Zyrah says: March 26, 2013 at 3:54 am
Hi all of you. I am in the worst phase of life currently. I m not too happy with my career. I am a biotechnologist but not working as one as I have come to my parents in Dubai after completing my studies in Bombay and there is zero scope in my field here. Anyway, that’s the secondary issue.
The main thing is that I have been in a relationship with this guy back in Bombay. He’s a wonderful guy and my parents know him n his family and really like them too. I belong to a very religious muslim family whereas my guy is a firm christian. I have been with him for 8 YEARS now and his family loves me n I love them all too way too much.
My family wants me to get married and are looking for good proposals now. I have confessed about my relationship to my sisters and my mom and they have clearly told me that this has NO FUTURE as our faiths are different and that I must get over him. I love him and also my parents too dearly to break anyone’s heart.
My man has been very supportive and never gets upset when I don’t get to call him for days together cz of problems at my place. He has changed all his career plans just for me and my problems at home. There is no looking back at this stage when I have spent almost a decade with him. I am very close to his family and they are open heartedly accepting me with the faith that I follow and do not expect me to convert to Christianity. However, my family are not so open minded and would die but allow me to marry a non muslim. I love my parents dearly.
They have sacrificed a lot for me. My dad’s health isn’t all that great but still he’s working at the age of 65 so that he can provide me with all the luxuries and let me have a huge wedding. I am so upset. I cannot elope with my boyfriend. That’s the last thing I wanna do to my parents. I want to convince them which deep down I know is impossible.
I feel suicidal and always pray to God that if things cannot be the way I want them to, please let me die as I can never choose between my parents and him. I feel very guilty to have my parents and my boyfriend in a situation like this. When we began dating we were just 15 and immature but by God’s grace I found just the right guy for me even at that level of immaturity. He’s the best anyone could ever get and I totally believe God is not upset with me for choosing a christian instead of a muslim coz what I share with him is something so pure.
I don’t know guys what to do. I am a firm believer in Allah and pray to him 24*7 to help us out. Please if any of u could help me with suggestions whatsoever. Please do. Desperately waiting for comments and suggestions. -Zyrah
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Admin says:
Dear Zyrah,
You have several options:
1) Easiest is to commit suicide, end you life. A person with a weak mind and a negative thinker will go for this option.
2) Tell your boyfriend that sorry that Bollywood dream is over; then find a Muslim guy who prays five times a day, follows Muhammad teachings and life style, believing in all that is said in Koran and Hadith, believes in Sharia laws, may consider up to 4 wives and will display bloody bed sheet on your honeymoon night. Your parents will be most proud of you. If you feel HELL in this life after marriage (or talaak), just ignore it because Allah has planned a heaven for your AFTER life.
3) Go marry your love. Your parents will feel hell for a few years, but ultimately they will come to terms (especially after you have a child). It will be an opportunity to teach your parents pluralism that you learned from Hindu majority India.
Allah has made you beautiful and intelligent, now Allah has to take care of many other needly people. Do not expect Allah to spoon feed you; even your mother will not do for you! Now it is up to you to take control of your life. You will have to do your own KARMA in THIS life. Instead of bothering Allah 24*7 and at every second, start reading as we have recommended here and ultimately Allah will inspire you to make a right decision.
Since you mentioned that “I am a firm believer in Allah”, do you believe in Allah (meaning God, Isvar, Father God or LORD God) or “the Allah whose apostle is Muhammad”? You seems to be educated and intellectual, please read all that is said about God on this site. Define for yourself what Allah means to you. When you come to that answer, you will have answer to your problem.
Considering he is a Christian, you will have to address “Is Jesus a Son of Allah or just an apostle”. Well, this may be a heavy duty question to answer for you. A simple practical question you will have to answer is – Are your children going to have baptism or Sunat and are they going to have Christian or Arabic names? Do not underestimate thousands of years of religious conflicts to answer these questions. Both Christianity and Islam are absolutely exclusivist and supremacist religions. You will have to come to terms with…whose God will win?
