Stressed person says: April 18, 2015 at 8:09 am
Hello everyone. I am looking for some advice, similar to the one asked here. I am a born Muslim, living in a country that is majorly Christian. I have met a Christian man and we want to get married. Of course my parents are somehow shocked I didn’t meet a Muslim match in a Christian country *eye roll*, and are finding it hard to accept. My partner does not want to convert because it would not be true in his heart and I am not bothered by his religion either. At the end of the day if it wasn’t for my family, I would convert to Christianity since I have lived in a Christian country my whole life and I feel more connected to it than i do to Islam, and also so that me and my future husband can have a united family.
But this is not an option because of my family so I will also not convert. So we have decided to go ahead with a civil wedding ceremony.
1) I know one thing that would help my family accept this situation, is if my partner signed the Islamic marriage contract…but is it possible that someone from the mosque would allow us to also get married without my partner converting? I have heard some cases that this has been done but it is hard to find the right person to do it.
2) Also my partner is worried that in the terms and conditions it will state the children must be raised muslim but we have discussed the possibility that we will baptize our children. He is not comfortable signing something that forces him to raise his children as muslim as well. We are just looking for the acceptance of God and my parents, and wish religion would not get in the way of that. He has agreed to sign the contract as a Christian if possible.
I am hearing a lot of different views on this. Some people say the contract states no such thing whereas others say it does.
Please keep in mind that we have ruled out a Church wedding that his side of the family wanted, as I am not allowed to get married in the church being a Muslim, and I also refuse to convert so the only compromise we can agree to to keep both sides of the family happy is the civil wedding and him getting married the muslim way but without having to convert.
The only issue lies is what will be stated on the islamic marriage contract about our children?
3)My final question… how are interfaith funerals held? When the time comes that me and my future husband pass away, will be able to be buried together?
This whole situation has stressed me to the extreme. I feel like we are doing things for our familys happiness instead of our own and I am really confused. I have also thought about him converting for a day without his parents knowing, just so we can get married the muslim way, throw the wedding party, then after that I would secretively get baptized and have a secret church ceremony without my parents knowing and living my married life as a Christian…but its too complicated and I will feel guilty hiding all this from my family.
Please help me. -SP
Also read: VIDEO: Interfaith Marriage with Equality, Hindu-Muslim Marriage-video.
Return to Home, Blogs, How to Share? Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, Book, Media.
This is what prophet said, same thing was said by Jesus(pbuh),Moses(pbuh),Abraham(pbuh) and every prophet of god, since muslim accept teachings of Jesus(pbuh),Moses(pbuh), and obey them and also obey Muhammad(pbuh), so muslim are in better position to enter jannah, Christians exclude Mohammad(pbuh) while Jews exclude both Mohammad, and Jesus, but we muslim accept all.
Who can refuse Jannah?
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said that “Everyone of my Ummah will enter Jannah, except for those who refuse.”
He was asked “Who would refuse?”.
He replied “Whoever obeys me, shall enter Jannah, and whosoever disobeys me has refused (to enter Jannah)” (Al-Bukhari).
dear sis,
consider brother ram’s words as he has written something in a fantastic positive way….and also consider our admin words “enough is enough”…..dear sister i moderately know about all religions….every religions have incredible advantages and believable disadvantages…..i learn one think “happiness is life”…..if something make ur mind satisfied and happy,go for that or atleast have a try…..if u think u will be happy with ur boyfriend,just go for him….
again and again i say these same words “religions have created for human being to have a happy,educated and satisfied life,but religion have never created for human being to be sad,radical,inhuman…..so religion(if any)must give u satisfaction and happy life….”MY sister(and admin) please consider these words will help u for sure “PERSONAL FAITH AND BELIEVE, THESE TWO TERMS ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM RELIGION”……AS EVERYONE KNOWS..people see our face but almighty god see our heart….if u belive and faith in ALLAH,u can pray to ALLAH as ur being as a christian…..if u believe and faith in HOLY JESUS CHRIST AS UR BEING AS MUSLIM,in the same way u can pray LORD SHIVA AS UR BEING AS MUSLIM…..ITS UR CHOICE,BECAUSE ALMIGHTY GOD WILL SEE UR HEART ONLY,AND ALMIGHTY GOD DOES NOT SEE WEATHER UR A CHRISTIAN,HINDU OR MUSLIM….ALMIGHTY GOD LOVE PEOPLE TO BE HAPPY,GOOD,AND BE AS HUMAN,AND ALMIGHTY GOD DONT LIKE RELIGION,AND HE COMPLETELY HATE THAT…..so don”t afraid of god to convert ur religion ok……’wherever u go and whenever u go,should keep ur valuable faith in base of ur heart….
