Amita says: May 2, 2011 at 8:54 pm
Well…I am going to comment briefly and share our experience of a Christian and Hindu interfaith marriage of 24 years. We have definitely evolved in our viewpoints with each decade of marriage, and as life has given us more experience. Fortunately, we have a similar viewpoint on religions, in that they are human constructs with plenty of flaws, often with political purpose. I think my core beliefs are:
*No religion has a monopoly on reaching god and the divine. We reject this wholeheartedly. We reject exclusivity found in the Abrahamic religions. By their standards, I am a pagan, a kaffir, and the “unchosen”. Not very flattering names for child of God.
Baptism, which 2 of my kids went thru, was presented as more of starting a spiritual life, rather than a commitment to Jesus and Christianity, when the Methodist Priest performed it. We explicitly stated we embraced both religions during this time. Since then, we have gone more towards the Dharmic tradition, as worshipping Jesus as the only messenger of God was too restrictive.
*Every religious traditions when you dig deep, tries to address the fundamental challenge of how to live, why are we here, what is mortality. If you get past the superficial names of god, the rituals, the stories, they are the same issues. The answers, however, are somewhat different.
*Polytheism vs. Monothiesm—let’s see. How can the Christians really claim monotheism being somehow superior to the other…they themselves need the Holy Trinity to describe God. Then throw in the Saints and Popes and Mother Mary, the Apostles and it sounds polytheistic, doesn’t it? How about the Muslims worshipping Mohammed as well as the concept of a God? Why have both?
Perhaps we humans just need multiple characters to describe the Divine.
* We try to pick the best values of each religion as the values we concentrate on: for Christianity, it is love, charity and forgiveness. From Hinduism, the concept of Karma, Dharma Bhakti and controlling ones desires. We have tried to strip away the dogma that has little to do with living a spiritual and righteous life.
I can say raising children in both traditions has been challenging, but it has hopefully made our kids critical thinkers. They have embraced the values of human decency, kindness to animals (they are all vegetarians) and an appreciation of both cultures. My worry is that what we have given them, especially the Dharmic viewpoint will get lost or diluted out with the next few generations. However, I remind myself that this is happening in kids from same-religion families. We cannot control the future, just influence it.
Also read:
Hindu-Christian Marriage Life in America
Be a friend on Facebook. Return to InterfaithShaadi.org. To share your experience, read.
Muslim: I am from Phillipines and in love with a Hindu Boy
Hi Amita,
I come from a very strong Christian Malayalee family and my boyfriend of almost 2 years, from a strong Hindu, Gujarati family. We are both incredibly serious about each other, and both our families are accepting of our relationship, as long as we are able to make compromises and understand each other- neither myself nor my boyfriend believe in divorce as a viable option so we have a lot of work to do.
I have always considered my faith to be very strong, however after college I had some issues with the exclusivity of my faith, even before meeting my current boyfriend. I couldn’t (and still can’t) understand how my religion teaches that Jesus is the only way. What about my close friends who are amazing, giving, GOOD people who were raised Hindu? If I had been raised in a Hindu family myself, I would also be a very devout Hindu, I’m sure. I don’t believe that Gandhi went to hell. I am also under a similar impression that most faith stories have the same principles and morals, and I cannot see any problem with the belief that there is one God (as all monotheistic religions including Hinduism preach) that we as human beings have multiple names for.
There is still a lot to discuss in our relationship, including the fact that I eat everything, and my boyfriend is strongly vegetarian who would want me to eventually give up eating meat. He comes to church with me (I rarely miss a week) on occasion, and though he doesn’t go to the temple himself often, I would go with him anytime. He went to Christian grade school growing up which helps in his Biblical knowledge, and similarly I am teaching myself about what he believes, including researching the Gita. We both have strong respect for each others’ religions and each want to learn how best to incorporate both into the lives of our children, if we should work out.
Something that is a big hindrance to me is the concept of rebirth. I grew up with the concept of hell vs. heaven, while Hinduism, as my boyfriend interprets to me, teaches of having many lives each existing as basically multiple attempts at achieving perfection. Amita, how do you tackle the afterlife?
