Shalz says: on September 17, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Hi,
I have just told my aunt about my 34yr old muslim bf (as my parents passed away a few yrs ago), I am a 25yr old Hindu girl in a relationship with a turkish muslim boy. I have asked for her guidance whether me and him should even think of getting married.
A little background: We have been good friends for 2yrs now, and live separate, he doesnt expect me to convert ever, and I have confirmed this with his parents. However he is economically and academically from a weaker background, so I understand that I too will be working and he is ok with that.
I told my aunt truthfully that we are friends and as he has asked me I need her guidance on whether it will be good or not to go ahead with this relationship. I am scared to hurt anyone in my family and also dont want to make a decision that will hurt anyone. But I do know the issue about his economic and academic situation is going to be a big issue apart from the fact he is muslim (as he wont ask me to convert).
I wanted some insight into this as I dont want to hurt anyone and also want some clearer perspective if its a good idea to take things forward. I have also requested my aunt to speak to him next week sometime when we both meet. She seemed a little apprehensive but was happy I shared this with her. -Shalz
Admin says:
Sorry to hear that your parents are not with you to help you guide in your difficult situation. We are glad you talked to your aunt for guidance and reached out to us.
His economy status should not be a factor since you guys are young.
The second point, the boy is 9 years older is an issue. The age may not be an issue now but will in the later years; he will retire soon and may have health issues sooner; and you will carrying all extra load in your life.
He is academically weaker is a MAJOR issue if you are educated. Intellectual competence is critical for long term happy life. Good communication and understandings are vital and similar education has lots to do with it. He may be a great lover but life does not run just on dating time love-talks and romantic times. How much he is educated verses you?
Is he holding permanent residency (like Green Card) in your country?
Did you inherited a pot of gold from your deceased parents? Remember, money that you did not earned is sin! It will attract all sorts of con-artists to ruin you. Best insurance against this is to marry someone who is bright and well educated (but poor!). Life is long, money will not last but education will.
Next on culture, are you familiar with his Turkish culture (we are not)? Talk to her mother at length and alone for her married life. Are you ready to live her life? What goes, comes around.
Now the issue of religion; do not underestimate gravity of complexities of a Hindu-Muslim marriage. Please read all blogs by Hindu girls on this web site and other sites. Please read list of things could happen to a Hindu girl, and how many things are you ready to deal with?
There are good and bad people in any religion. It is very difficult for us to generalize or stereotype about him because he may be a perfect man for you and a decent human being (read Salman). Don’t make decision based on “hope and pray” but be a realist.
Best would be to read Koran (is it for you?), read One God Allah theory, Why Allah cannot be the Father God, go visit his mosque several times and see what is the curriculum being taught to children. Are you okay raising your children with similar teachings and circumstances? Take a vacation and go visit his home in Turkey to know his real background.
“He doesnt expect me to convert ever” is a positive point (for a Hindu girl). Why? Why not a true Muslim will convert a Hindu at the first opportunity? Does he believe in Allah? Does he believe in Koranic teachings? Does he believe in the Judgment Day? Why he wants to marry a kafir? Does he believe that Hindus believe in God(s) and not idols? Is he willing to come to a Hindu temple and bow to Hindu Gods like SRK? Since you cannot marry by Islamic Nikaah without conversion, so how are you planning to marry? …by the Hindu ceremony? Find out who he is….is he really a Muslim? If out of love, he poses as a “not-really a Muslim”, it will change as soon as you get married and especially after you will have children. Thought “No BBS” is an honorable thought, make sure there is no confusion.
How many other guys you have seriously dated (we don’t mean sex or romantic) in your life? How do you know this guy is perfect or most you could get. What limitation you have so you have to settle for an old, less educated, someone from totally unknown culture and not financially stable at 34? Since he does not expects you to convert so him being a Muslim is less of an issue, may be he is not a Muslim.
We are not trying to discourage you or make you walk away from this relationship, but since you asked and provided very limited information, we might as well lay all information in front of you. You seems intelligent to take a decision that is best for you.
Considering you are 25 and we assume you are in the West, take 3 more years to make the decision. Meantime keep all your other options open. Best wishes.
Also read: Islamic Women Today, Hindu-Muslim marriages, Hindu girl, Muslim girl, Hindu boy, Muslim boy,
Be a friend on Facebook. Return to InterfaithShaadi.org. To share your experience, read.
I am a Christian guy with a Hindu girlfriend
I’m so glad these ugly ass Indian bitches are marrying outside. I never have dated an Indian girl but have dated others. And never going to marry an Indian gal. They are the ugliest and most money hungry out of all other women.
It’s a shame how you don’t deserve one (any girl in this case) as no taught you respect first. Given the fact you must be much uglier preying on girls with low self esteem. Such a shame .. ! I feel sad for girls who date you and my heart reaches out to the.
By the way .. given your background, I am assuming you formed this mentality because your mother and sisters must be ugly.
I hope you get well soon .. They may be pretty but they did fail to teach you how to be a functional human. 🙂
Good luck.
Men like you disgust me .. Probably you gave a good picture to everyone on how Indian men are (not stereotyping .. Just giving you the taste of your own medicine).
P.S. This is an Australian with indian/egyptian background familiar with different cultures.