i have read ur statements and i respect ur lovable heart as u think that u don’t want to hurt your parents…..first u should try to convince ur parents by 100%….if u can not,try for fake conversion for ur parents happy that is all…..don’t think too much about your future….practically death will happens today or tomorrow,no one knows…..have u read ‘EARTH QUAKE IN NEPAL FEW DAYS AGO”…..could u thin howmany lovers like u and ur thoughts would have died there?…..so please go and marry him and succeed in ur love life…..’BEST WISHES FOR UR HAPPY MARRIED LIFE’
.
so samselvin, you are here, but running away from my question from last 20 days or so, come here and answer my questions https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=9764&cpage=1#comment-351279
dear mac i have read your questions but it seems sensless and childish….can i ask a question my dear brother?
jesus christ is my father……i like my father,he like me as his son and he gives me whatever i ask him,this is the relationship between me and my god jesus ok….my almighty god jesus is like my mother,my brother and even my friend as well…u see my dear brother how close we are( me and jesus)…..i realy want to call him as father,i really want to call him as my brother,i really want to get more and more closer to my jesus christ this is the reason we call our jesus christ as father,we christians closer to almighty god jesus christ as he is our father….my question is how can u say he is not my father but he is my uncle?…..i know my father very well dear brother….who r u to say my father is not my father?…..this is the nature of holy loveable trinity…u must understand the trinity first…..we dont really know whatever in the trinity clearely, but we do know there is lot and lot of love, feelings,sacrifices, in holy trinity…..i think this is the reason these charecteristics still exits in our christian famlies….
also,as for as your concern,even, if jesus christ is a messenger,who is the better than all…..u could say jesus christ undoubtably….since adam all messangers has been doing sin in their life but only jesus christ is sinless holy being and perfect….why dont u follow him?…..if my father is good and clean, i will follow his passion…but if my father have done something bad in his life,how can i follow his passion in my life…..that is why we christians follow sinless jesus christ….
i follow a perfect holy being…if u prove me your prophet is perfect,we are ready to follow your holy,clean,sinless,peasefull prophet…..first u should take out the dust from your eye,then only u should help to take out dust from other’s eye…….HOW CAN BE A BLIND HELP A BLIND TO CROSS THE ROAD…..IF MUSLIMS UNDERSTAND THIS CONCEPT,OUR WORLD WOULD BE MORE PEASEFULL…
ONE LAST QUESTION…..do u allow your wife to have sex with 3 boys?….ans is strongly nooooo,then why only girls must allow(bear) her husband to have sex with multiple wives?…….does’t she afraid of AIDS?….does’t she get some vagainal infections?……why does girls bear all these but boys are not?……why these partiality?…………if ur wife is a doctor,dont u share her salary?….dont u use her money?…..this is the type of unfaithfullness,human cry,….dont worry my dear sisters jesus will come sooon….the day is not far….
Cant we get in touch with Dee??
He must have provided an E-Mail address….
I wanna know if he is alive or not…
Thank you for your concern. We tried to reach him a few times but has not replied.
Must Read!
Sister Denise Horsley
Denise Horsley lives in North London. She reverted to Islam four years ago and is planning to marry her Muslim boyfriend next year.
”I was introduced to Islam by my boyfriend Naushad. A lot of people asked whether I converted because of him but actually he had nothing to do with it. I was interested in his faith but I went on my own journey to discover more about religion. I bought loads of books on all the different religions but I kept coming back to Islam – there was something about it that just made sense, it seemed to answer all the questions I had.
I would spend hours in the library at Regents Park Mosque reading up on everything from women’s rights to food. Before I went to prayers for the first time I remember sitting in my car frantically looking up how to pray on my Blackberry. I was so sure people would know straight away that I wasn’t a Muslim but if they did no-one seemed to care.
During Ramadan, I’d sit and listen to the Qur’anic recitations and would be filled with such happiness and warmth. One day I decided there and then to take my shahada. I walked down to the reception and said I was ready to convert, it was as simple as that.
My friends and family were rather shocked, I think they expected there would be some sort of huge baptism ceremony but they were very supportive of my decision. I think they were just pleased to see me happy and caring about something so passionately.
