Riya says: February 25, 2017 at 8:12 pm
Idk what to do. My bf is muslim I’m hindu. We plan to get married but my parents are not very easy with it. my relatives say that after marriage he’ll grow to a devil. Plz somebody say what to do. He told me that marriage will be on basis of special marriage act nd I don’t need to convert. But yet I don’t understand what I should do. Please help. -Riya
Riya says: March 1, 2017 at 6:33 pm
Rabin, I’ve talked to him bout it! He’s now in college and can’t talk to his parents about making our children hindus, coz when he starts earning his parents will let him go his way! But maybe he’ll talk to his parents, one day! I’m really worried. Idk whether I should keep him or let him go! -Riya
Riya says: March 3, 2017 at 12:21 am
Admin,
After going through the video and nusrat’s experience my bones freeze! Muslims girls who married hindus are staying well in most cases coz I know we hindus will never keep their wife tortured! But in most cases, hindu girls are facing hell with Muslims! Nusrat’s relation was for 7 yrs still her husband remained dumb, and this is dangerous! My bf is good now but Idk whether he’ll change or not later on coz most cases stated so I’m really scared! I’m seriously fearing to take a risk now! -Riya
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Riya… what is your situation now? Have you married to your muslim man and converted?
Riya,
To your statement, “said that will be my choice whether I be muslim or not!,” we have concern. It goes like this. There is no compassion in Islam. However, there will be tremendous pressure on you at every step of life to convert till your last day. That society will not rest till they convert you. Ultimately, by your wish (ha ha!), you will convert.
We read koran and found Koran thinking this for Hindus. Remember, this is God saying, not someone. We want you to know this before you go too deep into this relationship, because ultimately you will have to convert (in ~95% cases). If not convert, you will have to raise children Muslims. That means you will have to help recite the Koran every day as a mother. Are you ready?
Are we against some specific faith? No, please do not interpret this way. However, who will teach Muslims that interfaith marriage is to share faith, not impose faith on others. If your boy friend was Jain or Buddhist, he will rarely raise a question of converting you. On the other side, Muslim will invariably convert you. We hope we are wrong. Prove us wrong and we will be most happy.
Now you read Neha (and all other communication on that post), let us know what you learned from her life experience.
We hope you marry this guy as a good human being and live a divine life. We hope you raise children in both faith equally 50-50%. When your children are 21 years age, let them make a decision for their faith (like Barack Obama did). Tell us what is wrong in this idea? Is this not nobel idea?
I don’t wanna convert really! So what do I do admin? Should I leave him? Is that the only choice?
No. You don’t decide, let your boy friend decide. Ask him and his parents that you will not convert and my children will be following both faiths and will have both names (one Krishna and another Muhammad). If they agree, we will help you convince your parents. Once both parents are in your support, you are in good shape. Enjoy your Hindu-Muslim marriage with equality!
Rabia, do you agree to this strategy?
Rabia,
I’ve talked to him bout it! He’s now in college and can’t talk to his parents about making our children hindus, coz when he starts earning his parents will let him go his way! But maybe he’ll talk to his parents, one day! I’m really worried. Idk whether I should keep him or let him go!
Dear Riya,
I think in your case there is an uncertainty and these questions need to be answered before you can make an informed decision:
– he isn’t ready for this yet (you said once he starts earning then he will be) but you two should meet each other’s families before you can even talk about marriage. You need to see what kind of people they are and it sounds like your parents already met him? But they should still get to spend more time with him to evaluate him and dispell their fears.
– your parents may have a point if you will be living with your Muslim husband’s family in the future. Will you live in a separate flat or will he want to live with them? This is one of the most importantly things to consider before continuing your relatiknsh Onbecaude as you can see from countless stories on this forum, women who live with their inlaws from a different religion will almost always face issues after marriage.
And just like your parents don’t want the kids to become Muslim, his parents will most likely not tolerate a Hinduism-only education for the children.
The best way to make a decision of whether to stay with him or leave with him wool be
-first discuss wit him and make a decision as a couple together: will you live with inlaws after marriage? Will he ever force a Nikkah for you?
– how would you raise children in the future – teaching them both Islam and Hinduism (letting them celebrate Eids with father’s family and go to mothers family for Diwali…etc) ? Firstly what does your bf think about the kids issue?
