Poonam says: May 13, 2012 at 2:28 pm
My name is poonam m in love with a Muslim boy for 2 years and he loves me very much he is intelligent and independent in life and can support me .. me a 
Admin says: May 13, 2012 at 10:35 pm
Poonam, This is great that he does not want you to convert and willing to respect your religious beliefs. This is certainly admirable. To make sure, talk directly to his parents and confirm that they are okay if you, and especially your future children, don’t BBS. If you don’t confirm with his parents, he may change his tune a few months before your wedding. Make a point that you will never be in the position of Nirmla.
Is he willing to get married by a Hindu marriage? or a court marriage?… again confirm with his parents. Since he agreed for no-conversion, means Islamic Nikaah wedding should not be in the plan.
One additional test to understand his belief system, take him to a Hindu temple. In a Hindu temple, does he see Allah in different forms or they are only idols? Ask him to join for the pooja, like SRK does, just to demonstrate respect to your Brahmin belief system. This is a true test to learn his comfort level and give him an opportunity to know reality of life. After marriage, some day he will have to sit down for a Satya Narayan Katha at your parent’s home. At that time, is he going to say that My One God is in Saudi Arabia (direction), and cannot be in India!! He has a right to decline all these, but you have a right to know facts.
After you are convinced that he is not a love Jihadi, then present all facts to your parents. Do not go against your parents, you will need them one day. It may take a year or two to convince your parents, that is okay because you will have a chance of making fully “informed” decision. Get back to us after you take him to a Hindu temple.
Poonam says: May 16, 2012 at 2:50 am
He is ready to come but he told I respect your religion but I will not fold hands and believe in One God …. he came also(to a Hindu temple) and he also ensures that our children will go and will follow our teachings….
Admin says: May 16, 2012 at 5:38 am
Poonam,
Ok, he believes in One God…. is that God only in the direction of Saudi Arabia (Kaaba) and as described in the Koran? Or, can that One God also can be in a Hindu temple in a Krishna’s murti? Tell him what Hinduism is all about. Some day he will have to explain it to your children.
Next step, how about the BBS? Will that request ever come up? Confirm with his parents ASAP. If you ever BBS (shahadah for you and sunat circumcision for children), means you will be in Nirmla‘s position one day. Get back to us with the BBS answer from his parents.
Next get answers to 13 questions raised to Rajanpreet.
Poonam, we are just trying to alert to you of all possible complexities of interfaith life. Your Muslim bf also should not be in any wrong concept what is means to have Brahmin new relatives. We wish you (and to your Muslim bf) to make an “informed” decision and have ever lasting Brahmin-Muslim interfaith marriage with equality.
Readers, considering Poonam’s Muslim bf is open-minded (lets trust him for his intentions), what else would you recommend for them?
Also read: Islamic Women Today, Hindu-Muslim marriages, Hindu girl, Muslim girl, Hindu boy, Muslim boy,
Be a friend on Facebook. Return to InterfaithShaadi.org. To share your experience, read.
and yes dont forget that most interfaith marriges have collapsed with women always left stranded
evn if same faith and caste it is always a woman who suffers if left by her husband.
So make sure that either you or someone in your family is ready ti take care of you.
Money does matter in this life be it any faith.
Even in Islam they give a mehr just to make sure that incase a divorce happens the girl is not living as a destitute. It means there are divorces in this faith.
He is damn right when he says he wont attend your prayers and prasadam I mean why should he?
Its against his culture and he a has a right to follow his.
About kids, since they will have their dads name even if they are agnostic they will follow Islam anyways.
Make sure that your kids will have hindu names so at least people know that there is respect for hindu in your life and theirs.
If he doesnt aask you to convert. follow your faith, kids have a hindu name whats the issue?
Its great.
Dear Poonam
the issue is not him its our society.
Most muslims live in muslim societies so you will live with them, your kids will grow there so its obvious they will have a huge Islamic influence
above all maybe he is awesome but his family might be conservative just like yours and no one can betray families except for looney tunes.
Once family gets involved litle by little you will compromise.
With your compromises you will start getting away from your family and closer to his as what choice you have?
incase you dont now i am not saying for sure but their family can pressurize him for a second marrigae.
By that time you might have a kid and maybe about 30 or so?
I will suggest is that please be financially independant as once he finds love somewhere else you better have a chance of living by yourself and feed your family as I know hindu women marrying muslims that too left by muslims are treated worst by both communitites.
so please be very careful marrying him. not before a stable job.
