannot convert back to any other religion EVEN AFTER your talaak, otherwise punishment could be death (Bukhari 9.84.57). Are you 100% sure to be a Muslim now for your life?
If you are divorced, most probably you will not get your child custody. Is that okay?
You (a Muslim lady) MUST re-marry only a Muslim. Are you ready for it?
After Shahadah and talaak, if you re-marry to a Hindu/Sikh by a Hindu/
Sikh ceremony, your marriage may be invalid (read Supreme court’s ruling). Check with a lawyer for these legal complexities before taking the shahadah oaths.
If you die, you will be put in a grave and given Islamic final rites. On the Judgment Day, Allah will need your body to unite with your soul. Is that okay with you?
Discuss these points with your boy friend and let us know what else you learned about him and his religion. Remember, if you are concern with some of Islamic practices, simple way out is to marry the Special Marriage Act, 1954. Can he agree that for you?
Lets talk more for what you learned and what is good for you. After you are convinced about your future situation, try to convince your parents. We hope to hear from you soon. Best wishes. –Admin
More information: Sikh-Muslim Relationships, Sharia, Koran, Interfaith Marriage & Divorce Laws.
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Hi Priya,
What ended up happening?
I am in a similar situation, well, my situation has come to its conclusion – my partner and I ended up having a small civil ceremony. Neither of us is religious, we feel we are culturally Sikh and Muslim, we see commonality between the religions when it comes to morality. I didn’t have to convert or have any sort of Muslim ceremony. We just told people that we loved each other for each other and everyone had to accept that. Even my nani ended up happy and accepting of him and us, as long as you find someone to love is what she said to us. His family was mostly accepting too, apart from his father, that relationship is on the rocks now, his father is finding it hard to accept that we’re living our lives like this but everyone else has accepted us as we are.
We made a stand, to show people that love is the most important thing and surely God will see the purity of that, see our values, see our commitment to reduce suffering in the world (we’re both vegans and care deeply about animals and the environment). Essentially my point is this – if you’ve found your best friend and partner for life that you know you can’t be without, if you support each other and help each other grow, then surely that is something to be celebrated.
There are many fear mongering stories about these scenarios, but I can tell you from my own experience at least, I have not changed at all in the 11 years we’ve been together and neither has he in terms of pushing religion upon the other. We’ve just grown in our careers together and grown in our sense of compassion and love of nature. I couldn’t be happier, and I wish the best for you too. Gay people had to do it – push the boundaries and show the world that love is love, people in interfaith relationships face a similar barrier – it’s not the norm, but we have to show people that it’s okay, no one will be hurt if there’s more love and kindness in the world.
Hi Simi, Can you reach out to Priya? She has experience and can help you. Write to her at https://interfaithshaadi.org/rose-rose-carnation-carnation/
Who ever wrote this response would be a terrible Imam. You cannot force anyone to follow religious practices against their will Example used are so biased, using fear to preach is exactly the way used by terrorists.
Interfaith marriages are difficult, especially when you are coming from different cultures. You both love each other and that is beautiful but try to discuss about how you visualize your future and then you’ll see if you two are going on the same direction. If that’s the case you’ll find solutions to build a future together, if not then you have your answer.
All the best
Are you ever in interfaith love relationship? How did you manage it?