Erin says: August 24, 2016
Hi Admin,
I am from Malaysia, divorced and have two kids. After 9 yrs suffering of my previous marriage life, now I fall in love again with my boyfriend. He is single, religion is RC (Christian) from Kerala, India. We are 2yrs in relationship. And we decided to get marry But where we should get marry? Because he doesn’t want to convert to Muslim because of parents and definitely his parents won’t accept me because I am Muslim women have two kids from my previous marriage. All these won’t be a problem to him because he is ready to marry me and settle at somewhere that country law can accept.
This marriage has to hide from his family because of few reasons. He won’t convert to Islam and I don’t won’t force too. As long as he is truly love me n kids that will do. And I do believe one day he will accept Islam in his life. In Malaysia definitely won’t allow us and if we settle in India his father will surely find out too. And we will get in trouble. He is trying to manage both his parents and me. So he decided to move from India and settle somewhere that he can marry me without converting. And he will visit parent in a while. And my side I don’t have parents since childhood so I have no problem to move out from Malaysia. My question is..
1) Where we should get marry? We plan to migrate to Australia. Can we successfully marry there? and where I can refer all the marriage procedure in Australia.
2) Is it possible nikah without sahadah? Seems he refused to convert.
3 month we have been thinking about this problem. And I am getting depressed day by day. And I am ready to convert to Christian too if we can’t find solution for this. But that will be my last resort decision. He also no problem if we expand family I can raise my kids with my Islam religion. Please help me to solve problem. And I and some advise what should I do. TQ. -Erin
Admin says:
Hi Erin,
You have gone through enough in life and now you deserve a better life. The worst thing you could do is to be depressed about anything. Think–there are 7 billion people in this world. Of which, there are many caught in fights like in Syria, many hungry and many suffering from terminal cancer. Compared to all those, you must feel you are more blessed. Instead of being depressed, spend all your energy to find solutions to your issue and something good may come out in the end. We wish you the best.
Now lets focus on legal issues. Your Malay laws take away your freedom to do that you wish to (read here). If you want to settle in Malaysia, because you are a Muslim, you must marry only a Muslim. We understand his wish not to (fake) convert to Islam. If he doesn’t convert, only option you have left is to move out to any non-Muslim majority country. There, any two adults can marry without restrictions on their religions. Australia, Singapore and India are good options for you. If you decide for India, you can move there and settle in a different state than his Kerala and you will have fewer problems from his parents.
Can you tell us about your prior marriage? Was he Muslim or non-Muslim? Is he from Malaysia? Is he still in Malaysia? What is your agreement for child custody at the time of divorce? Can that be changed now? These points have clear implications if you wish to take your children out of Malaysia.
There is a lot we wish to talk to you on other points, but will bring in later. Get back to us, thanks. -Admin
Erin says: August 26, 2016
I am writing here not to expose my ex husband dishonour. He is rigid Drunker and adulterer. And this is already proven that he can’t be a good husband and father to our kids. Almost 5 yrs He is lack of responsibilities on nafkah to me and kids. And my kids are more affectionate with my boyfriend. If talked about he might change after marry. There is no any guaranteed in life, even ourselves we don’t know until when we can alive all is god provision right. We do had long discussion after he proposed me, hope everything will be smooth for us.
About child custody, yes is on my side, husband can visit at anytime. Even now once a month also he dint visit his child. 2 year i have been living as single mother. He is lack his responsibility to kids. And in your opinion he will concern about kids if I bring kids to other country? I don’t think he will concern at all. He also aware that he is not good father to them.
Your question about do I wish to become a good muslim ? Of course I am, I Have been raised in muslim culture. Follow Islam lifestyle. With hijab, shalat, fasting learning Quran as muslim do. And my whole entire life I never do any big sin like zina or murder. I have doubt sometimes why God giving me so much hurdles to get my happiness in life? I deserved better than what I had now. And after I met my boyfriend my perception about Christian wrong. He is living like a muslim guy. Even my ex also can’t do like him. He is non smoker, he is not drink alcohol, not having sex even with me, he went to church every Sunday. And he do believe in one God only not a Jesus Christ, not a god father, not mother marry.
I do watch dr zakir Naik video about Christianity and Islam. He said if Christian believe there is one God and prophet Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. He already muslim. correct me if I am wrong. My boyfriend do not believe a trinity concept too. He do believed only one God there he always called creator. That made me accept his marriage proposed.
