Section 3.12: I Converted without the Knowledge of My Family

Section 3.12: I Converted without the Knowledge of My Family


Fake-conversion just for marriage and without true faith could bring disastrous results later in life. Let’s read Rima’s experience.

Rima says:

My husband and I met during our bachelor degree college and we were best friends. He always told me he loves me more than his life. I talked to my parents that I want to marry him. My parents maturely reacted to me. They made me understand many times that this relationship won’t work as he is Christian and don’t trust whatever he says.

My husband used to talk big things about the richness of his family and his parents although it was totally lie. He used to make stories and I always believed him because when you are in love with someone you always believe him, moreover you lose the ability to differentiate truth because “love is blind.”

We had lots of problem in getting married and my husband even told me once that he might get converted to Hinduism. He was ready to do anything for our marriage. My husband got US visa so he told me that he would go to US only if I marry him so I converted to Christianity. I married him without informing my family and he went to USA.

My elder sister had arranged marriage and married in the same caste. She had problem in her married life. My parents told me that they are totally opposed to allowing me to marry any Christian guy. My sister already had problem in her married life so if I would have problem in married life in future then they will be in lot of pain. Still I was not convinced by them.

My parents got to know that I got married and they didn’t tell me anything. When my husband came back from USA, my parents had a little function and I moved to my husband’s family.

Now my life changed from here…

I had lots of bad experiences every day. Let me describe some of them.

We had a dance party after our marriage function and at the end of the party my parents requested to me to tell DJ to play garba (Hindu folk dance). I did but my husband got angry that why they played garba. Her mom stood up and walked away as she hates garba. My husband is scared of her mom too much. IF HE LOVED ME MORE THAN HIS LIFE THEN HOW COME HE DIDN’T TOLERATE GARBA FOR ME?

He took me every Sunday to church and we sat there for almost two hours. Even though I never went to temple and had puja for two hours but still for his love I did everything he said. Once on New Year I asked him to go to temple and he refused. He is scared that if his mom knows then she will feel bad. IF HE LOVED ME MORE THAN HIS LIFE THEN HOW COME HE SAID NO TO JUST SPEND 15 MINUTS IN TEMPLE?

We had Satya Narayan Katha at my mom’s home. My mother-in-law told me that don’t let his son sit in the puja as it is sin in their culture. We just went to puja for few minutes and my husband even didn’t take prasad. I told him to eat it as normal food but he didn’t take it as having prasad is sin in Christianity, he said. Before marriage whenever he came to my home and I offered prasad, he always took it. IF HE LOVED ME MORE THAN HIS LIFE THEN HOW COME HE DIDN’T EAT PRASAD, THOUGH ONE DAY HE HAD TOLD ME THAT HE WOULD GET CONVERTED TO HINDUISM?

There are lots of small things that I feel shy to write down. One year I lived with his family and almost each day I cried. He didn’t allow me to either go to my friends or my parents’ home. I have to go everywhere with him else I am not allowed to go. I never dare to take murti (idol) of Lord to his home. He liked me to wear Western clothes to show off that he is very global and free but his mind is sick.

During fight he told me that he hates Hindus. I asked him why did you marry Hindu girl then he said it’s good to convert any Hindu girl into Christianity. During fight if I don’t get convinced by him then he would start hitting himself and he even hit me twice. We were to immigrate to Canada so I was waiting for the day to go out of India and get divorce.

Today I’m in the West and whenever I talk to him for divorce, he fights with me and start hitting himself. He asked me to first kill him and then go. I don’t want to be a reason for someone’s suicide so I am still with him. I don’t want kids because by default our kids will be Christian. According to him, its sin in Christianity to take divorce, on the other hand he can hit his wife.

Still my parents don’t know anything about my bad life. I always pretend that I am very happy. I don’t want to see them sad.

Indian Christians have created their own rules and created their own weird religion that they say is Christianity.

My life is so precious. I was very happy in my life but one sick Christian family has devastated it.

