Robin says: March 23, 2023
Dear all,
I Am a Christian protestant by my belief and I do not have belief on any religion but I respect others belief since it is their personal. My issue is I was in love with a Hindu girl for 3 years and married her with big struggle. I got married by both ways, i.e., Christian way and Hindu Way so that both side parents and relatives will be happy.
After marriage, my Wife asked me that she wants to keep one Mandir in our bed room since we cant keep outside, Since as per my family belief, Idol worship and worshiping other religion is a sin. I tried to explain her that we will go to temple any time (I visit temple with her and follow her and she comes to church but sit in the church campus). Since she was crying and not gelling with my family, i adjusted and kept one small mandir inside our bed room. I requested to keep inside cupboard so that my parents will not see and she can also worship, but she was adamant that it will be in open and in the bedroom only and any way parents will not enter our room.
What happened is when my wife was burning agarbathi, my mother got the smell and she saw inside and got disappointed and cried calling me that what is going on and followed by emotional blackmail and she is not taking tablets and medicines. Iam helpless since if i tell her about this she will say we will go out as nuclear family, my mother is telling if you want me alive ask her to remove this. How to tackle this.
My Wife is already a overthinker and she says no kids since there is no privacy for all and she said one day that i don’t want to separate you from your parents so i will move out and live alone. both are cornering me with their belief. I did this to live peacefully and no problem but now it back fired on me.
How to overcome, I cant move out since my parents are very old and i want both in same roof. Our home is a duplex where my parents room is in ground floor and our room is in first floor. i thought there will be no problem since our home is big. Please help me in this situation. –Rabin
More information: Hindu Pre-Nuptial agreement, Interfaith marriage with equality, Hindu-Christian Marriage, Bible on Hindus? Christian-Hindu relationships, Marriage & Divorce laws.
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Namaste
It is great of you to seek for a solution for a happy life with Hindu wife and Christian mother living under one roof.
You are inside of the situation with most knowledge about current life. So, only you are in the best position to find the best path forward. Some of my advisory comments may be helpful.
A. First please edit the following spiritual situation that I see it
1. Mother spiritually wants to please God by strictly following (without questions) the rules and commandments scripted in the Holy book for benefit in her after life. She also is very FEARFUL of anti-God entity called Devil as prescribed in Holy book. For her spiritual practice, God and Devil both are really existing as enemies of each other and are fighting to get more share of their followers.
2. The wife is simply thinking of God by meditating with a image(idol) of divinity for peace of mind for her and for whole humanity, right now and right here on earth. (Not in after life). It is more like thanking God for her current life as human being.
B. Inquire with and within yourself on following matters:
1. Wife did not make any request to any resident of the house to stop doing something or asked them not do something that they wanted to do. What was your motive for stopping your wife from doing her prayers inside her private space, the bedroom?
2. Did wife went over to the private space of your mom and objected to any activity? What is the good basis for Mom to have hate for wife doing something in her private isolated space?
3. Is mom not holding unprovoked hate against wife on matter that is not in anyway harmful to mom? Is it not inhuman to hate another human on matters that has no harmful impact on self? Is holding a pure unprovoked hate against wife, not an immoral and ungodly vice on part of mom?
4. What kind of crime the wife is committing by doing her prayers to a divinity in her own private space?
5. Who is tolerant and who is intolerant on living style of other human being living in same house?
6. You sure your wife very dearly. Would you not protect her human rights under all circumstance? Here, is your mom not forcing you to act to violate your wife’s human rights? Is your wife asking you to violate human rights of your mom?.
7a. Do you think your wife can be respectful to and would not mind your mother’s human right to practice her own spiritual path?
7b. Do you think your mother can be respectful to and would not mind your wife’s human right to practice her own spiritual path?
Based on answers that only you can provide, you may understand that you may only have one of the following solutions:
1. Divorce your wife and live with mother.
2. Leave mother alone and live at some other place with your wife.
But then who knows, may be you will find some possible solution yourself for your selfish reasons, will be able to make both your relatives remain respectful to each other and you may live peacefully with your wife and your mother under same roof.
Wish you good luck
..Dahyabhai Patel
Dear Robin,
You have been reasonable and trying to make two ends meet. Sorry, you got stuck between two extreme people. Not having a child is the best plan. Wait till all settles down, then only plan for a baby.
Know that Hindus are not idol-worshippers. Read this https://www.patheos.com/blogs/equalityforhappiness/2022/07/idol-worshiper-who-is-and-who-is-not/ . However, it is difficult to explain it to others when you have a limited knowledge.
I wish the Hindu wife be considerate and limit some of rituals. Rituals are options for Hindus but not mendatory. However, if she wishes to use them, it is her choice. Likewise, your parents should also understand that an agarbathi or Ganesh statue is not against Jesus’ teachings (who told us to love thy neighbour).
Having parents and wife in one house is always challenging, even you both are from the same church (or mandir). You will have to learn to manage both, or settle for one of two.
Let us know where should we start from educating your wife and parents?