Section 5.18: My Children Must Follow Islam

Section 5.18: My Children Must Follow Islam

The most important question in any interfaith relationship is the religion of children. Here, Toral has no idea what Islam is all about but agreed to raise her children as Muslims.

Toral says:

I am a Hindu and my boyfriend is Muslim. I am going to run away to get married. I am not going to change my religion or name. My boyfriend has no problem with it. As far as it’s about my conversion into Islam, my boyfriend doesn’t want me to get converted seriously… and his mother too.

He is very co-operative. We will not do nikaah but we will get married under the Special Marriage Act. My children will follow Islam. I can’t do anything in this regard, but Hinduism will also be a part of their lives as am going to do each and every ritual I am doing right now. Any suggestions? —Toral

Admin says:

Hi Toral,

We are glad that his mom agreed that you do not have to convert and that you will marry by the Special Marriage Act 1954. How about his dad and other close relatives? Have you talked to them personally about this or have you just heard that conversion is not necessary from your boyfriend? If his dad and close relatives have not agreed to this, your boyfriend may change his tune as you get closer to your wedding day.

Why do you wish to run away from your parents to get married? It is possible that you will be ending your relationship with your parents and relatives forever. Where will you go if there is a serious problem in your new married life (which is more likely in an interfaith marriage)? There is a saying, don’t burn your bridges behind you. Tell your parents all the facts and face all the fights and shouting. Give them time to adjust and stand firmly in your belief and your parents may turn around to support you. Are you running away because you just want to avoid confrontation? This seems like a cowardly way out.

Why must you raise your children as Muslim only, especially if you are planning to get married by the Special Marriage Act of 1954, without nikaah? That should give you more leeway. You do not need to be so submissive then and give into male or Muslim dominance. 

Why not raise children as both Muslim and Hindu? Why not have the first child’s name Mohammad and the second Krishna? Why are you not expecting equality of faiths? Demand it from him and if he truly loves you, he will agree. If he is a religious fanatic, you had better know it now.

Why not let your children decide their faith when they reach 21? President Barack Obama had a Muslim father and Christian mother, and was raised as both. When he was in college, he decided to be baptized. What is wrong with such liberty given to a child? Don’t agree to “label” your children Muslim now.

A legal point—if you marry with an agreement that your children will only be Muslim, then there is a legal consequence when asking for child custody after divorce. A judge may not give you (a Hindu) custody of Muslim children, especially because you agreed to raise them as Muslims. If you agreed to raise your children in both faiths, the judge may give the custody of the children to their mother.

Do you know what it means to raise Muslim children? Have you visited mosques and madrasas? If you have not visted them yet, please go there several times and spend hours there. Learn what is being taught there because one day you will have to teach it to your children. Have you read the Koran? Are you comfortable with your children reciting the Koran every day? Ask Muslims on the streets about what they think of Hindus and Hindu Gods.

Let us know what you will gain by raising Muslim children, rather than Hindu-Muslim children? Please explain it to us. —Admin

Toral added:

I don’t have a problem raising my children as Muslims. His dad also doesn’t have problem and he doesn’t care about his relatives at all. Once in my home there was Satyanarayan puja, next day I went to their house and I gave some prasad and kheer to them to eat, and I am so glad that they didn’t refuse. Ulta unhone kaha ki next time puja hoga to phir se dena (Actually they told to bring it again next time). I don’t like Mohammad because I don’t like the path he showed to the people. —Toral

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