Kaur&khan says: September 28, 2016
Hi I’m a Sikh girl in love with a Muslim girl. yes I said girl, we are in a serious same sex relationship. Our relationship is a secret one, people believe we are best friends but we are lovers.
She is being forced to get engaged to a Pakistani boy and I am heart broken. I don’t want to lose her, I love her with all my heart. She has agreed to run away with me. I want to tell my parents but I don’t know if they will accept me as being a lesbian and accept my decision to marry my gf. What should i do? -Kaur&Khan
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should we both leave religion? We are unlikely to be accepted by either community. We often talk about how our story is the love story of the 21st century, and it’s the two of us against the world.
“should we both leave religion?” -Religion is something personal matter and with lots of ups and downs. You may be less religions today but at age 60 you may become very religious. Your issues are not religions or God but the society. Someone from the society may counter it by saying–your issues are the demon that got into your head, but you may see there is nothing wrong that you are doing.
What do you thing–who is God? Ask Miss Khan for–who is Allah, who is Muhammad, what Koran means to her and does she believe in the Judgment Day? Ask Miss Khan to join here.
“We are unlikely to be accepted by either community.” — this we agree.
“two of us against the world” — actually there is a big LGBT community and growing.
Life will be lots easy and less complex for straight versus lesbian, but it is your choice.
Remember, Rome was not built in a day. It may take years (5-10?) before your dream may come true. Progress very slowly informing parents, it takes long to give away old thinking and accept new reality.
I am Financially independent. I work as an investment banker and she is in law school. She has wanted to leave her family and her religion for years. Even I am not religious anymore. Also gay marriage is legal in our country. We plan on adopting a neglected girl baby from India one day.
Miss, Kaur,
You are bright, educated, good job, good career, good citizen, respect all faiths and have nobel thoughts of adopting a needly girl as your daughter. Inspire of being good on all other fronts, your conservative societies will not accept you being a lesbian. It will be even harder for Miss Khan.
If you are adults, in the West and financially independent, you can go marry in a court. No one can stop you legally. However, the most important question is–how far are you both willing to go against your parents? Are both of you ready for it?
One suggestion, on any public forum, be careful not to disclose your identity. We have removed name of your country to protect you.
Miss Kaur,
There is a lot we can talk. What we would recommend is to buy time. Over years you will have better control over your life decisions.
Ask Miss Khan to join us here https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=11589. We assume she (and you) is in the West and in early 20s. If you are raised in the West, it is wrong to go get married to some strange one in Pakistan and assume this relationship will work. It will not only spoil Miss Khan’s life but that boy’s life too and including two sets of families. Using one or the other reason, push the plan for marriage in Pakistan.
Now on being lesbians. For Sikh and Muslim parents, it will be a big deal, a very BIG deal. Not only parents will have to accept it but parents will have to save their face from their conservative societies. On your question, “I don’t know if they will accept me as being a lesbian,” answer is “no” and “may be.” It will take years for parents to be prepared to accept this fact.
Exercise the “run away” option only if you are done with your college education and financially independent. Further, it also mean you may loose your parents for ever. Are you really ready for it now?
How serious you both are being lesbians? It is possible that one or the other parents may not accept this news for life, is that okay with you? Alternative is–don’t express yourself as lesbian, but then question comes–for how long? Parents will want you to marry a guy, is that acceptable to you?
You certainly have a difficult road ahead in life. However, if you be on course and have patience, things may work out between two of you. Get back to us for what else we can help you with.