GL.
dear child. Dont forget every muslim man isnt terrorist but every terrorist can be a muslim man.
Take an example of afsal guru. Kasab.or other wjo attscked us or other country.
You have your own choice whether you want to Die hard or live free choose hell or
Heaven but keep in mind my first line.
Dear Punam,
Wish you to come back, dont go in hell..U r in false dream.
Poonam,
see the following suggestion by a Brahmin girl who was in similar situation as you are. I have copied and pasted here for you.
agnotist says:
Priya,
I am a brahmin girl too. I live in US, and was in Canada for a lot of my life. I did like a pakistani guy for a bit. He was broad minded, undergrad in Computer Science, and having a good job.
When the topic of marriage came up, it was very tempting. His family lives abroad too, and hence are a lot more tolerant I would assume than muslim families living in a traditional environment. There were a lot of things though which were uncomfortable though:
1. I am a strict vegetarian. In fact after coming to America, Ive adopted veganism. They can’t not eat meat on any given day. It was really hard for me to even see them cutting goat on eid, etc. I was afraid that in the future, I would have to touch meat and cut it, etc.
2. In the later stage of our relationship, he disclosed that his kids would have to be muslim. But I could be what I want.
This was not reasonable to me. I think if your having an inter religious marriage you should be tolerant to your partners beliefs. I wanted my kids to be aware of both hindu and muslim traditions, grow up broad minded, and he as much hindu with my family as they are muslim with his. He couldn’t understand the concept of pluralism.
3. I didn’t think he would be ok with me having a pooja room in my home. For me, it’s important. I’m fine with visiting a mosque, but I also want to visit a temple.
Anyway, my bf was very honest. He didn’t try to manipulate me. He told me the truth in b;ack and white, and asked me to make a decision knowing all the facts. After thinking through it, we decided to split up.
Yes, the 1st few months were horrible. But I feel happy that we split. For the prolonged happiness of 2 people its very imp to retain your individuality and personality. You should not be ever stripped of your identity.
I am as opposed to muslims converting to hinduism for marriage as I am hindus converting to Islam. I think Conversion is a social evil.
Regarding your story:
1. If he is from a conservative family, leave him now. No matter how much he loves you, he always loves his family more. All of us love our family more. And this will influence him when he has to eventually choose your religion and culture over blocking you from following them.
If he is from a broad minded, non religious family, then maybe its fine. But these dont exist unless he’s got a link to bollywood or something
2. As a brahmin (are you tambrahm?), you probably are pure vegetarian. And even if not religious, want to go to the temple on your b’day, diwali, pongal , etc. This is the way we bond too. He might not support you in any of this. It’s not his fault but the difference in culture. Your kids will hardly spend time with your parents, and eventually you will not either.
3. If you still want to be with this guy, do the following.
a) wait till your professionally and financially stable. If things go wrong you will need a safety net. This way you will be a bit older and more mature.
b) Don’t do it till your late 20s. I dont think people are sufficiently un biased and mature at 23. How old are you?
c) I know i shouldnt say this, but I will. PLEASE don’t get tempted or encourage any physical relationship. In plain words, no sexual relationship. Once this happens, all of a sudden the power and dominance is with the guy and not with the girl. This will emotionally and mentally condition you, and will make you want to be with him no matter what, without thinking of the repurcussions.
Always better to be calm, and not too attached before making a decision.
Further info about myself:
I’m 28, currently in a PhD program in US, and have been living in America since 17. Did my schooling in Mumbai and Mysore.
So I am a little mature (so I think ) and I REALLY don’t believe that love is enough to sustain a marriage. Once frustration crops in, love will go outside of the window.
This said, I am NOT averse to muslims. Lot of my close circle of friends comprise of them. I just believe in accurately clarifying expectations before you decide to marry. And, being firm in your principles, and maintaining your self respect.
Also, this bs that once you fall in love, everything else does not matter is false. You’ll be surprised at how fast feelings change with time.
Also, you’ll be surprised at how many times you’ll appreciate someone and fall in love all your life. The nature of love changes, but it doesn’t go away. Just because I broke up when I was 24, doesn’t mean I’ll be single forever.
Poonam do not marry a muslim. there are so many hindu’s in India. You should think about great Hinduism and should respect. Is there any Muslim girl ready to marry any hindu boy. I am requesting you not to marry a Muslim Boy. Please change your mind.
Poonam,
Forget about the others, will your parents be happy with this thing? They may give you permission to marry (in certain conditions e.g. if you threatened them saying i wil harm myself etc.) but wil they live happily after this???? NO. I am not confusing you or pointing your mistake. I am from a brahmin family n have small sisters so I know well how our parents thinks.