You ass hole Manoj who the hell are you to say this for the Indian girls… First of all you yourself is a Indian and if you have a sister will you tolerate the same words you said for all Indian girls… Learn to respect and also because you have such a thinking…. Than I consider you as a ugly hungry for money dog… Your mother too is a female is she also ugly… Well I fell sorry for her and your family cause you are nothing more than a disappointment for them.. If I meet you some day I would slap you so hard that I will beat the shit out of you.. You emotionless man… Go learn how to respect not only Indian but all the girls around the world.. And I wish you never get married also go learn some manners of talking to girls and such a disgusting person you are that stop being socialized too… Cause you are just a embarrassment and on top of that I would like to add that saale kutte tu koi bahut chaand ka tukda hai kya jo hum girls ko kuch bhi bol raha hai… Abey oh gobar aadmi aukat me reh, chutiyaan suar apni zuban istemal mat hi kara kar toh better rahega… And want to give a standing ovation to you with the tallest finger of my hand ‼
Regarding all these cases between a Hindu girl and Muslim boy, what exactly is stopping the Muslim from converting to Hinduism?
Why on Earth would anyone want to be a Muslim, the terrorists’ favourite religion, is beyond me.
Why cant people get a bit familiarized with something before they come to judgments? I could not believe some of what I read. I am a Muslim girl and I am currently working on getting my PhD, after receiving 2 undergraduate educations in 2 countries, and a master’s degree as well. So it is not true that all muslims are against women’s rights and women’s education. I meet friends, I have dated 4 men so far (I am 27), I go dancing, I go to beaches wearing my bikini, I travel around the world when I find time.
People, please do understand that just like every religion, Islam has some perverted, un or under-educated fools who do not respect others. There are such people who make women’s lives a living hell, but please do not generalize. I am not sure what happened to the sister who originally posted the question, but all I can hope is that she is happy with whatever decision she had to make.
Different education level seemed to be the issue in her post. It can get really difficult when two people are not at the same intellectual level. This is an area to consider. Sure, some people get be very level-headed and have strong personalities even though they are not highly educated, but you just need to make sure you guys have that kind of compatibility.
The most important is; Get to know your partner. People tend to behave perfectly well until they get what they want and change afterwards – however, this is not related to the teachings of a religion, a country, or a philosophy. Some people are selfish. Please stop judging based on religion, nationality, or race. After all, we are all people living on the same Earth, breathing the same air, enjoying the same Sun, dreaming under the same Moon. Please dont refuse to come together and enjoy the life together. Please dont live in a shell and deny the happiness the mix of cultures often do bring.
Hi, i really liked what you said. I mean i did not like the admin’s advice. Love does not see any boundary.
I had one question though. Is it true that a non-muslim needs to convert for the nikah to take place?
We do not know what part you did not like. It is not a question of what you like it or not, we are hear to inform you of different possibilities and you device what is right for you or not.
To your question, “Is it true that a non-muslim needs to convert for the nikah to take place?”, YES, a Hindu MUST convert to marry a Muslim. It is a universal law or practice, YES, it is the case in most cases. Give us details about your case and we can guide you in details. View my message from this morning here… https://youtu.be/bA9hOwePNaU
All stories fake under muslim names and Those who marry non muslims did not remain muslims and will go to hell forever life after death tell them you are not muslims. To learn about islam vist http://www.usislam.org for more ioformation about islam.do not belive these posts as they lie about islam.learn truth about islam from website.
To All the people who visit this website, consider that
ALL THE STORIES AND POSTS ON THIS SITE ARE FAKE
it is a wrong step you are contemplating, if the boy is of lower economic and academic station then invariably the woman shall soon gets tired of the marriage. On top of it his faith will never allow him to give you a free hand in your mobility in the society. Hindu men also behave same way, but they dont have religion on their side. In any case, he is still free per his religion to have other women in his life. Failure is written all over it. If you want to go ahead with an experiment be my guest, but remember you are neither the first nor the last to experiment …be safe than sorry, life is not a movie of 2 hrs.Have you ever seen a movie star marrying a cab driver?
Shalz,
I would add to Suma that if you do get married, do not plan a baby till you are 100% sure.
Further, if he does not have a green card, wait to have your first child till he gets his greencard card because attitude could change immediately after getting the greencard. This is a general advise for a person of any religion.
Hello Shalj,
Perhaps you are not aware of the rigid rules of islam, totally again females, putting them in restrictions, no personal freedom to enjoy in terms of movement, education, job, social gatherings, games etc. Initially, it is propagated that islamic rules give equal opportunities to the females but practically it is not so. In the islamic principles females are subject various types of attrocities particulary after marriage. If you are doing to marry, you will repent whole, cursing your immature decision and shall lead a very miserable life.
Sister,
read this and understand, theira is no simple answer to give, but lets face it. Muslims are bound to marry exclusively to muslim, meaning you will (in future, may be once you are pregnant) will be asked to convert to Muslim, he may not ask you but his family will accept u better if you convert. Now here is what you can do.
Ask him to convert to a Hindu – if he truly loves you he would agree and then he can marry you. Else leave him, else live while retaining your identity separately. Also based on my experience and others experience muslims are against your religion to an extent of calling ur gods devil. This is what your bf wouldn’t tell until marriage. Best suggestions is to leave him for your familys happiness, those parents wouldn’t be able to digest their daughters decision , which in most cases end up in a big mess. Do you have a pal in your country who’s from india, a Hindu, check with him what Muslims are. Its better to cry now than repent rest of life.