Section 5.6: He (Muslim) Could Not Understand the Concept of Pluralism

Section 5.6: He (Muslim) Could Not Understand the Concept of Pluralism

The author found a major difference in the mindset of two types of new adults. A pluralist and inclusivist has no problem being a part of an intended spouse’s belief system while in an exclusivist’s mind being a part of other’s faiths is not acceptable. Let’s read Agnostic and Madhavi’s experiences in the next two sections.

Agnostic says:

I am a Brahmin girl. I live in US, and was in Canada for a lot of my life. I did like a Pakistani guy for a bit. He was broad minded, undergrad in Computer Science, and had a good job. His family lives abroad too, and hence is a lot more tolerant.

There were a lot of things though which were uncomfortable:

1. I am a strict vegetarian. In fact after coming to America, I have adopted veganism. They can’t live without meat even a single day. It was really hard for me to even see them cutting goat on Eid, etc. I was afraid that in the future, I would have to touch meat and cut it, etc.

2. In the later stage of our relationship, he disclosed that his kids would have to be Muslim. But I could be what I want. This was not reasonable to me. I think if your having an inter religious marriage you should be tolerant to your partners beliefs. I wanted my kids to be aware of both Hindu and Muslim traditions, grow up broad-minded. He/She has to be as much Hindu with my family and as much Muslim with his. He couldn’t understand the concept of pluralism.

3. I didn’t think he would be ok with me having a puja room in my home. For me, it’s important. I’m fine with visiting a mosque, but I also want to visit a temple.

Anyway, my boyfriend was very honest. He didn’t try to manipulate me. He told me the truth in black and white, and asked me to make a decision knowing all the facts. After thinking through it, we decided to split up.

Yes, the first few months were horrible. But I feel happy that we split. For the prolonged happiness of two people it’s very important to retain your individuality and personality. You should not be ever stripped of your identity.

I am as opposed to Muslims converting to Hinduism for marriage as Hindus converting to Islam. I think conversion is a social evil.

Regarding your (Dimple) story…

1. If he is from a conservative family, leave him now. No matter how much he loves you, he will always love his family more. All of us love our family more. And this will influence him when he has to eventually choose your religion and culture over blocking you from following them. If he is from a broad minded, non-religious family, then maybe it’s fine.

2. As a Brahmin, you probably are pure vegetarian. And even if not religious, want to go to the temple on your birthday, Diwali, Pongal, etc. This is the way we bond too. He might not support you in any of this. It’s not his fault but the difference in culture. Your kids will hardly spend time with your parents, and eventually you will not either.

3. If you still want to be with this guy, do the following: a) Wait till you’re professionally and financially stable. If things go wrong you will need a safety net. This way you will be a bit older and more mature. b) Don’t do it till you are in late 20s. I don’t think people are sufficiently unbiased and mature at 23. c) I know I shouldn’t say this, but I will. PLEASE don’t get tempted or encourage any physical relationship. In plain words, have no sexual relationship. Once this happens, all of a sudden the power and dominance is with the guy and not with the girl. This will emotionally and mentally condition you, and will make you want to be with him no matter what, without thinking of the repercussions.

Always better to be calm, and not too attached before making a decision. I really don’t believe that love is enough to sustain a marriage. Once frustration crops in, love will go out of the window.

With this said, I am not averse to Muslims. Lot of my close circle of friends comprise of them. I just believe in accurately clarifying expectations before you decide to marry, and, being firm in your principles, and maintaining your self-respect.

Also, this BS that once you fall in love, everything else does not matter is false. You’ll be surprised at how fast feelings change with time.

Just because I broke up, doesn’t mean I’ll be single forever. And, after all these years, we are still good friends. —Agnostic

Admin says:

Excellent thoughts! On pluralism, let’s take example of the so-called open-minded Bollywood superstar Aamir Khan. Read his interview:

Question to Aamir Khan: “Did you face any religious dilemma while you were married to a Hindu lady Reena Dutta and later on to Kiran Rao?” Aamir Khan replied: “No, none whatsoever. We never practiced each other’s religion neither did we force each other to do so. But, of course, I had made it very clear that my kids will always follow only Islamic religion.”

What does Aamir means by “my” kids? Are they not kids by “both” parents? Is giving sperm more important than carrying the baby for 9 months? Is Aamir Khan a Male chauvinist or an intolerant Muslim? We could not understand the mentality of Aamir Khan, who likes Hindu wives but could not tolerate Hindu children! —Admin

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