Naaz says: May 4, 2013 at 12:23 pm
Hi Admin,
Im a Muslim girl(24 yrs) and ive been going out with this Christian guy for a year and a half. I slept with him but now i regret sometimes that i did that because of my curosity to enjoy comapny of other sex. He says that he loves me all the time, my parents will kill me if they find out! Help me please!!! Im a proper muslim from a strict family ( i do love my family alot though) and he is a black Christian boy. Im not ready to lose everything for him yet but he said he is ready for anything. He is my first love and i am his. He has never said he loved anyone else apart from me (not even his parents that much) – I know that because we’ve known each other for a long time.
My parents wants me to marry a Muslim guy (25 years old), working as a mechanic in a workshop, where myself a teacher in the same school of my black Christian BF. I am afraid, how to prove my virginity on wedding night with Muslim husband. Some time thinking to use artificial hymen kit, if married with him. Professionally black Christian guy is competent to me.
Please suggest what should I do. -Naaz
Admin says:
Hello Naaz,
We are proud of you that you are educated, intellectual and financially independent. We have lots of things to tell you, but bottom line, do not marry to any one for another 2 years (we assume you are in the West). You need to completely reevaluate who you are and where you want to take your life to. This takes time.
To your point, “I slept with him”, yes, we agree with you that we wish you did not do this. However, as you age, the pressure to enjoy sex gets too much for even a saint to control. You are a normal human being. Now this is the fact of your life. Now this should not mean you must marry that Christian. If you find a competent professional Muslim guy, go with him (if necessary have a HRS).
His statements, “He says that he loves me all the time”, “he is ready for anything” and “he loved anyone else apart from me”, have no meaning. If he is a con-artist, he would use this words 10 times more to trap you. We must remind you what Abida said earlier on this site, “By nature girls are innocent and emotional, whosoever respects them (even falsely), they get trapped. There are so many anti social elements in the society who are disguised as gentlemen but internally conspirator”. For your life mate, don’t make your judgment based on what he says but on how he acts, behaves with others and what he has learned from his childhood.
You said, “proper muslim from a strict family”, you must read what all Muslim girls are complaining about Islam and how women are treated in Islam. Are you willing to live the life of your mother and your husband being exactly like your father (we don’t know your family details)? If the answer is no, then you must be ready to fight the injustice in your society now.
When youths make decision for their own life, unfortunately this “He is my first love” is a negative point. Unless you know several guys, how can you say the first guy who tells you he loves you is the best to marry? We are not recommending youths to sleep with several lovers and then pick one, but youths must learn to make a rational decision; not a decision based on blind love.
We would have said go marry that Muslim guy, but to marry “a mechanic in a workshop”, we mean to marry who is not intellectually competent, is absolutely no, No, nO, NO. Tell your parents to find someone at least with comparable education and job as what you have.
If he is a Christian, then you have to wonder what will be the religion of your children? Was Jesus a Son of God or just an apostle? Further, it is unfair of you to ask him to convert to Islam just to please your parents. You must start reading Bible, Koran and all that is written on this site for Who is the God?
If he is a black, that will add more complexities in your life. If you could get over initial racial issues, this back guy may turn out to be perfect for you as far happiness is concerned. Islam and Christianity are exclusivist and supremacist religions. However, black have experienced prejudice over years and thus will not discriminate you, a positive point for you.
Here, we have said a lot to you. Now you have to start reading every thing that is written on this site and make your “informed” decision. As we said, it may take 2 or 3 years to make up your mind. Keep in touch with us. Best wishes. -Admin.