Its not your fault you fall in love with this guy. He may be a very nice person. BUT……
I have some straightforward questions for you.
1. Why cant he fold his hands in temple? What he loves most, you or religion? On one side, even if islam doesn’t permits to marry non muslim without hidayat he is neglecting that. On the other side he is not ready to fold his hands as islam doesn’t permits. What’s this?
2. Your culture at home must be free. You might have grown up without too many restrictions (this why you can think to marry a muslim guy). You will be leaving all these things, leaving your family’s love expections for you etc…why!! For HIM. Now tell me are you sure that his family will allow you to make “chaturthi upavas” or any other hindu rituals?
3. You know about love. Have you ever heard about sacrifice? Is your love for your parents, brothers, sisters less than your love for that guy? Instead of sacrifising your family, your religion for that guy, why cant you sacrifise your love for them??
You are doing a wrong thing. Still if you believe you are right, put away your family, religion aside and get married. May be you will get a good life with him but surely your life will be payable for hurting your family.
And yes drop a mail to me after 1 years of marriage and dare to say that you are happy.
Well nothing above written was to hurt or misguide you. My writings are not because I am an anti muslim. I have plenty of muslim friends close to me. You are just a 21 year girl not even ready to face the challenges of life. so get help from olders and then decide. Wish you best luck.
In no condition it is advisable for u to marry or get along with a Muslim guys………there are so many well of Hindu boys……….why cann’t u make a new choice for urself…..After all u r in search of a meaningful life which is not possible at any cost if u marry a Muslim…………. whether u choose heaven or hell …it’s after all ur choice………all the very best for ur smooth recovery
Assalamalekum means Peace Be Upon You.. Islam is the religion of Pecae and this is the complete religion was revealed to Prophet Muhamamd (PBUH). Poonam, i wana tell you if your Boyfriend wana marry you without reverting u to islam then he is not a practicing Muslim. Because In Islam Muslim cant marry to Non Muslims unless that Non Muslim revert to Islam. Islam is the only TRUE RELIGION and this religion is from God Almighty. Me/U / we have NOT made this religion. I advise you to read Quran to understand Quran and teach True Islam to your Boyfriend.
I came upon this blog after realising how bollywood shows off always a muslim girl falling in love with him..and started reading few blog posts and comments and following war between people who are from different religions.
Although it didnt took long to realise how much hatred does all of these guys have with muslims and iman..so called post (this) or [that] and BBS always targetting muslims.
this is how admin speaks when a person say guy or girl who is muslim to take him to extreame levels even though he clarified he wont interfere with their religion..
” This is great that he does not want you to convert and willing to respect your religious beliefs. This is certainly admirable. To make sure, talk directly to his parents and confirm that they are okay if you, and especially your future children, don’t BBS. If you don’t confirm with his parents, he may change his tune a few months before your wedding. Make a point that you will never be in the position of Nirmla.”
When guy is not asking her to take shahadah why does admin suggest him to go check BBS? that post clearly tell oh muslims only want thier religion to be followed why does not partner do a research and make them follow which is right.
Religion always one way road if you are along with the road its right direction except that direction all other direction irrespective which ever if you not along with road you are either off the road or opposite to the road.
Other exteme level tests by admin “One additional test to understand his belief system, take him to a Hindu temple. In a Hindu temple, does he see Allah in different forms or they are only idols? Ask him to join for the pooja, like SRK does, just to demonstrate respect to your Brahmin belief system. This is a true test to learn his comfort level and give him an opportunity to know reality of life. After marriage, some day he will have to sit down for a Satya Narayan Katha at your parent’s home. At that time, is he going to say that My One God is in Saudi Arabia (direction), and cannot be in India!! He has a right to decline all these, but you have a right to know facts.”
Why one has to go to temple when already said he respects your religion but does not belief in it.. oh yea if he a true muslim he should not be seeing Allah in those statues as they are not..who says SRK is a true muslim, its just his perspective, like another ignorant person as you see in his video he says his parents never taught him correct thing and he is not religious never tried to find whats correct and whats wrong. Oh yea now as he has chosen his partner to be non muslim he might end up in situation where he has to do all those stuff which is not correct and not to his belief but might do just like other igonorant folks who in the name of equality forget that true is neither having shape nor form tangible.