I know some interfaith couples who have taught their kids both religions and will allow them to choose once they are older. But they are very clear with their parents tht neither grandparent should interfere and impose anything – the kids will celebrate both Christian & Hindu festivals while growing up (Christian mother, Hindu father – both from
India in this example)
– one final step would be, once you have met his family and he has metyoura, is to introduce the families. You will need to do this so that they get to know each other and get comfortable and remove any fears. My inlaws didn’t know much about Muslims before they met my family (they were only exposed to very conservative Muslims and thought we all wear burka) so they were very surprised to meet my modern parents who are very very different.
Good luck – hope the above helps you think and make a decision. Only you can decide whether to leave him or continue the relationship but honestly you should expect a battle from
His family because no Muslim family (unless they are liberal and secular) will be OK with their children being raised as Hindus, they certainly not be happy about it if he tells them “Riya and I will raise our kids like that”.
A common ground would probably work best and satisfy both families – tell them you will teach both religions and find a balance at home.
Rabia thanks for those!
I’ll talk to him bout it. He’s ready for marriage (not now but later as he believes to keep me well when he starts earning)! The children is the only issue. We’ll try to solve it.
Riya,
After marriage, where are you planning to live? Is that with his parents? If yes, ask their permission.
Getting married by the Special Marriage Act is a smart move. This way Islamic talaak and polygamy does not apply to your marriage legally. However read Nusrat here https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=7828.
Don’t commit any thing and keep studying about practicality of marrying a Muslim from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvZSqdmnxKM and https://interfaithshaadi.org/?cat=9
Admin,
After going through the video and nusrat‘s experience my bones freeze!Muslims girls who married hindus are staying well in most cases coz I know we hindus will never keep their wife tortured! But in most cases, hindu girls are facing hell with Muslims! Nusrat’s relation was for 7 yrs still her husband remained dumb,and this is dangerous! My bf is good now but Idk whether he’ll change or not later on coz most cases stated so I’m really scared! I’m seriously fearing to take a risk now!
Riya, I definitely don’t think you should marry your boyfriend if you yourself have this opinion of Muslims – I reread your earlier comments where you said “my bf is good even despite being a Muslim”. If this if what you think of Muslims then maybe it’s best not to be associated with one, because your future inlaws etc would be Muslims too… It’s like being a racist and then considering marrying a black guy and saying “he is very good, despite being black”…
I don’t blame you much if you live in a part of India where Muslims are infamous for doing a lot of bad things – I have seen this myself and after that I understood this anti-Muslim prejudice & where It comes from – but it’s not because they are Muslim that they are oppressive, dirty…whatever bad you think of them. it’s because they are poor, don’t have access to basic sanitation & in many cases are sadly very uneducated and most times misinformed about their own religion. Even some educated people in both communities can be bad. This isn’t an excuse but I’m trying to explain
This to you why this is the case – and these are not my words, my Hindu friends have explained this to me as I never knew why Indians had such prejudice against Muslims at first.
I can give you hundreds of examples from this forum itself (as well as my own married Hindu friends) where Hindu girls were being tortured by their husband & inlaws and converted to other religions and married someone else to escape the torture. What do these different examples by me and admin prove? There are good people/inlaws and bad pepppe/inlaws everywhere in india – your statement that “we Hindus would never keep their tortured” makes me want to laugh as recently one friend told me of some common friends getting a divorce because the husband was beating and abusing his wife, this too amongst a highly educated family from Delhi (both groom and bride are Hindu). There are Muslims who beat their wives too… what does my example prove? My example proves that we should judge people as per their individual or family background – not based on the whole community.
What Nusrat’s inlaws did to her is completely unIslamic & goes against Islam – you cannot
Force anyone to convert and pray namaz etc. I know a lot of converts/reverts who never had to change their name – it’s not an obligation in Islam to change your name. Nusrat had an experience from hell that nobody should have, but not all Muslims (even conservative Indian Muslims) will be this way, and this I know from experience also, through İndian and Pakistani Muslim friends who have married foreigners (living in India/Pakistan) or other non-Muslim Indians.
Admin has given you her example to warn you, and I agree that many Muslim men will be like Nusrat’s husband. So proceed at your own risk.
Riya, you made an excellent observation “her husband remained dumb, and this is dangerous!” If your boy friend says he is different, then go and talk to his parents now and face-to-face and express your wish. Let your bf defend you in front of them.
Blind love is not good, not even to your parents. So far, you were in blind love, now you are in love with your eyes and ears open! Now you are an adult and you have to learn to be smart from potential issues in life. Instead of being blind, remain practical.