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im so happy for uu all i can say fight for your love Allah will forgive you don’t be like me i had go away from the person i really love (never had sex) but i love him still i gave my heart and the most beautiful love… then i was forced to marry a man who is 10 years older than me i hate him so much i can’t wait he to die . Salam n really don’t let the silly ppl come into ur life this is ur ”sin” not theirs
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=8792
Hi Admin,
I’ve got my self in a confusing situation. I’m an Ahmadi girl, 24 years old, living in Pakistan. Not sure if you’re familiar with the Ahmadi sect, but in Pakistan we are not considered Muslims, although Ahmadis believe that only their version of Islam is the true Islam and when it comes to marriage, we are ONLY allowed to marry within the Ahmadi Community. Even marriage to other mainstream Muslims is not permissible and if a girl is to marry outside the community, then even her parents are kicked out of the community and the other members of this faith are supposed to boycott them socially. So if I choose to marry outside the community, even my parents will have to face the consequences.
Now Coming to the real problem. I have been dating a Catholic Christian boy, of 21 years, for a year. I am still a student, pursuing a degree in Computer Science from a well reputed university , whereas he is working, but earning enough to only support himself. I have been visiting his house regularly, and I am in good terms with his family and relatives. As far as marriage is concerned his family will not have a problem, but mine will. I’m afraid both my parents will go into depression and consider this the worst kind of betrayal by their daughter. My plan was to graduate next year, get a decent job and then tell my parents honestly that this is what i want. But I am afraid this will create a great deal of distress and agony to them, and living in a conservative country like Pakistan, I think it will make matters even worse. What should I do ?
Reply at: https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=5843
So the person below is a Muslim, Hindu hater, Muslims pretend to be Hindu and write rubbish. What is wrong with Muslims why are they always jealous to Hindus ? Plus looks like all he did was copy and paste from Muslim sites that promote any Christian, anti Jew, anti- Hinduism information. So looks like these clowns are mimicking Mohammed, their prophet. Readers are intelligent, not a moron like them, why don’t you post some proof rather than text copied pasted?
Hello!
So, I’m in a confusing situation. I’m a Muslim woman, and I cover my hair. Now that’s a personal and spiritual choice, and although it’s an important part of me, I don’t feel that it defines me. I am an active woman, both socially and publicly, and through my wide array of interests, I’ve met many men (-and women!). Many of them have later become friends, some really good friends.
A year ago I met a non-Muslim guy. At first he was simply an interesting guy I shared interests with, later we became friends and hung out more frequently. At some point I realised I had a crush on him. I kept quiet though, not wanting to kill off the friendship. But after awhile I really didn’t know where I had him. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on my side, but even friends of his, and friends of mine, commented on our flirtatious tone and great chemistry. For my psyche’s sake, I decided to ask. So, quite bluntly, I asked whether he liked me.
At first he started telling me about the difficult relationship he recently finished off, and that he hadn’t decided on whether he liked me or not. Then he laughingly said that he felt my head-covering had fulfilled it’s purpose, and that although there were men who fancied exploring beyond the hijab, he wasn’t one of them (what does that even mean?).
After some awkward silence, he asked me what my motivation to ask was. I came clean and told him I was infatuated. But laughed that I was probably better off not asking.During intimate discussions and personal meetings, we enjoyed sex atleast 10 times.
He said he was glad when I asked about sexual enjoyment. Told me he felt we had great chemistry, and that he had on occasions felt some sparks. But that he hadn’t given it much thought. He said there were just too many obstacles inbetween. I should mention he’s somewhat older than me.
Since then we’ve met several times, just us or with friends. The conversation is free, there’s great flow, there’s that chemistry again, and for some peculiar reason (perhaps I’m overthinking it), we are a bit closer. Or so it feels. We haven’t talked a about the awkward talk since that first time, I sort of asked whether we could just forget about it and carry on – that same evening.
A rational, and great, portion of me tells me that I got rejected, and should try moving on. Then there’s the small part confusing me, and telling me it’s not definite. What do you make of my situation? And if I’m rejected, should we keep on the friendship?
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4661
Hi sister Naaz,
Admn. has rightly pointed out certain suggestions for you.
You please wait for some time to marry your BF and ascertain his attitude and commitment for everlasting relations.
In case you decided to marry muslim only, then you have get hymen repair surgery.
God bless.