Apu says: March 25, 2018 at 5:59 am
i have been in a relationship for 9 years. my boyfriend and i want to get married he is a hindu by birth but converted to pentecostal christian (he goes to assembly of god church) and i am a hindu by birth but i am very open to all faiths….his mother follows pentecostal christianity and father follows hinduism legally he is still a hindu in all documents though
we are to be married soon….my father has not approved for this marriage not because he is a christian but my father does not like the idea of love marriage even though he and my mother had a love marriage the problem which has arised now is that while people on my side of the family are open to the idea of church wedding his side of the family is not willing for temple marriage according to my family’s wishes….
when i approached him for the temple marriage he outright said no and that he cannot get married in temple as idol worship occurs there….but he said he will come to temples just for me but not involve in any rituals there….and i am willing to go to the church with him because i love him and just want to spend time with him…and we are very clear that i will not convert to his religion which means becoming a believer in jesus and in jesus alone forsaking all other gods….
i cannot do that because i love all gods and believe in jesus and krishna and hanuman and allah….. how to convince him and his mother for the temple marriage and if they dont get convinced and refuse can we just get a register marriage done?? -Apu
More information: Interfaith marriage with equality, Hindu-Christian Marriage, Bible on Hindus? Christian-Hindu relationships, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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I am a Hindu boy, age 25. I am in love with AG Christian girl. We love each other, but we are not sure how to proceed further to marriage due to difference in our faiths. I am ready to go to church with her and read bible along with her without converting to her religion.
But she is not ready to participate in Hindu rituals. She says she couldn’t accept other Gods other than Jesus and also she is not used to idol and photo worships. She didn’t ask me to convert to a Christian because she believes it should not be forced but out of my own will I should convert. So if I convert to a Christian (but I don’t want to), there are chances her parents may accept me, and also she wants her kid to be in her own faith.
However, I don’t want to blame her for she’s not able to accept other gods, because she’s a religious Christian herself and it’s very difficult for her to adapt as this what she has been taught all these years. So we have decided to stop talking and part our ways, but it’s very difficult for us to do so.
Can someone help us what other options are available for us to live together?
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/we-have-decided-to-stop-talking/
Thanksfor the follow up.
Thank you very much for your response !!!
Interfaith marriage is like walking on fire, do not go alone. We will walk with you. Their church will not rest till you convert. If that is not something you want, please clarify ASAP.
You should start learning about Christianity. Start with the Bible here… https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=1066. Also read all articles we have picked for you. What ever you do, please make fully informed decision.
Dear Apu,
We have modified your name for your privacy, we hope that is okay.
We admire your thinking, “i love all gods and believe in jesus and krishna and hanuman and allah”, this is beautiful and will make this world a better place to live for all. However, his Pentecostal church may teach that only Jesus is the way to heaven and Mahatma Gandhiji will go to hell because he was not baptized. Like your boyfriend said, as per his church’s teaching, Hindu are idol-worshippers and you (Apu) and your parents are born sinners. Now you have to decide if you wish to submit to their ideologies and be like them.
His church will not allow marriage in their church unless you convert. They will want to register your marriage under the Christian Marriage Act. This also means you cannot have the Hindu wedding.
Best option for you now is the Special Marriage Act where you remain who you are and he can be what he is (and no religious marriage). However, if he tells you that he cannot marry you unless you convert, then you have to know that he is a religious fanatic and not the guy you knew for past 9 years.
Can you talk to his Hindu father to find a middle ground?
Please resolve this religious issue sooner than later. Lets talk more and we will guide you.
he and his mother have never asked me to convert and they have actually stood up for me in their church when they(the church people) said that i have to convert saying that they will not force me into anything….and his father is not very vocal about the marriage because his mother and him are the only two people insisting on the church wedding…..the question now is whether our marriage has to be registered under special marriage act or regular marriage as he is legally a hindu….i am so confused….i have prayed to every god….ganesha jesus everyone….i cannot leave this man nor can he leave me…..we are very clear about that…and in india its two families getting married rather than two individuals….please guide
Two Hindus can have the Special Marriage registration. If they desires, they can also have the christian marriage registration (after conversion). What ever is your first marriage and registered with government, will rule your married life. After that, you can have as many marriages as you wish but has limited legal bearings.