Well I hope the girl gets some hidayah before or after she (Poonam) gets married and start following true religion, that is Islam (Every human is born muslim..its the ignorance of parents who force them inappropriate religions on them who are themselves in trouble and will lead thier kids into trouble for the life of here after).
I congratulate brother Indian who has been doing great job by giving contrast and compare options to these dwellers.
May allah give wisdom to them to make right choices for life and for life hereafter!
I know now all those Anti-Islamist will flock around to comment negatively!!
But do not speak out of utter ignorance in the matter of those which you know not..verily Allah will take an account for it!
Poonam,
Here Dude has an honest message for you. They (probably including your bf) believe that Islam is the only TRUE religion, and Gandhiji, you, your Hindu parents and relatives are/were wrong in following Hinduism. So, take home message for you is…take Shahadah for Nikaah only if you are convinced that Islam is ONLY true religion. Till that time, stay put.
dude ur a fool and thats proved.donkeys think they r the rulers.so let them think.pre islamic arabia was following vedas and hinduism.and asses like u cant accept the fact right on their face..dumb fools.that day will come when u guys will pay for spreading terrorism.and we dont need to say PBUh for our god u fool.insane animals on earth.visit a pyschopath
Dear,
It is admirable that you try to understand certain things by reading.
But, the last thing Hindus need is those kind of claims of Pre-Islamic Arabia following Vedas and Hinduism. There is no scientific evidence to this.
So, why don’t we stick to spreading truth about Islamic fascist political ideology by quoting verses from Koran and deeds and words of Mohammad from Sunna ?
There is nothing really like existence of moderate Islam or Islam that is benign. Their existence is a myth perpetuated by media and politicians so that they do not have to do anything to confront fascist Islam.
See the Reality of Muslims what they do to Muslim girls and Hindus, this is shocking, where is your religion of peace now ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IckCStNi2HQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hwc5sKSoxSE
i think i should give some years about this marraige coz i m 21 and still should give time to this relationship. i am a pure veg and it is a very tough decision for me, that too going against family, but i love him a lot. seriously it will be very difficult for me as i cant see any1 in place of him. i can never accept any other person. every day i think about our future and it makes cry, i think i will go crazy. m not able to concentrate..
Hi Poonam,
A great idea to think all these over years. Meantime, find ways to keep busy. Also educate yourself for different religions. Best way to learn is to teach! What would you say to Kajol? Should she convert just to Islam to please her boyfriend?
No she (Kajol) should not . The religion we are born n brought up is our own identity and just to please her bf she should not that will be not good to Islam nor Hinduism . He should accept her the way she is nd in the religion she is being born
Great decision.
As you grow older you will think better and more maturely.
Noone is indispensable in our life. People come out divorces, deaths, and other more serious tragedies. A relationship is not that big, if it wasn’t meant to be. So chill !
Get married only if you 100% see a happy life, with equality, and both family members regard both your faiths as legitimate. For this both of you have to also be pretty much non religious. Take lots of time and evaluate him very carefully. See if he can participate in a pooja at your home, and if you feel comfortable with iftar, ramadan, etc in his home.
If not take a few years out with no relationship, and focus on your career. You’ll find someone else. Everyone does.
n for what u suggesting Nikaah n all… both religions are equally imp.. u marry in both style…
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=1941
get him converted him into Hinduism. If he really loves you will follow your request.It may be a test of Love also
Hi Poonam,
Read your story above. In my opinion to marry a muslim guy is not an advisable for you. Sooner or later after mariage restrictions will be imposed, you will be made to confine in your room and perhaps wear burqa too. In muslims women are treated very badly that is my personal experience like my sisters and mother and even grand mother. In the name of religion they are tortured and the males enjoy all sorts of freedom.
Dont spoil your career.
plsss stop all this Hindu Muslim f8s… Literally m crying now… I am an officer in SBI and my love is a manager in Standard Chartered Bank. Me Hindu Brahmin and he is Muslim… for past 6 yrs we are in love with each other. Every one in his family knows about us and accept n love me lyk anythng.. We both believe in Sai Baba… only thng is that m afraid hw to tell in my family… We both have decided that if my parents will nt agree thn we shall both commit suicide… eithr way we both shall be 2gethr… Love him lyk anythng…May God Help all true lovers and pls for God sake bth Hindu and muslim have red blood…
Comment to Nupur only at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=1941
and neither his sisters nor his mother are forced, they are independent also not wearing burqa, his parents are educating his sisters so any belief in muslim about treating women is wrong. it depends on various other factor not religion
POONAM,DONT WORRY,ALLAH WILL SAVE YOU,ISLAM IS GOOD RELIGION,YOU SHOULD READ MORE ABOUT ISLAM,YOU SHOULD READ QURAN,SRI RAMA KRISHNA RAO,A PROFESSOR OF MYSORE UNIVERSITY HAS WRITTEN VERY GOOD BOOKS PLEASE READ THAT BOOS,YOU CAN KNOW THE BEAUTY OF ISLAM,IKNOW SOME MUSLIM IS DOING BAD THINGS,POONAM YOU ARE LIKE MY SISTER,AS YOU TOLD ME HE LOVES ME,THEN YOU SHOULD GET MARRY WITH THAT BOY.YOU WILL HAPPY THROUGHOUT THE LIFE.
