Chris says: August 2, 2012 at 12:38 am
(Shamim‘s case)This is very sad! I wish there were an easy solution to this problem!
I wanna go down to my gf house and meet her parents but I know that would only exacerbate the situation. Every time we are together she always tells me she doesn’t wanna go home. Just recently, her mom proposed two men to her for marriage but she refused both. Now she is not allowed out of the house without a companion. Her father drives her to work and put her up from work… Like you, we have both contemplated running away! But currently I can’t because I am in medical school, I am a poor medical student!
This is what I have always told my girlfriend, that I love her, and that everything will be okay. I tell her that if God wants us to be together, we will be together. I tell her that we both need to work together to convince her parents. I tell her to engage her mom in friendly educated conversation: she should ask her mom how she got married, how did feel about the way she got married, how does she now feel with her husband? – According to my girlfriend, at first her mom was reluctant to talk about her past, but recently, that has changed! They both now do have some few amicable conversation. I am hoping that eventually her mom (who btw is 54 and married to a 62yo, got married when she was 15) would understand.
You know, just silly questions like that without actually being provocative help sometime!
You and your bf could take this same approach! My gf is 22 and I am 24! We are both young and I told her we can be patient, giving her parents time. You and your gf could do the same… give your parents time!
Running away should be the last resort!! Hopefully these traditional parents will understand that we are in a difference era! Religion ought to be the substance that keep us together and (not) a poison that destroys our lives. – Chris.
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Admin says:
Hi Chris,
Please have patience. If your love is true (on both sides) and none of you is a religious fanatic, it will work out well in the end. However, be mindful of the honor killing practice in the West.
You mentioned that you are a “conservative” Christian and she is a “practicing” Muslim. Wow!! You are mixing milk and yogurt. Instead of this Abrahamic practices of in-tolerating spouse’s faith and culture, go tell your priest and imam that “Like salad in a bowl, where tomato will stay tomato and celery will stay celery; we will merge and respect each other’s faith. No one will convert. We will pray to Allah and Jesus, both.” Unfortunately, this is not possible for a conservative or practicing Abrahamic.
So a question to you both, are you a pluralist (that salvation is possible by all faith, including for atheist) or an exclusivist (there is only One God, and that is mine!)? If you both are exclusivists, than who’s God will win? Is Jesus the Son of God or just one of apostles? (see photo)
First, lets hope you are a realist. Please answer these questions and will help you realize issues in life:
1) Are you going to get married in a church? Is she willing to sign this pre-nuptial that children by this marriage will be baptized and raised as Christians only?
2) Are you going to marry by an Islamic Nikaah? Are you ready to convert to Islam by Shahadah for your Islamic wedding? Shamim married by a court and kept religious dogma out, are both of you ready for it?
3) Are you both going to celebrate Christmas and Easter and fast on Ramadan? Will your extended families join you?
4) Are your children going to have Christian or Muslim names?
5) Will there be a Baptism or Sunat/Khitan/Khafd label on the child? Or both, baptism AND Sunat!! Are your children going to be called Christians, Muslims or both?
6) Are you going take your children to a Mosque on Friday and to a church on Sunday? Will your church welcome a Muslim boy with a name Muhammad? Will her Mosque welcome your Baptized daughter?
7) What will you teach to your children about Jesus? Is he the Son of God?
8.) On the Judgment Day, who is going to salvage you? Is that Jesus with LORD God or Allah? If you believe in Trinity, you are an unbeliever and will get hell of fire. Is the Bible or Koran God’s true words?
You have said eloquently, “Hopefully these traditional parents will understand that we are in a difference era! Religion ought to be the substance that keeps us together and (not) a poison that destroys our lives.” However, before asking traditional parents to change, first find out who really are you?
There’s dogma and there’s life. Lets hope you will settle for life. -Admin.