I grew up Christian and went to a Catholic school. Islam to me seemed to be a natural extension of Christianity. The Qur’an is filled with information about Jesus, Mary, the angels and the Torah. It’s part of a natural transition. I do now wear a headscarf but it wasn’t something I adopted straightaway. Hijab is such an important concept in Islam but it’s not just about clothing. It’s about being modest in everything you do. I started dressing more modestly – forgoing low cut tops and short skirts – but before I donned a headscarf I had to make sure I was comfortable on the inside before turning my attention to the outside. Now I feel completely protected in my headscarf. People treat you with a new level of respect, they judge you by your words and your deeds, not how you look. It’s the kind of respect every dad wants for their daughter.
There have been some problems. Immediately after converting I isolated myself a bit, which I now recognise was a mistake and not what Islam teaches. I remember a lady on a bus who got really angry and abusive when she found out I had converted. I also noticed quite a few friends stopped calling. I think they just got tired of hearing me say no – no to going clubbing, no to going down the pub.
But my good friends embraced it. They simply found other things to do when I was around. Ultimately I’m still exactly the same person apart from the fact that I don’t drink, don’t eat pork and pray five times a day. Other than that I’m still Denise.”
Source: Convert to Islam
Dear sister, convince Allah, Allah will convince everyone that you want to convince like cookie, read about her here https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=8508
Thank you for your response. This is very rational way of thinking but the battle between having to choose between my family and partner is a daunting one. I hope my family will come around some day. Thank you again.
and what about god, remember one day you will die for sure and in that day neither your family nor you partner will be with you, they don`t love you that much that they will accompany with you after your death, only god will be with you for rest of the life, so think wisely before doing any anti-islamic step in life. Allah loves us 70times more than our mother.
i love allah too but i live a good , clean life and i don’t think marrying the person i love will make god angry…
Just by saying i love allah will not make allah happy, you have to obey his commandments, else you will regarded as hypocrite, allah tells us in quran that hypocrite say they believe but donot obey, and the worst level of hell is made for hypocrite, so i hope you don’t like to be hypocrite. You love allah, but do you love his teachings? Remember, this life is temporary,oneday you have to return to allah,this is truth, if you love allah here, there he will offer you love in return, and what is best than getting love from allah, the one who created you, made you perfect in shape. You clearly know that people who consider jesus(pbuh) as god will not enter jannah, i am not telling you to leave you bf, but you should try him to revert him to islam, many many muslim girls living in european countries married christian man and most of the times, christian man found islam through their wife, and those girls are living happy,blissful married life by keeping happy both their family and allah. Even football stars like Frank Ribery, Eric Abidal and other married muslim women and converted to islam. Why don’t you try this? Remember, if you marry your lover according to how allah wanted, your love life will be forever, you both will reunited in jannah and will live together forever, whereas if you go against Allah’s wish and marry according to manmade laws like baptism,church wedding, your love will temporaray and only limited to this world.
What comes first for you? How you arrange this ‘allah,your bf,family’ in order, whether you arrange it in this way (i) your bf>your family>allah or in this way (ii) your family>your bf>allah or (iii) allah>your family>your bf or (iv) allah>your bf>your family. If you keep Allah in first priority, then Allah will manage rest two(ie your family and your lover bf).
thank you for your advice i appreciate your time and effort in answering my query.
Dear SP,
Don’t be stressed out, instead look for good solution to your situation. If you are living in the West and educated, you could do that is rational and good for you. You could please your parents only so much, at some point, you will have to say enough is enough.
Also keep churches and Masques at distance. They will make real mess in your love relationship.
Our recommendation is none of your should convert, remain proudly what ever you are. Truly love and respect each other the way you are. Don’t make a rose to carnation! Further, for children, like Barack Obama, let children decide their faith at their adult age. Fair?
View two video message suggested above. Get back to us for more.
You are living in a fool’s dream if you think that there will be happiness all around if you both go for a civil marriage and remain steadfast on your own religions.
Frankly, you don’t need to tell your patents that you are marrying a christian man.
It’s your choice.
Go ahead and marry him in a church, if the church approves.
Get baptised first.
You can then carry on your own lives the way you both want to and not because what and how your parents want it.
Ultimately it’s your lives and your future.
sorry to disappoint you but my muslim brother married a christian woman. married for 12 years now with 3 children and never saw a happier couple.
basically i do have to tell them because i would like to have their blessing and have them in my life…i want them to be there for me. otherwise i would live my life feeling nothing but guilt and depression because they did not accept it… i wish i had the courage to live my life the way i want to. i would even consider getting baptised and marrying in church. it would make things a lot easier in the christian community i live in. this is why it is confusing for me.