Look, Rome was not built in a day. You are only 23, give two more years to marry and that way, you will make fully “informed” decision. For now, tell your parents ASAP that you will marry only to that Christian boy (even you are not sure). Let them boil over, it will die down in 6 months. Meantime, read a lot on this site and you will realize that you must give up (and your parents) exclusivity and supremacist thinking and be a pluralist if you wish for an interfaith marriage. If you cannot, then after a year, go for the option #2 above.
Please come back in a month with more specific thoughts/questions. We are waiting. Meantime, other Muslim girls from our “Interfaith Family” will come to guide you. -Admin
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Zyrah says: March 27, 2013 at 8:04 am
Dear Admin,
Thanks for your advice and thoughts that u shared. I am thinking if my parents don’t agree to marry me to him, I don’t mind staying unmarried for an eternity but I cannot marry anyone else. Nothing still remains in my favour though cz my parents will die each day seeing me unmarried and that poor guy is paying a price for nothing 🙁
I just wish I can make my parents realise that he’s amongst Abrahamics and consider us seriously 🙁 i don’t know. Thanks a ton anyway. -Zyrah
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Shehnaz says: March 27, 2013 at 10:57 am
Dear Zyrah,
Read your life story and felt deeply touched. Dont be coward, if you do not marry any one, it is very difficult to survive blissfully in muslim community. All evil eyes will be on you from illmotivated persons and at the old age, you will be in deep trouble, nobody will take care of you and you will be in depression throughout life.
Have courage, make up your mind firm. You are owner of your life. Parents will not be with you for ever. In my opinion, if you are so determined, be in touch with your BF, finalize all modelaties for future relations. Be tactful, have good relations with parents for the time being, dont show them that you are in touch with your BF. Plan to visit India after 6 months or so and then get married with him under Special Marriage Act. God bless you. -Shehnaz
More information: Chritistian-Muslim Marriage, Sharia, Koran, Bible, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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God of Qur’an wants death, war and hatred
u can marry with christan plz contact with right scholar like ‘islamic research foundation’
Hi zyrah….deeply touched by your story…I can understand the agony u r going through…I am also a firm believer of Allah…whose messenger is Prophet Mohammad..I rather want to ask u how will u bring up ur children as Christians or muslim?? …bcz islam forbids pluralism…
Hello Admn. and Satyen ji,
My sincere regards to you both. Wonderful services you both are providing in the overall interest of mankind and humanity and putting rational views always.
Sabana
Sabana,
It is not one person or organization’s job to bring fairness in this World (not specific to any faith, country or gender). Please do visit this site to guide other youths, when ever your time permits.
Youths in love will gain most if all different views are presented to them (even views of Junaid, thanks Junaid). It is up to the youth to take what is best for him/her. See you soon.
Hi Zyrah,
You are just 23 yrs right now and do not know the pressure parents may put on you to marry a muslim guy only. Choice is yours. In the present situation there is no chance to marry your BF, being in Dubai, unless you take a bold step. I know mentality of muslim families, in the name of honour killing, they do not spare even their daughters. Regarding bed sheets with blood stain, that is very essential, to prove the virginity of a bride, male is not needed to be virgin. In Dubai islamic rules are more tough against females. You invited suggestions, we provided.
Ultimately, it is you only who has to take the decision. You cannot enjoy freedom in married life with a muslim husband.
Zyrah,
Here Farah has a different approach than that we recommended (to fight with your parents) so you have to evaluate your own situation and judge your parents. We do agree with Farah that it will be tremendous pressure on you being in a Muslim country, to go against parents wishes, to marry a Christian, in a different country. We have heard a case where a girl is invited to a place where imam announced girl’s Nikaah with a guy she did not approve (then it is done deal for you, even a fake-Nikaah). We do not mean to scare you but evaluate all options carefully. Keep us posted.