Hello admin,
Iam a 28 yr old christian girl from delhi in love with a 28 yr old hindu kayastha boy since 5 yrs.we are totally committed and intend to marry.his family has no problem.but for my family having a past of failed inter religion marriages of relatives…its a big issue.i might add both of us and are families are financially well off and all are employed at a reputed posts in govt sector.also my bf and me are least religious.we both believe in praying in private for 5 minutes rather than spending hours at holy places.he never really visits a temple and i visit church only for some festivals.we have talked about comlications regarding our marriage and raising children.we are pretty much comfortable with the idea.but my parents are having a hard time accepting our relation.we both have decided never to marry secretly.we want to wait.but during that time its really hard for me to see my parents suffer and my bf too.im kind of in middle of all this and im utterly depressed.
I have seen your blog and its pretty impressive.i hope you could shed some light on the issue.
Thanks
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=11278
hi amita! plz plz respond to my situation…i am an indian christian girl datin a gujarati hindu guy for 4 yrs..my family knos i want to marry him..his family is ok with the idea…i dont eat meat and neither does he….i also think all religions are man made…my guy is on the religious side…i like him for that..and we go to mandir togethr…we decided tht…i can go to church on christmas and other occasions..and he will accompany me…i am okay with two religions being practiced..and i also love his culture to the core….so i am okay with the rest of it…my family however is not excited but they seem to ok since im very independent ..and live separate…we r based in usa….so i was jus wondering..aftr marriage wht othr challenges u experienced in ur inter religious marriage?…i have decided this is the guy for me…so i am thinkin is there anythin else im missin interms of deciding how we r gona work this through
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=6662
Raising interfaith and or multiracial Desi kids is a unique experience. There are not very many such marriages in my community, so advice is rather sparse.
It would be nice to get the perspective of couples who have raised interfaith and multiracial children. I especially want to hear form Indian ladies married to non-Desis. How do you deal with festivals, in laws, etc. If there are values in the other culture/family that you consider harmful to your child, how do you protect him or her from it?
While nobody has been mean to my face about my marriage or my child, I have heard things through the grapevines. Is there a way to protect your child from hearing this stuff or feeling bad?
Reply at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4309
Sriti,
Excellent point. This is a good forum to discuss more. Can you direct your friends here? Also can you guide others with wealth of experience you gained?
Shibit:
As a Hindu woman in an ineterracial-interfaith marriage, I respectfully disagree. I think religion is something that is very personal. In different phases of my life, I have felt different pulls. I chose to be baptized when I was pregnant with my child, to incorporate my husband’s ancestry. However, I refused to let my child be baptized, because I felt I was not in a position to make a commitment for her. Since then, she speaks our language, does puja daily and has brought our way of life back into our home.
Spirituality is not a destination, but a journey. I think you’re being just a little judgmental in your comments. It is this type of rhetoric that discourages those of us in interracial marriages from raising our child as a Hindu…the fear that they will never be accepted by “real” Hindus such as yourself.
Don’t judge buddy!
Reply to Sriti at https://www.interfaithshaadi.org/?p=4309
Hi Amrita
I respect your for passing down the hindu traditions to your children.
I admire that you respect both religions and so do your children.
But the fact that they have been baptized has made them Christian for life.
I am 23 years and am hurt everyday to find many new converts to Christianity from Hinduism. I am saddened that my parents’ generation did not do a good job in making us good Hindus.
Thus I would say please don’t think Dharmic religion will get diluted. I am sure protectors of faith will exist. Even though we may become a minority, we will still remain loyal to Hinduism.
Wish you had also…
I disagree that baptism will make a person Christian for life…none of my kids think of themselves as practicing Christians. And indeed, the whole family has become more Vedic in the last 7 years,
I agree that previous generations did not do a good job in educating us about Hinduism while growing up here. However, I think they were just trying to survive in this new land 40 years ago when they came, and did not have all the institutions and mandirs, bal vihars, etc that now exist. Our colonial past also aided and abetted not learning about Hinduism in a scholarly fashion, as a group we were busy trying to keep ahead by adopting western ways and not observing our own traditions. Our lack of cohesion as Desis does not help either.