Bittu says: February 20, 2014 at 12:56 am
I am a 36 years Hindu woman married to a 31 Years Muslim man under Special Marriages Act in 2013. Can we legally adopt a child ? If yes what religion will be child follow (what does the law say on this?) -Bittu
Admin says:
Bittu, we are not lawyers, but as we understood, you picked a non-religious neutral route for marriage. Thus your child could be both, none, a Hindu or a Muslim. To be fair to both of you, why not both? What is wrong being a Hindu plus a Muslim child? What are your husband’s views?
The most important question is … what you wish your child to be? What is the expectation of your husband? Are you planning to adapt a Hindu, Christian or a Muslim child? Check with the adaption agency if they have any restriction. What will be his/her after-adaption name, a Dharmic or an Arabic name? Will the child have religious circumcision? Will the child be taken only to a Mosque or both the temple and mosque? Read this Quran on Hindus, are you comfortable reciting Koran to your child every day? -Admin
Bittu says: February 20, 2014 at 8:45 am
When I first read the stuff on the link ‘Quran on Hindus’ I was shocked to no ends. Not that I was reading parts of Quran for the first time but to have all in one place, each targeting ‘idol believers’ was like wow – cold water in the face! But then it reaffirms what I have always believed in- religions divide and having so many religions in the world makes no logical sense. With due respect to all believers in religion, I believe in one entity which can be called differently by different faiths. Even as a growing child I was not a practicing Hindu and did question whether God resides only in places designated by human beings, and if one can practice faith without actually following any ritual what so ever. So I gave up conventions and have been a firm believer in humanity as a religion for all, and no faith is my faith thing.
But now its a question of child being brought up. It doesn’t matter to me if my Child is taught Islamic verses. But then I would ensure that s/he learns that as well as other religions in a more uniting and not dividing way. That’s my approach. My partner agrees to it but since he is a practicing Muslim he wants the child to be like him– which parent doesn’t. So we are still talking and discussing it within ourselves before everything is clear in our head- having an interfaith marriage has definitely taught us one thing- nothing is black and white and definitely you can break grounds while talking about things that bother you. So I am also trying to find out our options for adoption if the situation demands so later- in any case we will be eligible for adoption only after one more year since we got married an year back only.
I wanted to know if there are any legal hurdles or anything in law which disqualifies us.- so far its not. We would, if need arises, look for adoption for open homes as per law, and if the law warrants we will bring up the child according to the faith s/he was born in.
Circumcision is something I completely endorse for medical reasons and would get it done by a doctor in any case, and regarding name we have decided to have a name which can swing both ways- something neutral-but that is too for our parents.
Thank you for your questions and inputs- they got my head clearer because I was able to think aloud. -Bittu
Admin says:
Dear Bittu,
We could see that you are intelligent and highly educated, so lets have open intellectual dialog. This will also help other Hindu-Muslim couples considering civil wedding. Ready?
You are married only a year back, so enjoy your honeymoon period.
Your statement “he is a practicing Muslim, he wants the child to be like him” is of a concern to us. Don’t invite a child to your life till all dust is settled down.
It is very unfortunate that you have not clearly discussed the MOST important question about any interfaith marriage, what will be the FORMAL religion of your children (read Pride and 10-Points of Dating). Where your marriage stands if you say NO BBS?
The whole fight is between a pluralist (like you … all religions are same, it does not matter) and an exclusivist (we hope not your husband … there is only ONE God named Allah, He is (prayed only) in the direction of Saudi Arabia, all those who do not follow Koranic teachings and Muhammad are to be treated harshly till they covert to Islam, Christians and Hindus will get HELL FIRE on the Judgment Day, don’t rest till you convert the Hindu spouse, children MUST be Muslims only).
You said you do not have problem “if my Child is taught Islamic verses”. It is not what your children “will be taught”, but what children “cannot be taught”. Will your child be allowed to learn from Geeta and Koran side by side, be taken to a mosque on Friday and temple on Saturday, taught about Krishna, Jesus and Muhammad, and can they celebrate Diwali, Holi, Christmas and Ed?