Another fake story. To know about islam vist
http://www.answering-christianity.com
Junaid,
No this one is surely not fake. I agree with u I have also read many comments on this site against Islam which really look fake to me as well. But this is my story. I m as muslim as u by heart n believe totally in Allah and the teachings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu alaihi wasallam). THanks and take care
Hello Zyrah,
Dont marry any muslim guy under pressure from parents. You will never be happy with him. On the wedding night he will insist for bleeding and show bed sheet with blood stains to the family members, In case, no blood stains, you will be kicked out being non-virgin. Even if you proved by bloody bed sheet, your husband still enjoy freedom to have another 3 wives, all virgin on the wedding night, if you ever resisted, you will be thrown out. Even if you could continue, sense of insecurity will prevail throughout life.
To be unmarried through out life to a muslim girl is also a hell, every horny male will see you as sex object to trap.
I too agree with Shenaz, the best course of action, available for you to decide.
May almighty bless you all the happiness.
Dear Farah,
Thanks for ur thoughts but unfortunately my thoughts differ from u. Islam is the most misunderstood religion. Don’t look at people, look at the books to understand any religion and by this I don’t mean to compare any religion with Islam. I m just generally talkin about just Islam. Personally, i have never known any such case of blood stained bedsheets that have had to be displayed. I am NOT scared or unwilling to a marry a MUSLIM. It is just that I want to marry this guy who happens to be a christian. Anyway, people think differently and appreciate ur input. Thanks
Hi Admn.
I have been reading this site since long and did not interact at all.
Having gone various texts here,I find high appreciation for our muslim sisters boldness and frankness to point out evils of the islamic religion.
I am from a asian muslim country and presently in Newzealand working in a transport company, where some Indians are also working. I am in love with a Marathi boy who is in my company as Manager(logistics) about 2 level up than me in heirarchy.
What I have noticed that religion teaches peace and equality to all persons, whether male or female. But in Islam it is contrary.
Islam teaches violence, murder, killing to non believers, kafirs, including kidnapping, raping, fatwa against women of their own religion. Kuran is full of sex abuse, violence, lying and creating terrorists in the name of religion and tempting them to have 72 virgins. IS IT A RELIGION NOT ALL BUT AN IDEOLOGY OF SHAITAN LIKE PROPHET, RAPIST AND MURDER.
Some of muslim guys say that Islam provides equal opportunity and euqal status to women, which is not at all true but misleading and illmotivated. In the worlds of islamic countries millions of women are forced to prostitution business, displaying bed sheets with blood stains this is a really shameful attitude.
I have told my parents that I shall not marry any muslim but marry my Hindu BF, who has not asked me to covert but willingly I shall convert to Hinduism. Islam is a religion of horny and sexy people.
Thanks to this site for enlightening our muslim girls to break the evils shackles of Mullahs and Imams.
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4923
hi farah i am in love with muslim girl and want to marry her but he is very religious .what should i do to convience her.
Tell her that these religions are man made and ignore all those and get married by the Special Marriage Act. If not, she will ask you to convert to Islam, are you ready?
Dear Zyrah,
Read your life story and felt deeply touched. Dont be coward, if you does not marry any one, it is very difficult to survive blissfully in muslim community. All evil eyes will be on you from illmotivated persons and at the old age, you will be in deep trouble, nobody will take care of you and you will be in depression throughout life.
Have courage, make up your mind firm. You are owner of your life. Parents will not be with you for ever. In my opinion, if you are so determined, be in touch with your BF, finalize all modelaties for future relations. Be tactful, have good relations with parents for the time being, dont show them that you are in touch with your BF. Plan to visit India after 6 months or so and then get married with him under Special Marriage Act.
God bless you.
Thank you Shehnaz for ur thoughts. But i don’t want to marry without my parent’s knowledge. When parents give up all the important stuff in life for our sake, how can we ignore them n go ahead with such an important event in our lives. InshaAllah I will convince my parents and marry him. Thank u so much Shehnaz for ur inputs. I really really appreciate it.
Keep writing 🙂
The path you wish to follow is a right one, but will be very painful. Give at least two years for your parents to come to terms. It will be every day fights in your home. Read from this web site that will help argue against them. If you could make them tolerant for others, that is even better for your in long run. Teach them tolerant (for other faiths) Islam.
Assuming you are on a firm ground, we wrote “For now, tell your parents ASAP that you will marry only to that Christian boy (even you are not sure)”, but not every one has guts to fight against their parents. Let us know how it goes.