I don’t know who is Admin of the site, but thanks for creating this site and giving awesome replies. —Rima

Admin says:

Hello Rima, 

We are sorry to hear of your ordeal. Thank you for speaking out! We hope you have someone to help you in this difficult time.

It is not necessarily only religion or an interfaith marriage to be blamed here. Your husband’s controlling behaviors extend beyond religion into all areas of your life. Youths do have to learn to look for the warning signs of religious fanaticism early on in their relationships.

Your husband clearly loves to proselytize and is a love-jihadi. He (and his family) had no interest in a “Hindu” wife. If you want to save your marriage and want them to start loving you dearly, you have to: 1) start believing that Hindus are idol-worshippers and that 2) all Muslims, Jews and Hindus—including Mahatma Gandhi—will go to the hell (on the Judgment Day) because they have not accepted that Jesus is the true savior.

If you want to understand the mindset of your husband, you have to read The Bible on Hindus?

He hit you twice. This is against laws of most countries. Tell him not to touch you again otherwise you will report it to the local police who will arrest and deport him to India. Your citation on this web site about hitting you will serve as some proof of his prior behavior.

You have some hard choices to make, including A) truly converting to Christianity to please your husband and his family, B) continuing to endure the abusive and manipulative relationship you are in, in the hope that he will change or C) going through with at least a separation if you cannot initiate a divorce at this time. Let’s examine each of these options. 

A) To be happy after conversion to Christianity you have to truly believe in it. If you cannot accept giving up your own beliefs, culture and who you feel to be inside, this will not be an option for you. Your comments don’t lead us to believe that this would be a comfortable choice for you but you are the one to make the decision after all you have been through. 

B) Continuing in the relationship as it is, is not safe. He has hit you twice. He needs to work on his own anger and manipulative behavior and see the need to do so. Even if you think you want to work on changing his attitude (understand this will be difficult), you need to first have a back-up plan for abusive situations—a safe place to go until the situation diffuses and you can safely be in his presence again to continue salvaging your marriage. If he would be receptive to marriage counseling, pursue it. This may take a while for him to come around to agreeing to, if ever. Does the church you attend have counseling from the priest or pastor? He might be most receptive to that. Can you use Christian teachings from the New Testament on love and tolerance to remind him of more appropriate and yes, Christian values and behaviors? Can you enlist the support of other Christians you feel comfortable with and or Hindus in your community, for yourself? How much more can you take and how much energy are you willing to invest in saving this marriage?

C) A separation may be necessary which may or may not lead to a divorce. If you must, you leave. You cannot know whether his suicide threats are real and he should be working on his threatening and manipulative behavior if you are to have any chance in plan B above. In the long run, only he is responsible for his actions, not you. If you decide to leave, have a plan. Would you return to India to be with your family? Would you stay in the West? You did not mention whether you have a job and could be self supporting if need be. You might need to be quite removed from him to get any peace; if you do decide to leave—where might this safer, peaceful place be? 

There is a lot to think about, with a lot of hard, painful decisions. You have the right to do what is best for you, what keeps you safe and what will provide you with a happier, more satisfying life. 

Whatever you decide to do, be honest and tell your parents the facts today. Everyone makes mistakes. Your parents may truly love you and they may be waiting to help you. They may already suspect what is going on. We are guessing they would be happy to have their daughter back and that might even be the safe haven you need for a while to restore your life to some normalcy. You are young and have the rest of your life ahead of you—you want to make the most of that, without chronic pain and turmoil. Best wishes. —Admin


Rima says:

Dear Admin, 

I appreciate your reply and your precious time for giving me such a good suggestion. This website is really good source of knowldge and you are doing good. Yes I am well educated (still became fool). I am a software engineer. Could you please tell me that how can I again get converted into Hinduism? Thanks. —Rima

Rima says (18 months later): 

Dear Admin, 

Just wanted to inform you that I got divorced from my husband. —Rima

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