An Abusive Husband : Hindu-Christian Marriage

somya says: July 19, 2013 at 2:01 am

I am an Arya Samaji Hindu female married to a Roman Catholic male since 1998. There was a lot of difference between our backgrounds but i adjusted. After my marriage i have lost myself forever.

i had a daughter in 1999. i got busy with her. He has possessive nature and i did not know how to handle our relationship. i got sucked into it. to him i was responsible for everything bad that happened to him. he is 9 yrs older to me some where i have always gone wrong in this relationship.

It is a love marriage where we do everything accept love.

i am against divorce i feel guilty that i went against every body to marry so i cannot subject them to my pain. i got thyroid after i had my daughter but he was not very understanding. my parents did not interfere. when we fight we want to kill each other

the day my daughter leaves for college education i wont know what to do wih myself or him. i am no more an easy person to live with. in india its suddenly very difficult to walk out of a relationship. in temper he has pulled my hair when he knows i am having hair fall problem.

over the yrs iam living with him because he says i am selfish. i dont like anybody in his family, all want me to change including him. i had married him in a hurry i m stuck for life but i am doing all my duties as a wife

my daughter is a catholic. i and only i am responsible for this mess my life is spoiled. he is thin iam normal but little obese. he is forever judging me in everything i wish i could just disappear into nowhere from this situation. i always thought in this religion crazy world my child would be like a symbol of world peace but i was always wrong.

either i am crazy or i am loosing it. my coping skills are zero, i have no confidence left in me, even dugffers around me are doing better than me in real world i am a failure. -Somya

Admin says:

Dear Somya,

You are not crazy but a victim of an abusive husband. In addition, your religious differences made it worst.

Thank you for reaching out to us and we will try to help you get back on track. We hope you are a positive thinker just like SD (read more).

First, lets give some message to other youths in love from your experience. Do you agree…?
1) People should not get married in rush, take good enough time to make fully “informed” decision,
2) Interfaith marriages are double trouble. If your spouse is religious fanatic (like asking for baptism for a Hindu or demand the child must have baptism or Muslim asking for Shahadah conversion or a Jew asking for Bar Mitzvah for children), run away from such relationship,
3) Do not burn bridges behind you!! We mean… do not go against your parents. Instead take time to explain them (even the marriage get delayed by a year). This way, if there is an issue later, you could go back to them for help.
4) Do not rush to have a child. After a child, you are stuck for your life.

Somya, there is no reason for you to be his wife for rest of your life. There is no reason to try to prove that you are a good wife. As a matter of fact, tell him that you are no more his wife in all practical senses. Instead start your life on your own. Continue living in that same home with him but divorce him by acts, not by laws.

Repeating again, stop acting like you are his wife. Ask him to start taking care of all house chores like cleaning, dish washing, cloth cleaning, etc.

By the time your daughter moves out to college, be financially independent. Please find a job (even a very low paying job) and start working outside the home.

Divorce him only if you wish to marry again or he pays you good money to get you out of his life. Get a good lawyer and milk him.

Do not fight with him nor even talk to him. Simply act like he is not there. Do a Satyagraha, like Gandhiji did against Britishers. This means no work in home, no fight back, no talking to him, no nothing. Tired him out of you by doing nothing.

If he abuses you physically, immediately call police and report a case. Tell him before hands that you will call police and make him arrested if he ever tries to touch you to hurt you. Take photos of any injury. Go show your injuries to your friends and a doctor and document it. You have to collect proofs that he is an abusive husband.

Please go back to your parents and confess to them that you made a mistake of not listening to them. There is no shame in telling your parents truth. Be shameless. Do not feel guilty that you are giving pain to them; they already know that. Go start visiting them every week and built up good relationship again. Take support from them and save your life.

Hypothyroidism causes you to be lethargic so keep taking thyroid medication. This is not sickness, but a condition needs to be taken care of.

You are right that this is a “this religion crazy world”. For your marriage, did he asked you to get baptized for your church wedding? Did you sign a pre-Nuptial that your children will be baptized only? Let us know.

People don’t realize but many Catholics are religious fanatic, just like some Muslims. They will ask a Hindu to change religious and make Hindus sign this pre-Nuptial for child’s religion. These are insane and barbaric acts. Further, they teach in churches that only baptized will be save on the Judgment Day and all Muslims, Sikhs and Hindus (including Mahatma Gandhi) will go to hell.

So Somya, bottom line for you is to forget about your past mistakes and start a brand new life starting today. Now is a turning point in your life. Keep in touch with us and we will turn your life around. -Admin

ana says: July 20, 2013 at 3:40 pm

dear somya,
admis is right..u know we indian female have a tendency to tolerate evrythng..and when any thing bad happens,we blame ourselves..I am not so experienced or qualified or nor any advocate..I am just 21yr old..but I would request u that dont ever lose you self confidence..our confidence n our women power our weapon..i would not say that I understand your problem..bt I can truly imagine your situation..plz somya get back ur confidence n fight for your right..men think they r superior..prove them wrong..u hv the ability 2do dt..do it..v al knw u cn do dt..plz dont tolerate the absuve..u hv ur own self respct..u cn ask 4 help from ur friend or any ngo..i hope u vl cm ot 4rm ds..jst rembr u hv dt wil powr do dt..u jst hv2 push urslf..thnxs.n bst of luck. -Ana.

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Also read: Hindu-Christian Marriage, Will Gandhi go to Hell since he was not Baptized?, Bible on Hindus?, Idol-Worshippers, I am a Christian mother, I converted without knowledge of my family, I am Christian getting married to a Hindu, Do all Christians go to Heaven?, Ignorent Molly trying to convert a Krishna believer to Christianity ..a video, Namastey London movie…intolerant Christians ..a video, All religions are not same, A Hindu America?, Why I am a Hindu?, A fundamentalist Christian, Why I came back to Hinduism?, Dharma is not the same as religion, Text book on How to convert Hindu Students to Christianity.
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