Washim Ahmad, a good message to your sister, Poonam. What would you say to your OTHER SISTERS, like Shamim, Ayesha, Sabana, Sadaf, …? Are you happy with good marriages of Salman, Seema and Shah Rukh Khan?
How about if Poonam becomes a great Muslim wife, pray in the direction of Saudi Arabia five times a day and do all fast etc, but DO NOT CONVERT (shahadah)? Is Poonam’s act (karma) counts or that label (BBS)?
Hi Dear Poonam,
ther is a new option which is shown in star plus serial Aamir khan show satyamev jayate,,once married after some times parents also will agree,dont wory,now generation has been change,do what u want to do that it,u r completly in love with that guy so i hope if u not marry with him i think u will not happy with other also,so better take the step because Indian Government also with you now.Takecare God blees you and i wish ur dreamz come true.
Is Aamir Khan a male showinist by stating …..”but, of course, I had made it very clear that my kids will always follow only Islamic religion“, even the mother is a Hindu?
Lolz admin says……..here the castism take place……
Why only muslim rules not the both hindus and muslim….
Dear Poonam!
Abt ur marriage with a muslim man, learn abt love jehad & Al Takkiyah ..As Muslims can lie in the name Islam to get the success for making some one muslim…. You r gambling with ur life… Follow Ur parents ,…. u will need them one day….
Do not go with that marriage.
You will ruin your life like Nirmla and Dr Smitha Rani did.
There is absolutely no reason for Muslim men to keep their word. Their religion allows them to change their oaths.
If at all you do, it will be good you read about Islam and then decide. If you do this, you do not have to depend on any one for advice.
You like Islam, go with that marriage.
If you just get scared about Islam, stay away from him.
My advice is that you read about Islam.
That is not a test at all.
This for all Non-Muslim girls.
The only to check a Muslim guy what he is really is to ask about Islamic law regarding marriage.
Directly ask him.
If he has a sister, then ask him if he agrees for his sister marrying a Hindu guy, if she falls in love.
This will give much better results.
Frankly, it is better to read about Islam.
Islam tells Muslims that all Non-Muslims are like living animals, not humans.
I agree with Srinivas ask your muslim guy if his sister married a hindu guy would he be ok with that
My girlfriend is a educated muslim girl, I have other muslim friends too, the day i said i m in relationship with a muslim girl, they are not good to me anymore despite that fact that few of them have non muslim girlfriend, what kind of equality is that ? i knew they dont like muslim girl and non muslim guy but do like muslim guy and non muslim girl.
Vicky,
How are you planning to achieve equality for your planned Hindu-Muslim marriage? Did the girl’s parents agreed for no-Shahadah? Will she participate in a pooja like Shah Rukh Khan to show respect to your beliefs and have a Hindu wedding? Please share some details. Thanks.
well srinivas i dont noe from where u learned dat islam asks muslims to treat non-muslims like animals.its a totally wrong concept bro.for ur kind information i wud like to share an incident wid u.Hazrat ALI(a.s),son in law of prophet mohammad,once deployed his governors to a state and told them that the place wer u r going will have muslims as well as non-muslims.And u r supposed to treat both of them equally.(no hatred is tolerated). So we the the followers(true followers) of islam are not allowed to treat anyone by contempt.be him/her a muslim or a non-muslim.hope it answers ur querry.
One VERY simple question really needs an answer…because I am personally sick of it! Every time Muslim takes Mohammad’s name each time they say peace be upon him (pbuh).
My point why peace be upon Mohammad?
Was he evil? Was he Satan? Was he sinner?
If not then why peace be upon him? Not a single Prophet from the Old Testament nor the Apostle from the New Testament needs our prayers.
So why Mohammad needs peace?
I am looking forward the ANSWER from Muslim.