Section 5.11: Muslim Will Marry Me Only If I Convert

Section 5.11: Muslim Will Marry Me Only If I Convert

Dr. Manu says:

I am in love with a girl for several years and she is a Muslim. She is not Indian. I went to her house to convince her parents two times but they never agreed and when I asked my girlfriend to marry me against her family’s wish she refused. She told me that she would marry me only if I convert and stay with her in her country but I’m not ready for it. Also, she said if we have children she wants them all to follow Islam.

My family is against our marriage even then I told her that I will stay with her. For me she doesn’t have to convert to Hinduism or do puja and all. I am ready to accept her as who she is but she is not ready to accept me as who I am. She said she would marry me only if I am Muslim.

I love her a lot for past 5 years. I do consider her as my wife. Do you think she loves me truly? Or I am stupid that I love her a lot and she just wants to take advantage of it to make me Muslim. I don’t know what to do. Can you give me any advice? —Dr. Manu

Admin says:

Dr. Manu, 

Considering that you are a doctor with a good education and many options to do that is right, let’s analyze your situation critically.

We believe interfaith marriages will be successful and everlasting if it is I’m-We (Interfaith Marriage with Equality). You know it well that the “love” driven by your testosterone in your blood and altered 5HT levels in brain cells will be metabolized in a year or two. Considering the very high rate of divorce in interfaith marriages, you must make a rational decision.

She wants to make you something that you are not. She believes in converting a rose to a carnation. If she wants a carnation, why is she not looking for one; there are plenty around. If her goal is to please her parents and take you to her country, you had better be ready to be a true Muslim. However your comments do not lead us to think you are ready to be a Muslim, ready to leave your country and possibly start over in your profession.

First read the Koran. Then spend at least 6 months in a madrasa if possible and learn about Islam. When you think you are ready to dump the murtis of Lord Rama, Krishna and Goddess Laxmi into the garbage, only then should you think of becoming a Muslim.

She may even tell you that “I don’t care about this conversion, but just do it for my father” (or whatever); don’t believe her. She sounds like a love-proselytizer. She will not tolerate a shadow of your Hindu parents and your Hindu friends. Basically, you must be ready to abandon your parents who sacrificed their life savings to make you a doctor.

The most critical point she made is “children, she wants that they all be raised as Muslims.” One day your Muslim children and great grandchildren may go and convert more Hindus to Islam. So… where will this saga end… until there are no more Hindus (or Sikhs and Christians) left to convert? Was this your childhood dream and life objective? It is time for a change and you should bring that change by taking a right step now.

Does this exclusivist and intolerant thinking have a place in I’m-We? You will never be able to please her, even if you (fake) convert just for marriage, because you will not be able to keep up with her demands unless you become a true Muslim.

Tell her up front your reservations about becoming a Muslim and that the children will not be Muslims only, but both. If necessary, take a trial separation for several months (no phone calls or text) to give you both time to reevaluate your feelings for each other. She sounds set in her opinions and religious beliefs and may not be the best choice for you in the long run, however, a trial separation may change her mind, if she has the potential for an interfaith marriage with equality. Give it a try! Best wishes. —Admin

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