Section 5.22: I Told Him I Will Not Change My Religion

Section 5.22: I Told Him I Will Not Change My Religion

Youths have to learn to read in between lines. Here Admin is trying to help Urvi to interpret some statements.

Urvi says:

I am in love with a Muslim guy since 2 years but I knew him for 6 years. He is my best friend who turned as my lover now. So I know him very well, who has promised me not to change my religion if we get married. He came from a poor family but he got educated by doing part time work and now he is earning enough. He is family kind, funny, softhearted person. He knows more about Hinduism than me. To be frank I am not a religious kind. I don’t believe in idol worship since my 7th standard, but just to check him I told him I will not change my religion and he agreed easily.

I have not decided about our kids. I have no problem if they follow Islamic culture. I don’t want them to get confused between two religions in their young age. But I want them to respect both religions.

Now my love is working out of India. Before going there he asked my hand with my mom and my mom refused. My mom likes him very much but she is scared of the society and prestige. She feels that if I marry him, it will bring shame to our family because no guy will marry my sister. Now proposals are coming for her.

I can’t think of a life without him. I feel like running away from home but it will affect my sister’s future and even my boyfriend doesn’t like this. He is coming back to India in few months and again going to ask my hand. I am scared. Please every one does pray for us.

Love someone and marry some other is not correct. I know my love. He will never ever ditch me, but I don’t know what to do. I am stuck between my mom and my love. I am in my mid 20’s and still don’t have a right to decide about my future. Please pray for us and do give your opinion. —Urvi

Admin says:

Dear Urvi,

We are very sorry to hear of your situation. We agree that it is very difficult to let your lover go just for society and prestige. Sometimes you have to make a tough decision and do the right thing. Luckily you have a few months to explore some facts and make an informed decision. There are plenty of girls who married a Muslim and got “burned” but we hope your lover is different.

Before you decide how to handle your own family’s wishes, do your “homework” as we advise everyone on this site. Seriously consider the following issues that will impact your long term happiness if you marry a Muslim. If you decide to marry your Muslim boyfriend, the issue of your mother’s wishes and your sister’s welfare can at least be approached with more knowledge. 

First ask him for a Hindu-Muslim marriage with EQUALITY. Tell him that you will never change you religion (it is good that he agreed to it; it is critical that his parents also agree). Tell him you will not have Islamic nikaah (that needs conversion; there is no way around this) and most importantly, tell him children will not be only Muslim but Hindu and Muslim and they will learn Ishvara Allah tero nam. Please meet his family soon and make sure they agree to all these requests. If you see any discrepencies between what he is saying and his parents’ and society’s expectations, then know that a major disaster is waiting for you.

Some of your statements are of concern to us. It creates some doubts as to whether he is a love-proselytizer. You have stated that “he knows more about Hinduism than me,” “I don’t believe in idol worship” and “(kids) get confused between two religions.” All of these are linked and need some elaboration.

Is his interest in Hinduism in order to find holes in your current beliefs, to try to confuse you and ultimately make you a Muslim? Please find out his intentions for learning about Hinduism.

The idea that “idol worship” and “kids will get confused between two religions” are an Abrahamic thought process and the result of their scripture’s intolerant teachings. Is he trying to brainwash you to be an exclusivist Muslim? As a Hindu, you know there are many ways to worship God and your children can be taught to value all of these ways and eventually make their own decisions as to what to believe.

First, Hindus don’t pray to idols, but use murtis or deities in ritual worship or as a means to develop a personal connection with God. Christians and Muslims are also equally idol-worshippers. Jesus and Mohammad are the most glorified human beings in this world’s history. Is there any other human as glorified? Christians have wood and gold crosses, statues (idols?) of baby Jesus, Jesus, Mary, John, Paul, Peter, and Santa and so on; are not these idols? Muslim idols include Kaaba, Koran, Mohammad, Mecca, Dargah of Saints, Ayatollah, Persian writings, the Apostle’s act of kissing the stone, going to a grave and praying the dead, etc. Why do Muslims bow down in the direction of Saudi Arabia but refuse to bow to our own matru-bhumi (Mother India)? 

Why can’t a child be raised in two (or no) faiths? When a Jain and a Hindu marry, there is no major confusion in raising a child. Hindu-Jain parents can teach both religions and take their children to derasars and temples. The problem comes when Christians and Muslims want to teach messages of their jealous One God theory. Barack Obama’s mother taught him about ALL faiths. Obama turned out to be a fine human being even though he was not given a religious “label” in his childhood. In his adulthood he chose his religious faith. In the same way, tell your boyfriend that your children will NOT be Hindu or Muslim (no circumcision or sunat), but BOTH. Tell him that you will make sure your children will not get confused, but instead will be more open-minded.

Do you want your children to be Muslim and read Koran every day? Have you read the Koran? Are you comfortable with your children reciting those verses every day? All scriptures have their own limitations (including Hinduism). There are dogmas and there is the reality of living one’s life. We suggest not making children Muslims or Hindus, but both. Take them to a mosque and a temple every week. Celebrate Diwali and Eid. Take the best from both and give the rest to religious fanatics. We hope your lover will agree to this.

In summary, please have a serious conversation with your Muslim boyfriend: 1) Tell him that you will raise children in BOTH faiths, but will not put a religious label on them. 2) Meet his parents and discuss your plans to get married in a court, that you are not converting and that your children will decide their religion at age 21+, 3) If they agree to that, go marry that guy in a court. Your sister will have to manage her life on her own. 4) However, if he or his parents don’t agree (especially for the children’s formal religion), then you have to get alarmed. Do not risk your life, your sister’s life and your family for someone less reliable. Best wishes. —Admin

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