Do not underestimate the issue of the “formal religion” of your children for three reasons:
1) If you found Koran to “I was shocked to no ends”, why will you wish to endorse Koran as the ultimate truth?
2) You do not want to hear from your son 15 years down in life that “Mother, you are a kafir. I do not wish to associate with you”. Read Dee.
3) If you agreed to raise children only Muslims and, lets hope not, but later you got into a divorce situation, the Judge may give custody of children to the Muslim spouse, not the Hindu or atheist. If no such agreement is made, normally the judges are favorable to mothers.
Instead “religious labeling” on children, follow your own ideology “humanity as a religion for all, and no faith is my (children’s) faith”. Simply beautiful!
In other note, explain to us how it is possible to have an Isamic Nikaah but no conversion? We thought this is absolutely impossible. Did your Kaazi not asked you to take the Shahadah (conversion) oaths before your Nikaah? Alternatively, was it done in Arabic and you did not comprehend? Were you not given a Muslim name? Was your marriage not entered in the Nikaah-nama? Explain us in details.
We have discussed extensively on circumcision earlier. We could convince you that there is no compelling science behind such barbaric practice. It is your choice if you are submitting for a religious reason to announce your child a Muslim.
You cannot do this “if the law warrants we will bring up the child according to the faith s/he was born in” because one will be biased on which child gets picked. Instead, we recommend that child be given an option for his/her faith, like Muslim-Christian Barak Obama decided his faith when he was in college. Fair deal, is it not?
Your husband is a good man but you need to make sure he does not take a single step towards being an exclusivist. First educate yourself here and later educate him slowly over years.
Does it make any sense for what this Admin is talking here? Are these points raised here nonsense and irrational? Bittu, please help clear Admin’s head. Thanks. -Admin
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Philippino Christian girl in love with Hindu Brahmin
Bittu,
your child will be a muslim.
It depends on who among the one of you is the devout one.
Will your husband press his religion on the child or you? Since you have already revealed that you are a nonpracticing hindu, the outcome is obvious.
I think you are right
@Bittu: I was also an Ex- Muslim( Raesa Khan, Now, Raesa Singh ), Now married to a Hindu, and My Children Must follow HINDUSIM. After all I can not send my Childern to TERRORISM ( ISLAM ), I think, Your Life would get spoiled with in Few Years.If this reality Hurts you, Then I am sorry, Because, I am a Worst sufferer of Being born and Brought up in a Muslim Family, But, Now, I am living life very Happily of being and Converted in HINDUSIM. with my Hindu Husband.
Bittu,
Thought insider Raesa raised good points, we feel your loving husband is not like described here. If he was religious fanatic, he would not have done the Saat Fere or not convert you. For this reason, trust him and try your best to make this marriage most successful and ever lasting. Give him lots of love. Only thing you need to do is to educate yourself about some evils of Islam that you do not wish your husband to follow. Over years, get into rational and healthy open dialog with him about many points (start with circumcision, like Satyen has said below). Teach him to be a pluralist, teach him to be tolerant to Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Jains, atheists and of course Hindus.
Circumcision, some facts:
1.USA: dropped from 90% (50 years ago) to 45% at present.
Reason of circumcision – Like father like son
– Doctors recommend as they are paid for
the procedure
2. Japan: Zero percent (No less developed country than USA)
3. Europe, Canada and Australia: 90% (50 years ago)
25% at present
4. Non Muslim Asia: Less than 1%
5. South America: Less than 10%
It shouldn’t be surprising to see the Christians and the Jews practicing circumcision as all the Abrahamics are supposed to follow this practice. The Jews started it and the Christians and the Muslims followed in that order. So, it’s not the Muslims who started this practice, but they carried on this practice passed on to them by their chronologically preceding religion. Traditionally, the reason is not medical but it’s the mark of their association with the God.
With each passing year, more and more people are coming against this practice in North America and consider it as an inhuman and torturous practice. It’s also considered grossly and irreversibly disfiguring someone’s organ without his permission and before his adulthood. Mind it, once done, circumcision cannot be undone. The child will have to live all his life with it. Many of the adults are complaining against this when they grow up. So, whatever the remainder of the populace is practicing now is mostly less educated and traditional.