Marriage with a Muslim means accepting Islam 100% and giving up your own faith. This is true in most cases. For example, we have guided some 700 Muslim-non-Muslim youths here and only three (Seema, Shamim and Salman) did not convert their spouse. All rest, including our dear Rabia, will ultimately put you in a situation so you will convert. If not today, may be later (read Dee and SD). So, your first focus should be learning about Islam and Muhammad. If you don’t love them, walk away from this guy now.
Rabia, sorry we may be stereotyping, but only less than 1% out of 700 is not statistics to ignore. We hope we are wrong.
Exactly admin!
I’m not against rabia, neither are you against her! Islam religion is good but who follows it with full heart? When I’m marrying a muslim boy what do I do knowing how good the religion is when ultimately I’ll suffer if he turns out to be bad!! Hardly any muslim follow islam! Only 3 cases outta 700 have been solved when wife hasn’t been converted to Islam! Rabia now can u understand y do we fear u guys? 3/700 is not a joke and rest of 657 girl’s life was ruined by Muslims! Tell me now rabia, how do u expect me to rely on Muslims? How do I think myself to be so fortunate like only 3 girls outta 700? Yes now, hindus do torture bcoz all humans aren’t same but muslims, where do I find sensible Muslims tell me? Yes yet till now I say, my bf is good, so was all Muslims bfs good before marriage but they changed after marriage. Didn’t they? Now how’ll I know the person whom I’m marrying leaving my parents, my adults and my all close and dear ones; will actually be grateful to me or will I suffer like nusrat even after special marriage act! This is not a matter of joke coz it’s about life and one decision ruins everything! You can’t be the same even if u regret! That is y I’m here and trying to know all the possibilities of marrying my bf! And it’s really helping me! And yes admin ur right, I’ve been blind in love but now I’ll have to think bcoz if my life is ruined for a decision, I ruin all those people’s life too who loves me and I have no authority to do that!
Riya,
Please correct on “rest of 697 girl’s life was ruined by Muslims!” and “will I suffer like nusrat.” This is not true. Rabia’s husband converted and is enjoying happy married life. Nusrat also said “Now I dont have any problem being muslim.” What we are saying is… first you have to think if Koran and Muhammad’s teachings are acceptable to you. Unless you start loving these two, you have no future with a Muslim.
One question to Rabia, how many days total you have spent with your Hindu in-laws? We understood they are in India and you are in Europe and that is why we are asking.
Admin, I wasn’t able to reply to your question directly below so replying here, you asked about how many days we spend with my Inlaws every year.
They usually visit us for 10 days – 2 weeks once a year and we visit them for about 2 weeks every year – so overall about a month I’d say. This past year it was even more than that as we met more often…
That is great,commendable! Just curious how they accept you as a Muslim and you are accepting them as Hindus? While at your home, do they perform any Hindu rituals? While their home in India, do you perform your namaz or other Islamic rituals? This is something Riya should know if Riya and her in-laws will have the same relationships, going both ways.
And I’m planning to live seperate although I don’t know he’ll allow or not coz he’s way too caring for his parents! Please help me get the right decision. I don’t wanna suffer like other girls in love with a muslim guy!
Riya,
I know that you and Admin aren’t against me, and we are just arguing and presenting different perspectives here, it’s fruitful to have such discussions because I am learning from you and hopefully you are learning from me. It’s communication 🙂 neither of us should feel offended personally about anything.
I agree with your observation that many Muslims do not follow Islam and I am glad to see that you do recognize the religion as good but people following it are not to be trusted according to you, because you have bad examples seen on this forum and probably in your locality.
I will tell you one thing that many married women will agree with: all married men change a little after marriage. Sometimes it’s small things like the loss of those romantic gestures he used to do when you were a couple, sometimes with the passing of time both of young will grow and change some aspects of your personality. Not only husbands but wives change too – my husband and I have had a good influence on each other and we bring out the best in each other. So change doesn’t have to be bad.
You just need to use your own judgement and see if your boyfriend will turn out like nusrat’s.
I am not surprised at the statistics given by Admin because it is a requirement in Islam to marry a Muslim, but many interfaith couples I know have done a nikkah (what admin calls “fake-conversion”) but does this mean their spouse follows Islam? In some cases they genuinely do, in some cases they don’t. And your statistics are overlooking & ignoring so many cases where people voluntarily accepted Islam and live happily with their spouse/inlaws (this isn’t just for Islam, you can apply this to any religion – there are girls on this forum who USED to be muslim and have converted to Christianity / Hinduism and are living happily with their spouse – admin can confirm this.)
Do you see them as “having ruined their lives”?