Admin,
I came across this forum and I am already a fan. This problem of interfaith romances seems to be all around. I bet when religions were created no one was thinking they would end up being the divide in love rather than being the path to love.
I am in a very similar situation to what you must have heard a million times.
I am a hindu guy living in the beautiful land down under, who fell in love with an AUstralian girl born into a strict muslim arabic family. She isn’t a practicing muslim but her parents have put immense pressure on our relationship, and my family being in India also feels it will be a challenge to face the society with the fact that their son went for a girl from another faith, particularly Muslim faith in this case.
Makes me wonder… given my current credentials, if I was muslim I would have a long line of muslim girls wanting to marry me. Given that I am hindu, I already know my parents keep getting offers for an arranged marriage from many families looking for guys for their girls. Just change one variable in this equation, and make the union between me and someone from another faith and it becomes a tragedy.
I didn’t post my situation here seeking help as I know that God, the one God up there somewhere, has some plans for me and one day those will come true. Till then, I shall wait, and I shall follow this blog and listen about others and hopefully be able to help others in similar situation.
I am a very strong believer of Karma and all I can say to anyone out there who is struggling in similar situation is…
‘Continue loving, continue on the path of Good Karma and your Moksha will come in the form of true love, sooner or later’
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4889
Dear Admin,
Thanks for your advice and thoughts that u shared. I am thinking if my parents don’t agree to marry me to him, I don’t mind staying unmarried for an eternity but I cannot marry anyone else. Nothing still remains in my favour though cz my parents will die each day seeing me unmarried and that poor guy is paying a price for nothing 🙁
I just wish I can make my parents realise that he’s amongst Abrahamics and consider us seriously 🙁 i don’t know. Thanks a ton anyway.
What do you mean by “he’s amongst Abrahamics”?
You mean he is “people of book”, meaning amongst some of chosen people of LORD God (not Isvara)? Are you worrying and trying to fit into the “book”? Are you justifying that you are doing Kosher thing by marrying a Christian? If so, go read Koran again, it is absolutely unpardonable sin to marry someone who believes Jesus as a “Son” of Allah. Are you just trying to please your parents or you yourself believe in exclusivist teachings of your “book”? If you wish to follow Koran, follow recommendation #2 above (or #1), the choice #3 is only for pluralists. Please make up your mind.
If your lover happen to be a Sikh or Jain, will you not marry him or will ask him to convert to Islam by Shahadah before your Islamic Nikaah? Please clarify.
Hey admin,
I guess u did not read/understand what i wrote properly. What I meant is make my parents at least consider to allow me stating that he is from “people of the books”.
Secondly, i would want to be honest. You said go choose options 1 or 2, if u also have that mentatlity. Can I not be religious and still keep a wish to marry him?
n i would like to add, that fake conversion is the silliest thing people can ever do. They are lying to their partners, to their parents, to themselves and most importantly to GOD.
Dear Zyrah,
You have come to right place for this particular discussion.
Guys like ‘Admin’ and other friends are here to support you….
From my side like to throw some light on the same.
Since 23rd March you are here to understand the positive and negative :
about interfaith marriage
about parents problem
society
religion
custom and culture
life after marriage
Children’s future
moreover your future and leading life
You loved? is that true love? your heart says you both are in love?
Then discuss with your boy friend, come to conclusion HOW TO LIVE TOGETHER THAN NOT TO LEAVE (dont use filmy dialogues like ” we have to sacrifice our love for the sake of parents, our parents will die, what people will think? etc. etc.)
There is only one GOD, that is supernatural power, we the people of world call in different names and terms.
REMEMBER, TILL NOW WE HAVE NOT SEEN CASES WHERE PARENTS HAVE LOST THEIR LIFE FOR CHILDREN’S LOVE MARRIAGES OR INTERFAITH MARRIAGES
IF YOU AND YOUR BF is loving truly… then discuss only how to lead the life together and live together, love is one of the strongest religion, true love always makes each other strong to lead the life, so ask yourself it is a TRUE LOVE!!!!!!!