None is under any obligation to accept the facts written above. My intention is to motivate others to do their own research and take decision based on the facts, not based on some malicious fiction. Those claiming to follow humanity, must wait until the child has attained adulthood and is in a position to decide his own course of life.
Dear Admin,
Your response made me wonder who is this ‘admin’ I am writing to- do you have a name? What’s the agenda of this website- because on close look I see no ‘About Us section’. I will respond to you not for the sake of my response being published (everything in any case will be first scrutinized by you), but to respond to you, another human being. I had first written to this forum with a different agenda but I see the outcome as different in direction.And I don’t see this exchange as a ‘duel’ which one has to win.
I will answer only few questions because rest are very personal and today I see no merit in discussing with you, or making myself an open case study for everyone to see.
I didn’t change my name nor I had a nikahnama.There was no arabic verses that I did not understand and I did not have to say aloud anything at all.It might be revelation to you that there are progressive religious leaders in every religion who think and do differently.
Yes,we have discussed that the Child will study both Koran and Gita but only after a certain age.Also I would not want the child to go to temple because going to temple is not my religion.Is it very difficult for you to understand this simple fact that ‘no religion is my religion’?- That’s a faith in itself which your forum cannot comprehend because it is not listed as a ‘faith’.
I said no where that I find Koran as the ultimate truth? For that matter even Bible or Gita is not the ultimate truth.
My child will equally celebrate all festivals and that includes all
Regarding circumcision I am not really very much aware- I was quoting from something I read in college.This I will explore.Do you know around 45% of American boys are circumcised every year as infants despite the fact that they are predominantly Christian? And this figure was 75% about 15 years back.
When I say stuff about adoption, I quote from a judgement which says that if you are given a child for adoption and the faith of the child in which he/she was born is known before hand than the child has to be brought up in that faith- this is something which I factored since i was thinking of all options for adoption- I also took opinion from a senior lawyer and he seconds my view.
I hope that clears some of your head. There is no need to publish this.This is only between you and me.I feel you should also try to open yourself towards all kinds of debate and learn about religion and understand that its we as humans who have interpreted religions bad and actually its humans who made religions. Try reading some social and cultural anthropology and research ‘birth of religions’ in humanity and how they evolved and you will get many insights.
I wish to stop corresponding with you after this.I hope you will not behave like a cyber troll after my response.Because I see no merit in discussing this stuff with someone who has his own basics biased.
“You have your way, I have my way.One way and THE Only way doesn’t simply exist”
Best
Bittu
Dear Bittu,
We could see that you are intelligent and highly educated, so lets have open intellectual dialog. This will also help other Hindu-Muslim couples considering civil wedding. Ready?
You are married only a year back, so enjoy your honeymoon period.
Your statement “he is a practicing Muslim, he wants the child to be like him” is of a concern to us. Don’t invite a child to your life till all dust is settled down.
No BBS logo
It is very unfortunate that you have not clearly discussed the MOST important question about any interfaith marriage, what will be the FORMAL religion of your children (read Pride and 10-Points of Dating). Where your marriage stands if you say NO BBS?
Zakir NaikThe whole fight is between a pluralist (like you … all religions are same, it does not matter) and an exclusivist (we hope not your husband … there is only ONE God named Allah, He is (prayed only) in the direction of Saudi Arabia, all those who do not follow Koranic teachings and Muhammad are to be treated harshly till they covert to Islam, Christians and Hindus will get HELL FIRE on the Judgment Day, don’t rest till you convert the Hindu spouse, children MUST be Muslims only).
You said you do not have problem “if my Child is taught Islamic verses”. It is not what your children “will be taught”, but what children “cannot be taught”. Will your child be allowed to learn from Geeta and Koran side by side, be taken to a mosque on Friday and temple on Saturday, taught about Krishna, Jesus and Muhammad, and can they celebrate Diwali, Holi, Christmas and Ed?