He can’t convert and proclaim just for parent and few reason. And that’s why I believe one day he will accept Islam. Sorry admin for all long respond here. Now we will try to find solution for us. The rest all will leave to Allah. Hope there still a way for me to be with him. In Shaa Allah. ???????? -Erin
Sharis Laws that all non-Muslims should know, Malaysia Marriage laws, A Hindu cannot marry a Malaysian Muslim, Singapore marriage laws, Indian marriage laws, DON’T Fake-convert (focus on Malaysia laws), Koran on Hindus?, Islamic Nikaah without conversion is not possible, InterfaithShaadi does not recommend this: I am in Singapore and married to a Muslim without conversion.
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Hindu-Christian Got Married in a Temple
Hello Erin,
I’m a Christian male & I find this post very relatable, since I’ve been in a relationship with a Muslim girl.
Things I would like to ask in order to help you
1) Would you choose to be a staunch practicer of Islam?
2) Do you intend marring him hoping that he would turn to Islam some day?
3) Are you willing to still be with him if he suddenly begins to believe in the Trinity?
4) Are you willing to overlook & continue if he consumes pork, or does things that are considered permissible in Christianity, but prohibited in Islam?
5) Are you willing overlook & continue if he hurts you somehow in the future because he said knowingly/unknowingly something WRT Islam?
If you say yes for any of the first two; and no for any of the next three
Then, I have some bad news for you. This marriage may not be a good idea. Just forget bout him & move on.
Remember, if you want this marriage, you need to give your husband a higher status than your religion, else you need to call quits.
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=11616
I am writing here not to expose my ex husband dishonour. He is rigid Drunker and adulterer. And this is already proven that he can’t be a good husband and father to our kids.Almost 5 yrs He is lack of responsibilities on nafkah to me and kids.And my kids are more affectionate with my boyfriend. If talked about he might change after marry. There is no any guaranteed in life, even ourselves we don’t know until when we can alive all is god provision right. We do had long discussion after he proposed me, hope everything will be smooth for us. About child custody, yes is on my side ,Husband can visit at anytime. Even now once a month also he dint visit his child. 2 year i have been living as single mother. He is lack his responsibility to kids. And in your opinion he will concern about kids if I bring kids to other country? I don’t think he will concern at all. He also aware that he is not good father to them. Your question about do I wish to become a good muslim ? Of course I am , I Have been raised in muslim culture. Follow Islam lifestyle. With hijab, shalat, fasting learning Quran as muslim do. And my whole entire life I never do any big sin like zina or murder. I have doubt sometimes why God giving me so much hurdles to get my happiness in life? I deserved better than what I had now. And after I met my boyfriend my perception about Christian wrong. He is living like a muslim guy. Even my ex also can’t do like him. He is non smoker, he is not drink alcohol, not having sex even with me, he went to church every Sunday. And he do believe in one God only not a Jesus Christ, not a god father, not mother marry. I do watch dr zakir Naik video about Christianity and Islam. He said if Christian believe there is one God and prophet Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. He already muslim.. correct me if I am wrong. My boyfriend do not believe a trinity concept too. He do believed only one God there he always called creator. That made me accept his marriage proposed. He can’t convert and proclaim just for parent and few reason. And that’s why I believe one day he will accept Islam. Sorry admin for all long respond here. Now we will try to find solution for us. The rest all will leave to Allah. Hope there still a way for me to be with him. In Shaa Allah. ????????
Your ex, just to give you hard time, may file a complain against you and prevent you legally from moving out of country. If you are out of country, Malaysia cannot do any thing but could give you hard time when you return as a visitor. We do not know what he will do, but just warning you about laws.
Being a Muslim, to be in a love relationship with a Christian is not Islamic.
Do you expect your boy friend to stop going to church and stop believing Jesus as a savior? Did you talked to his parents?
Hi admin,
My ex husband is muslim he is Malaysian and live in Malaysia. Child custody is on my side, he only can visit whenever he want with my permission.
Sorry, we are not trying to make your life difficult but showing you potential laws. On this point, “Child custody is on my side, he only can visit whenever he want,” how can he visit his children if you are out of Malaysia? Does your custody document stipulate your distance of residency? Further, if you marry a “Christian,” he may object in a court because you are trying to raise your/his “Muslim” children in a mixed faith family. A third point is…it is possible that your lover does not realize all baggage of problem marrying a woman with children, after marriage he may change. In the West, some people decide to live together without marriage in similar situation due to all these problems.
We are wondering what Muhammad, Koran, the Judgment Day and Islam mean to you? Do you wish to become 100% true Muslim woman?