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Chris says: August 3, 2012 at 1:37 pm
True be told, she doesn’t really care about whether I convert or not! Even though she speaks and writes arabic, she said the Koran doesn’t seem consistent to her. Like majority of muslim kids, she said she grew up listening to her parents tell her that “Allah” was the only God and Mohamed his prophet. She said all she knows is what was thought to her, by her parents. But, according to her, as she matures, and begins reading the Koran on her own, she sees lot of things that aren’t consistent with the nature of God…! She acknowledged that even though God is omnipotent, he is also compassionate and loving, but according to her, her faith focuses exclusively on the omnipotency of God while alienating his compassionate and loving nature. She is western in her thoughts… she says lot of things, which I discourage her from saying to other muslim folks, as they might hurt her. She has been begging me to take with me to church sometime but I am not willing to risk her life, because I know what might happen to her if her parents found out that she went to church.
Even though we have not seriously talked about marriage at this point, she told me she would not want any of her children to be raised as Muslim. She said and I quote, “I would not want any of my children, if I ever have any, to experience the hell I have and continue to live through, especially, my girl children.”
I took her to a friend’s wedding once, at a church and she loved it! My friend is a middle eastern, from the UEA, his parents used to be muslim but then converted… at the reception, both middle eastern rituals and western rituals were done! It was a blast!
If married, we are going to celebrate xmas, easter, ramadan, etc! These things, are evil practices within themselves. Ramadan is a way to appreciate the Food God has blessed us with…Easter is to thank God for the harvest, and Xmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ. But as you might know, Xmas has be commercialized, now it means nothing then a time for people to buy expensive things for others haha
About names, I am not going to change my name, and my children, if we have any, could be named anything except Jesus or Mohamed! haha… We talked about the naming thing! I love names with meaning and majority of the middle eastern/greek/hebrew names are great!
I do not know what the future holds, we hope our Children would choose a religion that is consistent with their beliefs. I am not going to take my kids to the mosque but if she thinks it is okay to do so, I would not have any problem with that. My philosophy is, I do not have the power to save anyone… I can tell you all about God but it is only God who saves! I cannot do anything to influence my salvation in any shaped or form… it is only by God’s grace that I am who I am and have what I have.
I love my girlfriend, and will do whatever necessary to keep her safe! I am very aware of the honor killing! Just told, some parents in England were found guilty for killing their daughter who according to them “was too westernized”!
It is not our duty as human beings to force people to accept God! God himself, does not force people to come to him, He gives us the liberty to choose! You can only force someone to obey you by doing certain things or acting in certain manner, but you cannot force a person to love you! – Chris
Also read: My wife calls me kafir, Failed love or a smart move?
Be a friend on FACEBOOK. Return to InterfaithShaadi.org. How to blog? read.
Dear Chris;
You are in love with a wrong muslim woman, Because in islam there is no boyfriend&girlfriend relationship either.
In Islam if you like a girl or vis-versa , it might go legally by been fiance(Time to know each other, no sex , no even approch things related marriage), if you like her and she like you, then go further to marriage.
Since this girl doesn’t care if you become muslim or not, that mean she belongs to muslim community by name(no belief) , and she donesn’t practice anything.
Her Parents are also wrong, because they didn’t raise her on religion education, that’s why she is living the american way.
The thing even if you become muslim, you will not be getting the right information about islam thru her(Try http://www.usislam.org for the right info) because herself is far away from islam.
Search the truth, you may become muslim and you will teach her islam, you are a nice guy , look also for Yusuf Estes and others.
The very moment that Muslims chose to settle down in a non Muslim country, they have to live with western culture, with that said all Muslim women has freedom to choose there partners, they can be non Muslim, this freedom cannot be revoked, if you feel your Islam is right start the campaign amongst Muslims all over world to settle down in a Muslim country, don’t start making Christian / non Muslim country into a Muslims country. Got it Mr Islam!
@mr Truth, We won’t allow it, We will not allow any such rights that crroupt our creed, our culture and family values. Be it men or women, We can move where we like, we will keep our values you may keeo yours, If she is Muslim ISLAM DOES NOT Permit any muslim woman to sleep around nor marry an Non Muslim. Family HAS FULL Right to HER Life and choices. Dont like it? Don’t bother. Want different? Dont call it Muslim then, We will just not allow it, Muslims Move to Western Countries because you wage war and kill millions or Dispalace Millions, east has Civiliazation and Culture thousands of Years older then yours, Your women are adulterious, honor matters more to us. we can allow ours to be into yours. Take your bogus truth elsewhere. You people are not a christian country. West is secular, devoid of any soul.