Do not underestimate the issue of the “formal religion” of your children for three reasons:
1) If you found Koran to “I was shocked to no ends”, why will you wish to endorse Koran as the ultimate truth?
2) You do not want to hear from your son 15 years down in life that “Mother, you are a kafir. I do not wish to associate with you”. Read Dee.
3) If you agreed to raise children only Muslims and, lets hope not, but later you got into a divorce situation, the Judge may give custody of children to the Muslim spouse, not the Hindu or atheist. If no such agreement is made, normally the judges are favorable to mothers.
Instead “religious labeling” on children, follow your own ideology “humanity as a religion for all, and no faith is my (children’s) faith”. Simply beautiful!
ShahadahIn other note, explain to us how it is possible to have an Isamic Nikaah but no conversion? We thought this is absolutely impossible. Did your Kaazi not asked you to take the Shahadah (conversion) oaths before your Nikaah? Alternatively, was it done in Arabic and you did not comprehend? Were you not given a Muslim name? Was your marriage not entered in the Nikaah-nama? Explain us in details.
We have discussed extensively on circumcision earlier. We could convince you that there is no compelling science behind such barbaric practice. It is your choice if you are submitting for a religious reason to announce your child a Muslim.
You cannot do this “if the law warrants we will bring up the child according to the faith s/he was born in” because one will be biased on which child gets picked. Instead, we recommend that child be given an option for his/her faith, like Muslim-Christian Barak Obama decided his faith when he was in college. Fair deal, is it not?
Your husband is a good man but you need to make sure he does not take a single step towards being an exclusivist. First educate yourself here and later educate him slowly over years.
Does it make any sense for what this Admin is talking here? Are these points raised here nonsense and irrational? Bittu, please help clear Admin’s head. Thanks. -Admin
When I first read the stuff on the link ‘Quran on Hindus’ I was shocked to no ends.Not that I was reading parts of Quran for the first time but to have all in one place, each targeting ‘idol believers’ was like wow- cold water in the face ! But then it reaffirms what I have always believed in- religions divide and having so many religions in the world makes no logical sense.With due respect to all believers in religion, I believe in one entity which can be called differently by different faiths.Even as a growing child I was not a practicing Hindu and did question whether God resides only in places designated by human beings, and if one can practice faith without actually following any ritual what so ever. So I gave up conventions and have been a firm believer in humanity as a religion for all, and no faith is my faith thing.
When I was dating my now husband we did have discussions around my faith, and after a while he was OK with the fact that I will not practice any religion(may be inwardly he was content that I will not practice Hinduism at least- I have never asked him this). I got married under Special Marriage Act but the same day I also had a Nikah solemnized by a Kaazi and a Hindu marriage by a priest. And with both the kaazi and Hindu priest being progressive leaders in their own faiths and we having good understanding with them, we didn’t convert in order to get married.Of course a few modifications were made to suit sensibilities of our respective parents both of which sides were present through out the ceremonies. So while his relatives did a dua for us post Nikah, we touched my parents feet after ‘sindoor daan’ and ‘Saat Fere’. That was the romantic part.
But now its a question of child being brought up.It doesn’t matter to me if my Child is taught Islamic verses.But then I would ensure that s/he learns that as well as other religions in a more uniting and not dividing way. That’s my approach.My partner agrees to it but since he is a practicing Muslim he wants the child to be like him- which parent doesn’t.So we are still talking and discussing it within ourselves before everything is clear in our head- having an interfaith marriage has definitely taught us one thing-nothing is black and white and definitely you can break grounds while talking about things that bother you. So I am also trying to find out our options for adoption if the situation demands so later- in any case we will be eligible for adoption only after one more year since we got married an year back only.
I wanted to know if there are any legal hurdles or anything in law which disqualifies us.- so far its not.We would,if need arises, look for adoption for open homes as per law, and if the law warrants we will bring up the child according to the faith s/he was born in.
Circumcision is something I completely endorse for medical reasons and would get it done by a doctor in any case, and regarding name we have decided to have a name which can swing both ways- something neutral-but that is too for our parents.
Thank you for your questions and inputs- they got my head clearer because I was able to think aloud.