Unfortunately the real life cases I have seen within my friends circle are a different story where the Muslim girl who had been in a relationship with a Sikh guy for almost 10 years was left heartbroken after the guy’s mother led both of them on, pretended to accept the girl and kept delaying their marriage making one excuse after another – sadly they are now broken up and my friend has to learn to get over this trauma and “dhoka” because he wasn’t man enough to stop being a mamma’ s boy… and she will have to learn to open up her heart to love again, which may never happen.
“I used to read lots of stories like this happening to other Muslim girls online, but I never thought it would happen to me” she said, when I spoke to her recently.
So if i open a website and accumulate such stories I have personally heard or read, my statistics will show how many Muslims girls and even guys are fooled & taken for a ride by people from other religions.
Riya, you asked : “but muslims, where do I find sensible Muslims tell me?” – we are everywhere, just maybe you’ve met and read about only the not-so-sensible ones. I hope that you meet good and sensible Muslims one day the way that I have met countless sensible Hindus/Christians/Jews and do not judge them for the actions of a few bad eggs in their community.
Good luck with everything!
Thanks rabia,
I do know the importance of Islam, rather I’m learning it and I know real Muslims are good! It’s just that I fear my life to turn hell. Anyways, you and admin both are helping me alot and I’m grateful for that to you both! I hope I take the right decision!
Changing the subject matter a little, lets go on “all married men change a little.” Actually, man or woman don’t change but during dating time and in blind-love, the other party fails to see the true him or her.
Riya, take your quest for finding a life mate like a business decision (sorry it sounds too dry and wrong). You think critically and strategically. Where ever you see any warning sign, clarify it before taking a next step. Sometimes, in business deal, you have to pressure test your opponent to find truth. In your case, even you don’t mind converting to Islam, go tell her parents that you are a Hindu and will die as a Hindu. Further, my children will not be any less than 50% Hindu. We don’t mean to tell them this bluntly, but tactfully find out facts. Let us know what they say.
By the way, if ever you think of converting to Islam, know this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiWLGEKusIg. Rabia, correct us what is wrong in this our video, thanks.
Admin & rabia,
I won’t convert to Islam or else my parents will boycott me completely . Moreover there’s no harm in special marriage act and this will satisfy both families! However my bf said that his parents told him that girl should be muslim or will convert to Islam but my bf did not agree to this and said that will be my choice whether I be muslim or not! My bf will not convert to hindu like rabia husband converted to Islam but it’s ok with me! I’m not hungry to convert my bf but just that he treats me well enough! I hope things will work out!
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=12113#comment-406616
Now please help me. It was by mistake!and also to say, he gets very depressed about us sometimes which I really hate! I’m totally puzzled!
Hi Riya,
This is nasty for your parents and relatives to say “say that after marriage he’ll grow to a devil.” Why?
Trust your love and fight with your parents and relatives with truth and nothing but truth. We will help you how to convince them, one step at a time. Take a year of time to collect all facts and then make a fully “informed” decision. Agree?
To start, can you list 5 things they talk about what will happen after your marriage to a Muslim?
Yeah sure!
1. To begin with I know my bf is really good even being a muslim! He’ve done a lot for me. But my parents say that it’s just coz he wants me to be married nd get tortured later on.
2. My relatives nd all aren’t too damn against it except my dad. He’ll never accept a muslim guy as he fears of me getting tortured!
3. Everyday news and headlines of wrongdoings of Muslims makes my parents go against it more and more.
4. My parents know he’s good but just coz he’s a muslim, they still fear!
5. My bf wants to get married to me only but my parents think that even if we get married according to special marriage act, there’ll be a children issue and my parents don’t want them to be Muslims!
Riya, my mother was concerned about me marrying an Indian because her friends warned her that I may get acid thrown on my face by my mother-in-law if I don’t bring them a big dowry or cook well enough! You mentioned your parents being scared of him being Muslim because of what they read in the newspaper today about Muslims doing bad things – see, my story is the opposite: my parents were worried I would be tortured by Hindu in laws (and let’s face it, many girls are tortured by their inlaws in India, no matter what religion)
You need to talk to your boyfriend seriously and ask about the kids issue. If he actually is ok with only registering under special Marriage act, he may be an open minded guy who wouldn’t impose on you even after marriage.
You have your family backing you and upprting you; if things were to go wrong in the future I am sure they would support you and help you get a divorce if needed – it’s not ideal and a bad option but I’m just saying worse comes to worst if he did change after marriage for the worse.
We need to evaluate people like individuals – Not based on their community.
If he has proven himself to be a good man, reliable and honest to his word, there is little reason to fear.
Have you spoken to him about children and how you two would raise them?