I fill it will be very hard and complicated, even if now seems everything clear and easy. It is something that will come out after merrige.
I agree with your comment. I fill soo sorry for those two. Unfortunately that will not work. Even if now seems everything clear and easy. It is something that will come out after marrige. After having kids. Think smart, do not go farther, stop it before it is too late. Please. You are not alone, it happen lot, and you are young both, Please think and stop. I fill all the pain on both of you. But if you do not stop now, later will be unbearable.
Also google “Ali Sina” and the website faithfreedom.org for more information on this topic
Ali sina, is an atheist, who put blames on Islam and Quran, but All of them are proven wrong.
@Jade, are you atheist? why you recommend him everywhere.
Amir,
Just curious, what is wrong being an atheist? Why everyone has to believe in only Allah, and not the LORD God, Father God or Krishna?
Problems in comment. Repair your site.
Chris,
Take the honor killing threats seriously. Jessica Mokdad is one of many examples. Her family might also try to kidnap the child and bring it to the Middle East. Walid Shoebat, Nonie Darwish are two ex-Muslims that talk about the struggles of their interfaith marriages and how that worked out for them.
@ Chris
If you are in US then you are relatively safe. Still, it is prudent to be careful.
Why are you stopping her from leaving Islam? Whether you marry her or not, it is up to you both. If she wants to leave Islam, then let her. Do not interfere.
@ admin
There might be name confusion here.
@ Chris,
Are you the same Chris who wrote comments earlier and also the one who tried to read vedas?
True be told, she doesn’t really care about whether I convert or not! Even though she speaks and writes arabic, she said the Koran doesn’t seem consistent to her. Like majority of muslim kids, she said she grew up listening to her parents tell her that “Allah” was the only God and Mohamed his prophet. She said all she knows is what was thought to her, by her parents. But, according to her, as she matures, and begins reading the Koran on her own, she sees lot of things that aren’t consistent with the nature of God…! She acknowledged that even though God is omnipotent, he is also compassionate and loving, but according to her, her faith focuses exclusively on the omnipotency of God while alienating his compassionate and loving nature. She is western in her thoughts… she says lot of things, which I discourage her from saying to other muslim folks, as they might hurt her. She has been begging me to take with me to church sometime but I am not willing to risk her life, because I know what might happen to her if her parents found out that she went to church.
Even though we have not seriously talked about marriage at this point, she told me she would not want any of her children to be raised as Muslim. She said and I quote, “I would not want any of my children, if I ever have any, to experience the hell I have and continue to live through, especially, my girl children.”
I took her to a friend’s wedding once, at a church and she loved it! My friend is a middle eastern, from the UEA, his parents used to be muslim but then converted… at the reception, both middle eastern rituals and western rituals were done! It was a blast!
If married, we are going to celebrate xmas, easter, ramadan, etc! These things, are evil practices within themselves. Ramadan is a way to appreciate the Food God has blessed us with…Easter is to thank God for the harvest, and Xmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ. But as you might know, Xmas has be commercialized, now it means nothing then a time for people to buy expensive things for others haha
About names, I am not going to change my name, and my children, if we have any, could be named anything except Jesus or Mohamed! haha… We talked about the naming thing! I love names with meaning and majority of the middle eastern/greek/hebrew names are great!
I do not know what the future holds, we hope our Children would choose a religion that is consistent with their beliefs. I am not going to take my kids to the mosque but if she thinks it is okay to do so, I would not have any problem with that. My philosophy is, I do not have the power to save anyone… I can tell you all about God but it is only God who saves! I cannot do anything to influence my salvation in any shaped or form… it is only by God’s grace that I am who I am and have what I have.
I love my girlfriend, and will do whatever necessary to keep her safe! I am very aware of the honor killing! Just told, some parents in England were found guilty for killing their daughter who according to them “was too westernized”!
It is not our duty as human beings to force people to accept God! God himself, does not force people to come to him, He gives us the liberty to choose! You can only force someone to obey you by doing certain things or acting in certain manner, but you cannot force a person to love you!