NATASHA September 15, 2020
Hi, I am a jain girl. I am in love with a Hindu boy whose earnings are average. My parents are too strict and they would never agree for me to marry him. I am also afraid if I go against my parents I would end up being unhappy as I am hurting my parents and also I fear that the guy whom I want to marry is not earning that well. I might end up being unhappy in life by marrying him or not marrying him. I am not even able to connect to myself and decide on anything. I am feeling numb.
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Hey Natasha, this is a difficult situation! Adding to Admin’s suggestions:
Is there anyone in your family who you can talk to understand what there main points of concerns are?
Are those only financial concerns?
Or there are religious concerns as well?
Anything else?
Let’s first understand what their concerns are, and evaluate .
In the meanwhile, keep calm, don’t take any rushed steps. Take shelter in whatever spiritual path you are on to keep calm.
Being a woman, I know that loving husband is most important thing in life, but your family who you grew up with ,is also a very important part of your life specially once you have kids or are in difficult situations in your life.
Hopefully, this forum can help you find the best solution.
How old you are, are you financially independent?
Hello Natasha,
This is certainly a difficult situation. We recommend not to jump into one or another decision now. However, think through all different options critically.
We would like to know if you see any religion related issue between two of you. Do you think your Hindu in-laws will be welcoming to you, a Jain? Do not count on what your bf is saying, but talk directly to your potential in-laws.
Your point, “whose earnings are average”, average is not bad as far there is a good future potential. Is he well educated? Is he a decent human being? Is he someone will stand behind you in difficult situations, especially against his parents? If all other points are not an issue, especially he is earning (thought not enough now), we would say put money on a lower priority. Are you educated? If necessary, can you go out of home to work and support family cost?
On “I am also afraid if I go against my parents”, are your parents aware of your relationship? What are their concerns? Let’s discuss.
On “I am hurting my parents”, this is something could be temporary but when they see you are truly happily married, they will come around, especially after children. If parents say you must marry only a Jain, check the boy out if he is some superb best guy.
On “or (unhappy being) not marrying him”, this is also critical point. Instead of deciding with your heart only, use your brain too. Take your time to decide, then go with your decision without any regret.