Go get married by the Special Marriage Act 1954. If their church asks for conversion or preNuptial, just decline. This way, you are legally protected (including if there is a divorce and child custody battle). Read details here… https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=981
hello admin,
i have been dating my boyfriend for the past six years, and now we are planning to marry. we are both malayalees and we come from different religious backgrounds. he is christian (mar thoma) and i am hindu. we have been born and brought up in the US, but we are facing a lot of backlash (particularly from his family) about his decision to marry a non-christian. my boyfriend doesn’t care if i convert or not, but he keeps saying how it’s not a bad thing to convert if you love someone and that anything that brings you closer is an amazing thing. I keep telling him that i should be accepted as i am, regardless of my religious background.
however his parents are saying that we cannot marry in the church, unless i convert. I am not comfortable with converting, as it makes no sense to me why I have to just for the sake of marrying in the church. i am getting immense pressure from his family and my boyfriend is being supportive, but sometimes i feel he wishes that i would convert to make things easier.
Reply at https://interfaithshaadi.org/?p=13632
A true story by a muslim women in Chennai:
What made you become a Hindu if you weren’t born one?
https://www.quora.com/What-made-you-become-a-Hindu-if-you-weren%E2%80%99t-born-one
32 year old Muslim woman here. The reason I’m going anonymous is because I make a living out of writing and social media. Almost my entire family follows my work pretty close, sometimes I wonder if my clients do so.
I grew up in Chennai, Hyderabad, Middle east and then back in Vellore, so Chennai is comething I’d call home. Being a native of Delhi, I never lived there any more than I would visit my grandparents. My mom is a housewife and a great or perhaps the only support to my work. Here’s a list of things I wanted to do from childhood and how things turned around.
I loved dancing (bharathnatyam) when I was a kid. From a pretty small age I used to imitate performances from TV and movies. When I was old enough to ask my parents to put me in a bharathnatyam class, you’d guess the answer. Later that time when I was young, I wanted to learn swimming. After too much of a discussion and lot of verbal melodrama from relatives and neighbours (we lived in a more or less Muslim neighborhood when I was small) my mom helped me get to swimming classes. I was so good at it that I was offered to train with one of the good teams in Chennai. Long story short it lasted till my puberty. No questions asked this was when things started getting weird. Have you actually seen your dad and other male relatives PMS when you’ve a period? I have. I was looked at like some very vulnerable creatures in the family. When my brother and male cousins could get to choose their life and what they wanted to do in their life,my parents chose mine. (Read father when I mention parents). Early teens were as annoying as it could get. I was pretty good and long distance running and swimming that I had a pretty good chance at completing a triathlon. Back in those times (2000s) there were hardly any female contestants in the triathlon club even in the national level. Couple of years passed and when I was somewhere near 8th STD, I was put in a school of Islam. That’s the single most annoying place that I’ve been to. Brought up in a co-ed kind of well off school, a Muslim girls school is the worst you’d expect. That according to me is where a Muslim girl becomes a true woman. From primary to high school the place was predominantly filled with dumbass chatter box loud mouths. These girls would literally talk all day everyday all the time. They all remind me of my aunts and mom who were in their 30s back then and how they spoke with each other. I sometimes tend to think of at all a girl who has any dreams and goals in life such schools will do the job of keeping them at stall. Having scored a pretty good cut-off from 12th I was denied a medical seat in a pretty good national University, who denied it? Daddy!! This was when I lost it. I wanted to either kill myself or elope from the family and go far away where I could be on my own. Door was locked and I couldn’t find the keys, so went back and slept. I was mentally sick of all this control and bullshit my parents were leveraging on me. All I wanted was to get out of home and stay at a hostel while in college. Thankfully my dad got a good project from one of his partners in middle East and off he goes. Then came the 5 bestyears of my life time. I did my under graduation in English literature and focussed on history and reading. Advent of Orkut and frequent spying and stalking guys was the biggest evening action we got. Being in a pretty good University, I loved the swimming pool there and there was a good chance to shine in sports. After the end of first-year, I had almost had the fun that I’ve always wanted to have in my childhood. I could wear a swimsuit and swim, not bother about covering my head and face while going to classes, never bothered about what I ate or what I cooked and life was beautiful. This is when I gathered some courage and found some meaning and reason in life to live for. I met girls who were from a better non Islam background and did al the awesome stuff I wanted to do. It was at that point when I decided I didn’t have to run out of home or kill myself because my parents are a pain in the ass, the easier solution is to stay away.
Meanwhile I represented the university in swimming and did a couple of full marathons in chennai. I fell in love with trekking and would often sneak out of college with guy and girl friends for a trek to the nearby mountains. We had fun, it was awesome to sleep besides stranger friends in a tent outside a camp fire. Everything was great. It was once in while that my parents could visit me at hostel and being a pretty big campus and strict hostel,they were always happy and relieved about my safety. My uncles or some relative would visit every week to have an eye on me and that’s why I still kept the hijab along. I hated holidays. It was like I was being pulled back into hell everytime I went home, except mom’s food. I was 19 when my dad said you’re gonna marry him pointing at someone whom I’d without introduction address as bhaiya. It was my second year sem holidays and I was told I’m going to discontinue classes and marry a guy who appeared to be a pretty older (late 20s or early 30s). Best case scenario he’s a 10 year elder to me. Thanks to my mom and a few relatives of mine who still had the sanity left over, I could talk to him alone for a while. Thankfully he was a guy who had dreams. He wanted to get out of India and do a management course to come back and start his own business. He did not want to get married then. He also happened to be a second or third cousin once removed and kind of a kin to a kin. I begged him all I can to stop this arrangement and the same happened to me. Later he confessed stating he’s got a girlfriend who’s eating for him and I created a scene of a mental breakdown because of rejection. The melodrama I did infront of my dad did create a scene which worked and my dad decided to leave me alone until I finished college.
Two years later I married a guy whom I loved and thought was the centre of my universe. He was the knight in the shining armour. Lucky for me he was Muslim and it was okay for us to get married. At 27 I was a divorced. I had started working for a few months and my then boyfriend who approved my actions started talking nonsense. He was suddenly someone who preaches Islam and wanted me to quit my well paying day job. I was anyways going to do that because I had in the meanwhile built a pretty good chain of blogs and websites. Along with a couple of friends we put together a team of advertising content creators . It was a big thing back in 2007. We wrote ad contents for a couple of commercials and I was lucky enough to get a couple of international orders in the time. Adding more to the divorce my husband was annoyed about how close I am with my colleagues who were mostly men. People moved away from my life for the good. I moved out to live with a couple of my friends shared a flat. Two years down the line I dated a couple of men and finally decided relationships is not my thing. My clientele grew and my parents still call me and to check on. My dad who settled in Dubai emails me everyday to marry someone. The stupid relatives and life gurus never turned back when I was down and crying. My dad said it was my fault to have not listened to my ex husband. Mom still supports me in my ways and encourages to be myself. She’s the only person I could drunk text or shamelessly tell about a one night stand I had. Life is good. I started attending Isha’s yoga courses in Coimbatore. The place is so serene and brings in much positive vibes. My workplace is sorted with a laptop and a dongle so I can happily trek and sit in a forest away from all these crap when I feel like. My job pays me enough to own a house and afford a car. I’m fighting alcoholism and substance abuse with yoga. I quit doing drugs a few months back. It’s been 2 months since I last drank. I’m planning a trek to the Himalayas later this year. I love the concept of shiva. I admire how Hindu gods respect their women and worship them. Stories about Rama fighting to rescue his wife from the daemon moved me. I missed being born in a community that read about 5 men marrying a woman and having lived in harmony for the rest of their lives. A culture that depicts and fears women goddess. A sect of people who let the women go in front even if it’s a house warming ceremony. Every ritual in a Hindu household starts with the girl lighting the lamp. With a lot of brahmin friends who treat me equal and whose family whole heartedly invite me for a puja at home well aware of my past and religion, and respect me as one of them, I want to be in one such family.
There are negatives everywhere. But as long as one’s true self is not being tampered which is surely not the case with just Muslim families. It’s something more than just religion. Sometime when I scale the Everest and the 7 seas, this answer on Quora will be revealed of its true writer